I've lost that "lovin feelin"

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hey Tara.

I have PCOS, too. One problem with PCOS is often a lack of ovulation. The tiny cysts on one’s ovaries can often be so numerous or big enough to keep any eggs from breaking through (which are the causation of the cysts in the first place) and also preventing ovulation.

If you aren’t ovulating, then you probably don’t have the natural build up of mucus that helps aid a woman’s desire for her husband. You are definitely not ovulating if the hormones for PCOS that you describe are actually the BCP.

If you check out websites detailing the symptoms of PCOS, you might notice that a few very in-depth ones describe a lack of sexual desire a symptom.

Have you ever spoken to your doctor about taking glucophage (generic called “metformin”)? It has been used extremely successfully in treating PCOS and combating insulin resistance (which causes the propensity for weight gain). BUT…it also has been known to help balance the hormones, shrink cysts and begin ovulation again. WITHOUT the pill. Which means your desire comes back…possibly…

Hope this info helps, it may or may not apply to you. 🙂

Abby
 
This could be your problem in a nutshell. You posted not to long ago the following that I cut and pasted. You need to think about this a bit and try to understand the relation to your problem.

TarAshly http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/statusicon_cad/user_offline.gif vbmenu_register(“postmenu_706516”, true);
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http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon1.gif Re: Would you marry the same spouse again?
In a heart beat. All though maybe not so young. i would have finished school first, THEN i would have married that goof ball all over again. NO regrets, though. my husband supports me going back to get my bachelors 100%. i have my associates but want more. in fact, he says no babies until i have that degree. gotta get on that this summer. yall pray we find the funds please.
 
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TarAshly:
… or claiming the infamous headache.
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Wouldn’t work around our house. Here if she claims headache I offer a “cure.” :yup:
 
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Princess_Abby:
hey Tara.

I have PCOS, too. One problem with PCOS is often a lack of ovulation. The tiny cysts on one’s ovaries can often be so numerous or big enough to keep any eggs from breaking through (which are the causation of the cysts in the first place) and also preventing ovulation.

If you aren’t ovulating, then you probably don’t have the natural build up of mucus that helps aid a woman’s desire for her husband. You are definitely not ovulating if the hormones for PCOS that you describe are actually the BCP.

If you check out websites detailing the symptoms of PCOS, you might notice that a few very in-depth ones describe a lack of sexual desire a symptom.

Have you ever spoken to your doctor about taking glucophage (generic called “metformin”)? It has been used extremely successfully in treating PCOS and combating insulin resistance (which causes the propensity for weight gain). BUT…it also has been known to help balance the hormones, shrink cysts and begin ovulation again. WITHOUT the pill. Which means your desire comes back…possibly…

Hope this info helps, it may or may not apply to you. 🙂

Abby
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Abby, you have no idea how much that info helps! i was told the only treatment to PCOS was the BCP! now i know i have some options! Thank you! i have an appointment with my OBGYN in July. i will ask her about that. Thank you again Abby! you have helped me in more ways than one here. i have been dieing to find an alternative to the BCP. i hate what it has done to my body. hubby and i cant get pregnant, and just the guilt and shame that goes along with it. i tried to get off of them but by the time i was crumpled in a ball on the floor sobbing due to the pain, i gave up and got back on them. i thought that was my only option. i cant thank you enough.
 
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AlanFromWichita:
Wouldn’t work around our house. Here if she claims headache I offer a “cure.” :yup:
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:rotfl: Thats a good one Alan! shhh dont let hubby see.
 
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contemplative:
This could be your problem in a nutshell. You posted not to long ago the following that I cut and pasted. You need to think about this a bit and try to understand the relation to your problem.

TarAshly http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/statusicon_cad/user_offline.gif vbmenu_register(“postmenu_706516”, true);
Senior Member
Join Date: October 19, 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 822

http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon1.gif Re: Would you marry the same spouse again?
In a heart beat. All though maybe not so young. i would have finished school first, THEN i would have married that goof ball all over again. NO regrets, though. my husband supports me going back to get my bachelors 100%. i have my associates but want more. in fact, he says no babies until i have that degree. gotta get on that this summer. yall pray we find the funds please.
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sorry but i dont understand. my husband is open to life as am i. we want to have a baby. he says that as a joke. i meant it sarcasticaly and it came off differently. sorry. i think it would be easier to wait until im finished with school, but that isnt my call to make. thats God’s call. I guess i should clarify also that my husband and i have been working with the NFP group at our church. we were waiting till my next OBGYN appointment to talk to the doctor about what to expect and get her help and advice with it. we are through with ABC. but that doesnt really have anything to do with my little problem as far the emotional aspect goes. hormonal, yes. even my doctor agreed. but thanks to Princess Abby’s advice i know now that there is another alternative. My husband treats me like a queen. i kinda know where you were going with this, feeling used and what not… thats not the case at all. its most likely the hormones, the stress that comes along with working two jobs and holding down the homefront while hubby works his tail off, and just the pure exhaustion factor. he has never ever made me less than anything, or used or anything like that. like i said, im desperately in love with him, and hes unbelieveably romantic and just a great guy to be around. hes my best friend among other things.
 
