I've lost that "lovin feelin"

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TarAshly

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Hi yall,

most of yall in here know me. im a normal 22 happily married girl who is DESPERATELY in love with my husband. he is so unbelieveably romantic, and an amazing dad. but i never find myself in the mood, in fact i find myself avoiding it by going to bed early or claiming the infamous headache. i feel like i have become frigid. i can be openly affectionate to my husband, but when it comes to being physically intimate i just dont want to at all. any advice?
 
First of all you should talk to your gynecologist. You may have a hormonal imbalance or some other underlying problem including depression.

I have heard from a good number of sources that the steamy sexually blissful part of a relationship ends anywhere between a few months and a few years. Mellow is the best word to describe the years after the honeymoon. Many people don’t realize the normal changes a marital relationship goes through and are confused and sometimes get divorced or cheat.

Talk this over with your husband too. Help him understand your changes. Don’t leave him out in the cold and wondering.
 
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TarAshly:
Hi yall,

most of yall in here know me. im a normal 22 happily married girl who is DESPERATELY in love with my husband. he is so unbelieveably romantic, and an amazing dad. but i never find myself in the mood, in fact i find myself avoiding it by going to bed early or claiming the infamous headache. i feel like i have become frigid. i can be openly affectionate to my husband, but when it comes to being physically intimate i just dont want to at all. any advice?
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You say you have lost the feeling but my first question would be; did you ever have it to begin with? If you had it then lost it then there must be something that caused the change especially since your so young and only married a little while. Just ask yourself if you really ever had what you think you lost. What do you think?
 
For a few days, or even weeks - this is the normal ebb and flow of marriage. Guess what, it is not that wierd! Now, if it goes on for more than a couple of weeks, see your doctor.

It really is okay to take a break sometimes, maybe you are just getting down to normal after the “honeymoon” phase… and as long as you are both happy and healthy - don’t worry, it’ll come back.
 
Pray and ask for desire for your husband. It works! 😃 Ask for the right opportunity with kids asleep, etc. Also, don’t wait for perfection. Sometimes we don’t feel very desirable, but marriage is giving ourselves completely to each other no matter the imperfections!

As a young mother, I’m sure you’re tired and after a day of taking care of little one(s) who can be very demanding emotionally and physically, sometimes the last thing you think you want is to be intimate with your husband – sometimes you just want to be alone!

I’m not sure if you’re a stay-at-home mom, or if you work, but either way, you need some time to yourself. When our kids were little, I’d have one “night off” a week where I could go to the store alone or out for coffee with a friend, or just hide in the bedroom and read a book. Try getting a little time to refresh yourself.
 
This sounds pretty normal to me, I’ve been married 12 years and have four kids, the last thing on my mind is “you know” of course my husband could go for “you know” practically anytime.

Sometimes, for a woman, just the day in and day out of motherhood stress, trying to get the house cleaned, work done, supper on time, kids need you all the time…well, your just plain worn out.

This by no way means you don’t love your husband, I consider my husband my very best friend, I can talk to him about anything and everything but…that doesn’t mean I’m always in the “mood”

If it goes on and on, go talk to your doc and make sure everything is o.k. but I bet it is just pretty normal for you as it is for so many of us. That is part of marriage and life, things will never be “just like they were, when you were first married or before kids” things change, your bodies change, your stress level changes, emotions, hormones, tired, not tired, etc. etc.

Try not to over worry as this can actually make it worse, when you over think it sometimes it becomes a real downer, becuase your thinking about it too much.

Pray about it too and tell your husband how your feeling, I had to tell mine, he thought maybe it was him, well, it was nothing he had done wrong but…him helping out more with the kids, house, etc. made me far less tired and made me look at him like “hey, what a sweetie” its the little things.

Peace 👍
 
How old is your child? It takes two years for a woman’s body to heal from childbirth…like contemplative said, that means healing physically and hormonally.

I found that when my children were under the age of three, my libido decreased…partly hormonal, partly psychological. I had a baby to take care of, and it is quite a tremendous task, and although it wasn’t on purpose, I felt like avoiding the act that might give me another, if you know what I mean.

Magically…when the children hit around 3 1/2, and they weren’t needy babies anymore…I started looking at my husband again…partly because my baby wasn’t hogging all my time, and deep down (unconsciously) I wanted another!!!

Hope this helps…bottom line…It’ll come back, get a doctor to help
 
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TarAshly:
Hi yall,

most of yall in here know me. im a normal 22 happily married girl who is DESPERATELY in love with my husband. he is so unbelieveably romantic, and an amazing dad. but i never find myself in the mood, in fact i find myself avoiding it by going to bed early or claiming the infamous headache. i feel like i have become frigid. i can be openly affectionate to my husband, but when it comes to being physically intimate i just dont want to at all. any advice?
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…don’t be concerned… normal… you will be flittering around driving him crazy before too long… I agree with talk to your Dr. first… second, find a good old classic movie, pop some pop corn and relax… there is more to life than…
http://www.sexybloomers.com/lightstylesRC/silhouettes/ghost.JPG
…now for your husband… she will be ok,… love her and keep her daily in your prayers and thoughts… she is God’s gift to you, protect her and watch over her… i will be watching too…
http://my.core.com/~oldgrendel/ghost1.gif

…if you don’t… well, you don’t want me hearing about it…
http://discovery-experimental.com/no_justice/pages/grim_reaper_pointing.JPG

Peace:thumbsup:
 
I think that sexual desire has a normal ebb and flow. SOmetimes you can hardly keep from tearing each others clothes off and at other times you just want a good, long nap. As a young mother, you might be suffering from tiredness. Talk to your hubby. He might be willing to let you take an extra nap when he is home or help out with some extra chores.
 
