IYO: Are Catholic weak on fellowship?

[Peter_J]

I’m sorry you feel that way.

Well you should be sorry.

Kidding. But seriously, I myself had a slight twinge of reluctance about clicking on this thread. Granted, I generally have a slight twinge of reluctance any time I get into a new thread or blog, or eat another potato chip, or watch another sitcom …

My main hope is just that readers of this thread will read the aforementioned first half of this page from Rome Sweet Home, to get a little balance.

 

[johnnyc176]

Of the converts I know when asked why they came Home their answers where the Truth and the Eucharist. No one mentioned donuts.

 

[Rosebud77]

Of course not, and no one is suggesting that. I was just sharing my experience at half a dozen parishes, as requested by the OP.

many? Try staying with ONE parish a few weeks. Give yourself a chance to get used to folk and them to you, please?

 

[Rosebud77]

Someone please correct me - I suppose fellowship means socialising, befriending and perhaps having small talk, maybe over coffee or just nice conversation.

If that’s fellowship, then don’t do it in the church during mass because it is not a time for talking but praying.

Parishes can improve fellowship then by holding activities that can facilitate it outside the church and outside mass or liturgical time.

Sale, food or garage, are one example for parishioners to linger abit after the mass. Our cathedral has these activities, there’s quite good rapport among us. But it’s not necessarily in the church compound. What’s about at parishioners respective home? They can have rosary prayers, cell group meetings, celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, etc.

bravo! Life OUTSIDE the actual church building

In Ireland there is a long tradition of “Station Masses” . One family in a small area will host the mass in their home in turn…

It’s the people that make fellowship, not strictly the church .

amen to this.
Smiling as I have been here 4 years and see the same folk sometimes. There is one little old lady who is bent over and uses a trolley on wheels. Does the Stations after the daily mass that is part of her whole life… and I see her in the shops before mass and we smile and exchange greetings. we are neighbours, through mass,

I actually hate the word “fellowship” , forced, artifical …

 

[Rosebud77]

100% Yes, are we weak on fellowship.

Years ago in my parish, I was encouraged to join the K.O.C. The representative was an hour late, and then balked at the fact I didn’t want to sign up then and there telling me that
," it takes a lot of time to explain all this". I never felt more discouraged in my life. Added, when given an event calendar, there was only a charity 3point basketball contest, and a lone donut sale after a Mass.

Then there is the opposite side of the spectrum with a younger adult group. They meet only once a month at a trendy brewhouse and discuss the Church. However, the conversation is so one-sided with some, plus the fact that people are drinking, well it’s quite a turn off.

Other than that, there is nothing on the horizon.

so you see this as needing to be organised for you? Can you not make any friends just by being there faithfully and making the time to chat? After all, others may be feeling exactly as you are.

Often I have chatted to folk after mass and sometimes we would go on for coffee etc. And If I see them in town we greet each other… that is how friends are made. Show the initiative?

 

[Rosebud77]

Of the converts I know when asked why they came Home their answers where the Truth and the Eucharist. No one mentioned donuts.

But then there is so much loneliness these days,so much isolation. And doughnuts are good after fasting,
I grudge no one a word and a smile, and here in Ireland that can last an hour…

Does not Jesus feed us with His love so we can then give it to others?

 

[jane_doe]

many? Try staying with ONE parish a few weeks. Give yourself a chance to get used to folk and them to you, please?

You do realize I’m not Catholic…
And the longest parish I’ve stayed around was visiting every few months for 7 years (my best friend a member).

 

[phil19034]

Plus, there is the fact that Protestant congregations tend to be far more heterogeneous than Catholic parishes. Protestants typically attend a congregation that meets their desires. If you want a chatty fellowship community, you attend one. So almost everyone there matches that description.

Catholic Churches are typically based on parish boundaries only, with people from all walks of life.

I meant homogeneous

 

[TC3033]

Some Protestants do not know the difference it seems. There shouldn’t be chit-chatting in the church proper whether during the mass or not because of the reverence being accorded to it. When you understand that there is the Body of the Lord inside and we celebrate that, people tend to be very sombre even as they come out of the mass. You just cannot turn on/off like a switch. Sure there are those who are quite indifferent but the general atmosphere is not for Catholics.

As for your experience, well, one parish does not fit all. If you come to my cathedral, chances are you will tag along if your spouse is in. There is no discrimination.

So like I said, it is not correct to generalize. Some Catholic churches are more chatty than Protestant churches and vice-versa but in different context.

It is the people who make fellowship - sorry for being repetitious there.

For Catholics, obviously not inside the churches or after mass or thing like that but more as church activities. I can only speak for my cathedral, it is just full of activities after ‘church’, daytime or night time. If you should go you would find the car park is always full and you thought a mass is going on, but no, instead there are activities by various groups and movements. It is just full of life.

But I cannot speak for some parishes that probably are dying. They are not the same.