Isn’t it weird how women have to coax themselves into finding their husbands attractive? It seems like they have to go through mental gymnastics. With us men it’s just there, makes me feel kind of ashamed to be a man. Unrequited desire can be …depressing.
 
Just a little observation based on my own experience.

Be careful not to “analyze” too much. That can cause extra pressure making it even more difficult to find the romance again. Our society is so keen on constant expression of sexuality-even a hug or kiss can be a wonderful form of intimacy.

Just be open with your husband and open to God.
He sounds like a wonderful man.
 
i was told the only treatment to PCOS was the BCP! now i know i have some options!
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Yes, talk to your doctor. BCP is not the only treatment for PCOS. There are other options. These are some sites that I found to refer clients to for information. Medicine is always evolving, so there may be more current treatments available tomorrow. This will give you information to discuss options with your physician.
pcosupport.org/medical/treatment.php
asrm.org/Patients/topics/pcos.html
inciid.org/faq.php?cat=infertility101&id=2

General info
pcosupport.org/
pcos.net/
soulcysters.com/

BTW, BCP can significantly decrease libido. That is one of the side effects I experienced.

Take care and God Bless!
 
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TarAshly:
Right, ive only been married 6 months i guess thats why i have been so worried and upset about this. i guess i thought i would still be in honeymoon phase.
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If memory doesn’t fail me…months 6-12 were just about the hardest ones of our married life. By then the glow from the wedding candles has dimmed and the raised toilet seat, over-flowing clothes hamper, underfunded checking account, dirty dishes, “what’s for dinner,” "I’m working late,"etc., etc., start to take the snap, crackle, pop out of your honeymooners’ bliss. You’re adjusting and setting up the patterns for a lifetime together–not always the source of blazing infernos, but if you get it right you will always be cozy together!!! Plug in that sense of humor, don’t be to hard on your hubby or yourself and enjoy the ride!
 
Island Oak:
If memory doesn’t fail me…months 6-12 were just about the hardest ones of our married life. By then the glow from the wedding candles has dimmed and the raised toilet seat, over-flowing clothes hamper, underfunded checking account, dirty dishes, “what’s for dinner,” "I’m working late,"etc., etc., start to take the snap, crackle, pop out of your honeymooners’ bliss. You’re adjusting and setting up the patterns for a lifetime together–not always the source of blazing infernos, but if you get it right you will always be cozy together!!! Plug in that sense of humor, don’t be to hard on your hubby or yourself and enjoy the ride!
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Reading your post made me realize that the same was true of my marriage. The second half of our first year was rough. The glow had worn off and our true selves, warts and all, was emerging. It takes some time to get used to living with another person on such an intimate level as marriage. In time, you will figure it out, but it does take time. I don’t know if this helps but I do love my hubby more now then I did then…even if he still won’t pick up his shoes.
 
Sounds like she has not hit the 6 month to one year wall just yet. SO as a warning and heads up, things really get rough once the honeymoon wears off.

All of a sudden things that you both used to ignore will seem like the most obnoxious things in the world. BUT you have to work thorugh it, back off your demands, compromise, keep talking and just plain ignore some of each others ideosyncracies. Just remember there should be NOTHING that would be so important that it worth breaking up you marriage over.

With us, I wanted kids as soon as possible, my wife wanted to wait a few years. I wanted a bunch of kids, she just wanted a couple. We had a lot of arguments, and it very nearly did not make it into the second year. I finally had to back off, and 30 year later we are still together in a very good marriage.

It takes a lot of work on both sides to make things work. Pray and don’t let anything become so important that you are willing to separate. Nothing is worth more than your marriage.
:blessyou:
 
Is there any chance for the two of you to get away for a weekend , so you can spent time together and have some wine ,a nice dinner ,catch a movie . Just to be together for tenderness and closeness .
A chance to get away from home ,chores and worries.
 
My recommendation…buy yourself a 2 person Jacuzzi…a warm bath and a warm massage does the trick for us all the time. Best investment we have ever made…and we are married over 26ys.
 
Think about where this might stem from.
Could it could be that you are

Tired
Depressed
Feeling bad about your body image or feeling undesirable

Some things that help:

Regular exercise
Regular sleep

I have no idea what your early sexual experiences were, I am not talking about physical experiences, necessarily, but how you learned about sex, first feelings of desire etc, and I am not asking you for such personal information, Those experiences have a strong affect on our lives, so be aware personally of what affect they may still be having on you.

