Jealous at a friend's wedding

[childofmary1143]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum at all.
My friend is getting married in less than a month, and I am very happy for her. But I also feel jealous and sad too. I just can’t help but think about how unlikely it seems that I will ever get married. What do I do?

I can certainly relate to that but I guess what gets me through is daily rosary and KNOWING that God will send Miss Right to me. FYI I am 37 and still single.

 

[Jay2]

The Priest at our Jamboree services today talked about vocations. He is the area’s vocational advocate/counselor.

One of the things in his Homily today that stuck with me was his description of how a man or woman uses their God given gifts to fulfill His vocational obligations/plans.

Women: 3
Sisterhood
Wife & possible Mother
Single

Man: 4
Priest
Deacon
Husband & possible Father
Single

Want to hear God laugh?.. Tell Him your plans!

Maybe your destiny isn’t married life. As others have said, give it time… the pieces aren’t in place yet.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum at all.
My friend is getting married in less than a month, and I am very happy for her. But I also feel jealous and sad too. I just can’t help but think about how unlikely it seems that I will ever get married. What do I do?

Hi valient Lucy!

You know, I’ve been there and done that.

A few years ago, I had secretly admired the brother of my friend who had a girlfriend for a long time (10 years, I think). He was called our officemates as the “The Crush” --because he is handsome, intelligent and a gentleman.

I was going out with another guy at that time, another officemate.

Then, I ended up having an argument with this other guy in front of the brother of my friend. The other guy was not being nice or a gentleman.

Later that week, I told my friend that I was never EVER going to see the other guy I was dating again.

My friend was quiet at first, and then said something that was out of conversation, “You know, my brother just said he cooled off with his girlfriend.” Me–I was surprised because they have been together for so long. I felt a bit scared because I’ve noticed that he had been acting odd around me for sometime–I just pretended not to notice.

Suddenly, he was frequently knocking at my office door (we worked in the same office then), finding lame excuses like he doesn’t have a pen, asking me if he can give me lift home, he brought pizza to my door when he passed a major exam (he specializing his course) --I was absent at that time–so it was reported to me by friends, etc…

I was beginning to like him a lot because he was so different (in a nice way) from the other guy I dated— but I couldn’t find it in me to go out with him because I knew the girlfriend personally and I felt didn’t want to hurt her. I thought she had invested so many years of her life in their relationship. They already had a “history” of happy experiences built together. She loved him more and she was sure of that love. Me–I was (still am) trying to find where I am in life.

I prayed to God, in a church near their vacation home (I was on vacation with their family–invited by my friend, his sister), that if there was a guy for me, that it wouldn’t be him because I didn’t want to hurt his girlfriend.

I cried and cried and hid under my pillows that night (I was roomed in his sister’s room).

Guess what? My prayers were answered immediately—I suddenly got very sick and we (me, my friend and the rest of her family) had to immediately pack up to go back to the city.

Eventually, after months of blocking whatever nice gesture he sent my way, he and his girlfriend got back together.

I attended their wedding and now they have beautiful kids.

Looking back, I ask myself, do I regret what I did?

I think not. I think they were really meant for each other.

Was I jealous when I attended his wedding? Well, yes a bit—my heart tweaked a bit (its natural–it was a nice wedding )…but I wished them well and I meant it.

Anyway, the feeling passes and acceptance of the truth (that he’s married) comes with it. Now, when I see him–I really just see a friend.

Do I regret the other guy?—Nope! --I got away in the nick of time! There is a saying in my country, “Parang naghanap ng “bato” na ipupukpok sa ulo.” (English translation: “It would be like looking for a “stone” to hit your own head with.”----NOTE: I am saying this in the context of my relationship with the other guy)

Its not a saying against marriage–its just a reminder that one should really think hard in choosing the right partner for life.

valient Lucy!, we all have different vocations in stored for each one of us. Some of us are meant to be married, some will become a religious and some will go to the path of single blessedness.

Do not be afraid to tell God about your heart’s desire, but be open to the possibility that the answer is “Yes”, a “No”, or a “Wait awhile”. Have faith and trust that whatever vocation God chooses for us is the one we have the potential to do the most good.

Being married is not the “be all and end all”.

I believe, how we live our life (according to our respective vocations) and how well we use the “talents” we have been given to help others is what matters the most.