My point was, it has nothing to do with before/during/after mass. I personally have noticed it at many different times…but I guess that’s just me.

 

[TC3033]

Well you should be sorry.

Kidding. But seriously, I myself had a slight twinge of reluctance about clicking on this thread. Granted, I generally have a slight twinge of reluctance any time I get into a new thread or blog, or eat another potato chip, or watch another sitcom …

My main hope is just that readers of this thread will read the aforementioned first half of this page from Rome Sweet Home, to get a little balance.

I’ll give it a read.

I’m a little perturbed this week. My neighbor across the street told me a story about how he was “called out” for not being Catholic prior to a supper at the church. Kind of irked me and showed me that people do notice and some do care when non-Catholics are in the house. We can go offline if you’re interested…

 

[Della]

I’m jumping in here late and I haven’t read all the posts, so maybe this has been addressed by someone else. I am happy to be left alone when I go to Mass. It’s fine if my dh and I see people we know and talk a bit before or after Mass, but we don’t feel in any way pressured to measure up to anyone else’s ideas about how spiritual we ought to be nor do we feel like we are being “love-bombed” merely to keep us in the fold. We are treated as people who know their own place in their faith journey and who are happy to share our faith, if asked, but we don’t push anything onto anyone just because they walked through the door.

There’s a lot of being into everyone else’s business while not watching one’s own in many churches, Protestant and Catholic. Why? Because people are like that. But in a Catholic parish it’s easier to keep that from getting out of hand because each person’s spirituality is his own business not the business of everyone else. The Catholic Church strongly discourages “personality of cult” which is exalting people above God, be that person a priest or lay person. Each of the faithful is expected to mind his own soul but be ready to aid those that want aid. Family comes before friendships or parish fellowship, although both of the latter are important.

Also most Catholic parishes are quite large, unlike most Protestant churches. Catholic parishes have hundreds of families, not dozens. There are several Masses over the weekends along with daily Masses in most parishes. Getting to know everyone is an impossibility. That’s why parishes have activities outside Mass ranging from socials to social justice opportunities to Bible studies, etc. Also, there are Lay Orders, fraternal organizations, such as the Knights of Columbus, or apostolates such as the Blue Army, etc. This is where people get to know one another, if they wish to, but no one is made to feel that they much be involved in such things nor that they must attend everything or have their faith questioned. Fellowship is there, however it’s not dished out like candy at Halloween, but is developed over time between people with the same interests.

 

[TC3033]

I’m jumping in here late and I haven’t read all the posts, so maybe this has been addressed by someone else. I am happy to be left alone when I go to Mass. It’s fine if my dh and I see people we know and talk a bit before or after Mass, but we don’t feel in any way pressured to measure up to anyone else’s ideas about how spiritual we ought to be nor do we feel like we are being “love-bombed” merely to keep us in the fold. We are treated as people who know their own place in their faith journey and who are happy to share our faith, if asked, but we don’t push anything onto anyone just because they walked through the door.

There’s a lot of being into everyone else’s business while not watching one’s own in many churches, Protestant and Catholic. Why? Because people are like that. But in a Catholic parish it’s easier to keep that from getting out of hand because each person’s spirituality is his own business not the business of everyone else. The Catholic Church strongly discourages “personality of cult” which is exalting people above God, be that person a priest or lay person. Each of the faithful is expected to mind his own soul but be ready to aid those that want aid. Family comes before friendships or parish fellowship, although both of the latter are important.

Also most Catholic parishes are quite large, unlike most Protestant churches. Catholic parishes have hundreds of families, not dozens. There are several Masses over the weekends along with daily Masses in most parishes. Getting to know everyone is an impossibility. That’s why parishes have activities outside Mass ranging from socials to social justice opportunities to Bible studies, etc. Also, there are Lay Orders, fraternal organizations, such as the Knights of Columbus, or apostolates such as the Blue Army, etc. This is where people get to know one another, if they wish to, but no one is made to feel that they much be involved in such things nor that they must attend everything or have their faith questioned. Fellowship is there, however it’s not dished out like candy at Halloween, but is developed over time between people with the same interests.

Since you haven’t read all of the replies, I can sum up a couple.

People aren’t talking about during Mass, many are talking about outside of Mass…even during the week. Yes, some Parrish’s are large but some (like where we go) really do only have dozens of families, and I still see fellowship lacking. Some of the activities you listed outside of Mass are for Catholics only. Does that mean that I, as a non-Catholic are not welcome to “fellowship”?

 

[TC3033]

Some Protestants do not know the difference it seems. There shouldn’t be chit-chatting in the church proper whether during the mass or not because of the reverence being accorded to it. When you understand that there is the Body of the Lord inside and we celebrate that, people tend to be very sombre even as they come out of the mass. You just cannot turn on/off like a switch. Sure there are those who are quite indifferent but the general atmosphere is not for Catholics.

