Jealous of husband

[Canary5]

I asked before, but I’ll try again. Is there anything from your childhood that could cause you to have a fundamental distrust of men? For a woman, sexual pleasure often comes as a fruit of placing herself wholly and fully in the power of her beloved. It is very hard to do that when, at some primal level, one doesn’t trust men in general.

No. I have a wonderful father. I trust my husband. He has always been so compassionate with my sexual issues and tries his very best to please me. He holds me when I cry and tells me he loves me all the time. Sometimes when he gets home from work, my heart leaps because I am so happy to see him. It really just doesn’t make sense to me that I am not sexually attracted to him.

 

[Canary5]

This may have no necessary connection with your past masturbating at all, excepting that you know there was a time in your life when you were capable of climax and sexual pleasure.

Exactly. That was my point of mentioning it in the first place. I know desire is possible, just hasn’t happened in marriage yet.

 

[mommamaree]

I asked before, but I’ll try again. Is there anything from your childhood that could cause you to have a fundamental distrust of men? For a woman, sexual pleasure often comes as a fruit of placing herself wholly and fully in the power of her beloved. It is very hard to do that when, at some primal level, one doesn’t trust men in general.

This can sometimes be true. Also, sometimes inability to enjoy the innocent pleasures of the marital union has to do with feeling shame about past sexual sins (even in cases where someone sinned against us and we were not culpable). Thirdly, it can sometimes result from fears that maybe we don’t “deserve” the pleasure, or that “good girls don’t” enjoy it. Finally, it can often happen that we fear falling back into sexual sin so greatly, that at a subconscious level, we reject the pleasure and do not allow ourselves to experience it.

To the OP, I can somewhat sympathize with your predicament. But dear sister, nine years is too long for you to carry this burden. I strongly urge you to seek intensive counseling, focused upon overcoming this problem. You already know that your body is capable of experiencing arousal and sexual pleasure. So this is a psychological block that you can overcome.

I don’t know what you have tried, and you should not feel compelled to detail any of it here. But I want to offer some ideas for you to try. If you have already tried these, and found them not to work for you, please pardon my post.

First, I think purposefully abstaining from intercourse for a couple weeks, with your husband’s support and agreement, is important.
But during that time, at bedtime with your husband, he should try different caresses and kisses. Your job is to just relax into his loving affection, and give him feedback on what makes you feel sleepy or relaxed or anxious or hopefully, eager for more caressing. Especially communicate if anything makes you feel a hint of arousal or desirous of more intimate touching. Remember, though, you are starting over from scratch here, so you don’t want to escalate past sensual into sexual just yet.
Pay close attention to the emotions that arise during these affectionate times with your husband, and share with him everything you observe. He needs and deserves to know what makes you feel safe and loved and what does not.
After a week or two, at bedtime with your husband, try to explore sexual touching for a few nights or a couple weeks. Again, it is not very helpful to jump right back into having intercourse. Try instead allowing your husband to caress and kiss you more intimately and deeply. And you can try offering caresses to him, to see what feelings arise within you as you touch him. Just be careful not to cause too much arousal for him. Keep things very slow.
At some point, when you feel emotionally ready, you can indicate your interest in attempting intercourse. Again, go slow, and try to focus upon what physical sensations you are having and what emotions arise within you and share these details with your husband.
He will need to practice some restraint in this process. But many husband have used this process to help their wives through such difficulties to become more responsive to their lovemaking. It is well worth it for the both of you.

Feminine sexuality is markedly different from masculine sexuality. Sometimes, it can take a concerted and sustained effort for a husband to figure out how to help his wife to “catch up” to him so that their arousal curves are more synchronised. In my opinion, you are experiencing the extreme end of the spectrum, and might also be burdened with one of the psychological issues that a good counselor could help you overcome. Even if you can’t afford a counselor, I think a serious effort to retrain your mind and body would be very helpful. St. Paul talks about taking every thought captive. This is a successful strategy for retraining your mind and body. Examine all your thoughts, and train your mind to be focused upon the sensations of affection and sexual touches.

If anything I have said was offensive or unhelpful, I apologize. I truly wanted to help. God bless you and your marriage.