*If *you were exposed to ponography or if you are aware that your husband has used it, it can definitely have an affect on your approach to sex and can also lead you to believe that you are not perfect enough to be desired, etc. For women, feeling desirable has a large part in the equation. If you think that issues such as this could be affecting you, seek to remedy it. If there happens to be any porography in your life (even some of those shows on cable like “Real Sex”) get rid of it all. It is more harmful than many people realize. (please know I am not accusing you of having porn, just reminding everyone that this can be harmful)

Above all speak to your doctor about this. It could be a hormonal imbalance.

Remember all of this could be normal and just a short ebb and will soon end. More likely you have noticed that this is a problem and should trust your instincts. You know your body better than anyone else, so be brave and take the steps with your doctor to figure out if it is something physical or emotional leading to your lack of desire.

Also, keep your husbands needs a priority. You don’t want problems to become worse. If you spend a few evenings per week focusing purely on him and your physical relationship now and then it could help you to overcome this.

Hopefully your child is on an regular bedtime schedule allowing you both “alone time” every night. IF not make this your priority today and it will work wonders! This time is extremely important. It can be used for talking, working on hobbies together or spending time on romance.
 
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contemplative:
First of all you should talk to your gynecologist. You may have a hormonal imbalance or some other underlying problem including depression.

I have heard from a good number of sources that the steamy sexually blissful part of a relationship ends anywhere between a few months and a few years. Mellow is the best word to describe the years after the honeymoon. Many people don’t realize the normal changes a marital relationship goes through and are confused and sometimes get divorced or cheat.

Talk this over with your husband too. Help him understand your changes. Don’t leave him out in the cold and wondering.
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I agree that there are normal changes in a marriage that far too many couples are not prepared for. I disagree with “mellow” describing a married couple’s physical relationship. You can still have dynamite. After almost 11 years I know this for a fact! Please know that there are ebbs and flows in this aspect of our marriage. You are growing as people, as a couple, so it stands to reason that your sex life will grow and change. For us it’s better than ever, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been times, especially between pregnancies where we had ebbs, and focused more on other aspects of our relationship. It’s just part of a healthy relationship. Whether or not a couple has a dynamite sex life, depends alot upon communication, listening to what each other wants and focusing on each others needs.

I will also remind everyone again, keeping any form of pornography out of the picture is extremely important! Even if someone might claim that it helps, it is much more harmful in the long run. I guess I feel the need to remind everyone of this because it is so acceptable in our culture.
 
Goodness,

I thought you had one child, I guess because of one of the posts on this thread, sorry!

Now I think you are just experiencing a normal part of the honemoon phase.

I also wonder if you are a little nervous about becomming pregnant and “ruining” your plans of being the bread winner until your husband can take on that challenge while you are tending to your little buns at home.

I was also married at 20 and had my first baby at age 23. My husband went through something similar during the year before pregnancy. He was an Airman and I was a full time college student working part time. We had just purchased our first home. He didn’t trust NFP at all and was afraid of me getting pregnant and foiling my plans on a college degree. Little did he know my desires had changed and I was starting to see my plans as insignificant, I had no fear becomming pregnant, I was leaving it all in God’s hands. I was so afraid something was wrong with our new marriage, that I wasnt’ attractive to him etc. When we finally talked it all out we were pregnant the following month and I have no regrets about not finishing my last semester of college! After 3 children and being at home for 8 years, my interests have refined so much that my degree will be different anyway. We humans make all kinds of plans, but it is amazing to see how much more wonderful and beautiful God’s plans are.

My husband and I have a mind blowing marriage so that little ebb after our first year was just a small part of the process.

God Bless your marriage,
You have so much to look forward to.
Try not to worry.
 
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deb1:
Reading your post made me realize that the same was true of my marriage. The second half of our first year was rough. The glow had worn off and our true selves, warts and all, was emerging. It takes some time to get used to living with another person on such an intimate level as marriage. In time, you will figure it out, but it does take time. I don’t know if this helps but I do love my hubby more now then I did then…even if he still won’t pick up his shoes.
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We had the same experience too, even after dating for 5 years, I would say the first year was intense, both intense in a good way, and all the little bad things were intense! They never tell us that the first year can be the toughest! No matter how much you love each other,or how much you have prepared for it, you are getting a crash course of the reality of a living, breathing marriage. Relax, love each other, enjoy the changes… and believe me, you will change. Changing as you mature is normal, healthy and good. Fighting change is what leads to acting out in a new marriage. I see it all the time with young married airmen here on my Air force base. I watched a 1-year marriage fall apart right next door to me. She didn’t want the changes that come along with marriage. MInd you, she was only 18 and he was 19.
 
Wouldn’t work around our house. Here if she claims headache I offer a “cure.” - says Alanfromwichita

9 times out of 10 that is a pretty effective cure.
 
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