Is your weight an issue?

[katybird]

You know, skinny people feel ugly, too. I don’t really know why I’m telling you this… just that reading your post made me feel sad. You see, I was 5’10’’ and 130lbs for my 20’s. Also blonde with a pretty face. I was actually very beautiful and people told me I should be a model. Did it make me happy? No! I focused on the fact that I had small breasts. I hated the fact that I have a pale complexion rather than a tan one. I thought about how big my feet were. I felt unlovable and undeserving of love.

By the time I started to even realize that I was physically attractive AND a loveable person, I was starting to age. I wasted my 20’s - years when I could have been growing in Christ and the time in my life when I was most fertile AND most attractive to men - on partying and men who didn’t respect me.

The thing to do is to not let that get to you. I try not to dwell on the fact that I wasted my prime and I focus on the positives in my life today.

As for your anger at people who don’t understand weight problems… this is something I’m going through, myself. My husband had a serious weight problem based on overeating issues. I’ve helped him lose a significant amount of weight. But, I have struggled a LOT to understand the issue. For me, it seems a simple matter of ''stop eating and you’ll lose weight."
But, I’m learning that this isn’t really the situation. It’s totally foreign to me and I have to struggle to even understand it.

 

[Robaynne]

Thanx for the responses I am actually shocked by the responses. Weight problems affect so many people in so many ways. And it is so sad.

Whatevergirl and Karin my husband had alot of issues in his life. When we met I was fat over the years after the babies I picked up slightly more weight. But he met me like this he married me like this but after us been together for 10 years it became a problem. He does not look 33 years old he looks 19. And he likes to be noticed and for people to look at the way he dresses because he works for Levi’s and that is a very young, trendy environment and the slim and trim and very young shop in that store. So all of a sudden I was not good enough for him and I did not fit into the kind of life that he liked. So therefore the teenager was more to his liking with her he will be noticed he will feel young and not his age with a wife and two kids.

I have allowed my weight to dictate how I should live my life. As the years went by I came to realise that my Ex had major issues he was physically and emotionally abusive was addicted to Porn and made me feel as if I was inadequate and not good enough for him inside and outside the bedroom. That I thought there was something wrong with me. He once said to me you will never find another man because men are not into fat women. It became such a issue that I would starve myself or go into depression and not eat.

I have tried all the diets. But food was never my problem I am not a chocolate, cakes or junk food person. I eat healthy have no time to go to the gym my work consumes alot of my time then there are the kids. But I walk alot as I do not have a car. But I have not given up I will keep trying.

It just angers me that people assume the reason you are overweight is because you eat to much or are lazy. They do not think that there might be another reason why are person is overweight. There is a lady I work with she is obese but she is the most wonderful person in the world and I envy her. She said to me one day why do you have such an issue with you weight you are a very pretty girl with a wonderful personality and are so conscious of yourself. She is happy her weight does not bother her she dresses and wears such beautiful clothes, she is sure of herself, confident in herself, she is independent and men are attract to her in a big way. People want to be around her I want to be around her. When she walks in everybody lights up in the room. But her problem in not food she hardly eats, also does not like junk food, is healthy and does not mind going for walks etc. And she has also tried every diet possibly without any success but she is not a quiter she never gives up. She eats healthy more than a thin person does.

Everybody has issues be it weight, depression, abuse whatever there are some people who get so depressed that they eat and eat and then there are those starve themselves. Then there are those who suffer with bulimia. But we should stop letting these petty things effect our who life. This one friend said to me today and I was very shocked he said you are such a pretty girl stop letting other people dictate to you how you should live your life. Worry what God things not people. They have no right to judge you, he has the right. Those same people that are every ready to judge have lots of skeletons in their closets and secrets that they hide.

 

[whatevergirl]

Please forgive me if my post appeared ‘smug’ as one poster stated…that was not my intention. I struggle with it all like the next person. I know physically fit people who have died early, as well…but, just because a smoker lives to be 85, doesn’t mean we should take up smoking. lol We should try to maintain our health…for in it, we do honor the body God blessed us with. Do we fall? Absolutely…but, that’s really all I was trying to say.

I was more in tune with Robayanne’s marital issue than with the weight issue…

 

[whatevergirl]

Thanx for the responses I am actually shocked by the responses. Weight problems affect so many people in so many ways. And it is so sad.

Whatevergirl and Karin my husband had alot of issues in his life. When we met I was fat over the years after the babies I picked up slightly more weight. But he met me like this he married me like this but after us been together for 10 years it became a problem. He does not look 33 years old he looks 19. And he likes to be noticed and for people to look at the way he dresses because he works for Levi’s and that is a very young, trendy environment and the slim and trim and very young shop in that store. So all of a sudden I was not good enough for him and I did not fit into the kind of life that he liked. So therefore the teenager was more to his liking with her he will be noticed he will feel young and not his age with a wife and two kids.

I have allowed my weight to dictate how I should live my life. As the years went by I came to realise that my Ex had major issues he was physically and emotionally abusive was addicted to Porn and made me feel as if I was inadequate and not good enough for him inside and outside the bedroom. That I thought there was something wrong with me. He once said to me you will never find another man because men are not into fat women. It became such a issue that I would starve myself or go into depression and not eat.