 

[Canary5]

First, I think purposefully abstaining from intercourse for a couple weeks, with your husband’s support and agreement, is important.
But during that time, at bedtime with your husband, he should try different caresses and kisses. Your job is to just relax into his loving affection, and give him feedback on what makes you feel sleepy or relaxed or anxious or hopefully, eager for more caressing. Especially communicate if anything makes you feel a hint of arousal or desirous of more intimate touching. Remember, though, you are starting over from scratch here, so you don’t want to escalate past sensual into sexual just yet.
Pay close attention to the emotions that arise during these affectionate times with your husband, and share with him everything you observe. He needs and deserves to know what makes you feel safe and loved and what does not.
After a week or two, at bedtime with your husband, try to explore sexual touching for a few nights or a couple weeks. Again, it is not very helpful to jump right back into having intercourse. Try instead allowing your husband to caress and kiss you more intimately and deeply. And you can try offering caresses to him, to see what feelings arise within you as you touch him. Just be careful not to cause too much arousal for him. Keep things very slow.
At some point, when you feel emotionally ready, you can indicate your interest in attempting intercourse. Again, go slow, and try to focus upon what physical sensations you are having and what emotions arise within you and share these details with your husband.
He will need to practice some restraint in this process. But many husband have used this process to help their wives through such difficulties to become more responsive to their lovemaking. It is well worth it for the both of you.

We practice NFP so we have times each month where we abstain from sex. DH has gotten books on how to please women and has tried any that are within boundaries of our faith. We’ve taken weekends away just to explore each others bodies like this. I feel nothing. It just makes me feel worse because he’s trying so hard to please me and nothing works. I hate so much that he keeps saying “does that feel good?” and I have to say “no, nothing feels good.” I don’t want to do that anymore. I’d rather he just get his enjoyment and it can be over with sooner. It breaks both our hearts that he can’t sexually please me. Thankfully our marriage is wonderful other than that. I will try it again if I ever feel sexual in any way someday.

 

[EasterJoy]

We practice NFP so we have times each month where we abstain from sex. DH has gotten books on how to please women and has tried any that are within boundaries of our faith. We’ve taken weekends away just to explore each others bodies like this. I feel nothing. It just makes me feel worse because he’s trying so hard to please me and nothing works. I hate so much that he keeps saying “does that feel good?” and I have to say “no, nothing feels good.” I don’t want to do that anymore. I’d rather he just get his enjoyment and it can be over with sooner. It breaks both our hearts that he can’t sexually please me. Thankfully our marriage is wonderful other than that. I will try it again if I ever feel sexual in any way someday.

Was it the same way when you were trying to conceive? The problem with NFP and the issue you are having, of course, is that the fertile time is also the time when the ability to become aroused is at its peak. You are restricting yourself to the times of the month when you are least likely to want to have sex or to be aroused by sex. If you believe you have a serious reason to avoid more children or the idea of getting pregnant worries you–maybe you see pregnancy as a time full of perils for your unborn child–then concerns over pregnancy could interfere even with enjoying sex during your fertile time. Concerns over pleasing your husband or “performing” could pose similar problems at any time of the month.

The best state of mind for the marital embrace is to be entirely in that moment, immersed in the pleasure of being together, and totally free of outside concerns. A great many people find that if they are preoccupied with other stuff or if they feel their spouse is preoccupied with anything else or if they feel they have a “to do” list they are supposed to “accomplish” sexually, it really kills the mood for them. When you haven’t climaxed since you can remember, it is easy to see how a blissful period of self-forgetfulness would be hard to achieve in the bedroom!

I guess that is where I’d look: Think back and write down where your thoughts go during lovemaking. Run it through your memory: What thoughts cross your mind? Are they “right brain”–the sensations just being enjoyed–or are they “left brain”–where the experience is being catalogued and analyzed in real time? How does that compare with your memories of more pleasurable experiences? When it “worked,” were you less self-conscious? What was different? Can you pick out anything? It may be that you may need to learn to see thoughts you don’t want and just let them float by–I mean as a regular habit, not just in bed. This “be in the moment” stuff can be overdone, but it is a good habit of mind when it comes to being 100% there when you are alone with your spouse.

 

[mommamaree]

We practice NFP so we have times each month where we abstain from sex. DH has gotten books on how to please women and has tried any that are within boundaries of our faith. We’ve taken weekends away just to explore each others bodies like this. I feel nothing. It just makes me feel worse because he’s trying so hard to please me and nothing works. I hate so much that he keeps saying “does that feel good?” and I have to say “no, nothing feels good.” I don’t want to do that anymore. I’d rather he just get his enjoyment and it can be over with sooner. It breaks both our hearts that he can’t sexually please me. Thankfully our marriage is wonderful other than that. I will try it again if I ever feel sexual in any way someday.

