It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? Really?

[phoage]

Originally Posted by JanetF
Patrick, I cannot image going through the loss of a child. We really do go through life thinking we will die before they do, which makes it easier for us, but when life doesn’t turn out that way, it can challenge our faith extremely. My prayers are with you also.

Actually, this gave me faith. It was a blessing (very heavily) in disguise.

Prior to his death, I was an agnostic. I did not know what to believe. I really envied my religious friends and relatives for the serenity their belief gave them but did not share that belief. After the event I had a crisis of faith (for want of a better phrase). I describe it to people as God whacking me up aside the head to get my attention.

I started doing reading and meditation to try to find meaning in an event that appeared meaningless. I had the help of may friends and God’s grace. During some of my reading, God spoke to me ( I cannot describe it better) and guided my study. On Apr 1 last, I went to the local Catholic church and the pastor heard my confession. I had been away from the Church for over 30 years but now God has welcomed me back.

This does not make my loss less painful but it does make it easier to bear. Jesus is helping me with the load.

Patrick.

 

[whatevergirl]

Actually, this gave me faith. It was a blessing (very heavily) in disguise.

Prior to his death, I was an agnostic. I did not know what to believe. I really envied my religious friends and relatives for the serenity their belief gave them but did not share that belief. After the event I had a crisis of faith (for want of a better phrase). I describe it to people as God whacking me up aside the head to get my attention.

I started doing reading and meditation to try to find meaning in an event that appeared meaningless. I had the help of may friends and God’s grace. During some of my reading, God spoke to me ( I cannot describe it better) and guided my study. On Apr 1 last, I went to the local Catholic church and the pastor heard my confession. I had been away from the Church for over 30 years but now God has welcomed me back.

This does not make my loss less painful but it does make it easier to bear. Jesus is helping me with the load.

Patrick.

*So true, if it were not for Christ, I would not know what I’d do. I’m grateful that He walked with me through the darkest times of my life, and still does, when I’m down about it all. It is inspiring to hear your story, Patrick–thanks for sharing this. *

 

[kentuckyliz]

To answer the question, yes.

Love is always better than Not-Love.

I feel sorry for people who are unable to love. What a blah and grey existence they must have. “Whoever does not love remains in death.” 1 John 3:14b

You know that the separation from deceased loved ones is temporary, right? We will be reunited. This life is but a brief flicker compared to the eternity we have together.

As I face the possibility of a 4th cancer, I have to think, if this does not go well this time, I wouldn’t want my loved ones to be mired in depression as a result of grieving my death. I would rather they embrace life more fully, live with zest, and choose to love.

You can have joy and peace in all circumstances, even through hot salty tears. These are gifts of the Holy Spirit that you already possess. Claim them.

 

[Souline]

It is difinitely better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. MY mom has gone through her life not being able to love a man. She has a grudge against men because of my grandad and my dad who were not nice to her and never showed her love. in the end, she divorced and withdrew from love and now lives a lonely life. I have loved and been hurt but don’t regret it one bit. I’ve over come my hurts and am happy to know that i am a healthy human being who can love all over again, be hurt, get up and continue with life.

Trust me, the memories of all those whom you loved will console you in sad times.

 

[cdanison]

I can tell you this - I would not trade all the beautiful memories that I have of my husband for anything. I do miss him very much, and I cry -sometimes a lot. But in shedding those tears, I relive the memories. Experiencing the love of a husband, or wife, is such a fulfilling love. And it hurts when one suffers the loss of their spouse. It hurts forever. But God is ever present and He is there when I cry "O God —.
I also feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, who allows me to experience new things - like the violets that bloomed in October, in the sleet and snow at the cemetery. My husband’s favorite flowers were purple. I can tell you loads about the love of the Holy Spirit.

Do not be afraid of Love. God is Love. and He is with us forever.

 

[Fierology]

A so many have been saying, God is Love, and it’s so true.

(The world also tells us things that aren’t Love are Love; it’s important not to forget that.)

