It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? Really?

[whatevergirl]

***You know, I really loved my parents, and they died when I was a child. I really love my husband, and someday, will face the loss of him…or he will face the loss of me. I know many on here who have gone through the pain of divorce, or breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend who betrayed them…

Having gone through painful losses in my life–how can it be ‘better’ to have loved and lost, than never loved at all? I think it would be easier to not love, because you wouldn’t experience pain. But, then, on the other hand, you would go through life…rather ‘flat.’ No emotions, just coasting, with no one to care for or have care for you. I know that God is love, but His love never goes away. He never abandons us.

So, do you feel that it’s better to have loved and lost, than never love at all? Have always pondered that statement, and wonder if the person who came up with it ever lost anyone. ***

 

[DavidHume]

So, do you feel that it’s better to have loved and lost, than never love at all? Have always pondered that statement, and wonder if the person who came up with it ever lost anyone.

That’d be Alfred, Lord Tennyson, and yes he did lose quite a few people that were close to him.

I personally feel that it is better to have loved and lost, than never love at all. I think that is a personal thing though – it may not be for everyone.

 

[whatevergirl]

That’d be Alfred, Lord Tennyson, and yes he did lose quite a few people that were close to him.

I personally feel that it is better to have loved and lost, than never love at all. I think that is a personal thing though – it may not be for everyone.

Hi David;
May I ask, why do you feel it is ‘better?’

 

[DavidHume]

I think it’s because the good times and memories stick with me more than the bad times and sorrow. It might be because I have lived in good fortune, or it might be my personality that lets me focus on the good in things.

In the case of deep love (like for my parents and my wife and my daughter (yes those are different kinds but all deep!)), I also recognize that I am a better person when I am affected by this love.

If I found myself constantly in pain and sorrow over lost and dead loved ones, or by some that have betrayed me, I think I would disagree with Tennyson and withdraw. I don’t see anything wrong with that, and who’s to say that some tragedy won’t change my attitude…

 

[whatevergirl]

***I will say that I can now look back at people I have lost, with a smile, with positive memories. But, having a positive personality doesn’t conquer grief. I consider myself ‘positive’ as far as forward thinking goes, but loss of a loved one…sometimes you don’t feel the anguish of that for many years to come. I would say though…you are right that love helps us to grow, and become better people. So true! I think that without love, we would naturally withdraw, maybe even without a loss. ***

 

[GEddie]

***You know, I really loved my parents, and they died when I was a child. I really love my husband, and someday, will face the loss of him…or he will face the loss of me. I know many on here who have gone through the pain of divorce, or breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend who betrayed them…

Having gone through painful losses in my life–how can it be ‘better’ to have loved and lost, than never loved at all? I think it would be easier to not love, because you wouldn’t experience pain. But, then, on the other hand, you would go through life…rather ‘flat.’ No emotions, just coasting, with no one to care for or have care for you. I know that God is love, but His love never goes away. He never abandons us.

So, do you feel that it’s better to have loved and lost, than never love at all? Have always pondered that statement, and wonder if the person who came up with it ever lost anyone. ***

ALL I can say is… I am SICK of feeling, because I am SICK of hurting, and would like to unplug my feeling self and be only mind and body, for good. So the quote you titled with has no meaning whatsoever for me; and dare say for millions of others who just won’t admit it, because they would look like freaks, because this society worships feeling.

 

[phoage]

Two and a half years ago I lost my youngest son, who I loved. He was hit by a car on the way home from work and was probably dead before he hit the ground. It was a hit and run and he was left to bleed out at the side of the road.

I lost it. Even now after all this time I am having trouble seeing the keyboard through my tears. I was a basket case for over a year.

He was 22 years old and had great potential.

Each night when I say good night to God, I ask Him to keep an eye out for William and to tell him that I miss him. And I thank Him for letting me share the 22 years he had on Earth. I am a better person for it. I have a lifetime of happy memories that I shall treasure until I see him again. The pain is still there but is mostly a dull ache now except when, at times like these, I bring it out and examine it.

