I've been married for a long time

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I was supposed to cut the grass this weekend. I won’t pay in the after-life, I will pay next week.
 
PrisonerOfChrist said:
Things were awesome before you get married. Things change after you get married and the classic response “oh you have to work on it”. Don’t want to work on it and didn’t have to before marriage!
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Marriage isn’t the problem, time as an ingredient changes things. An unmarried couple who cohabitates would experience some of the same changes and need to work on it.

To the unmarried reader, marriage is fantastic. If it is your vocation, it is the happiest path for you on this earth. No path is devoid of sufferings. This thread started off as a funny story and devolved into criticizing something beautiful given to us by God. What if priests came on here posting about how the priesthood is hard and they don’t want to work on it?
 
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I’m not sure what you mean?

I’ve been married nearly 18 years. We are happy most of the time. He supports me and I him. We laugh most days. He is my best friend. Sometimes we have to work harder to feel connected, but like all relationships some times are easier than others.

If I was describing my marriage as others were up thread I’d honestly rather live alone.
 
22 years almost for me. Marriage is hard because of outside stress and tragedy.

But at the end spouses should be each other’s best friend and care about each other.
 
And you put up with this from your wife?

Men do. I did.

And yet the feminists (and often the Church) tell us that it’s husbands who subjugate wives, that it’s women who live in fear of “domestic violence”. But when I observe married women I get no sense they fear their husbands, and often the reverse. They have no fear of them, and often little respect.

I hope you are happily married and for life - such is a powerful compensation for bearing the trials of marriage. But there are many men who live like this and then find themselves divorced by their wife and suddenly discover that they were the “abuser” and even find themselves at the receiving end of a “domestic violence” restraining order, because she’s listened to the feminists. (20 years ago it was “He’s not meeting my needs” or “the relationship isn’t working”, but then “domestic violence” came into vogue, backed by an army of lawyers and with billions of dollars up for grabs).

In the past stories like this were “funny”, but not any more.
 
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Wow. How were these stories ‘funny’ at all?

Sorry to hear you have such a jaded view of marriage and women. This is not my experience at all. The marriages that are the most successful in my anecdotal ecidence are when both partners are reasonable, willing to work on faults and willing to be true equal partners.

Sulking, avoidance and anger pretty quickly bring feelings of resentment. Big problems in any marriage. It is not unique to women though. Certainly not the “feminists” fault.
 
ewohdrol said:
Wow. How were these stories ‘funny’ at all?

Sorry to hear you have such a jaded view of marriage and women. This is not my experience at all. The marriages that are the most successful in my anecdotal ecidence are when both partners are reasonable, willing to work on faults and willing to be true equal partners.

Sulking, avoidance and anger pretty quickly bring feelings of resentment. Big problems in any marriage. It is not unique to women though. Certainly not the “feminists” fault.
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Before I go down this path again, I’ll make it quite clear that my post was not complaining about men, women or marriage (and I think I was reasonably clear about that). I was observing that the feminists’ lies assist the wife to leave by making it easy for her to see herself as the victim of “domestic violence”, and that then weaponises her in the divorce courts, especially if children are involved. Such is a deliberate, highly funded and widespread offensive by the feminists, all built on lies, and it’s infiltrated the courts, media, and marriages. And it’s killing men.

The feminists’ assault is built on their portrayal of marriages as being dominated by the husband when the reverse is much more often the case. The OP’s anecdote is representative of many, many cases. I didn’t say “all”. All the time I hear married men say they are doing something against their better judgement or own interests simply because they “fear” the wife. (Although they rarely use that word). How often do you hear a woman say that she’s made a decision out of “fear” of her husband? (Not in the movies or TV, which are utterly feminist, but in real life?).

And the Church is complicit, although the Catholic church isn’t as far gone as the others, many of which have reached the point of no return.
ewohdrol said:
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Sulking, avoidance and anger pretty quickly bring feelings of resentment.
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Good point, and well spotted in my narrative. However I know that in my case there was no other option.
 
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Married 48 years and I’m wearinng leggings under my knee length dress because my husband said the dress was too short.( Above my knees when I sit). He will wear an alb and stole or dalmatic at mass. Who wears the pants in our family?
 
F_Marturana said:
22 years almost for me. Marriage is hard because of outside stress and tragedy.

But at the end spouses should be each other’s best friend and care about each other.
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I think this is true. Sometimes husbands and wives get along just fine and the marriage is happy. But then, throw in in laws, employment stress, children and any number of other stresses. That is when marriage gets complicated. I think too many people mistake problems and stress with being unhappy in their marriage. Yes, they are unhappy, but it’s really not the spouses, it is the situation.
 
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Some of us had a first marriage that was extremely hard and painful. But I have recently celebrated twenty years with my second. Life is good. We get along better than I ever imagined.
 
Mi_Rose said:
I’m wearinng leggings under my knee length dress because my husband said the dress was too short.
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The only time my husband has ever said anything about my clothes it was a leggings suggestion like this as I was about to pregnantly walk out the door to go to confession. That same day my water broke dramatically on my way out of the confessional. I was like God bless that man for talking me into more clothes or this would have been a lot more embarassing. There probably would have been a large puddle. I probably would have slipped in it and flashed everyone my giant underwear.😆
 
Edmundus1581 said:
The feminists’ assault is built on their portrayal of marriages as being dominated by the husband when the reverse is much more often the case.
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Blaming feminism for marital discord takes a huge leap past what is often really going on. As children we have parents with varying degrees of agression or passivity who handle conflicts in all sorts of ways. Feminists are not the first teachers about love, affection, conflict etc. How angry our parents were and how we respond to conflict is a lot stronger indicator of what role you will end up in in your marriage than anything a movement taught you.

I had angry parents. I feared disappointing them and I grovelled all over myself apologizing for things I didn’t even do. You better believe that affects my relationship with my spouse.

Feminism isn’t without impact but it’s an odd scapegoat.
 
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Mi_Rose said:
Married 48 years and I’m wearinng leggings under my knee length dress because my husband said the dress was too short.( Above my knees when I sit).
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I would certainly do the same if my husband told me one of my dresses was too short.

On the other hand, my husband often has trouble knowing what clothing is appropriate for various occasions. He has no trouble at all deferring to me when I inform him that there is no way he can wear that to such-and-such occasion. He’s clueless when it comes to these matters and he knows it.
 
Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church even dying for her. My husband says he dies a little every day.
 
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