I have tried all the diets. But food was never my problem I am not a chocolate, cakes or junk food person. I eat healthy have no time to go to the gym my work consumes alot of my time then there are the kids. But I walk alot as I do not have a car. But I have not given up I will keep trying.

It just angers me that people assume the reason you are overweight is because you eat to much or are lazy. They do not think that there might be another reason why are person is overweight. There is a lady I work with she is obese but she is the most wonderful person in the world and I envy her. She said to me one day why do you have such an issue with you weight you are a very pretty girl with a wonderful personality and are so conscious of yourself. She is happy her weight does not bother her she dresses and wears such beautiful clothes, she is sure of herself, confident in herself, she is independent and men are attract to her in a big way. People want to be around her I want to be around her. When she walks in everybody lights up in the room. But her problem in not food she hardly eats, also does not like junk food, is healthy and does not mind going for walks etc. And she has also tried every diet possibly without any success but she is not a quiter she never gives up. She eats healthy more than a thin person does.

Everybody has issues be it weight, depression, abuse whatever there are some people who get so depressed that they eat and eat and then there are those starve themselves. Then there are those who suffer with bulimia. But we should stop letting these petty things effect our who life. This one friend said to me today and I was very shocked he said you are such a pretty girl stop letting other people dictate to you how you should live your life. Worry what God things not people. They have no right to judge you, he has the right. Those same people that are every ready to judge have lots of skeletons in their closets and secrets that they hide.

your post makes me mad…sad…ugh! I will pray for you…and please pm if you ever need to vent or chat. I’m all ears.

 

[LSK]

.

I think somewhere in the debate of this thread was lost the ability to acknowledege that those battling obesity are in pain. Maybe it’s unrealistic, unreasonable, even insulting to think you have the right, even duty to try and “fix” the pain. But it’s the worst kind of torment to have sit by silently and watch a loved one endure it.

You might want to look into Al-Anon. Sometimes, people who feel the way you feel end up dead because they cannot figure out why they are “not enough”.

In other words, women/men end up crazy because they don’t understand why their husband/wife/mother/father/sister/brother/son/daugher keeps drinking/smoking/over-eating/gambling etc…they say they love me, so if they love me then why won’t they stop doing what is causing me ‘the worst kind of torment’?

 

[BLB_Oregon]

You might want to look into Al-Anon. Sometimes, people who feel the way you feel end up dead because they cannot figure out why they are “not enough”.

In other words, women/men end up crazy because they don’t understand why their husband/wife/mother/father/sister/brother/son/daugher keeps drinking/smoking/over-eating/gambling etc…they say they love me, so if they love me then why won’t they stop doing what is causing me ‘the worst kind of torment’?

That is great advice…find some people who have been in or who are in your shoes who really can hug, can give practical advice on how to cope with the issue in a positive way, can give encouragement while you’re in the trenches, and can give support for what you’re going through. Much better than anything we could do.

I think Overeaters Anonymous may have the equivalent of Al-Anon, too.

 

[THutch04]

Weight is normally one of those subjects I don’t like to get into, for the very reason that people tend to have very strong feelings on the subject.

I just think that people who are overweight know what their weight condition is, and everyone I’ve known who would fit into the “obese” category is aware that their condition isn’t healthy. I make it a point not to judge anyone. I do respect anyone who goes to great lengths to lose weight and keeps it off. From knowing people who have done it, I know it takes a lot of discipline, physically and mentally, and it takes even more to keep it off. The comment about nurses having chronic back pain because of constantly lifting obese patients is very enlightening and interesting though. I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have even thought of that…

I’m on the opposite end, because believe me, I would love to gain a good 25 pounds. 5’0, 95 pounds, I hate it. Guys don’t like skinny girls, buying pants is always a VERY interesting experience (since I’ve started wearing dress pants if I’m not wearing skirts, I’ve learned how to buy 4’s and take them in A LOT), everyone seems to think you’re either bulimic or anorexic, and the lack of body fat automatically means you’re constantly cold in the winter (combined with poor circulation it can be a bad experience). I’ve tried to gain weight, still can’t do it. One of these days I hope I break 100, but I’d really like to be 120.

 

[Island_Oak]

Hey…take heart. I was a late bloomer–still growing when I was in college–and you may be too. I left home at age 18 just 5’2 and 95 lbs–and then promptly lost 7 lbs. the food-service was so awful!! My mom completely freaked out and started sending regular care packages in an attempt to put some meat on my bones. By the time I graduated, I was 5’4’ and 115–which was perfectly normal for my frame. As you get older–you will undoubtedly will add more weight and then be like the rest of us wishing for the old days when we could and did eat anything without a second thought!!

 

[Jeanette_L]

Then suggest to me an appropriate perspective and/or response to someone you love who is slowly, but surely destroying their own health?

Compassion. Prayer. Love. Offering and Sacrifice. Humility.

