Is this true?

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I grew up in a household where both parents made more than comfortable incomes, with my mom making more than my dad from about the time I was 10 onward. I once asked my dad about this, and I liked his answer. He said that he has absolutely no problem with my mom making more than him, so long as he knows that he is more than able provide for his family.

My mom’s income was something of a surprise; she quit her traditional career when I was a small child to stay at home with her kids and started a home business using her professional knowledge, really only hoping to make as much as she had made at her previous job. The business flourished beyond her wildest dreams. I think she has gotten the best of both world’s: able to raise her kids at home and able to have a fulfilling professional career.

I don’t think income in itself is really an issue for many men. I think men (like my dad) do want to have the knowledge that they are able to provide for their families. Certainly many men (and women) would like to have a parent home to raise the children, and traditionally this is the mother, though that isn’t totally necessary. If I could work from home and be home the kids, and my wife had a career outside the home, that would be fine with me.

I do think both parents having significant incomes has caused less conflict in our home. Both feel pretty free to spend and they save plenty as well. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but I do think it can dispense of a lot of conflicts in marriage.
 
From personal experience- It depends on the guy, and the woman. I am a tech, and even when my husband was a tech, I have made more in a given year than he did. My husband is now a later-in-life philosophy professor. When I work, I definitely make more than he does. He has no trouble what so ever incorporating it into the family budget, saving it, and spending it. The only thing my ability does do is make him harp on me when I am in between gigs, as I prefer temp work (drives me nuts and does not motivate me to seek out anything but the remote control to the TV).
 
Hmm… I wonder. Is it really only that men are intimidated by smart women or do people in general not really enjoy the prospect of a relationship with a smarter person? My experience so far suggests it’s not as one-sided. In some cultures, men are supposed to be strong and women are supposed to be smart. Especially in communist countries you’d encounter marriages of a well-earning factory worker (man) and a bad-earning-but-smart-and-cultivated elementary school teacher (woman). There are whole populations where the average education of a man is not as good as of a woman, I think. Then maybe in those cultures, under such influence, women don’t like smart guys so much? I don’t know, I’m just guessing. Besides, I have a whole theory on this that I wouldn’t like to bore you with. 😛 😃
 
A real man doesnt care if he earns less or more and a true woman doesnt make it an issue neither partner should ever feel ‘kept’ and both partners should be valued!

I do and will continue to earn more than my h2b (im in a good grad job with contractual promotion) he is on a grad management programme in a retail company. He doesnt care less what our pay packets say because even now all the money goes into the same pot and always will - money is not the be all and end all.

A vocation such as being a doctor is a important job and the salary is justified by the hours, the responsibility and the cr#p that goes with it and any man worth his salt will respect that.

I wouldnt worry about it to be quite honest we are in an age where women have the same (or almost the) career possibilities and this is no bad thing!
 
I find this discussion so incredibly sexist.

Are there some universal truths about one spouse making more than the other?

Don’t women feel the same way if they make less their spouse? It seems to be more a question of marrying someone in the same socio-economic place as you. If you don’t, there are issues you have to deal with.
 
joeybaggz said:
Might just be a fear behind the joking response you heard. The fear being that in a marriage, the decisions will be made by the primary breadwinner, and that puts a lot of guys in a position they really don’t want to be in.

For example, a woman physician making $200,000 a year is married to a computer pro who makes $75,000 a year. Even though in the engagement period both agree that decisions will be made equally, will the reality of real life result in friction and unforseen problems? From a man’s standpoint, will the attitude gradually become, “Well since I am the primary breadwinner, my opinion counts more than yours.”

Or scenario # 2. Doc is offered a prestiege position at Mayo. Salary, $500,000 per year. She really wants to go. See the problem? One of three things happens. He agrees to go and give up a job and a home that he loves, not to mention friends, family, and other important things. And he resents it, and her. Or she, turns down the position and begins to resent him more and more. And the marriage crumbles. The third thing is that he stays, she goes, they do a long distance marriage thing, and it rarely works out. And if kids are involved, they suffer more than maybe the two spouses. As one poster said, marriage is putting each into the loving service of the other. Without that, it’s tough to make a go of it.

