Is your weight an issue?

[BLB_Oregon]

Been there, tried that. Have avoided all negatives or any thing that approaches criticism, in favor of praise for progess and effort.

Condescending attitude?! Does anyone think for a minute that those of us who resist being overweight or obese are at a loss to understand what it requires–especially as we age, have babies, or even find ourselves with more disposable income than in the past that affords opportunities for dining out, etc? Trust me…I have trudged many a mile towards that effort and resisted plenty of urges to indulge.

I have to wonder if there would be such defensiveness and/or hesitation to speak up if, instead of dealing with obesity, you watched a family member slowly starving himself/herself? How about abusing/misusing/neglecting to take medication necessary to maintain normal functioning? Would we pause to consider whether we might “offend” them before speaking up or trying to remedy the situation?

Incidentally, you ought to also be very careful about how you speak to a victim of bulima or anorexia concerning food and eating. If in doubt, don’t! Get professional help. Those are even more complicated diseases and require extreme sensitivity.

Eating disorders are generally not simple moral faults that cure themselves by the mere willing it, and they don’t cure themselves once and for all. Unlike alcohol, food is not something that can be avoided entirely. For someone with an eating disorder, keeping the relationship with food healthy is daily work, and usually life-long work. Many try and fail many times before succeeding, and of those who succeed, success is never guaranteed. It can be extremely discouraging, to say the least.

You undoubtedly have a parallel in your own spiritual life–we all do!–so you know what I mean. Put yourself in the position of having your spiritual fault become something that you see in the mirror and in photographs, that some of society finds repulsive and ugly, that others feel a need to bring to your attention “for your own good,” that may in fact be rooted in your deepest unforgiven hurts, and that your loved ones make advance alterations in family gatherings to contend with, and you’ll have the picture. Pretty mortifying, to say the least.

As for “been there, done that”…there is a limit to how much control you have over someone else’s health and spiritual life. Just because your efforts did not change them does not mean that you aren’t doing your part as well as can possibly be done. Sometimes, you are left in the same position as St. Monica was…you have to be patient and keep on praying for continued conversion of heart, for yourself, for those you love, and for those poor souls who seem beyond help, too. You ought not beat yourself up about this, either.

 

[Pug]

Then suggest to me an appropriate perspective and/or response to someone you love who is slowly, but surely destroying their own health?

Hmmm. Complete fantasy here:

Assume you are really rich. I’d pay for your relative to have a personal chef. This chef would arrange it so that a truly healthful, delicious, generous meal was set and on the table at all three meals for the relative. If your relative was going to be somewhere other than home for the meal, the chef would arrange nice sack lunches. There would be plenty of food in them, and they’d be tailored to any medical issues. Lots of fresh, healtly snacks would be available at all times, plus some nice desserts. When the relative fell sick, the chef would provide careful, small meals that would leave the relative fairly hungry. That way they wouldn’t gain weight while sick and on reduced activity.

For *some *people, this would cure them. Their problem is that they can’t get to this place with their life the way it is. They have too many other issues going on to cook this well for themselves. Food is not their first priority. Their problem is not really overeating. It is a lack of good options or a steady life.

Even if they lost no weight with the chef, they’d still be much less likely to die of heart disease, etc., on account of the good eating.

 

[LSK]

To me, obesity raises a moral issue if an individual, through neglect or weakness of will, places him/herself–and necessarily those who care about them–in a vulnerable, even dangerous, position. Would you suggest that those who are diligent about their health and fitness, and yet have this concern and burden inflicted upon them by family members, should remain silent about it?

The fact that something is a moral issue for you is the key component here. As a woman who has alcoholism, when someone would approach me about my disease and tell me that because they are concerned about the morality of my drinking, that because of my personal neglect and/or weakness of will I have placed them in a vulnerable position, my response was always “Then leave me alone and there won’t be a problem”.

Because you are careful to tell us that you are not talking about someone like me, who has about 30 pounds more on her body than she did 30 years ago, but someone who is morbidly obese - say 100 to 200 or more pounds overweight, then we are not talking about someone who ‘has a little problem’.