As someone once said: “A life without Love is no life at all.” When we truly love we learn God’s Love. Love controls our reason, in a sense. We think selflessly. Nothing makes us happier to be loved back w/ that same selfless love. When we learn Love, Our Heavenly Father shows us His Love, the Love that is perfectly selfless (amazingly so) and we can never lose it. He is so much above us. He uses our earthly relationships to teach us Love, and then, when we see His Love, we recognize it, and it makes us joyous.

 

[DixiesFinest]

The joy that is brought outweighs the sorrow of heartbreak. It makes man feel alive to see how hurt he is by loss, because it means he felt so deeply for that which was lost.

 

[SomeSunnyDay]

I think that loss is part of the process of loving. We cannot love someone with the expectation that it’s going to last forever. Everything in this world is temporary - everyone dies eventually, and sometimes love between two people can wither and die, too.

It’s all part of the process.

Although it seems confusing and hurtful to us humans, I believe that losing those we love is part of God’s plan and is a test to keep our faith strong while not succumbing to bitterness and loneliness.

Any kind of separation from someone we love is like a little death. Some part of you is supposed to feel empty and you are supposed to grieve and mourn the loss.

Then, just as after the death of a loved one, you learn to carry on and move forward.

But I know it sure isn’t easy!

Really good question - thanks for posting this. Invites us all to do some self-examination and ask ourselves about the true nature of love and loss.

 

[limerick]

I maintain that you can not be a good Catholic or even a good Christian with out having love. One definition of a Christian/Catholic that I heard from a priest is " A Catholic is one who loves".

That will be the measure by which we will all be judged. Have you loved God ? And have you loved your neighbor ?

As far as romantic love goes, we know that many priests and other religious do just fine without ever having been involved romanticly with anyone. So it is possible and very likely that many other folks can do so as well.

Personally if I had not met my wife who is/was my only long term successful romantic relationship, I would still have wanted to experience my failed encounters even though some were quite painful and heart breaking.

I believe the experience of going through a couple of failed relationships, gave me the experience and insight necessary to successfully carry on a relationship with my wife. IF I had met my wife before these other encounters, I believe we probably would not have gotten married. I learned a lot from my mistakes, and I believe my wife also learned a lot from her previous relationships (at least from what little I’ve heard about them-we not real big on detailing our prior encounters).

There are some folks who can’t handle failed relationships and they are either permanently damaged emotionally or psychologically or may even do themselves harm. Anyone who has ever failed at a serious long term relationship will tell you that these encounters can be very heart wrenching. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to conclude that some folks who can’t take the abuse would be much better off not having loved at all.

And at the extreme end there are some folks who can not even handle the failure of a short term relationship. Some of these folks may have severe psychological problems to begin with.

**
I don’t think love is required for being a good Catholic, a good Christian, or a good human being. One can obey God, worship Him, care for the sick, the needy, the poor, all without cluttering up these deeds with what we think is love. Romantic love is lust all dressed up in a Brooks Brothers suit or a tank top and tight jeans. It is the ultimate hook, line and sinker load of hogwash that man or woman has ever swallowed. It is the notion that we can “complete” ourselves by joining forces with another human being. The thought of it nauseates and infuriates me, probably because I went for the bait a few times myself. It turned out to be a brazen lie.

For the past 11 years I have disciplined myself not to develop feelings for other people. They would never understand the feelings if I tried to explain them; the risk of rejection is ever-present; relationships naturally die as we age and grow apart. The couples who stayed together during wartime were operating under the spell of that particular drama, and my suspicions are that the men were generally bored after the first couple of decades and the women were repressed and subsequently forced to focus on their husbands and children rather than experience the world outside the little ranch-style home. They traded life experience for security. The men traded “love” for sex, the women sex for “love”.

Love is action, not a feeling. It takes tremendous effort to love, and right here I will say that I do not believe in “unconditional” love. There is no such thing; we barter all the time: I’ll give you this for that. I’ll take care of you as long as I can have a side dish. “Unconditional” love is an ideal, and a sorry one. It sets the bar too high and then we all wander around wondering why we didn’t get what should have been ours, as if it is some guarantee.