Okay. You have already been very proactive with techniques then. In this case, my best advice would be to still work on any psychological issues that might be underlying this, because these issues can be resolved over time. And you have already said you have a good prayer life, which is wonderful. I think it is very important for you to reject any thoughts of envy or jealousy that arise, and remind yourself that grief over what you have lost (for a time) is okay, but that you are actively choosing to physically love your husband. That active choice is yours, and is something that you can feel good about. There are women out there who have nerve damage from childbirth or are paralyzed from an accident and they still make the same choice you do, to give their husbands the gift of themselves in sexual loving. They also experience grief over their loss. Your unselfish participation in marital union despite your inability to sense any pleasure is very meritorious. So I would suggest that you cling to those thoughts and be happy that your husband finds you so appealing and beautiful. You deserve to at least be able to be happy about that, and be free of any damaging thoughts. Maybe, since you aren’t yet able to enjoy it for yourself, your husband could tell you during lovemaking how happy you make him, and how beautiful you are and how thankful he is that he is able to love you that way? Maybe he is already saying those things to you, though. If not, that might be a good way for him to help you be free from the jealous type of thoughts, and you could be freer to be pleased with your efforts to please him.

Again, I hope what I said is not hurtful, but helpful. I know this is a very sensitive topic for you to be seeking help for.

 

[WilT]

This can sometimes be true. Also, sometimes inability to enjoy the innocent pleasures of the marital union has to do with feeling shame about past sexual sins (even in cases where someone sinned against us and we were not culpable). Thirdly, it can sometimes result from fears that maybe we don’t “deserve” the pleasure, or that “good girls don’t” enjoy it. Finally, it can often happen that we fear falling back into sexual sin so greatly, that at a subconscious level, we reject the pleasure and do not allow ourselves to experience it.

To the OP, I can somewhat sympathize with your predicament. But dear sister, nine years is too long for you to carry this burden. I strongly urge you to seek intensive counseling, focused upon overcoming this problem. You already know that your body is capable of experiencing arousal and sexual pleasure. So this is a psychological block that you can overcome.

I don’t know what you have tried, and you should not feel compelled to detail any of it here. But I want to offer some ideas for you to try. If you have already tried these, and found them not to work for you, please pardon my post.

First, I think purposefully abstaining from intercourse for a couple weeks, with your husband’s support and agreement, is important.
But during that time, at bedtime with your husband, he should try different caresses and kisses. Your job is to just relax into his loving affection, and give him feedback on what makes you feel sleepy or relaxed or anxious or hopefully, eager for more caressing. Especially communicate if anything makes you feel a hint of arousal or desirous of more intimate touching. Remember, though, you are starting over from scratch here, so you don’t want to escalate past sensual into sexual just yet.
Pay close attention to the emotions that arise during these affectionate times with your husband, and share with him everything you observe. He needs and deserves to know what makes you feel safe and loved and what does not.
After a week or two, at bedtime with your husband, try to explore sexual touching for a few nights or a couple weeks. Again, it is not very helpful to jump right back into having intercourse. Try instead allowing your husband to caress and kiss you more intimately and deeply. And you can try offering caresses to him, to see what feelings arise within you as you touch him. Just be careful not to cause too much arousal for him. Keep things very slow.
At some point, when you feel emotionally ready, you can indicate your interest in attempting intercourse. Again, go slow, and try to focus upon what physical sensations you are having and what emotions arise within you and share these details with your husband.
He will need to practice some restraint in this process. But many husband have used this process to help their wives through such difficulties to become more responsive to their lovemaking. It is well worth it for the both of you.

Feminine sexuality is markedly different from masculine sexuality. Sometimes, it can take a concerted and sustained effort for a husband to figure out how to help his wife to “catch up” to him so that their arousal curves are more synchronised. In my opinion, you are experiencing the extreme end of the spectrum, and might also be burdened with one of the psychological issues that a good counselor could help you overcome. Even if you can’t afford a counselor, I think a serious effort to retrain your mind and body would be very helpful. St. Paul talks about taking every thought captive. This is a successful strategy for retraining your mind and body. Examine all your thoughts, and train your mind to be focused upon the sensations of affection and sexual touches.