YES, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Patrick

 

[whatevergirl]

ALL I can say is… I am SICK of feeling, because I am SICK of hurting, and would like to unplug my feeling self and be only mind and body, for good. So the quote you titled with has no meaning whatsoever for me; and dare say for millions of others who just won’t admit it, because they would look like freaks, because this society worships feeling.

I am with you–I’m tired of hurting, too. It goes away for a while, then comes back and rests on my shoulders for it seems forever…but then it goes away again. God carries me through these times, I know, but there are days when I feel alone with it. There are days, like you, when I wish I didn’t have to ‘feel’ anything, like pain or hear about another person’s sufferings. I guess the only place where this will be exempt is heaven. *

 

[whatevergirl]

Two and a half years ago I lost my youngest son, who I loved. He was hit by a car on the way home from work and was probably dead before he hit the ground. It was a hit and run and he was left to bleed out at the side of the road.

I lost it. Even now after all this time I am having trouble seeing the keyboard through my tears. I was a basket case for over a year.

He was 22 years old and had great potential.

Each night when I say good night to God, I ask Him to keep an eye out for William and to tell him that I miss him. And I thank Him for letting me share the 22 years he had on Earth. I am a better person for it. I have a lifetime of happy memories that I shall treasure until I see him again. The pain is still there but is mostly a dull ache now except when, at times like these, I bring it out and examine it.

YES, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Patrick

Hi Patrick;

I’m so sorry for your loss, I have always thought a loss of one’s child, must be the worst of pain. I don’t know about you, but loss for me, isn’t so much that I’m wallowing in thinking about my parents, but rather as you say…what could have been? All that your son …‘could have been, and achieved.’ There is a feeling of slightedness that comes into play…and that might seem like a trite way of putting it, but for me, I feel that the loss of my parents has caused me to always be looking for the next loss…will I lose my job in this economy, will my husband lose his, will I lose a child…when will we die, etc…? I don’t walk around like this all the time, but something recently triggered all of this, and I guess I just need to allow Jesus to carry me through.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[wcknight]

I maintain that you can not be a good Catholic or even a good Christian with out having love. One definition of a Christian/Catholic that I heard from a priest is " A Catholic is one who loves".

That will be the measure by which we will all be judged. Have you loved God ? And have you loved your neighbor ?

As far as romantic love goes, we know that many priests and other religious do just fine without ever having been involved romanticly with anyone. So it is possible and very likely that many other folks can do so as well.

Personally if I had not met my wife who is/was my only long term successful romantic relationship, I would still have wanted to experience my failed encounters even though some were quite painful and heart breaking.

I believe the experience of going through a couple of failed relationships, gave me the experience and insight necessary to successfully carry on a relationship with my wife. IF I had met my wife before these other encounters, I believe we probably would not have gotten married. I learned a lot from my mistakes, and I believe my wife also learned a lot from her previous relationships (at least from what little I’ve heard about them-we not real big on detailing our prior encounters).

There are some folks who can’t handle failed relationships and they are either permanently damaged emotionally or psychologically or may even do themselves harm. Anyone who has ever failed at a serious long term relationship will tell you that these encounters can be very heart wrenching. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to conclude that some folks who can’t take the abuse would be much better off not having loved at all.

And at the extreme end there are some folks who can not even handle the failure of a short term relationship. Some of these folks may have severe psychological problems to begin with.

 

[whatevergirl]

The love you speak of that Catholics should have is agape love…the love we have for God, Him for us, and for our neighbor. I agree that we all need to be love for others. Jesus asks us all to love God with all of your mind, soul and strength, and to love our neighbor as thy self.

I think if you suffer a major loss in childhood, it shapes your life differently, than a loss as an adult. Just my take. I look at my husband who’s mother is now 87, and how long does he expect her to live…to 500? I lost my parents as a child…there is no comparison in my mind, between when he will lose his mother…whenever that may be, and how I have lived my life. I know that he will be sad over the loss of his mother, and I suppose the pain of loss is relative…but, having your parents for a few years and having them for a lifetime…no comparison, in my eyes.

I will say though he had a longer time to love his mother …and so the pain could be greater from that standpoint. Perhaps, I shouldn’t compare, but forgive me, I do.

 

[saieditor]

I know that God is love, but His love never goes away. He never abandons us.