God bless!

 

[puppylove]

Don’t jump into anything because your friends are all getting married. I did that and made the biggest mistake. The only thing good that came out of the marriage is my now teenaged daughter. I’m still waiting for almost 4 years back child support and he only has to pay $150 per month. So don’t be too envious just yet. Be patient and God will be good!!! Good luck dear!!!

 

[jrabs]

Don’t jump into anything because your friends are all getting married. I did that and made the biggest mistake. The only thing good that came out of the marriage is my now teenaged daughter. I’m still waiting for almost 4 years back child support and he only has to pay $150 per month. So don’t be too envious just yet. Be patient and God will be good!!! Good luck dear!!!

Ditto here too.

Marriage does not complete a person - you need to complete yourself with God first and find happiness on your own.

 

[Gertabelle]

I’ve been reading Father T.G. Morrow’s book Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World. It’s a great book, and if you feel the call to married life you should buy two copies today. Read one and save the other to loan out to men who show interest.

Anyway, Father Morrow recommends getting married no earlier than 28! You haven’t met the right man yet? Well, good. You have your singleness and all the spare time (I know you don’t realize it is spare time right now) to give to your spiritual development through prayer and good works.

When those jealous feelings arise, thank them for sharing, and move on. Make sure your life is rich with Christian friends and fun. And if it helps, ask your guardian angel to work with your future husband’s guardian angel to bring the two of you together – but only in GOD’s TIME, not yours. Listen to the warnings of some of us here – rushing ahead of God’s time is disastrous. So wait on the Lord and find joy in His presence.

Gertie

 

[bear06]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum at all.
My friend is getting married in less than a month, and I am very happy for her. But I also feel jealous and sad too. I just can’t help but think about how unlikely it seems that I will ever get married. What do I do?

You’re 24 or 25! Do you think that God intends everyone to meet their mate at the same time? My pretty, fun, intelligent cousin is finally getting married at age 39! God doesn’t necessarily call us to get married in our 20s. For some it’s earlier and for some it’s later.

Why would it be unlikely? The only reason you should think it unlikely is that you know God has a different vocation for you.

I’d suggest you do the 54 day novena found in the Pieta book, stop being jealous and if you feel God is calling you to marriage, pray for your future spouse! I simply prayed this novena to find my calling and my husband showed up out of the blue before I even finished the petition!

 

[valient_Lucy]

Ok, people were asking why I think it’s unlikely that I’m going to get married.
Two Reasons.

1 I’ve never had a lot of guys interested in me. At the school dances, I was always the wallflower, when I attended at all. Even a few months ago, the last time I attended a social function that involved dancing, the only way I got a dance was by going up to a group of guys and saying, “I guess no one’s going to ask me to dance,” in other words, arm twisting.
It annoys me when people (occasionally my aunt) act as though I’m weird for not having dated much, or really at all. She seems to think that I have to walk out the door with a baseball bat to fight off the men. Do you have any idea how much better my life would be if that was true?

2 Second of all, the guys who do show any interest in me are just completely unacceptable. Last year, I attended a social function. I was in a very talkative mood, so I was attempting to talk to as many people as I could. I wound up talking to an older man (he was in his mid to late 30’s) and he asked me what I was thinking about doing as a career. I said I really wasn’t sure. Sometimes I thought about going into teaching, or sometimes I thought about becoming an Occupational Therapist. He replied, “Occupational Therapy is good. That means you can give me a sponge bath. I’m a lot older than you, so it’s not sexual.” I didn’t even know how to respond to that, other than leaving immediately.

It bugs me when people act as though finding someone to marry is so easy. Just stop by the husband store and select your year and model.
Valient Lucy to the saleswoman: I don’t know, I need to see him walk again. Oh, do any of them come with a money back guarantee?

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum at all.
My friend is getting married in less than a month, and I am very happy for her. But I also feel jealous and sad too. I just can’t help but think about how unlikely it seems that I will ever get married. What do I do?

Hi Lucy–

Actually, jealousy is when we want what another has. I think that sometimes, when we are in hopes of something, and we see others ‘getting it,’ we wonder…‘why not me?’ Keep praying that God leads you to the right mate…and He will. Pray for patience (something I pray for constantly, it seems) God is preparing you during this time for the right person…know that God (most likely) has the right person in mind for you already, and perhaps, He is working on* that *person, as well. You might not be ready for a marriage, in God’s eyes, yet…or maybe this other person isn’t. God doesn’t reveal everything to us…so we must cling to faith. I know that His Divine plan will prevail for you.