If anything I have said was offensive or unhelpful, I apologize. I truly wanted to help. God bless you and your marriage.

mommamaree would you be my marital counselor? great advice

 

[WilT]

you may be experiencing a long post-partum blues. Or Depressive episode. Good luck. God bless

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You haven’t masturbated in 15 years and you have several children? Get to a doctor! Hormones change after 15 years, and they change a heck of a lot after kids. Make sure everything is ok medically before worrying. But do it now! You’ve already gone too many years without enjoying sex.

 

[Canary5]

Was it the same way when you were trying to conceive? The problem with NFP and the issue you are having, of course, is that the fertile time is also the time when the ability to become aroused is at its peak. You are restricting yourself to the times of the month when you are least likely to want to have sex or to be aroused by sex. If you believe you have a serious reason to avoid more children or the idea of getting pregnant worries you–maybe you see pregnancy as a time full of perils for your unborn child–then concerns over pregnancy could interfere even with enjoying sex during your fertile time.

We have never tried to conceive, we’ve had 5 “unplanned” (for lack of a better word) babies. We got pregnant on our honeymoon (maybe before I had a chance to enjoy it before pregnancy hormones kicked in?). I don’t notice any difference so far in my fertile time and infertile time in regards to desire. We still “fool around” sometimes when I’m fertile but don’t have sex during that time. We do have a serious reason to avoid more children, but we now have a Lady Comp fertility monitor so I don’t worry about getting pregnant anymore.

 

[mommamaree]

We have never tried to conceive, we’ve had 5 “unplanned” (for lack of a better word) babies. We got pregnant on our honeymoon (maybe before I had a chance to enjoy it before pregnancy hormones kicked in?). I don’t notice any difference so far in my fertile time and infertile time in regards to desire. We still “fool around” sometimes when I’m fertile but don’t have sex during that time. We do have a serious reason to avoid more children, but we now have a Lady Comp fertility monitor so I don’t worry about getting pregnant anymore.

THIS!!!

I would say that you have just identified the biggest factor in your woes. You never got a chance to experience marital bliss before nausea or other pregnancy aches and pains interrupted things. Was your first pregnancy a real surprise, or had you been hoping for a honeymoon baby? If it was a surprise, then you also had to deal with stress about that. (Even hoped-for pregnancies can stir up stress that can wreak havoc on an expectant mother’s life for a while.) Some women experience a stronger libido in pregnancy, but that is usually in more experienced wives, and many women have asserted that their libido actually suffers during pregnancy. So you probably have had a hormonal cocktail suppressing your libido and sensations. I am now expecting my fifth baby and my oldest is nine years old. Your children are even more closely spaced than mine. So I know your body has been through a LOT in less than a decade. I definitely second Blue-Eyed Lady’s advice to get your hormones (thyroid, etc.) checked and tell your OB that sexual relations is never enjoyable. S/he might have some really good advice that nonmedical folk might not know. I hadn’t taken notice of the details about pregnancies in your earlier posts. Also, if you breastfed your babies, lactation can suppress libido, too.
But again, these are all things that can be addressed and worked through and overcome. There is no need to despair or give up. You still have the ability to learn how to enjoy marital union, and I have heard (and found it to be true) that it only gets better the longer you are married and the older you get.

 

[EasterJoy]

We have never tried to conceive, we’ve had 5 “unplanned” (for lack of a better word) babies. We got pregnant on our honeymoon (maybe before I had a chance to enjoy it before pregnancy hormones kicked in?). I don’t notice any difference so far in my fertile time and infertile time in regards to desire. We still “fool around” sometimes when I’m fertile but don’t have sex during that time. We do have a serious reason to avoid more children, but we now have a Lady Comp fertility monitor so I don’t worry about getting pregnant anymore.

You’re the mother of five closely-spaced children? Exhaustion does have this way of extinguishing libido. Giving birth five times can lead to some profound changes, too. Still, you want to want to and when you do you want it to be better. How to do that? My best amateur solution is to do a mental check-down of how “nothing” differed from when there was “something.” Take a trip down memory lane, and see if you can find any clues there.

You can never go home again, so I don’t mean a recreation of the same fantasies or feelings. I mean looking for differences in the overall situation. The feeling beforehand, when you are desiring–how is that different? The anticipation immediately beforehand? Just whatever you can think of. Look out for interferences that are now in the way that didn’t used to be or mood-heightening things that are gone. That might give you some ideas.