Suppose you are close to the river and the water is knee deep; you can speak. Water is neck deep, you can still speak and when you are totally drowned can you speak? When you are totally drowned you are deep into water; you cannot speak.

Now, what would it be like to be totally drowned in the love of God?

 

[whatevergirl]

Suppose you are close to the river and the water is knee deep; you can speak. Water is neck deep, you can still speak and when you are totally drowned can you speak? When you are totally drowned you are deep into water; you cannot speak.

Now, what would it be like to be totally drowned in the love of God?

I suppose hard to speak. I have always felt particularly close to God, all of my life…I guess I don’t know if it is ‘normal’ perhaps, to feel alone, despite God’s love? I know that when Jesus was dying upon the cross, He cried out in a loud voice…‘Father why have You forsaken me?’ Is it possible that Jesus felt alone, even for a brief moment, and perhaps, this is somewhat of how we feel on earth. We KNOW God is there, but yet we feel alone at times, in our own sadness.

I am on the fence of whether it would be better to have not loved at all…but, then, would life even have meaning at all? Life isn’t all about feeling good, and having no sufferings. It just seems some people suffer more losses than others.

 

[wcknight]

Suppose you are close to the river and the water is knee deep; you can speak. Water is neck deep, you can still speak and when you are totally drowned can you speak? When you are totally drowned you are deep into water; you cannot speak.

Now, what would it be like to be totally drowned in the love of God?

??? What does that mean ? what’s your point ?

 

[phoage]

… I guess I just need to allow Jesus to carry me through.

Years ago my wife hung a poster called Foot Prints. You know the one? A beach at low tide with foot prints vanishing into the distance. And a story about a man who was walking with Jesus. After a particularly bad period he looked back and only saw one set of prints.
“Lord, where were you?”
“My son, that was where I carried you.”

 

[whatevergirl]

*Yes, I know it, that is a wonderful poem. I often think of it. I have surrendered my pain and losses to Christ…but I guess sometimes, I still feel a little alone in what I went through. I imagine you do, as well.

Would I wish to have never loved my parents, though? I guess in thinking it through, that would be kind of silly to wish to have never loved, so I don’t have to feel the pain of when that love ‘goes away.’ Loving and losing love, I guess it’s a part of life. I’m not saying I accept it though. *

 

[saieditor]

??? What does that mean ? What’s your point ?

His love is found in silence.

 

[whatevergirl]

His love is found in silence.

Thanks for posting that. It is a very enlightening moment when we realize that…

 

[JanetF]

Having loved and lost myself, I’m much better off having experienced the person in my life even if it wasn’t for as long as I would have liked. The suffering we go through can bring us closer to Christ. God doesn’t give us more than he knows we can handle. Even when we think we cannot handle any more and he gives us more, it’s part of the plan he has for us. How we deal with the hand we are dealt helps us grow in character, brings us closer to God, which is in fact the purpose of life.

I live in St. Louis and we’ve been in the news lately because of a triple murder allegedly commited by a father. I have had trouble getting a handle on this. I just cannot image killing my own child. I will have to be patient to see the good that will come out of this.

Whatevergirl: I’m so sorry that you lost your parents while you were young. I’m sure there is an empty place in your life as a result. My prayers are with you.

Patrick, I cannot image going through the loss of a child. We really do go through life thinking we will die before they do, which makes it easier for us, but when life doesn’t turn out that way, it can challenge our faith extremely. My prayers are with you also.

 

[warpspeedpetey]

***You know, I really loved my parents, and they died when I was a child. I really love my husband, and someday, will face the loss of him…or he will face the loss of me. I know many on here who have gone through the pain of divorce, or breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend who betrayed them…

Having gone through painful losses in my life–how can it be ‘better’ to have loved and lost, than never loved at all? I think it would be easier to not love, because you wouldn’t experience pain. But, then, on the other hand, you would go through life…rather ‘flat.’ No emotions, just coasting, with no one to care for or have care for you. I know that God is love, but His love never goes away. He never abandons us.

So, do you feel that it’s better to have loved and lost, than never love at all? Have always pondered that statement, and wonder if the person who came up with it ever lost anyone. ***

i think that for me, thats just something i say to encourage myself to try again.