You’re in my prayers, too, Lucy.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Ok, people were asking why I think it’s unlikely that I’m going to get married.
Two Reasons.

1 I’ve never had a lot of guys interested in me. At the school dances, I was always the wallflower, when I attended at all. Even a few months ago, the last time I attended a social function that involved dancing, the only way I got a dance was by going up to a group of guys and saying, “I guess no one’s going to ask me to dance,” in other words, arm twisting.
It annoys me when people (occasionally my aunt) act as though I’m weird for not having dated much, or really at all. She seems to think that I have to walk out the door with a baseball bat to fight off the men. Do you have any idea how much better my life would be if that was true?

2 Second of all, the guys who do show any interest in me are just completely unacceptable. Last year, I attended a social function. I was in a very talkative mood, so I was attempting to talk to as many people as I could. I wound up talking to an older man (he was in his mid to late 30’s) and he asked me what I was thinking about doing as a career. I said I really wasn’t sure. Sometimes I thought about going into teaching, or sometimes I thought about becoming an Occupational Therapist. He replied, “Occupational Therapy is good. That means you can give me a sponge bath. I’m a lot older than you, so it’s not sexual.” I didn’t even know how to respond to that, other than leaving immediately.

It bugs me when people act as though finding someone to marry is so easy. Just stop by the husband store and select your year and model.
Valient Lucy to the saleswoman: I don’t know, I need to see him walk again. Oh, do any of them come with a money back guarantee?

Boy, does that every sound like me! And now I have a wonderful boyfriend, who I am most certainly going to marry after I graduate. Don’t give up hope!

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

It annoys me when people (occasionally my aunt) act as though I’m weird for not having dated much, or really at all. She seems to think that I have to walk out the door with a baseball bat to fight off the men…
It bugs me when people act as though finding someone to marry is so easy. Just stop by the husband store and select your year and model.
Valient Lucy to the saleswoman: I don’t know, I need to see him walk again. Oh, do any of them come with a money back guarantee?

valient Lucy, don’t let what other people say affect you too much. Your aunt was probably well meaning, but a little tactless for saying what she said.

What to do when you’re faced with the question, “Why aren’t you married yet?”
Solution:

1. You can change the subject of conversation.
2. You can ignore what was said, and say you just saw friend you want to talk to…and make your excuse and leave.

or

1. You can say that its okey for you to be single until (mention age—better say 10 years or more from now) because you’d rather concentrate on your studies/business/work.

–You can also add that she can ask you again the question 10 years from now. (Hopefully…it’ll take another 10 years before she mentions it again).

1. If your aunt isn’t married…say,

“I’ll wait for you to get married first.”

There can be many ways to get out of awkward situations like that.

Remember, people can only put you in a spot if you let them.

In the meantime, continue praying to God for all your concerns.

Hope this helps.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum at all.
My friend is getting married in less than a month, and I am very happy for her. But I also feel jealous and sad too. I just can’t help but think about how unlikely it seems that I will ever get married. What do I do?

AWWW! :console: I SO feel for you. I felt like that all the time. I am married now…but I felt like that for years, ten to be exact. It can feel forever when you are waiting. Right now I struggle with jealousy over couples who have children. I am very pro-life and am very happy that couples choose life, but sad that we cannot have children yet. I am sure that you are the same with having a spouse. You are very pro-marriage and want nothing better for your friend, but are sad that it’s not coming to you just yet.

It’s okay to feel sad, to long for a spouse too. These are normal feelings. Why else would people in today’s world leave everything behind for a spouse? Because we have spent so long seeking one, and long for it so much.

You have my prayers. God bless you and keep you!

 

[ltbpoe43]

Don’t worry about it first of all. I’m sorry you are feeling sad and a bit jealous and that’s normal.

But see it as an opportunity also. Enjoy the celebration with her and meet new people as a result. Ask her how she met her fellow and knew he would share her faith with her. Seek like minded activities to attend at your church and introduce yourself to others in those church groups. A lot of men are asking the same question - where are all the good faith filled girls?