It is a flat existence, flavored with a pinch of sorrow for my own gullibility in my early years, and a soupcon of cynicism when I confront anyone who is gushing about being in love. I would rather do without love, from the inside or the outside, than live the lie I see all around me. I’m not going to waste one more second pursuing companionship or trying to understand why my relationships didn’t work out. I can be helpful, charitable, generous, all without loving. That way I’m not looking for a payoff.

Limerick **

 

[cdanison]

**
I don’t think love is required for being a good Catholic, a good Christian, or a good human being. One can obey God, worship Him, care for the sick, the needy, the poor, all without cluttering up these deeds with what we think is love. Romantic love is lust all dressed up in a Brooks Brothers suit or a tank top and tight jeans. It is the ultimate hook, line and sinker load of hogwash that man or woman has ever swallowed. It is the notion that we can “complete” ourselves by joining forces with another human being. The thought of it nauseates and infuriates me, probably because I went for the bait a few times myself. It turned out to be a brazen lie.

For the past 11 years I have disciplined myself not to develop feelings for other people. They would never understand the feelings if I tried to explain them; the risk of rejection is ever-present; relationships naturally die as we age and grow apart. The couples who stayed together during wartime were operating under the spell of that particular drama, and my suspicions are that the men were generally bored after the first couple of decades and the women were repressed and subsequently forced to focus on their husbands and children rather than experience the world outside the little ranch-style home. They traded life experience for security. The men traded “love” for sex, the women sex for “love”.

Love is action, not a feeling. It takes tremendous effort to love, and right here I will say that I do not believe in “unconditional” love. There is no such thing; we barter all the time: I’ll give you this for that. I’ll take care of you as long as I can have a side dish. “Unconditional” love is an ideal, and a sorry one. It sets the bar too high and then we all wander around wondering why we didn’t get what should have been ours, as if it is some guarantee.

It is a flat existence, flavored with a pinch of sorrow for my own gullibility in my early years, and a soupcon of cynicism when I confront anyone who is gushing about being in love. I would rather do without love, from the inside or the outside, than live the lie I see all around me. I’m not going to waste one more second pursuing companionship or trying to understand why my relationships didn’t work out. I can be helpful, charitable, generous, all without loving. That way I’m not looking for a payoff.

Limerick **

I am so sorry that life has not gone your way. I see you have “no organized religion” - is that working for you? I hear your pain - and I will pray for you. I will ask God to put His arms around you and heal your hurts. God loves you and He wants you to be happy. Please let Him into your heart and soul and you will feel new life.

 

[limerick]

I am so sorry that life has not gone your way. I see you have “no organized religion” - is that working for you? I hear your pain - and I will pray for you. I will ask God to put His arms around you and heal your hurts. God loves you and He wants you to be happy. Please let Him into your heart and soul and you will feel new life.

**
Because Catholicism did not “work for” me I allowed it to drift in the opposite direction from the one I had chosen for myself. Everyone has pain; some transcend it, some work through it, and some, like me, find that it evolves into the backdrop against which our lives are lived.

Once, in therapy, about 25 years ago, I lost my temper when the facilitator made a reference to my seeming to feel sad. No matter how I tried to relate to the concept or attach the word to anything I was conscious of experiencing, I could not understand sadness. It was many years before I came to know sadness on a first name basis. I still do my best to steer clear of it. Similarly, the phrase, “God loves you and He wants you to be happy” does not resonate with me. I am not convinced that God loves. I believe He is my creator but I honestly do not understand this little humanity science project of His. I think in order for Him to be fair in judgment he must be impartial. Love precludes impartiality. He may be interested in us, but I don’t know that He feels anything about us.

Thank you for your prayers.

Limerick**

 

[SomeSunnyDay]

Limerick,

Your posts struck a chord in my heart, because I’ve been there, too. So please take what I am about to say not as preaching, but rather testifying from experience.

It sounds like you have some deep wounds there - and indeed don’t we all, my friend. Don’t we all.

Wounds (physical, mental, emotional) are a way of reminding us that we are alive. When you feel pain,cry or bleed, you are aware of your human-ness and yes, it hurts. It is supposed to.

As I see it, our challenge is to take care of ourselves so that we can heal the wound and make a full recovery. If I break my leg skiing, I’m going to have to take it easy for a while - but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop skiing. Why should I? I love skiing! Sure, it’s a high-risk sport, and there’s a good chance I’ll get hurt again, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take and I think that attitude is a healthy one.