Obesity does not equal a moral issue. As those people much wiser than I have said, the difference between those who are obese and those who drink in a closet where no one can see them? Those who are obese wear their pain where everyone can see them.

Now, here is the difference - if I was still drinking, and came to your home for a party, you should limit my contact with alcohol if you can because if I get back into my car and kill someone you could be held liable for serving a drunk person liquor.

BUT, I do not think that the same liability would apply if a person is morbidly obese and comes to your house for a party, eats a piece of cake, gets in their car and has a heart attack while driving and therefore kills someone.

As to the burden inflicted upon you - how? If you do not want to be around the person, don’t be…if you don’t want to care for them if they are ill, drive them places, etc. don’t…If they ask you why, tell them the truth - that your personal moral code of ethics makes being around them impossible.

 

[leonie]

I’m hesitant to say this because weight is such a sensitive issue, but what occurs to me is that my mom is a labor and delivery nurse. And, many of the nurses in her unit have chronic back problems from lifting and moving obese patients.

I agree that obese people wear their sin where everyone can see it. And, pride is a greater sin than gluttony any day. So, we can’t set ourselves above our brothers and sisters in Christ in any way.

I know that there is no simple answer for this painful condition. It’s so difficult that exercise can be painful and difficult for obese people. They often have joint pain that is debilating. How frustrating–exercise is the part of cure for the condition, but the condition makes exercise so difficult.

The body mass of obese people can cause a lot of problems for those who do their medical care. I think those who are very overweight should do their best to lose weight out of consideration for nurses and medical techs.

 

[LSK]

I absolutely understand where people are coming from when they talk about all the inconveniences and problems morbidly obese people cause society. But I contend that we can make the same kind of case when it comes to any chronic illness.

I work in a health care clinic. I will testify to the incredible patience, love and care the majority of health care professionals give to those patients who offer physical challenges of all kinds. These incredible people know EXACTLY what they are getting into and are to be honored as much as possible for all they do. At my parish we do an annual White Mass in their honor.

The fact is all of us have to remember that if we find it necessary to talk to someone about some aspect of themselves that we find to be a problem we had been be prepared for the consequences. If you are going to hold an intervention of some kind you have to be willing to follow through with your ‘boundaries’ (if you don’t lose weight I will not allow you to see your grandchildren/come to my home/acknowledge you in public/take you to the doctor/be there when you die). If you see this as a moral issue, that the person involved is some sort of weak-willed sinner then you had better be able to draw the line in the sand and protect your family from this kind of ‘sin’.
If you cannot do either of these things without getting all worried about hurting someone’s feelings, or being on the ‘outs’ with people then it really is not that important an issue…put it in your Jesus Box and try and love these weak-willed immoral sinners to the best of your ability.

Meanwhile, pass the coffee cake…

 

[siamesecat]

Obviously, if you feel comfortable with yourself being slightly over weight, that’s great. No one has to be supermodel skinny. I weigh 95lbs but I’m 5 feet tall…I don’t think you have to be my size. However, when you get past slightly plump into fat territory, health problems come along with it. Not to mention that many people aren’t happy with themselves and feel badly about their body image. I think compulsive eating is caused by other issues…I binge when I’m bored and stuff but I’m not overweight because I’m usually at school or something so I cant just sit around and eat and I try to eat decently…but I love food and would eat it all the time if I could…i used to be slightly chubby. I know food is very hard to resist, as I love it, but I still take responsibility for my own health. I do have a big problem with parents who let children get overweight - awful for their self esteem and setting them up for health problems. I dislike how in my teen mags people write in that they want more examples of fat models and showing people with that body type. It’s not a normal body type, as curvy or flatchested or whatever would be. I don’t think it should be pushed as the norm or something to strive for because being very overweight is just as unhealthy as undereating. I disagree with some mantras that fat is ok…it’s not that i dislike fat people or think they should be made fun of, but I think they need to take responsiblity for their problem and at least try to work on it. I would never not have a friend because she’s fat, but I would not marry a fat man because I don’t want the lifestyle surrounding me and my kids, and I feel like I’d worry for his health. And I realize you can’t be too quick to judge because some people do have health problems, but 60% of America, as someone said, does not have a thyroid condition. People need to fess up. What bothers me most about a lot of overweight people I know when it comes to weight issues is I watch them keep eating unhealthy food and then complain that they cant lose the weight because it runs in the family or for some reason they’re naturally that way. Most overweight Americans are that way due to too much food and lack of exercise, probably brought on by other issues that need to be worked on. I know being overweight is not easy and I don’t feel it’s my business to tell someone what to do either, but I do believe people need to own up to that issue like they would any other problem instead of passing it off as a lifestyle or body type or genetic curse.