Take your time, don’t worry. God’s plan for you will unfold in it’s own time and it usually isn’t on the same schedule that we would like. Good luck and God Bless you – prayers for a wonderful life for you and whatever path is in your journey.

 

[bear06]

Ok, people were asking why I think it’s unlikely that I’m going to get married.
Two Reasons.

1 I’ve never had a lot of guys interested in me. At the school dances, I was always the wallflower, when I attended at all. Even a few months ago, the last time I attended a social function that involved dancing, the only way I got a dance was by going up to a group of guys and saying, “I guess no one’s going to ask me to dance,” in other words, arm twisting.
It annoys me when people (occasionally my aunt) act as though I’m weird for not having dated much, or really at all. She seems to think that I have to walk out the door with a baseball bat to fight off the men. Do you have any idea how much better my life would be if that was true?

2 Second of all, the guys who do show any interest in me are just completely unacceptable. Last year, I attended a social function. I was in a very talkative mood, so I was attempting to talk to as many people as I could. I wound up talking to an older man (he was in his mid to late 30’s) and he asked me what I was thinking about doing as a career. I said I really wasn’t sure. Sometimes I thought about going into teaching, or sometimes I thought about becoming an Occupational Therapist. He replied, “Occupational Therapy is good. That means you can give me a sponge bath. I’m a lot older than you, so it’s not sexual.” I didn’t even know how to respond to that, other than leaving immediately.

It bugs me when people act as though finding someone to marry is so easy. Just stop by the husband store and select your year and model.
Valient Lucy to the saleswoman: I don’t know, I need to see him walk again. Oh, do any of them come with a money back guarantee?

I don’t think most of us who are married ever thought it was easy and I’m betting that more than one of us never thought we’d find Mr. Right. It might be that you’re hanging out in the wrong places. Basically, when I found a husband I wasn’t attending any social functions where some suggested a sponge bath.

Get involved with political (conservative that is), religious, pro-life work and you’ll be more likely to find someone a little more, shall we say, moral.

BTW, I also found that when I stopped looking to find a husband one found me! I had even decided I wasn’t interested in dating. God had other plans. Sometimes I think God is just waiting for us to surrender to Him before he sets us on our merry way.

 

[Sierrah]

I stopped looking a while back. Still by myself so to say. These days I try and hang in there. I feel like life’s passing me by and my time is almost up. Everybody else seems to have what they want and here I am in the same spot I was years ago. Keeping busy helps to a point but I sometimes get really jealous when I hear other ladies say how they may or may not have a another kid or they just got engaged. Weddings are the worst…especially when you come from a traditional family who’s always giving you looks of pity or your dad asks…so when am I going to get grandchildren. Going to weddings alone is no fun either. I’m not looking to get married for the sake of being married I just feel I have this calling to be a wife and mother that’s not being filled and it’s kind of depressing. Sorry to rant it’s just been bugging me lately.

 

[Ma.Eugenia]

I stopped looking a while back. Still by myself so to say. These days I try and hang in there. I feel like life’s passing me by and my time is almost up. Everybody else seems to have what they want and here I am in the same spot I was years ago. Keeping busy helps to a point but I sometimes get really jealous when I hear other ladies say how they may or may not have a another kid or they just got engaged. Weddings are the worst…especially when you come from a traditional family who’s always giving you looks of pity or your dad asks…so when am I going to get grandchildren. Going to weddings alone is no fun either. I’m not looking to get married for the sake of being married I just feel I have this calling to be a wife and mother that’s not being filled and it’s kind of depressing. Sorry to rant it’s just been bugging me lately.

Hi Sierrah!

I would like to share this story that may help you.

I know of guy who, though is not that handsome, is so intelligent and charismatic that some girls would leave anonymous love messages on the bulletin board for him. One of the girls even so far as tell his sister of her “crush” on him.

Though he even dated one of prettiest women on campus but their relationships never lasted long. Another girlfriend was also striking in her beauty, but again that did not last long also.

Then one day he met, this demure lady with a simple, quiet beauty that does not strike you immediately. But when she spoke, she reflected a whole lot of inner beauty and intelligence.

Rather than the others whose beauty struck you immediately, but fades as time passed by… this new girl grew more and more beautiful each day, though she was not as strikingly beautiful as the other women he dated.