Sure beats the alternative - missing out on the thrill of flying down the mountain, feeling the wind and the sun on my face, and seeing God’s majestic mountains from a perspective you just can’t get from the ground level.

Yeah, I might ski into a tree and die, but at least I went out living life to the fullest!

Is not love the same?

Facts of life and love: friends will betray you. Lovers will break your heart. Spouses will cheat on you. Parents or children will do things that disappoint and hurt you. But the challenge this presents to us is to see what we’re made of - can we forgive them?

Forgiveness and loving thy enemies is a keystone of Christ’s teaching. If we hold grudges, refuse to forgive, seal ourselves off from people and harden our hearts, who are we helping?

Ourselves? We may think so, but in reality, we’re merely allowing the wound to fester. Infection sets in, we grow bitter and discouraged and empty inside. We don’t heal. We don’t move on. We don’t allow ourselves to feel much and life becomes a bore.

Something you said in an earlier post intrigued me: you said that you don’t believe in unconditional love, yet you also said that you can easily give care to the sick, the poor and the needy without expectations of a “payoff” or reward.

Well, m’dear, that IS unconditional love. You already know how to do it. You practise it, even if you yourself don’t realize it.

Giving, without expectation of recieving anything in return is the very definition of unconditional love.

If you have no expectations, it’s a lot harder for the other person to hurt you when they don’t give back, now isn’t it?

I might encourage you to apply that same principle to the people in your life (not just sick, poor or needy strangers). Give of yourself - allow yourself to care and have real feelings for them - without any expectations that they will behave as you might reasonably expect them to. And see what happens.

You might just find a new kind of peace in your heart and a better understanding of the petty natures of some of your fellow human beings. More than that, you’ll learn to forgive them completely - just as Christ implored forgiveness for those who betrayed him, sold him out, and jeered at him while he died a painful death - for they know not what they do.

 

[limerick]

**Giving without expecting anything in return is not always inspired by unconditional love. It can also have its beginnings in the acceptance of obligation. I don’t feel love when I give, and I will not allow it. I have satisfied an obligation, one that pays my way for sucking air on this planet.

I don’t want to feel the wind in my face and see God’s majestic mountains from atop a pair of two by fours. I can see it from the car, as I have over and over and over. Yes, God has created a wondrous universe. I see as much of it as I am allowed to see. Some days it is awe-inspiring, others it fills me with profound sadness and dread, knowing that life is not lived by everyone, but only those who choose it. I don’t choose it. I never have. Just like Ray Charles said, “Tired o’ livin’, scared o’ dyin’”. I’m locked in. If this is tragedy, bring it, because I don’t know how to do happiness, and I don’t trust happiness.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just the way I was made. Since God doesn’t make junk, I have to go through the days knowing I’m inching closer to death, and also knowing I was not given the temperament, the tools or the situation to live the life that was given to me. I don’t even try to explain it to myself anymore.

Marking off the days,

Limerick**

 

[whatevergirl]

**
I don’t think love is required for being a good Catholic, a good Christian, or a good human being. One can obey God, worship Him, care for the sick, the needy, the poor, all without cluttering up these deeds with what we think is love. Romantic love is lust all dressed up in a Brooks Brothers suit or a tank top and tight jeans. It is the ultimate hook, line and sinker load of hogwash that man or woman has ever swallowed. It is the notion that we can “complete” ourselves by joining forces with another human being. The thought of it nauseates and infuriates me, probably because I went for the bait a few times myself. It turned out to be a brazen lie.

For the past 11 years I have disciplined myself not to develop feelings for other people. They would never understand the feelings if I tried to explain them; the risk of rejection is ever-present; relationships naturally die as we age and grow apart. The couples who stayed together during wartime were operating under the spell of that particular drama, and my suspicions are that the men were generally bored after the first couple of decades and the women were repressed and subsequently forced to focus on their husbands and children rather than experience the world outside the little ranch-style home. They traded life experience for security. The men traded “love” for sex, the women sex for “love”.