As for your experience, well, one parish does not fit all. If you come to my cathedral, chances are you will tag along if your spouse is in. There is no discrimination.
So like I said, it is not correct to generalize. Some Catholic churches are more chatty than Protestant churches and vice-versa but in different context.

It is the people who make fellowship - sorry for being repetitious there.

For Catholics, obviously not inside the churches or after mass or thing like that but more as church activities. I can only speak for my cathedral, it is just full of activities after ‘church’, daytime or night time. If you should go you would find the car park is always full and you thought a mass is going on, but no, instead there are activities by various groups and movements. It is just full of life.

But I cannot speak for some parishes that probably are dying. They are not the same.

Apologies for quoting this twice, but I wanted to ask about the bolded. If my spouse is “in”, why would I just be expected to tag along? Why wouldn’t I be invited with the rest of my family? Isn’t that discriminatory? “You’re not invited, the rest of your family is…we just figured you’d tag along”…?

 

[Della]

Since you haven’t read all of the replies, I can sum up a couple.

Thank you for taking the time to do that.

People aren’t talking about during Mass, many are talking about outside of Mass…even during the week. Yes, some Parrish’s are large but some (like where we go) really do only have dozens of families, and I still see fellowship lacking.

As for talking during the week, that’s because they are friends, not necessarily because they attend the same parish. We see some people from our parish from time to time, but mostly we associate with our family. Most relationships are incidental not tied directly to attending the same parish. At one time neighborhoods tended to be all one faith, such as Jewish, Lutheran, Catholic. Now days people are much more mobile creating mixed neighborhoods. So, fellowship has changed a great deal. It’s an element in parish life, but it’s not considered as essential as some of our Protestant friends do. It’s just a different focus/priority. It’s in there, its’ just not as high on the list of importance as it is for some Protestant churches.

Some of the activities you listed outside of Mass are for Catholics only. Does that mean that I, as a non-Catholic are not welcome to “fellowship”?

Not at all. I know of no parish groups at my very large parish who wouldn’t welcome Protestants to attend. Some groups are for Catholics only, such as the Knights of Columbus because they are a separate entity attached to the parish. In fact, not even other Catholics may attend their meetings without an invitation because it’s a fraternity, not a fellowship group. And the Blue Army is a Catholic evangelistic apostolate, so again, not geared towards our Protestant brethren, although no one would prevent a Protestant from attending Mass with them or meeting with them. Most parish fellowship is open to anyone and everyone–at least in my experience.

 

[Michael68]

I’ll give it a read.

I’m a little perturbed this week. My neighbor across the street told me a story about how he was “called out” for not being Catholic prior to a supper at the church. Kind of irked me and showed me that people do notice and some do care when non-Catholics are in the house. We can go offline if you’re interested…

I am sceptical about this! I am a lifelong Catholic and visited many Catholic churches and I have never found this attitude anywhere.

 

[Della]

I am sceptical about this! I am a lifelong Catholic and visited many Catholic churches and I have never found this attitude anywhere.

Me too.

TC3033, I’ve never encountered any such attitude at any Catholic parish I’ve ever been to. It’s never a good idea to take at face value things people say about some experience they had because it will naturally be colored by what they thought happened/was intended, and not necessarily what actually happened/what was intended. It’s one of the reasons second hand testimony is not admissible in a court of law, and it’s akin to gossip, also a very unreliable source for information.

 

[Peter_J]

I’ll give it a read.

I’m glad this thread is here, but I just don’t want anyone to take it in a vacuum.

To stick with the example of Coffee Hours after mass, I mentioned earlier that hardly any parishes in my area have one … but I would add that I very very rarely have heard anything negative toward them. Typically what I hear from people (off-forum I mean) is neutral, or even positive, but perhaps with the qualifier that they personally wouldn’t go to Coffee Hour if there were one.

 

[Michael68]

I’m glad this thread is here, but I just don’t want anyone to take it in a vacuum.

To stick with the example of Coffee Hours after mass, I mentioned earlier that hardly any parishes in my area have one … but I would add that I very very rarely have heard anything negative toward them. Typically what I hear from people (off-forum I mean) is neutral, or even positive, but perhaps with the qualifier that they personally wouldn’t go to Coffee Hour if there were one.

I agree with another poster. When did church become all about the Coffee hour?

 

[Peter_J]

Apologies for quoting this twice, but I wanted to ask about the bolded.

I noticed that you quoted a post containing “chances are you will tag along if your spouse is in”. To me, also, that seems an odd way to put it … but I would chalk that up as another example of how an Internet Discussion Forum isn’t the same as real life.

 

[Peter_J]

I agree with another poster. When did church become all about the Coffee hour?

Not any time recently – at least not in my area. As I told TC, hardly any parishes around here have one.

If church is all about Coffee Hour in your area, have you searched for the minority of parishes where that is not the case? Have you expressed your disagreement? Those are the two things I would most certainly do.