Hello. No one has not offended me nor do I feel judged. Some very good points.
However the problems I went through were not fun nor easy to accept. As far as marriage I am in my 30s and I never had a girlfriend that I fell madly in love with. I don’t know what it feels like to fall in love with someone.I do however know what it felt like to fall in love with the church and I can’t help but feel betrayed. I practice and beleive in all the church’s teachings. Never finding someone, I started to think that maybe Jesus was saving me for his Bride. Apperently not. I had one vocations director basically tell me that i am not smart enough to be a priest. Of course I mastered an instrument I know three trades, I ride Grand Prix Dressage, I studied voice and I also know how to fix anything that needs fixing. I would like to think that I have some intellect. and some talent. He was bragging to me that he is accepting an electrical engineer. He has a degree that has NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH GOD… yet he was ushered in. I don’t have a 4 year degree, I am tossed aside. Personally I feel that it is bull that we need a degree to be accepted, it is prejudice and many people I am sure were not accepted that could have been awsome. I feel that you are right I am not called to priesthood. But as I ahve stated, this will not be a two day OK now I am over it thing. When you see a girl you like and get dumped? how does that make you feel??? like your heart was ripped out, like you are tanted goods. I am ok I will live just hurt and I can’t again help how I feel. I obviously am not called that is surely apparent. I did my part I tried I was willing to give up my collections and sell my stuff and get ready to embark on the long journey to becomming a priest, couldn’t even get to first base. I couldn’t even get a second meeting with anyone. So I will feel what I feel and I will not be closed mouth at what I feel, making everyone requiring a 4 year degree is a blanket deal as to which shouldn’t apply to eveyone, most people that have lived a long time dealing with life, which in it’s own right should be considered a master’s , should have other options. I may be wrong but what can I say it sucks. just sucks. Now I ask all of you to pray for me, please. God Bless Scoob.
The most important thing you can do is to obey God. I knew a guy, years ago, a Protestant, who told me that he wanted to be a missionary. He wanted to go off somewhere where the gospel had never been preached and devote his whole life to doing exactly that. However, he was praying for a wife first. As soon as he had his wife, he would be ready for the Great Wide Open. From what I understand, the first girl he dated didn’t want to go to the Missions, and neither did the second. It went on and on and on. The last I heard from him, it had been ten years and he was still unmarried and still hadn’t gone to the missions.
I think the guy had a vocation. But that vocation had been seriously derailed. And derailed by what? It had been derailed by the desires of his heart, which while not specifically sinful, were not in complete alignment with the desires of God’s heart. What WERE God’s desires for this man’s life?
I don’t really know. The tragedy is that I don’t think he knew either.
He’d already had his life mapped out, and he had already decided what he was going to do for God and what God was going to do for Him. All God had to do was get in line and stick with the program. Then everything would be fine.
If you can’t see something wrong with this line of reasoning then you need to mature more before you could ever hope to serve the Bride of Christ in any capacity whatsoever. We are the servants. We are called to obey God. God does not obey us.
How much do you love God anyway? How much do you love the church? I have been turned away from a vocation or given terms and conditions for it that I have never met since 1984. I have tried two different archdioceses, and something like four different religious orders. I STILL want to serve God as a religious, or even as a priest.
When I approached the vocations director for the Archdiocese of Baltimore in 1985, I had 2 and 1/2 years of theology in a Catholic university. I was more than half way there for my bachelor’s degree requirement. I was almost 25 years old. The vocations director turned me away for this reason: I had not gone out with enough girls. I did not have enough dating experience. His words to me were, “Go out with a few girls and then get back to me.” Unfortunately, I was not able to get a girl to go out on a date with me until 1992. I asked an awful lot of girls out. They all said no. For 7 whole years they said no. It took me seven years to meet that requirement. And I might add, the relationship I had with that girl was a terrible experience. I might also add that by that time, after seven years, I had lost something of the zeal and excitement that I had originally had for my vocation.
So then, the matter is this: Did the vocations director screw up in my vocation? My answer is, yes, he probably did.
At present, the matter is this: How do I deal with that? The first thing I do is forgive. He’s never told me that he was wrong. The church has never told me that he was wrong. To be perfectly honest, I really don’t have a steadfast, rock solid belief that he was wrong. I simply don’t know.
How do I deal with that? I accept it, and CONTINUE TO LOVE. Part of the way I continue to love is to CONTINUE TO SERVE. Do you think I waited until ordination day to serve the Church? No way, Jose. I’ve sung meditation songs for communion, I’ve taught Confirmation Class, I’ve done gruntwork for the church like carrying stuff and cleaning stuff and holding ladders for people changing light bulbs. I’ve done nursing home ministry.
There’s alot of things we can do for God, for the church. Not all of them are the priesthood. When I get to heaven, I’m going to hear Jesus say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” That’s what I WANT to hear him say. What is it that I will have done well?
HIS WILL. It’s HIS will, not mine. It’s what HE wants, not what I want. So I’m NOT bitter. I’m NOT angry. I ACCEPT what happened, even if it wasn’t the BEST thing that could have happened. And you know what?
I still love God. God still loves me. I still love the Church. I still serve the church. Did I have a vocation? Was that vocation derailed? You know how I answer those questions? Here is how I answer those questions.
Did I have a vocation and was it derailed?
Answer: I don’t care. I’m going to love and serve God anyway. I’m going to love and serve the Bride of Christ anyway. Do I deserve justice? Yes I do. And if I had justice it would be an eternity of suffering in a burning hell. Thank GOD that there IS NO justice. Because if I got what I deserve I’d be a lot less happy than I am now.
There is no room for bitterness in the heart of any servant of God. You can serve God if you want to, but remember, when you serve, it’s NEVER on YOUR terms. NEVER. Get used to that. It’s part of what it means to be a SERVANT.