I loved all those idealistic dorm room discussions when I was in college myself. When I got out into the real world, I discovered something. Unfortunately, things are rarely ideal in the real world.

Sorry, don’t mean to sound like an old fogey and rain on your parade, but life doesn’t always go according to the script.
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Take all three scenarios that you’ve described. Swap out the titles and pronouns (eg. swap “wife” for “husband” and vice versa, “she” for “he” and vice versa). Does your advice change? IMO it shouldn’t but I suspect for many men it would. It seems to be accepted that men will make a LOT more money than their wives and thus it is acceptable if they are gone from home to work for long periods of time, it is acceptable if they completely uproot their families from established support systems to chase after more money or prestige, and it’s sometimes acceptable to make unilateral decisions simply because the husband is the breadwinner.
I don’t think ANYONE should be making unilateral decisions for the family. The scenarios you’ve illustrated work both ways, and due to the nature of the traditional nuclear family, I would guess that up until recently it’s been the husbands doing what you’ve described a lot more often than the wives. Marriage is about compromise, respecting one’s spouse, and making the best decisions for the family as a whole.

Topic: OP, wait until the guys grow up a bit more. You might meet your perfect mate in med school, and you can request to be stationed at the same places for residencies. If you’re both doctors, there won’t be the bickering or insecurities over who’s smarter or who earns more. Real men also aren’t bothered if their wives are “smarter” than them, although I’m not sure how one really measures intelligence accurately. My husband and I have the same IQ measurement, but I’m the one who has the academic drive so I’m the one who’s getting the PhD (at his encouragement). He’s the one who will probably open up a very successful business once we’re settled somewhere. He’s got terrific people skills and is business-minded. Right now he’s making more money than me; eventually I will probably be bringing home the higher paycheck, and that’s okay. It works for us. 🙂
 
QUOTE Take all three scenarios that you’ve described. Swap out the titles and pronouns (eg. swap “wife” for “husband” and vice versa, “she” for “he” and vice versa). Does your advice change?

It’s irrelevant. The young ladies original post questions the attitude of men in relation to the problem of a woman making more money than he does. That was the thrust of that post. I was merely addressing the situation as relates to her question.

No desire to debate equal rights. Had enough of those in college in the sixties.
 
joeybaggz said:
QUOTE Take all three scenarios that you’ve described. Swap out the titles and pronouns (eg. swap “wife” for “husband” and vice versa, “she” for “he” and vice versa). Does your advice change?

It’s irrelevant. The young ladies original post questions the attitude of men in relation to the problem of a woman making more money than he does. That was the thrust of that post. I was merely addressing the situation as relates to her question.

No desire to debate equal rights. Had enough of those in college in the sixties.
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On the contrary, I think the double standard is entirely relevant to the discussion. I think that it is a major factor in the reactions of her male friends. However, as you are unwilling to continue, I bid you good night.
 
Same thing was told to me, except that no man would wait until marriage to have sex. I found one anyway.

While what your friends said might be true about the average man, perhaps the man for you won’t care about it at all. And really, do you want to marry an Average Joe, or guy who goes above and beyond, especially in his faith and relationship with God? I know these comments can make you worry and cast doubt in your mind, but try not to dwell on them. Just try to do what you think God is calling you to do, and if that’s becoming a doctor, then go for it! I do know a fantastic female doctor, who is married, to another doctor. Perhaps you’ll meet someone in med school. 😉
 