 

[Canary5]

THIS!!!

Was your first pregnancy a real surprise, or had you been hoping for a honeymoon baby?
I definitely second Blue-Eyed Lady’s advice to get your hormones (thyroid, etc.) checked and tell your OB that sexual relations is never enjoyable.

My last four pregnancies, especially the last, we were TTA so they were very stressful & emotional pregnancies. My first pregnancy, however, was a huge (happy) surprise because my doctor, who also teaches NFP, said that according to my chart that I probably wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. He still laughs about it every time I bring my 5 munchkins in. He says “ha, you sure showed me!” This just reminds me of how awesome my doctor is and that I shouldn’t be afraid to bring this up. Before I figured they couldn’t do anything anyway because I was always either pregnant or nursing but now I’m not, so hopefully we can find out what is wrong. Unfortunately, I live 7 hours from my doc right now and won’t be able to get in until December (we move a lot for DH’s job so we use my hometown as our “home base”).

 

[Canary5]

I have never really been able to talk about this to anyone other than my husband. It’s usually just something you don’t talk about. “Talking” with you all has helped to to think of this in a whole new light! I was so focused on myself that I couldn’t see past that. I had given up hope, that I was just going to be “broken” forever. Now I have a different plan:

1. I am going to focus on pleasing my husband. I am not going to think anything about how it isn’t pleasing me, I’m just going to please him and ENJOY pleasing him because he’s my husband and a fabulous one at that!
2. I am going to get into my doctor ASAP and see if it’s hormonal. If it’s not, then I will get counseling. If that doesn’t work I’ll get hypnotized or something (they have Catholic hypnotists right?)!
3. I will have Hope in God and trust Him. Pray about sex and it’s true meaning instead of just begging Him to give me my sex drive back. I want sex to not just be enjoyable but holy.
4. And finally, I am going to offer up my suffering instead of complaining. Just even re-reading my original post, which was written on a very down day, made me realize my selfishness. It’s like the comment “do you hear yourself?” I didn’t, but I will try and be more aware of it from now on.

Thanks for all your comments. They were the "bucket of cold water over my head’ that I really needed.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I have never really been able to talk about this to anyone other than my husband. It’s usually just something you don’t talk about. “Talking” with you all has helped to to think of this in a whole new light! I was so focused on myself that I couldn’t see past that. I had given up hope, that I was just going to be “broken” forever. Now I have a different plan:

1. I am going to focus on pleasing my husband. I am not going to think anything about how it isn’t pleasing me, I’m just going to please him and ENJOY pleasing him because he’s my husband and a fabulous one at that!
2. I am going to get into my doctor ASAP and see if it’s hormonal. If it’s not, then I will get counseling. If that doesn’t work I’ll get hypnotized or something (they have Catholic hypnotists right?)!
3. I will have Hope in God and trust Him. Pray about sex and it’s true meaning instead of just begging Him to give me my sex drive back. I want sex to not just be enjoyable but holy.
4. And finally, I am going to offer up my suffering instead of complaining. Just even re-reading my original post, which was written on a very down day, made me realize my selfishness. It’s like the comment “do you hear yourself?” I didn’t, but I will try and be more aware of it from now on.

Thanks for all your comments. They were the "bucket of cold water over my head’ that I really needed.

You are totally awesome. Just wanted to mention that.

 

[LoveJesus13]

Hi Canary5

I can’t imagine the disappointment and frustration you must feel unable to emotionally connect intimately with your spouse.

Considering you went from high sex drive single woman to no sex drive married woman, do you think there is a correlation between the masturbation issue you had and this current issue?
I"d ask myself these questions?
Was there some guilt about having a masturbation habbit that you havent delt with?

Was the source of your masturbation emotional pain thus making it a coping mechanism?

And without masturbation to redirect your pain do you think possibly your coping techniques have evolved into subconsciously forfeiting your sexual appetite?

In order to overcome your masturbation habit did you somehow subconsciously forfeit your sexual appetite to achieve overcome masturbating.

Just food for thought. Not judging you, just trying to help you understand some possible causes

My wife has difficulty giving herslef permission to be “sexual” I tell her all the time. It is 100% OKAY to have sexual desires and be a sensual woman. Just as it is for men. Maybe you too just need to give yourself permission once more to be that “single girl” BUT this time be that “single girl” with your loving husband.

