It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? Really?

[cdanison]

I do not like being a looser… And nothing hurts worse than to love deeply and loose
that love, I believe it kills something inside the spirit to be hurt in such a horrible
way. Starting with parents who could not love and did not want a person, to
being with someone who swore they loved you ,and then walking off with someone
else… Did I really need all of that? No, I didn’t, In my old age, I have become a recluse,
because I have lost everyone, either through death or moving away.I talk to God
all of the time…and he answers me…But people…No more pain for me !. I have
learned to take pleasure in little everyday things… And have no more expectations
of any lasiting or reliable relationship. Thank you for your time…Lawre129

Sometimes I really wonder just why God went to all this trouble ? Is it like
a giant Chess board ?
:winter::

I doubt that any of us have not had a love that was lost at some time. I know that it hurts. I feel your hurt. I am sorry it has caused you to not look for love in other parts of your life. Giving love to others is one way to feel love for ourselves. I will pray for you. Look to God to heal your hurt.

God bless.

 

[didymus]

I can’t answer whether it’s better to have loved and lost because I’ve never suffered a devastating loss like the OP – I’ve lost my grandparents, aunts & uncles, all of whom were old and in some cases death was a mercy.

But the question reminded me of the Simon & Garfunkel son “I Am a Rock” because I think one reason I haven’t been hurt much is that I don’t love much.

I Am A Rock
Paul Simon

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,
Well I’ve heard the word before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

 

[cdanison]

I can’t answer whether it’s better to have loved and lost because I’ve never suffered a devastating loss like the OP – I’ve lost my grandparents, aunts & uncles, all of whom were old and in some cases death was a mercy.

But the question reminded me of the Simon & Garfunkel son “I Am a Rock” because I think one reason I haven’t been hurt much is that I don’t love much.

Who didn’t like Simon and Garfunkel? I remember humming this song. But, I have always had a problem really hearing lyrics. I think I am glad that I never knew this is what they were singing about. Sometimes I think we have to make a decision to choose happiness over sadness, or lonliness. Sure I get lonly sometimes. Those times especially when I think of my husband who passed 2 1/2 years ago. But I choose not to wallow in the lonliness. Ed wouldn’t want me to do that. In those times I use my computer to take me away - by looking up various countries and taking a mini-vacation. I like computer games and I can get lost there. Or, I go shopping, or anyplace to get my mind in a better place. Pray for someone who is having a tough time. I just don’t get mired down in thinking about my woes.

I do feel sorry for those of you who seem to never have loved, or who will not let yourself love. You are missing out on half of your life.

 

[limerick]

**cdanison says, “I do feel sorry for those of you who seem to never have loved, or who will not let yourself love. You are missing out on half of your life.”

Some of us choose to delete this opportunity for frustration, rage, grief and shame. For some, life without the burden of trying to comprehend the complexities of love is far more satisfying. My experiences with love have brought me to a place where I am certain God does not want me to understand what it is, how to offer it, how to receive it, why it even exists at all. I think it’s a narcissistic luxury in that we love to get love, and we receive love when it affords us power. We buy into various presentations of what love is and it makes us dreamy, weak, hopeful against hope. It takes me away from my focus, which is just to keep breathing, keep trudging, keep on going until there is no more going. I work on trying not to despise ignorance. I work on fitting in where I don’t belong so I can make enough money to eat. When every day is a struggle with God, self and others, who has time to risk loving?

Limerick **

 

[SomeSunnyDay]

** When every day is a struggle with God, self and others, who has time to risk loving?

Limerick **

Hm. That’s actually a really good question, one so many of us find ourselves asking.

It seems the modern world and our society is designed in such a way to keep us endlessly chasing our tails. In most families, both the mom and dad are working at least one job - maybe more - to make ends meet and hardly find time for each other or their kids at the end of the day. No time for love…just a struggle for survival.

The cost of living keeps single people in that same constant drudgery. Who has time to date or enter into a real relationship (which requires work, time and effort) when they’re working 18 hour days? I guess that’s why online dating has become so popular. It’s a way for us to “test the waters” with potential partners while still allowing ourselves some distance and the option of getting out should a commitment issue arise.

The trend these days is for single people to remain single well into their 30s and 40s. People aren’t getting married and starting families in their early 20s like they one did. A lot of single women are choosing to wait until their 40s to finally have children, putting their careers first and family second. Even after the kids are born, sadly, a lot of parents are forced by their jobs to be “absentee” parents. This doesn’t mean they love their kids any less of course, but it does take away precious time they could be spending bonding with their children. Conversely, this causes a lot of stress and feelings of being unwanted or unloved in families today.

Would those parents ever regret having had children? Of course not. Would they have regretted their marriage, even if it didn’t work out? I hope not.

I agree with the previous poster who said this is why most marriages dont work out. As a single professional, I can also testify that the lack of available time and energy is the #1 reason most dating relationships - even really promising ones - don’t work out, either.

Sad but true, and a worthwhile point to raise.