“There but for the grace of God go I.”

 

[leonie]

I’m not sure if this thread is about self acceptance or weight.

In the case of weight, gluttony is a sin and all of us need to work on our sins. I certainly struggle with gluttony and vanity.

In case of self acceptance, we should base it on the unconditional love of God. We are worthy because of His love for us, not any of our gifts, including looks.

Of course, it is really hard to listen to God’s love and not the world.

 

[katybird]

I’m on the opposite end, because believe me, I would love to gain a good 25 pounds. 5’0, 95 pounds, I hate it. Guys don’t like skinny girls, buying pants is always a VERY interesting experience (since I’ve started wearing dress pants if I’m not wearing skirts, I’ve learned how to buy 4’s and take them in A LOT), everyone seems to think you’re either bulimic or anorexic, and the lack of body fat automatically means you’re constantly cold in the winter (combined with poor circulation it can be a bad experience). I’ve tried to gain weight, still can’t do it. One of these days I hope I break 100, but I’d really like to be 120.

Yup! BTDT 5’10" and 125 during my 20’s. Have you tried lifting weights? It really does help! Lift free weights and you will put meat on your bones.

 

[jkatpc]

My wife was clinically and morbidly obese (she was almost twice her optimal weight). She’d tried WW, Jenny Craig, exercise and other diets over the course of the twenty-four years we’ve been married. Poor eating habits and some hereditary factors made weight loss a losing battle for her. I didn’t care if she lost weight for my sake (I’d love her no matter what she looked like), but was concerned she would be cheating our kids (we still have two in grade school) out of having a mom if she continued down that path. She researched gastric bypass surgery. The whole vetting process is strict, and insurance only covers if medically necessary (which she was and many are). She had the surgery a little over a month ago and has already lost thirty pounds. She feels better and exercise isn’t so painful for her. It’s almost self-fulfilling. She carries less weight, so exercise isn’t so bad–she exercises more and it helps shed the pounds. Gastric bypass isn’t for everybody, and there is a risk of regaining weight down the road if she strays from the course. However, the dramatic improvements in her quality of life have changed her whole outlook.

 

[siamesecat]

Weight is normally one of those subjects I don’t like to get into, for the very reason that people tend to have very strong feelings on the subject.

I just think that people who are overweight know what their weight condition is, and everyone I’ve known who would fit into the “obese” category is aware that their condition isn’t healthy. I make it a point not to judge anyone. I do respect anyone who goes to great lengths to lose weight and keeps it off. From knowing people who have done it, I know it takes a lot of discipline, physically and mentally, and it takes even more to keep it off. The comment about nurses having chronic back pain because of constantly lifting obese patients is very enlightening and interesting though. I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have even thought of that…

I’m on the opposite end, because believe me, I would love to gain a good 25 pounds. 5’0, 95 pounds, I hate it. Guys don’t like skinny girls, buying pants is always a VERY interesting experience (since I’ve started wearing dress pants if I’m not wearing skirts, I’ve learned how to buy 4’s and take them in A LOT), everyone seems to think you’re either bulimic or anorexic, and the lack of body fat automatically means you’re constantly cold in the winter (combined with poor circulation it can be a bad experience). I’ve tried to gain weight, still can’t do it. One of these days I hope I break 100, but I’d really like to be 120.

I’m also 5’0 and 95 lbs but I have a tiny frame (my fingers are too small to buy rings anywhere without getting them fitted, or bracelets and watches) so I look the thinner side of average, not stick thin. It’s all relative to body type - there’s no set weight any one should be, it’s how you feel comfortable, as long as you’re in good health. I am always freezing though, and buying pants is a problem usually because they’re too long if I buy them to fit my waist. I don’t think I look anorexic though, and I don’t get comments. Whoever said both vanity and gluttony were sins, they’re right. You shouldn’t lose weight just to look good if you’re comfortable with who you are, but if your weight is unhealthy, and being overweight is unhealthy no matter what the circumstances, if there’s anything you can do to get healthier, I definately think that it’s the right thing to do. That’s why I’m against ‘fat acceptance’ movements that try to push it as another body type, healthier, “bigger is better”. Fat acceptance is fine, it’s just it must be recognized as a legitimate health problem. I’d have the same problem with rail thin is beautiful, although some models do push that. However, like this poster, I do know some people who are naturally skeletal, but I’ve never met someone who was unable to lose weight, unless they have an underlying health problem.

 

[dympnha]

I’m 40 pounds overweight and the idea that some thin person is looking at me and feeling morally superior is pretty sad. I wouldn’t want to be in the company of such a smug little person anyway. I used to be bullemic and and I’ve weighed as little as 93 pounds. I’ve also ballooned up to a large size. I used weight (dying to be thin and later hiding out with fat) as a shield (when I couldn’t deal with people fat pretty much made me invisble) and as a comfort and as a self punishment. Thankfully due to a kind husband, a good therapist and anti depressants I’m losing weight and I feel good about myself. I have noticed that some people are becoming more friendly as I lose weight. I am ignoring them. They’re obviously too small minded, and small souled for me.