SeekerJen said:
Topic: OP, wait until the guys grow up a bit more. You might meet your perfect mate in med school, and you can request to be stationed at the same places for residencies. If you’re both doctors, there won’t be the bickering or insecurities over who’s smarter or who earns more. Real men also aren’t bothered if their wives are “smarter” than them, although I’m not sure how one really measures intelligence accurately. My husband and I have the same IQ measurement, but I’m the one who has the academic drive so I’m the one who’s getting the PhD (at his encouragement). He’s the one who will probably open up a very successful business once we’re settled somewhere. He’s got terrific people skills and is business-minded. Right now he’s making more money than me; eventually I will probably be bringing home the higher paycheck, and that’s okay. It works for us. 🙂
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Lucky you. Where I live it’s hard to find a Ph.D. that earns as much as a typical business owner. 😛 😃 Well, some lawyers do, but then those lawyers who concentrated on acquiring clients instead of making high academic degrees earn more than the degree-holding ones. Since I’ll be able to support myself quite fine within my specialisation after Ph.D. (litigation, oh here I come), I don’t really care if a girl with Master’s in corporate mergers or acquisitions or some such will outdo me financially. 😛
 
I think I would rather my future wife be smarter than me. I love to learn, and what better way to learn than from someone who is smarter. I have to think we would have some darn intelligent children. Natural brains and the desire to learn go a long way in this world.
 
Don’t worry about those boys who were teasing with you and don’t let it affect your dream of becoming a doctor, especially if you feel that is your calling. There will be people who will be intimidated by potential wives making more and there will be those who have no problem with it. And if you are truly called to become a doctor and to be married, God will send you the right person for you.

My father is a doctor and my mother a nurse. I used to work in their office and have lived my entire life around medical professionals. Many of the new med students and doctors coming out of the schools today in my area are women and foreigners. My father and mother will actually start taking on a young, new female doctor in his practice. (Mom now runs the business side of the practice.)

Alot of the female doctors I know are married to other male physicians or men of similar socio-economic class or educational level. So they are either making about equal pay or sometimes the wives are making more than the husbands. And you are right, what I’ve heard a lot with female doctors is that when they start having a family, they begin to work part-time as a physician. Many of them tend to be in a specialty.

I do have to say, though, that if you are in internal medicine or general practice, working part time is a little harder, especially if you are not in a group. My father is an internist and he worked 16-18 hour days in the office and the hospital for many years before joining a group. He’s 60 now and has since cut down to 12-15 hr days. You have to be extremely concientious, so it would have been hard for him to go parttime like that. If you go into a specialty, that also might be a little easier to go parttime once you start a family. I’m not saying raising a family can’t be done as he was always there for us, even taking the few hours he had at home to wake us up and help us with our homework, even being there in the morning to help us get ready for school. But if he didn’t have my mom there, it would have been very difficult.
 
Norseman82 said:
Interestingly, this subject has come up in another thread. I’ll link to it to allow people to view what is happening in one family:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=221812
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I’m confused as to why you would post this. It seems irrelevant to the intent of this thread. Are you suggesting that women should not be educated lest their educations make them qualified to earn more money than their husbands should they so choose? The OP in that thread is at home with her children. She is not in the workforce. Her husband married her knowing that she was educated to a level that would enable her to earn more money than him, yet married her anyway. His choice. Also her choice not to use those qualifications for paid employment. If he resents her education at this point, that is his problem.

So is the issue working women, or is it women with college-level education?
 
SeekerJen said:
I’m confused as to why you would post this. It seems irrelevant to the intent of this thread. Are you suggesting that women should not be educated lest their educations make them qualified to earn more money than their husbands should they so choose? The OP in that thread is at home with her children. She is not in the workforce. Her husband married her knowing that she was educated to a level that would enable her to earn more money than him, yet married her anyway. His choice. Also her choice not to use those qualifications for paid employment. If he resents her education at this point, that is his problem.

So is the issue working women, or is it women with college-level education?
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Part of the issue that is common to both threads is how males react to wives (potentially) earning more than them, and one of the issues is that some men may have been “programmed” with traditional role models and may not feel that they are doing their traditional role of being the provider, and I simply offered the link to that thread to show one example of that. I hope that clears that up and I apologize for any misunderstandings.
 
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