This guy couldn’t wait to to ask her to be his girl. Some other guys, also liked her and courted her. It was the first time we ever saw “Mr. Charismatic” get frazzled to know he had competition.

They are now happily married and raising their growing family.

The lesson that I am pointing out is that being attractive doesn’t necessarily mean you have to beautiful physically.

If you want to attract friends (or a future husband), you need to develop a wide interest in many areas. I suggest try to develop interest on varied subjects. That way, when you encounter a person you want to talk to, you have a lot to say and contribute to the conversation.

One way I break the ice with my foreigner patients is I talk about things I know about their country. I remember talking to a patient from Germany and I remarked that his eyes looked a bit like the eyes of Pope Benedict XVI–he ended up saying that he was also from Bavaria and he had a house near where our Pope grew up. We ended talking about Bavaria for quite awhile because I knew a little about it from the news I read about our
Pope.

I ended up being friends with a few of my foreigner friends (men and women) and to this day, even though, I am no longer connected in the same clinic, they visit me whenever they are in my country or we email each other.

Develop friendships by being interested in people and having something interesting to say to them.

Instead of focusing inwardly, on why the things you wish for are not happening yet, try focusing on putting your energy on things that can improve yourself. The more you develop yourself, the more confidence you will have to face other people. The more people will be attracted to you.

I agree also with the other posters here that you try joining groups or organizations that interest you. Maybe you will meet someone there who have the same interest as you do.

Don’t forget to develop you inner beauty as well. Intelligence can be cold without any “heart”.

Remember to have faith and trust in God. Pray too that you will discern what His plans are for you.

God loves you and valient Lucy.

God bless!

 

[valient_Lucy]

Well, today is my friend’s wedding. I am very happy for her, though still a little jealous. I won’t be attending the wedding, so oddly enough, I think that makes it harder. (I’m not attending the wedding because it’s 8,000 miles away.) Not only do I wish I could get married some day, but I wish I could be there and give her a hug, and congratulate her and wish her all the luck in the world.

 

[Sina]

When I got married last year, I had a friend who is very dear to me, who stopped talking to me after the wedding for over 5 months and she wouldn’t tell me why. I wrote her a long letter telling her how important she is to me and she finally responded and said she could be friends again.

She hadn’t communicated with me that she felt left out during the entire engagement/wedding process. I know brides can be self absorbed during the engagement and wedding. I really tried hard to include her, and I was stressed about including everyone because I have so many different friends. She wasn’t a bridesmaid, because she didn’t get along so well with the other bridesmaids and I could only chose three. I incorporated her into the ceremony as a ring bearer. She is Catholic too so I asked her to do a reading and she refused stating she was too shy and how dare I ask her to do something like that, and I should have known better.

I guessed later, when she didn’t talk to me, that she was sad to see her friend married. She is a beautiful, interesting and loving person and she is single, and feels alone. She is watching everyone else get married and have kids and attends all THEIR events and doesn’t get any for herself.

I want to throw her a party for celebrating being single!

I believe she has all the right to feel the way she does and I was so sad to hear she was upset at my wedding and cried. She did it all alone because she wanted to make sure I had a great wedding. It’s such a tricky situation but your friend will understand.

You will have your time in the spotlight too. You will have a chance at romance and marriage too. Don’t 92% of women (in Canada anyways ) get married at some point in their lives?

I think you are honest and brave to have commented here.

Hugs to you. You aren’t alone.

 

[Sina]

PS
Another friend of ours just had her baby and the “jealous friend” confided in me that she thought the friend was being a brat at the baby shower and acting all special. Hah. I guess that is how she felt about me during my wedding.

She also remarked that she was having to buy all these shower gifts… first the wedding shower gift, and then the stagette items, and then the wedding gifts and now the baby shower gifts! I can see how it gets to be too much, especially when it is all nearly within a year!

I really want to be sensitive around her and ensure she doesn’t get hurt by the jealousy. I wonder how to do that though?

I pray for her.

 

[InLight247]

PS
I really want to be sensitive around her and ensure she doesn’t get hurt by the jealousy. I wonder how to do that though?

I pray for her.

In addition to praying for your friend, if you know some quality single man, for example, your husband’s friends, you can arrange a dinner and give them a chance to know each other. That will be the most practical way to help your friend out.