 

[gmarie21]

Wasn’t there a study a few years ago that found that the people who were slightly overweight were the happiest? If anyone else heard/read this, can you remember who put out the study?

 

[maria29]

Because you are careful to tell us that you are not talking about someone like me, who has about 30 pounds more on her body than she did 30 years ago, but someone who is morbidly obese - say 100 to 200 or more pounds overweight, then we are not talking about someone who ‘has a little problem’.

you are considered morbidly obese if you are 30 pounds overweight. I was 115 before i got pregnant and now am 145-50 and my doctor has said that is in the morbidly obese catorgery.
.

 

[whatevergirl]

Who feels the same way I do. I am fat not obese but overweight and have been trying to loose weight for so long that I just don’t care anymore. I always felt inadequate, miserable and unhappy about my weight. And I struggled for a long time to loose the weight food was not the problem but other issues in my life. I even felt that because I was not slim and slim and could not wear sexy clothes that is why my husband decided to find a younger slim and trim girl ten years younger than me.
Then I said to myself that there is nothing wrong with me. My one friend said to me what is wrong with you, you are a beautiful, sexy and attractive women. And I envy you and wish that I was the happy go lucky person that you are. That even though I am fat that I dress better than she does and I look good. To hell with my that husband of yours he has lost the most beautiful and precious thing in this world and one day he is going to wake up and kick himself.

I was angry @ one thread whereby the issue of accommodating obese people at a get together. Why bother to invite them if they feel that they must go out of their way to accommodate these people. That they have a right to choose what this person should or should not eat. That is not their place and it is wrong and if it was me I would feel very offended. Why do people look down on other people because they are fat. What makes fat people any different from thin people. Except the way they look. It is wrong people have no right to judge anybody by the way they look whether they are fat or thin.That people rather be around positive people than negative people.

God is the judge and jury not man. The same as a person would look down at a person who is less fortunate than them. People have so much issues in their life instead of worrying about child abuse, HIV and AIDS and important issues and what could they contribute to society. Instead we get so worried about material things.

For so long I felt miserable that I was lonely and that my husband left me. I was allowing myself to be a victim and was enjoying feeling that way. I am rich God has blessed me with a job, roof over my head, two beautiful children. What more can you ask for.
People make the assumption that fat people are lazy which is so untrue. I work very hard in the Department I work in I am the one who is always on the run doing this and doing that. I am dependable, reliable, honest and truthful. And I do not care what people say about me.

We should try to stay physically fit, not for vanity’s sake (although, who doesn’t feel good when we look good?) but because God gave us a body to treat ‘as a temple.’ We should be mindful of what we eat, because bad eating and no exercise can lead to health problems…and that’s not how God wants us to live. I have to work harder now than I did in my 20’s to stay physically fit…but, it’s important to me to try to stay healthy…not worrying about how I look…although, it’s a plus when we can pull the smaller size off the rack! That being said…it ain’t easy…I know.

But…what caught my eye with your thread…is that you are feeling your husband left you over your weight. Let me tell you this–your husband’s infidelity has nothing to do with your weight. Adultery, although it appears to have something to do with an unhappy marriage…has more to do with an unhappy partner within the marriage, than the marriage really being the issue. Not to say there aren’t a myriad of reasons that people break up, but if your husband left you over this, (I don’t think he did, I think he probably has commitment issues and this was an excuse)…then, he will leave the next woman when she gains some weight…or grows a few gray hairs. Scary, isn’t it? If you want to lose weight…do it for God…do it for your own health…but never because you want to keep someone else happy.