Love is action, not a feeling. It takes tremendous effort to love, and right here I will say that I do not believe in “unconditional” love. There is no such thing; we barter all the time: I’ll give you this for that. I’ll take care of you as long as I can have a side dish. “Unconditional” love is an ideal, and a sorry one. It sets the bar too high and then we all wander around wondering why we didn’t get what should have been ours, as if it is some guarantee.

It is a flat existence, flavored with a pinch of sorrow for my own gullibility in my early years, and a soupcon of cynicism when I confront anyone who is gushing about being in love. I would rather do without love, from the inside or the outside, than live the lie I see all around me. I’m not going to waste one more second pursuing companionship or trying to understand why my relationships didn’t work out. I can be helpful, charitable, generous, all without loving. That way I’m not looking for a payoff.

Limerick **

*Hi limerick, we bump into each other again. (remember my dd’s guitar thread?)

I will say that true love, doesn’t expect a payoff. I think that is why not many people’s marriages last these days. To love another person, with all their problems, foibles…to be joined together forever…it is hard sometimes. When I posted this thread, I felt especially down…missing my parents. But, I wouldn’t trade the love I had for them for anything. I think that when you strip all of what you’re saying away, you’re hurting. We have all hurt at one point. It is very exhausting to guard yourself forever. But, loving and ‘losing’ …maybe we shouldn’t look at it as losing. Just because a relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you lost–all situations, good or bad, cause us to grow. Even just a little.

I will keep you in my prayers…I was once very angry about love before meeting my husband…and even midway through, marriage seemed to not make sense to me. But, I had some work to do on me. Not saying you do, but going through life with such anger, tension, and sorrow, well, it’s no way to really live. I guess in order to fully live…we have to hurt sometimes. But, sometimes, we ourselves carry the hurt around forever, like an identity card. Don’t let your past’s sorrows and hurts, define you.

:hug1: I have to run, but just wanted to chime in. *

 

[PJM]

=whatevergirl;5227001]***You know, I really loved my parents, and they died when I was a child. I really love my husband, and someday, will face the loss of him…or he will face the loss of me. I know many on here who have gone through the pain of divorce, or breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend who betrayed them…

Having gone through painful losses in my life–how can it be ‘better’ to have loved and lost, than never loved at all? I think it would be easier to not love, because you wouldn’t experience pain. But, then, on the other hand, you would go through life…rather ‘flat.’ No emotions, just coasting, with no one to care for or have care for you. I know that God is love, but His love never goes away. He never abandons us.

So, do you feel that it’s better to have loved and lost, than never love at all? Have always pondered that statement, and wonder if the person who came up with it ever lost anyone. ***

Dear friend in Christ,

If you’re little housed represent you’re contribution to God’s Church, God bless and THANK you

I believe that one cannot truly love without having been loved. So yes, it is always better to have loved.

I also believe that love is perfected in us through adversity, rejection, being denined and the like.

Because love is a conscious decisson on the part of our freewills, it is a highly prized gift to get, and to give. One must choose to love. But “love is a living thing” that requires nuturing, care, support effort to survive.

As a mom, you know how true this is. As a wife you know “what you need to stay in love.”
as a Catholic, we know the price we must pay, to be loved by Christ, we must avoid Mortal sin. Not always easy, especially for kids nowdays. And not always easy for us either.

But it seems to me the greater the price we pay, the greater the love we share. The more we love, the more we are loved in return.

Into every life some heartache will fall. Like the early Church Martyrs, who seeded the growth of the Church by persoanl sacrifice, our rejections, our losses, can lead us to a deeper kind of love, a more meaningful love, if we permit it. Or it can make us cynical and bitter. Love in the end is always a personal choice.

Yes one’s live is better, fuller, richer for having loved and for loving others. Sometimes, it takes a loss or setback for us to recogonize it.

Thank you, THANK you, THANK YOU mom!

May God hold you and you’re family in the palm of His loving hands!

Love and prayers, I have lost a mother, father two brothers and sister. It’s better!