Unless there was news I missed - TarA is not a young mommy - she is a young bride.
 
Thank you all so much. i guess i should have clarified. im not a mommy yet, just have a little four legged baby running around. but i do work a full and part time job while trying to help hubby get his business running. im the bread winner for now. i dont mind that at all, i love that i can help him out so that when we do have babies i can be a stay at home mommy. but it does stress me out. I think my husband is probably the most handsome man in the world and patient too! he hasnt made any complaints or put any pressure on me. he also thinks i may need to talk to my doctor. SPACE GHOST i almost lost it i was laughing so hard. showed your post to my hubby and he thinks you are a great guy to ask for advice, plus hes skeereed of ya! thank you all again for your advice. keep it coming!
 
space ghost:
…don’t be concerned… normal… you will be flittering around driving him crazy before too long… I agree with talk to your Dr. first… second, find a good old classic movie, pop some pop corn and relax… there is more to life than…

…now for your husband… she will be ok,… love her and keep her daily in your prayers and thoughts… she is God’s gift to you, protect her and watch over her… i will be watching too…

…if you don’t… well, you don’t want me hearing about it…

Peace:thumbsup:
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Knowing that SpaceGhost is watching will probably not help the situation much!! 🙂
 
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kage_ar:
Unless there was news I missed - TarA is not a young mommy - she is a young bride.
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Right, ive only been married 6 months i guess thats why i have been so worried and upset about this. i guess i thought i would still be in honeymoon phase.
 
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TarAshly:
Hi yall,

most of yall in here know me. im a normal 22 happily married girl who is DESPERATELY in love with my husband. he is so unbelieveably romantic, and an amazing dad. but i never find myself in the mood, in fact i find myself avoiding it by going to bed early or claiming the infamous headache. i feel like i have become frigid. i can be openly affectionate to my husband, but when it comes to being physically intimate i just dont want to at all. any advice?
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LOL!! Oh my goodness! :o now i realize why you all thought i was a mommy! that was a typo! thats what i get for talking to my dad and typing at the same time. no kids yet, just the puppy, i meant to say amazing **guy ** sorry for that, i need a nap.
 
but i never find myself in the mood, in fact i find myself avoiding it by going to bed early or claiming the infamous headache. i feel like i have become frigid.

Are you on any antidepressants, or medications?
 
Maybe you don’t want to, but it you do wish you wanted to. That’s a very good sign. Talking this over with your doctor is a very good idea.

Although you have to realize that you will probably be in the mood less often than he is–and that you will even find that he will sometimes not be in the mood when you are–don’t evade the problem by inventing a “headache”. Talk to someone who is competent to assess your health and the extent of your problem.

It also sounds as if you are both under a lot of stress. If I remember correctly, you had issues to deal with before you got married, too. Lots of things could be going on. Buck up, buckaroo. You’ve faced problems together before. You can get through this, too, as long as you face up to it, together.

When that day comes when you want to and he doesn’t, promise yourself that you won’t automatically start thinking that he thinks you’ve become unattractive, ok? 😉
 
suggestion above that you consider the natural progression of a marriage after the honeymoon phase - you can’t keep up the pace forever or you would never make it to your 5th anniversary.

didn’t you have a “possibly pregnant” episode a while back (if I am not confusing you with other young marrieds on the forums), if so, hormones could be out of whack

this is none of my business so do not answer here, I have no wish to pry into your affairs, but I will make an general observation, based on experience of working with young marrieds: use of the pill or other contraceptives, especially in couples who lived together before marriage and relied on contraception, often leads to a feeling the wife can’t put her finger on, of being used, of being valued only for sex, and not valued if or when she can’t manage the mood. that puts her into the behavior of faking it which can be very damaging to marital intimacy. also, the couple never had a chance to develop emotional, intellectual intimacy, since they always relied on sex, before and after marriage, to define their time together. at most the girl just knows she is not in the mood, but is not sure why. not necessarily related to poster’s situation, but offered here for others who may go through the same type of thing.
 
TarAshlyi meant to say amazing **guy [/quote said:
sorry for that, i need a nap.

Umm, I need a nap says it all 😛

When a woman is tired that is the last thing on her mind - she just wants to get some sleep and if you are working a full time and a part time job (and my guess is holding down the home front too as your loving husband is probably working as many hours as if he were holding down two full time jobs if he is starting up a new business).

Try looking for that “loving feeling” in the mornings, say Saturdays when both of you can take a bit of time to cuddle and be affectionate. Just some thoughts of what we used to do when we had a multiply handicapped baby who was a 24/7 “job”.

Brenda V.
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