Just my 2 cents. I will pray for you…I hope that things work out!

 

[ReginaNova]

To me, obesity raises a moral issue if an individual, through neglect or weakness of will, places him/herself–and necessarily those who care about them–in a vulnerable, even dangerous, position. Would you suggest that those who are diligent about their health and fitness, and yet have this concern and burden inflicted upon them by family members, should remain silent about it?

The lack of compassion in this sentiment is astounding. The two statements that I bolded are especially revealing. So those who are diligent about their health and fitness are the victims of immoral obese family members? (And for the record, I have obese family members–adult sisters–whose health I am concerned about but for whom I have a lot of compassion.)

 

[whatevergirl]

I actually think that some of the posters, no offense intended, are missing the real sadness of the OP’s thread. I could be wrong, but the thread’s intent isn’t to ask for dieting tips, although being healthful is absolutely a way to serve God. But, moreover, her husband left her over this? I am surprised to not see more attention drawn to that part of her thread?

Oh well…maybe it just caught my eye.

 

[contemplative]

Who feels the same way I do.

mypyramid.gov/

Not me.

My life has been a life long battle to eat right, get enough regular exercise and maintain a healthy weight. Statistics show that doing these things contributes to a healthier, longer and more productive life. Carrying excess fat is not the healthiest way to go…it really hurts me to carry excess pounds.

mypyramid.gov/

 

[Karin]

I actually think that some of the posters, no offense intended, are missing the real sadness of the OP’s thread. I could be wrong, but the thread’s intent isn’t to ask for dieting tips, although being healthful is absolutely a way to serve God. But, moreover, her husband left her over this? I am surprised to not see more attention drawn to that part of her thread?

Oh well…maybe it just caught my eye.

your right she is not asking for dieting tips…I do think though that her point is that she is tired of “thin” people looking at fat or obese people as ugly or looking down on them. She is tired of being judged by her apperance (weight) and does not feel that people should be allowed to pass judgement on obese people or fat people…and she is attempting to point out that not all obese/fat people are lazy etc. but some suffer perhaps from a medical problem.

 

[whatevergirl]

your right she is not asking for dieting tips…I do think though that her point is that she is tired of “thin” people looking at fat or obese people as ugly or looking down on them. She is tired of being judged by her apperance (weight) and does not feel that people should be allowed to pass judgement on obese people or fat people…and she is attempting to point out that not all obese/fat people are lazy etc. but some suffer perhaps from a medical problem.

yes, i see that too…well, it’s not right for sure for anyone to judge anyone…really, let alone on appearance. i do think that if we are heavier in life, though, health problems will fast approach.

i no longer work out for vanity (shamefully so i did when i was younger) but…instead for health. i want to be able to chase my kids around…be free of pills and meds…and live a long, happy life. but for God…that is my newest reason. He gave us this body…we gotta take care of it.

 

[ReginaNova]

i do think that if we are heavier in life, though, health problems will fast approach.

i no longer work out for vanity (shamefully so i did when i was younger) but…instead for health. i want to be able to chase my kids around…be free of pills and meds…and live a long, happy life. but for God…that is my newest reason. He gave us this body…we gotta take care of it.

Be very careful in your assumptions that eating well, staying fit, keeping your weight down, be freeing of pills and meds, and similar will translate into “living a long, happy life”. Certainly, those are good lifestyle choices and they will help keep you healthy. But there are no guarantees in life. We must remember God is in charge, not us.

I have been to funerals of the most physically fit people who died young to the amazement and astonishment of their friends, family, and community. How do you explain a 28 year old tennis coach dropping dead with no advance warning at home from an unsuspected, undiagnosed aneuryism? How about a 32 year old baseball coach who dies of cancer? Or the 65 year professor of sports physiology who drops dead in front of his much younger wife–again with no prior indicators? Or the 28 year old medical student who dies of testical cancer?

So let’s not be smug–we are all at risk, all the time. That’s life folks. Make sure your spiritual life is in good shape too.