 

[PJM]

=whatevergirl;5227001]***You know, I really loved my parents, and they died when I was a child. I really love my husband, and someday, will face the loss of him…or he will face the loss of me. I know many on here who have gone through the pain of divorce, or breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend who betrayed them…

Having gone through painful losses in my life–how can it be ‘better’ to have loved and lost, than never loved at all? I think it would be easier to not love, because you wouldn’t experience pain. But, then, on the other hand, you would go through life…rather ‘flat.’ No emotions, just coasting, with no one to care for or have care for you. I know that God is love, but His love never goes away. He never abandons us.

So, do you feel that it’s better to have loved and lost, than never love at all? Have always pondered that statement, and wonder if the person who came up with it ever lost anyone. ***

Dear friend in Christ,

If you’re little houses represent you’re contribution to God’s Church, God bless and THANK you

I believe that one cannot truly love without having been loved. So yes, it is always better to have loved.

I also believe that love is perfected in us through adversity, rejection, being denined and the like.

Because love is a conscious decisson on the part of our freewills, it is a highly prized gift to get, and to give. One must choose to love. But “love is a living thing” that requires nuturing, care, support effort to survive.

As a mom, you know how true this is. As a wife you know “what you need to stay in love.”
as a Catholic, we know the price we must pay, to be loved by Christ, we must avoid Mortal sin. Not always easy, especially for kids nowdays. And not always easy for us either.

But it seems to me the greater the price we pay, the greater the love we share. The more we love, the more we are loved in return.

Into every life some heartache will fall. Like the early Church Martyrs, who seeded the growth of the Church by persoanl sacrifice, our rejections, our losses, can lead us to a deeper kind of love, a more meaningful love, if we permit it. Or it can make us cynical and bitter. Love in the end is always a personal choice.

Yes one’s live is better, fuller, richer for having loved and for loving others. Sometimes, it takes a loss or setback for us to recogonize it.

Thank you, THANK you, THANK YOU mom!

May God hold you and you’re family in the palm of His loving hands!

Love and prayers, I have lost a mother, father two brothers and sister. It’s better!

 

[tmarkh]

I would have to say it is absolutely so much better to have loved and lost. My wife of a short 7 years passed away 3 years ago. That woman was the very best thing to ever happen to me.

There I was, a man of 28 as backwards and shy as a beaten pup. This woman (whom I knew in high school) came along and took in this stray. She brought me out of my shell (somewhat) and helped me to see what true love is. I’m not talking about affection or physical love but TRUE love. She showed me how to LIVE love. She always cared for others more than herself. She was always trying to rescue a stray dog or cat (literally and figuratively). Even after she was diagnosed with Leukemia, she still tried to help others. We “adopted” a “little sister” that had been one of her students and helped her and her brother out with clothes, toys, Christmas, vacations, bills, furniture.

The bone-marrow transplant had helped her to recover some strength. After 2 years, the donor’s cells started rejecting her skin and she started going downhill. Even during this time of limited mobility, she would still get someone to help her to try to find homes for some of the pets that were displaced by hurricane Rita. She could hardly walk or drive, but there she was, her and her mom driving to pick up a station wagon load of dogs and cats to carry to someone further north where there were homes waiting.

The only time that she stopped thinking of others was when she passed. Even when she was bed-ridden, she would shop online and on tv for things that could help her “little sister”, a refugee family that we helped to relocate in the States, other families she didn’t even know, her family, and me.

Her last words to me (happened to be our 7th anniversary) were, “I’ll love you forever.” She died 4 days later. The change that she brought about in my life (not including the other lives that she touched!) is nothing less than incredible. Next to the example of Jesus, she was the best example to me (tangible) of love.

She is greatly missed and I would gladly go through the incredible pain of losing her to have had the opportunity to know her incredible love.

T. Mark

 

[cdanison]

I would have to say it is absolutely so much better to have loved and lost. My wife of a short 7 years passed away 3 years ago. That woman was the very best thing to ever happen to me.

There I was, a man of 28 as backwards and shy as a beaten pup. This woman (whom I knew in high school) came along and took in this stray. She brought me out of my shell (somewhat) and helped me to see what true love is. I’m not talking about affection or physical love but TRUE love. She showed me how to LIVE love. She always cared for others more than herself. She was always trying to rescue a stray dog or cat (literally and figuratively). Even after she was diagnosed with Leukemia, she still tried to help others. We “adopted” a “little sister” that had been one of her students and helped her and her brother out with clothes, toys, Christmas, vacations, bills, furniture.