Praying for your resolution.

Very good suggestion. Also pray to St. Dymphna who helps with mental and emotional issues. She will intercede for you. Have you communicated this with your husband? Communication is very important! I hope things get better for you and your husband.

 

[phillylawyer]

I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 10 years. We have 5 children. Before we were married I had an extremely strong sex drive and struggled with masturbation for many years. Managed to get that bad habit under control and DH and I waited to have sex until we were married. Then after we were married, it’s like a switched turned off and I have no sex drive. Since day 1 being married absolutely 0 libido. I am going to get into the doctor to see “what’s broken” but even if something changes, how do I move beyond the hurt I’ve felt for the past 9 years? My DH enjoys sex so much and I just lay there wishing it could be over soon. He’s had almost 10 years of enjoyable sex and I’ve had nothing but pain (sex doesn’t hurt physically, just mentally). I didn’t even get to enjoy sex on our honeymoon. I am bitter and angry and these feelings control my life. I am the one who went through the pain of carrying and giving birth to our children yet I don’t even get to enjoy the sex that made them!? We’ve tried everything sexual within the boundaries of our faith- taken weekends away from kids with new positions, long foreplay etc. Sex is such an important part of marriage but I have no idea what pleasure married sex can bring. I love my husband so much. He is a smart, funny, attractive man and a good husband and father. I want more than anything to have amazing passionate sex with him. Just so angry that God made men and women’s sex drives so different. I know we are supposed to compliment eachother but why do men get all the “fun”? Why is it so easy for them? I hate being a woman! I’ve said many novenas and have been praying (and confessing) about it frequently. What more can I do? Anyone else battle with this and find a solution? (I can’t afford nor do I have access to a good Catholic counselor.)

This may be a little crude and blunt. But, you say you were tempted by masturbation and enjoyed it before you were married but have since stopped. Can’t you incorporate whatever it was that felt good before into your love making with your husband?

 

[mommamaree]

This may be a little crude and blunt. But, you say you were tempted by masturbation and enjoyed it before you were married but have since stopped. Can’t you incorporate whatever it was that felt good before into your love making with your husband?

Yes, a good idea, actually. Her husband might benefit from her assistance and demonstration. There is nothing wrong with a wife helping things along to facilitate aligning those arousal curves and increase lubrication, just as a husband might need to help himself along to prepare himself to be able to enter his wife. And also, the husband and the wife can demonstrate what feels good, and help each other learn new and better ways to please each other. I don’t think that is crude advice at all. Maybe it might be helpful to the OP.

 

[phillylawyer]

Yes, a good idea, actually. Her husband might benefit from her assistance and demonstration. There is nothing wrong with a wife helping things along to facilitate aligning those arousal curves and increase lubrication, just as a husband might need to help himself along to prepare himself to be able to enter his wife. And also, the husband and the wife can demonstrate what feels good, and help each other learn new and better ways to please each other. I don’t think that is crude advice at all. Maybe it might be helpful to the OP.

Also, Catholic teaching on sexuality is less “restrictive,” in certain ways, for women than for men. Because sex is designed to be open to life, for a man, while foreplay is certainly allowed, the man’s climax should be inside of his wife (or at least, that should be the intent. If an oops happens, and the intent was right, it’s fine. No need to be scrupulous).

For the wife, though, as long as her climax happens “within the context” of sex with her husband, it doesn’t actually have to happen during intercourse. It can be before, during or after. In fact, JPII has encouraged husbands to make sure their wives are satisfied in this way (before or after the fact), whenever possible.

That’s a long-winded way of saying, whatever the OP enjoyed physically before marriage, should, in theory, be able to be incorporated into lovemaking with her husband during marriage, as long as the husband and wife are communicating and open about it, the husband is open to loving the wife how she needs to be loved, and the wife feels comfortable telling and demonstrating what she enjoys.

 

[Canary5]

That’s a long-winded way of saying, whatever the OP enjoyed physically before marriage, should, in theory, be able to be incorporated into lovemaking with her husband during marriage, as long as the husband and wife are communicating and open about it, the husband is open to loving the wife how she needs to be loved, and the wife feels comfortable telling and demonstrating what she enjoys.

How I got aroused before marriage was through inappropriate fantasies. So I can’t do that anymore. I’ve been trying to have fantasies about my husband, because my brain has to be turned on before I can be. I hope that’s okay. Sex is weird