Is this permitted? sex question

[brbgrl]

I’m pregnant and on pelvic rest due to complications which put me at high risk of losing the baby. This includes no sex or orgasm.

My question is can I pleasure my husband? I know typically this is not permitted, but since I’m already pregnant and trying to protect the life inside me and the intention is to strengthen the marriage bond, not contraception, would it be ok?

My husband didn’t think so. I feel like a terrible wife though and it’s possible I’ll be on pelvic rest the entire pregnancy.

 

[Kit15]

Short answer: No. It’s not. Other people can explain why but I have another fish to fry.

Long answer: How are you a terrible wife? You have a medical condition that requires this. I’m assuming your husband is understanding of your condition. Maybe he feels that that isn’t fair for him to be pleasured when he can’t return it to you. He doesn’t want to use you. If your husband is understanding and is willing to forgo relations for now…you are very blessed to have married such a man.

Don’t kick yourself for something you cannot control. Trust in God and trust in your husband. Your pelvic rest will be over before you know it.

 

[mwncheesehead]

Sorry about your situation…sounds very trying! Unfortunately it’s not permitted for him to climax outside of you because the procreative aspect would be missing from the act if your husband were to orgasm. It would essentially be no different from masturbation, which the Church condemns as a grave sin.

 

[maltmom]

I’m so sorry you are having an at risk pregnancy. You are going to be a wonderful Mom.

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband. He is willing to put the health of his child before his pleasure and he is concerned about both your souls. You are truly blessed.

I will be praying for your family.

 

[Dubay]

You are a married couple, no contraception is involved. No cheating is involved,

This seems like an easy yes.

 

[1ke]

My question is can I pleasure my husband?

No. That is a grave sin against the sixth commandment.

I know typically this is not permitted,

Masturbation is intrinsically evil, therefore circumstances do not change that.

but since I’m already pregnant and trying to protect the life inside me and the intention is to strengthen the marriage bond, not contraception, would it be ok?

No.

My husband didn’t think so.

Your husband is correct.

I feel like a terrible wife though and it’s possible I’ll be on pelvic rest the entire pregnancy.

Well, I think this is really the heart of the matter. And I think it’s worth getting to the bottom of and exploring through discussion with your priest.

Why on earth would you feel like a “terrible wife”? What secular media portrayal of wives (or stereotypes of husbands) has you convinced that you are a terrible wife or that your husband would feel that way either?

 

[1ke]

You are a married couple, no contraception is involved. No cheating is involved,

This seems like an easy yes.

It seems that on every thread I read where you post, you are encouraging Catholics to go against Church teaching and sin gravely.

I would really encourage you to study these matters and bring yourself in line with the Church. It is quite irresonsible to go about giving the sort of answers I have seen you giving here.

 

[brbgrl]

Why on earth would you feel like a “terrible wife”? What secular media portrayal of wives (or stereotypes of husbands) has you convinced that you are a terrible wife or that your husband would feel that way either?

This is just me feeling bad because my husband has had to take over most all of the household chores, shopping, errands, and caring for our daughter due to my condition. He has even picked up some of my weekend shifts at work (we work for the same company so they allow that). I don’t really care about secular media and it is not my husband making me feel this way - he is obviously wonderful. It’s just hard to go from taking care of everyone else to having to be taken care of.

I’m so sorry you are having an at risk pregnancy. You are going to be a wonderful Mom.

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband. He is willing to put the health of his child before his pleasure and he is concerned about both your souls. You are truly blessed.

I will be praying for your family.

I do have a wonderful husband. I am very blessed. We will get through this. Thank you for the prayers!

 

[BListon]

You are a married couple, no contraception is involved. No cheating is involved,

This seems like an easy yes.

Sorry to everyone else… but i’m going to have to agree with this.

 

[BListon]

It seems that on every thread I read where you post, you are encouraging Catholics to go against Church teaching and sin gravely.

I would really encourage you to study these matters and bring yourself in line with the Church. It is quite irresonsible to go about giving the sort of answers I have seen you giving here.

In his defense… that teaching has not been defined ex cathedra if i’m not mistaken. Not trying to sound harsh… i’m just saying

 

[1ke]

It’s just hard to go from taking care of everyone else to having to be taken care of.

