Jealous of people in grace

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anonymous1995

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A weird jealousy of people in grace recently plagued me. From time to time, I am jealous of those righteous, pious Catholics who seem to be born saints. I may also be jealous of those very passionate and amicable young priests, who seemed to be full of God’s grace and look so joyful, carefree and affectionate. How could young men reply to Jesus’s calling at such a tender age (i.e. in their late 20s and early 30s like me)? I might even be envious of St. Thomas Aquinas, who was so endowed with Divine wisdom and a burning love for Jesus! I really want to imitate, emulate and surpass all these saints… yet I’m so weak and useless. I am just an ordinary fat guy with no talent! I know I definitely lack interior humility, but I really yearn for God’s revelation! How much I want to see God directly at the closest distance possible and be with Him in eternity! I don’t know why I am suddenly so determined to strive for holiness at all costs. I really want to ‘re-recognize’ God, having squandered my first year after the Holy Baptism. :confused::(:mad:
 
Well, it sounds like the Holy Spirit is calling you something greater! Go to Adoration, and ask Our Lord Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament to guide you to what He is planning for you!

May God bless you on your spiritual journey. Be assured of my prayers for you! 🙂
 
anonymous1995 said:
A weird jealousy of people in grace recently plagued me. From time to time, I am jealous of those righteous, pious Catholics who seem to be born saints. I may also be jealous of those very passionate and amicable young priests, who seemed to be full of God’s grace and look so joyful, carefree and affectionate. How could young men reply to Jesus’s calling at such a tender age (i.e. in their late 20s and early 30s like me)? I might even be envious of St. Thomas Aquinas, who was so endowed with Divine wisdom and a burning love for Jesus! I really want to imitate, emulate and surpass all these saints… yet I’m so weak and useless. I am just an ordinary fat guy with no talent! I know I definitely lack interior humility, but I really yearn for God’s revelation! How much I want to see God directly at the closest distance possible and be with Him in eternity! I don’t know why I am suddenly so determined to strive for holiness at all costs. I really want to ‘re-recognize’ God, having squandered my first year after the Holy Baptism. :confused::(:mad:
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Except for the “first year after Baptism” bit, you could be writing about me.

The best antidote is simply to remember (as St. John Vianney, I think, said) that God rewards effort.

And as St. Paul says, “what do we have that we are not given”?

Those who are given more, will be expected to do more.

Those who have less, still have the obligation to make the most of what they have (the point of the Parable of the Talents.) And (as in the Parable of the Labourers in the Vineyard) it is never too late to start. All the best! 👍
 
Hello OP

In addition to prayer I recommend you start getting off your hiney and go do something! The best way to attain holiness is through prayer and service to others. Even if its just to clean the parish hall to start with.

God cannot work with you and help you develop your talents if you just sit around and do nothing. Eventually God will reveal what he wants you to do. It will also give you less time to compare yourself to others. That is not healthy! You are HIS unique creation and HE loves you unconditionally.

Good luck and God Bless you friend 🙂
 
To feel one’s weakness is a great beginning! We are weak without the grace of God. All the saints became aware of that the deeper they went into their prayer life. The more the Lord graces us, all the more we become aware that we are weak, and He becomes strong in us.

We all have our struggles and trials in our journey to stay close to the Lord. That is how we grow and mature spiritually.

Be assured that God loves you, and because you are here on this planet He willed you to be here, and will respond to you in answer to your daily prayers and seeking Him in the sacraments.