 

[Island_Oak]

The lack of compassion in this sentiment is astounding…

Then perhaps you’re lacking the image I have burned in my mind of my mother tormented with worry while she endures repeated procedures and surgeries on my father necessitated by 40 years of unaddresssed obesity, high blood presure, sleep apnea and now diabetes. Perhaps you haven’t received the panicked phone calls that jar you out of your sleep and into a frightening reality of emergency surgery or life-threatening complications, or had to drop everything and fly half way across the country to be at someone’s hospital bedside, or witnessed a loved one with so many machines working to keep him alive you can barely approach his bedside.

Our family, and in particular my mother, has been steadfast and unfailingly supportive and kind to him throughout his various treatments and recooperation, but his condition and physical limitations–particularly given his relatively young age–were entirely preventable and the result of a lifetime of poor decision-making and ignoring repeated warnings from his physicians. It is tragic–and the farthest thing from my mind is gloating, feeling superior or condescending. I feel sad for him and all he can no longer do; I miss the traditions and activities we can no longer partake in without excluding him; and I feel cheated for myself and especially my kids who likely will not have him around as long as he should have been. These are the things about this condition I find astounding.

 

[ReginaNova]

Island Oak–Despite your protests, I believe you are blaming your father for his health problems and for the effect it has on your mother, you, and others. You are not God and you can not be sure that if he had been 50 lbs. less that he would have lived longer. Your father, and your mother, you, and all of us will die when God calls us. Rejoice in the time you have had with your father and how long he has lived. Refrain from blaming him for not living longer. It is counterproductive and spiritually unhealthy. You are lucky to have had him as long as you have.

 

[Pug]

were entirely preventable and the result of a lifetime of poor decision-making and ignoring repeated warnings from his physicians

I’m so sorry about your father. It sounds like your family has been quite worried about him. It is very hard for some people to watch the sick and wish they had an easier life. My mother finds it very difficult to watch someone be ill. She is such a practical person, and she wishes so much to be able to DO something to help. I hate watching her as she watches someone be sick.:whacky: I have much less trouble watching the ill person, as silly as that sounds. Maybe that is only because the ill person is never my mother, though. I don’t ever want to see her ill.

 

[Island_Oak]

Thanks, Pug. Guess it’s not in my nature to be complacent when I see suffering I feel could be remedied or alleviated. It’s hard to acknowledge that one’s power is limited and that the influence you’d like to think you have to persuade others to do/not to do something destructive will be accommodated–if not out of self-interest, then out of love for you.

I think somewhere in the debate of this thread was lost the ability to acknowledege that those battling obesity are in pain. Maybe it’s unrealistic, unreasonable, even insulting to think you have the right, even duty to try and “fix” the pain. But it’s the worst kind of torment to have sit by silently and watch a loved one endure it.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Thanks, Pug. Guess it’s not in my nature to be complacent when I see suffering I feel could be remedied or alleviated. It’s hard to acknowledge that one’s power is limited and that the influence you’d like to think you have to persuade others to do/not to do something destructive will be accommodated–if not out of self-interest, then out of love for you.

I think somewhere in the debate of this thread was lost the ability to acknowledege that those battling obesity are in pain. Maybe it’s unrealistic, unreasonable, even insulting to think you have the right, even duty to try and “fix” the pain. But it’s the worst kind of torment to have sit by silently and watch a loved one endure it.

The Passion was called that because, unlike His active ministery, it was a position that Jesus did not choose and was powerless to change, but in which He had to remain faithful. By choosing our own will over the will of God, we have each put our Lord in the position in which you find yourself.

It is very hard to endure incomprehensible and self-destructive behavior. The only thing that helps is to remember how incomprehensible it is that we have also not become saints…what grace has been spared us towards that end? The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing: that is, doing not what we have every right to do, but that which is most likely to soften the particular heart we are encountering.

I have no doubt that you love those you are concerned about deeply and truly, that this has nothing to do with finding them repulsive, and that it has everything to do with wanting to protect them from harm, even harm that comes from themselves. You are not called to be successful, as Mother Theresa said. You are called to be faithful. The rest must be left up to God.

Try to follow the advice of the nutritionists about the strategies most likely to help family members with serious weight problems, and hang in there.