I am never impressed by any adult married male who goes phoning his mommie for help with his guest entertainment needs rather than a) doing it himself or b) hiring professionals when his wife cannot help out with entertaining guests.Wow, it sounds like your not a big fan of that man. How long have you known him?
I agree. Why couldn’t he clean the house himself?I am never impressed by any adult married male who goes phoning his mommie for help with his guest entertainment needs rather than a) doing it himself or b) hiring professionals when his wife cannot help out with entertaining guests.
Every single thing that the OP described could happen with a normal husband, depending on the information that has been left out. Maybe the husband has a demanding job that does not leave him with the time or energy to do cleaning. Maybe the fridge had become so dirty as to be a health hazard.He can’t clean the fridge himself? Why not? He wasn’t the one staying up with a sick baby for three nights in a row. Why is it so important that the fridge be cleaned? Really? WHY?! Why couldn’t he clean it himself? The OP is giving examples of what is going on in her life. So why are you telling her she might be mistaken? Maybe she isn’t. So quit the gas-lighting.
So would it have been ok with you if his mother did the cleaning if she was a professional cleaner?I am never impressed by any adult married male who goes phoning his mommie for help with his guest entertainment needs rather than a) doing it himself or b) hiring professionals when his wife cannot help out with entertaining guests.
How do you know these things? How do you know she isn’t going to base important decisions on what people write here? How do you know that she isn’t emotionally vulnerable or unstable? You are gambling with other people’s lives that you are right about your assumptions here. You could be doing some serious damage throwing the “psychopath” word around. You are being extremely irresponsible.The OP didn’t come here for an analysis of herself, her husband, or her marriage nor some definitive authoritative judgment on herself, her husband, or her marriage.
The OP didn’t come here needing you to be her mother, her confessor, or her therapist.
The OP came here to contemplate a handful of specific behaviors.
So if you care to discuss or have got some opinion on those stated behaviors, given the information given, please give your opinion.
Otherwise please stop derailing the thread by bemoaning the fact that you feel that everyone is unqualified to offer her anything because she hasn’t chosen to lay out her entire life history here for you to personally scrutinize.
She is a competent adult capable of making her own judgments for herself and sharing stories with other adults as she sees fit.
As for your determination of her need for “professional help”… I am sure that she can likewise determine for herself if she does or does not need “professional help” beyond sharing with others, doing some research, conducting some experiments, and sorting out things for herself.
I tend to agree with you.You could be doing some serious damage throwing the “psychopath” word around.
Oh really, how do you get that in my posts? Yes, I can identify a healthy marriage; that is why I am no longer married and in fact annulled. What kind of person in their right mind stays with a spouse who declares he is going to start dating, like my ex did??!! Honestly, I have to shake my head at your comments!Every single thing that the OP described could happen with a normal husband, depending on the information that has been left out. Maybe the husband has a demanding job that does not leave him with the time or energy to do cleaning. Maybe the fridge had become so dirty as to be a health hazard. Maybe she isn’t leaving anything out. Maybe he is behaving like a jerk and needs to be called on it because she has been up with a sick baby for three nights in a row. The darned fridge can wait another day or two.
The OP admits that she is normally very bad at house-keeping and has gotten worse. Extreme lack of care to the home can be a sign of depression or other mental illness. It is quite possible that the husband’s comment was true or at least a reasonable speculation.
She didn’t say she “was very bad” at housekeeping. Obviously she and her husband have different expectations about housekeeping. She is busy raising kids, so expecting a pristine house could be considered an unrealistic expectation. If the fridge is dirty, yet he does NOTHING about the situation, then he is the problem, considering she has been up for three nights in a row taking care of the baby. She is busy too, so maybe he could help out once in a while.
I have three kids and they are not the tidiest, so our house never spotless and pristine. I am training them, but they are works in progress. How about the fact that he does NOTHING to help? What does that say about him in this day and age? Anyone so anal about housecleaning should hire a cleaner then, rather than attack his busy wife about it.
And the husband did not say that miscarriage was no big deal. He said that pregnancy is no big deal. The miscarriage came afterwards.
Um, excuse me. He said “women used to give birth in the fields”, implying it’s no big deal. How would he know, considering he’s not the one pregnant nor likely ever to be. She was NOT feeling well (morning sickness is common the first three months, dude… did you or your spouse not have that very very common condition??! Most women do.) How insensitive to disregard his wife if she was indeed having a miscarriage on top of that. That is NOT the time to be housecleaning and hostess. There is a danger of uncontrolled bleeding. I’ve had a miscarriage at three months of pregnancy. It’s not a cake walk. Perhaps you should read up it. The OP is givng this as an example of the way he is treating her. Selfish if you ask me.
Would you even recognize a normal marriage if you saw one? You are carrying so much baggage about your own husband how can you possibly get past it and be fair?