It is important to have friends in the Lord who are seeking to be closer to Him as well.
 
anonymous1995 said:
A weird jealousy of people in grace recently plagued me. From time to time, I am jealous of those righteous, pious Catholics who seem to be born saints. I may also be jealous of those very passionate and amicable young priests, who seemed to be full of God’s grace and look so joyful, carefree and affectionate. How could young men reply to Jesus’s calling at such a tender age (i.e. in their late 20s and early 30s like me)? I might even be envious of St. Thomas Aquinas, who was so endowed with Divine wisdom and a burning love for Jesus! I really want to imitate, emulate and surpass all these saints… yet I’m so weak and useless. I am just an ordinary fat guy with no talent! I know I definitely lack interior humility, but I really yearn for God’s revelation! How much I want to see God directly at the closest distance possible and be with Him in eternity! I don’t know why I am suddenly so determined to strive for holiness at all costs. I really want to ‘re-recognize’ God, having squandered my first year after the Holy Baptism. :confused::(:mad:
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Well this is something I’ve never run up into.

I guess you could say I’m jealous of your jealousy? 😛
 
anonymous1995 said:
A weird jealousy of people in grace recently plagued me. From time to time, I am jealous of those righteous, pious Catholics who seem to be born saints.
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Spiritual envy is rarely ever spoken of, but as deadly sins go, it’s gotta be way up there on the “deadliness” scale. :eek: 😛

May I respectfully offer the following prayer as a remedy for your soul? The first time I heard this prayer, I was physically repulsed by it! 😊 By God’s grace, I can now actually mean it when I pray it. And the words of this prayer helped me to understand a few situations at work in which I was getting my feathers ruffled a bit – “oh, I get it, this is an opportunity to practice humility…poop.”

Hang in there, little brother! God is working wonderful things in your soul!

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
 
I can identify with you. I know it’s frustrating. The ladies at our church have a guild where they do crafting for a bazaar in the fall. I don’t really like to knit (don’t know how) and I am not into cutting and pasting pictures off greeting cards and gluing them onto another card, thus making a card from a card. As a little green lizard once said, “what’s the point?”

I don’t fit in. I do paint, however, and I did some paintings and donated them. But upon finding them dropped into a corner where no one could find them, I figured, no more. I will not donate any of my paintings because they probably don’t want them.

So, even if you get off your Heinie (from the German name Heinrich) that doesn’t mean anyone will appreciate you. In fact, cleaning the church halls would not work either because their staff does it. Our church has cleaning and maintenance people.

You do what you can. The worse thing you can do is try to measure yourself against others. They probably have their problems, too, and they just don’t talk to you about them. You may never know about it. When you remove the mask and see yourself as you truly are, (not how they are) you will then make progress.
 
Gertabelle said:
Spiritual envy is rarely ever spoken of, but as deadly sins go, it’s gotta be way up there on the “deadliness” scale. :eek: 😛

May I respectfully offer the following prayer as a remedy for your soul? The first time I heard this prayer, I was physically repulsed by it! 😊 By God’s grace, I can now actually mean it when I pray it. And the words of this prayer helped me to understand a few situations at work in which I was getting my feathers ruffled a bit – “oh, I get it, this is an opportunity to practice humility…poop.”

Hang in there, little brother! God is working wonderful things in your soul!

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
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👍
 
anonymous1995 said:
A weird jealousy of people in grace recently plagued me. From time to time, I am jealous of those righteous, pious Catholics who seem to be born saints. I may also be jealous of those very passionate and amicable young priests, who seemed to be full of God’s grace and look so joyful, carefree and affectionate. How could young men reply to Jesus’s calling at such a tender age (i.e. in their late 20s and early 30s like me)? I might even be envious of St. Thomas Aquinas, who was so endowed with Divine wisdom and a burning love for Jesus! I really want to imitate, emulate and surpass all these saints… yet I’m so weak and useless. I am just an ordinary fat guy with no talent! I know I definitely lack interior humility, but I really yearn for God’s revelation! How much I want to see God directly at the closest distance possible and be with Him in eternity! I don’t know why I am suddenly so determined to strive for holiness at all costs. I really want to ‘re-recognize’ God, having squandered my first year after the Holy Baptism. :confused::(:mad:
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Everyone experiences jealousy from time to time.
Just don’t give into that jealousy in a malicious way and deal with it in a way that keeps your intentions pure. For one thing, a saint did not just become a saint as it would appear, it’s a little more complicated than that which involves a great deal of suffering.
In your weakness, call out to God and know that in him you are not who you think you are.
In Gods eyes you are HIS perfect child and He sees you as He sees His son. Not a bit ordinary, he sees past the physical with a untapped talent that you have not allowed yourself to see. Call out to Christ, ask Him for forgiveness and to point or what His plan is for your life and the courage to carry that out no matter what it is.
Trust me, He does not see you as you see yourself, He will hear you even if you don’t always realize it. He is always with us.