The bone-marrow transplant had helped her to recover some strength. After 2 years, the donor’s cells started rejecting her skin and she started going downhill. Even during this time of limited mobility, she would still get someone to help her to try to find homes for some of the pets that were displaced by hurricane Rita. She could hardly walk or drive, but there she was, her and her mom driving to pick up a station wagon load of dogs and cats to carry to someone further north where there were homes waiting.

The only time that she stopped thinking of others was when she passed. Even when she was bed-ridden, she would shop online and on tv for things that could help her “little sister”, a refugee family that we helped to relocate in the States, other families she didn’t even know, her family, and me.

Her last words to me (happened to be our 7th anniversary) were, “I’ll love you forever.” She died 4 days later. The change that she brought about in my life (not including the other lives that she touched!) is nothing less than incredible. Next to the example of Jesus, she was the best example to me (tangible) of love.

She is greatly missed and I would gladly go through the incredible pain of losing her to have had the opportunity to know her incredible love.

T. Mark

God Bless T Mark! You will be with her again someday!

 

[whatevergirl]

I would have to say it is absolutely so much better to have loved and lost. My wife of a short 7 years passed away 3 years ago. That woman was the very best thing to ever happen to me.

There I was, a man of 28 as backwards and shy as a beaten pup. This woman (whom I knew in high school) came along and took in this stray. She brought me out of my shell (somewhat) and helped me to see what true love is. I’m not talking about affection or physical love but TRUE love. She showed me how to LIVE love. She always cared for others more than herself. She was always trying to rescue a stray dog or cat (literally and figuratively). Even after she was diagnosed with Leukemia, she still tried to help others. We “adopted” a “little sister” that had been one of her students and helped her and her brother out with clothes, toys, Christmas, vacations, bills, furniture.

The bone-marrow transplant had helped her to recover some strength. After 2 years, the donor’s cells started rejecting her skin and she started going downhill. Even during this time of limited mobility, she would still get someone to help her to try to find homes for some of the pets that were displaced by hurricane Rita. She could hardly walk or drive, but there she was, her and her mom driving to pick up a station wagon load of dogs and cats to carry to someone further north where there were homes waiting.

The only time that she stopped thinking of others was when she passed. Even when she was bed-ridden, she would shop online and on tv for things that could help her “little sister”, a refugee family that we helped to relocate in the States, other families she didn’t even know, her family, and me.

Her last words to me (happened to be our 7th anniversary) were, “I’ll love you forever.” She died 4 days later. The change that she brought about in my life (not including the other lives that she touched!) is nothing less than incredible. Next to the example of Jesus, she was the best example to me (tangible) of love.

She is greatly missed and I would gladly go through the incredible pain of losing her to have had the opportunity to know her incredible love.

T. Mark

*Your post really touched me…I have tears in my eyes. I read it last night too, and am reading it again. I am so sorry for your loss…I think that your reflection is very helpful to me and hopefully, to others. I started a Good Grief group, if you ever want to share your story of loss with others, it’s a group that basically offers support, encouragement and prayers for all of us who have good and bad days dealing with loss and grief. Loss of any kind, really. God bless you–what a beautiful testament to love! *

 

[Lawre129]

I do not like being a looser… And nothing hurts worse than to love deeply and loose
that love, I believe it kills something inside the spirit to be hurt in such a horrible
way. Starting with parents who could not love and did not want a person, to
being with someone who swore they loved you ,and then walking off with someone
else… Did I really need all of that? No, I didn’t, In my old age, I have become a recluse,
because I have lost everyone, either through death or moving away.I talk to God
all of the time…and he answers me…But people…No more pain for me !. I have
learned to take pleasure in little everyday things… And have no more expectations
of any lasiting or reliable relationship. Thank you for your time…Lawre129

Sometimes I really wonder just why God went to all this trouble ? Is it like
a giant Chess board ?
:winter::