Yes, it is quite difficult. American culture is very, very skewed in the direction of autonomy, self reliance and not being a “burden” on people. I do think this is a message we absorb through our culture and media. But that is not God’s way, not Christ’s call for us to be servants of each other.

Look at it as an opportunity to grow, we do need to be able to accept that our family loves us and will do for us without a quid pro quo. Allow him to love you in this way.

This difficult time is an opportunity for spiritual growth for both of you. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, and you sound like a loving, caring wife. Let God’s grace continue to flow into your life.

 

[Don_Jackson]

Sorry about your situation…sounds very trying! Unfortunately it’s not permitted for him to climax outside of you because the procreative aspect would be missing from the act if your husband were to orgasm. It would essentially be no different from masturbation, which the Church condemns as a grave sin.

OP, don’t give the above answer much credibility. If that response was correct, sex after hysteorectomy, after menopause, or between married couples with fertility and sterility issues would be sinful. God is a just god, not a mean God.

 

[1ke]

In his defense… that teaching has not been defined ex cathedra if i’m not mistaken. Not trying to sound harsh… i’m just saying

You seem to be operating under a misconception regarding how the teaching authority of the Church works.

You are proposing that only ex cathedra teachings are true, infallible and must be followed. This is incorrect.

The Church’s teaching regarding the sixth commandment, chastity, masturbation, etc, is not changeable. It is not up for debate. And it most certainly cannot be ignored. The things proposed are grave matter.

 

[1ke]

OP, don’t give the above answer much credibility. If that response was correct, sex after hysteorectomy, after menopause, or between married couples with fertility and sterility issues would be sinful. God is a just god, not a mean God.

I think you have misunderstood. The post you are defining as not having credibility is accurate. The sin is in the disordered sex act-- climaxing outside of intercourse. Those in the OP’s situation-- along with those who have had a hysterectomy, reached menopause, or are sterile-- are called to abstain unless they enter the full marital embrace… meaning a completed act of intercourse. Those in the situations you describe are not free to engage in disordered sexual acts (those that are masturbatory or otherwise disconnect the intrinsic elements of order to procreation and unity). You cannot have untity without order to procreation or vice versa.

 

[theistgal]

Since you say your husband doesn’t think it’s right, that means he doesn’t expect you to do this and won’t be upset or angry if you don’t. So even if the posters above who say it’s OK are correct, you should NOT feel obligated to do this.

It might help you to know that in the Eastern churches, married couples sometimes agree to abstain from sex during Lent. So perhaps it would help you to think of this as an “extra” Lent!

 

[Don_Jackson]

I think you have misunderstood. The post you are defining as not having credibility is accurate. The sin is in the disordered sex act-- climaxing outside of intercourse. Those in the OP’s situation-- along with those who have had a hysterectomy, reached menopause, or are sterile-- are called to abstain unless they enter the full marital embrace… meaning a completed act of intercourse. Those in the situations you describe are not free to engage in disordered sexual acts (those that are masturbatory or otherwise disconnect the intrinsic elements of order to procreation and unity). You cannot have untity without order to procreation or vice versa.

1ke, sometimes legalism stands in the way of charity.

 

[Dubay]

Sorry to everyone else… but i’m going to have to agree with this.

Thank you

 

[dailey]

Sorry to everyone else… but i’m going to have to agree with this.

Don’t be sorry for us, be sorry for yourself for going against the churches teachings.

To the OP, I was in a similar situation. My placenta was low so that meant no sex for the last 3 months. Let your husband know its just a very small sacrifice compared to some of the problems people have to deal with it.

 

[dailey]

You are a married couple, no contraception is involved. No cheating is involved,

This seems like an easy yes.

You are confused on what the church teaches…or maybe you just want to “pick and choose” what you want to believe. Whatever the case, you would be wise to listen to IKE as you would most certainly learn a lot.

 

[1ke]

1ke, sometimes legalism stands in the way of charity.

It isn’t legalism at all.

Charity, real charity-- the VIRTUE of Charity-- can never be in conflict with the Church’s teaching. It is not charitable to encourage someone to sin. It is the opposite of charity. It is itself gravely wrong.