Let Him open your eyes to the truth. Take it from me, I was where you were and He opened my eyes to He and then to me and I am amazed at what He has been pointing out. I feel so much better than I ever did and I just want to shout it out from the rooftops. I believe in HIM and now HE believes in me too and it feels wonderful.

Hallelujah and Amen. 🙂
 
May the Great and Mighty Hand of our God reach out and catch all who have fallen through the cracks
Amen.
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
I can identify with you. I know it’s frustrating. The ladies at our church have a guild where they do crafting for a bazaar in the fall. I don’t really like to knit (don’t know how) and I am not into cutting and pasting pictures off greeting cards and gluing them onto another card, thus making a card from a card. As a little green lizard once said, “what’s the point?”

I don’t fit in. I do paint, however, and I did some paintings and donated them. But upon finding them dropped into a corner where no one could find them, I figured, no more. I will not donate any of my paintings because they probably don’t want them.

So, even if you get off your Heinie (from the German name Heinrich) that doesn’t mean anyone will appreciate you. In fact, cleaning the church halls would not work either because their staff does it. Our church has cleaning and maintenance people.

.
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I’m sorry you are having difficulty finding a place in your parish Arizona. It is tough when you feel you don’t fit in. I do think it’s not fair to discourage the OP though. Things might be different where he is. My parish is quite poor and cannot afford a janitor so all groups take turns cleaning different areas of the parish weekly starting from youth group. We are encouraged to serve everywhere and however we can.

I too have been asked to do many things that I don’t particularly like but I did them not for the people but for God. I feel obedience is a big factor here. Just because people in the parish don’t appreciate your work it doesn’t mean God doesn’t.

I’m the messiest person and hate cleaning however I have cleaned bathrooms, entire halls etc maybe not very well but I did it and you eventually learn. I hate being an usher but I have stood for three masses straight and ushered lol

Eventually people trusted me with more and asked me to speak, give small talks, be the narrator for plays etc and I found what I am good at. I still clean, usher and help in the cafeteria when needed which is often but now I also get do stuff I enjoy.
.
In short I want to say to you and to the OP don’t give up. Once again you are serving God, not the priest or your ministry coordinator or the parishioners. He alone will judge you.
 
I too suffer this desire for holiness, I have talked my priest about it and he said it wasn’t a bad thing to desire to be holy and that we were to praise the lord each and every time this sensation of jealousy came upon us.

Give thanks and praise for the person that you see filled with grace.

It might feel forced at first, but it will help you deal with this vice.

Jealous thought = praise God for this wonderful thing
 
anonymous1995 said:
A weird jealousy of people in grace recently plagued me. From time to time, I am jealous of those righteous, pious Catholics who seem to be born saints. I may also be jealous of those very passionate and amicable young priests, who seemed to be full of God’s grace and look so joyful, carefree and affectionate. How could young men reply to Jesus’s calling at such a tender age (i.e. in their late 20s and early 30s like me)? I might even be envious of St. Thomas Aquinas, who was so endowed with Divine wisdom and a burning love for Jesus! I really want to imitate, emulate and surpass all these saints… yet I’m so weak and useless. I am just an ordinary fat guy with no talent! I know I definitely lack interior humility, but I really yearn for God’s revelation! How much I want to see God directly at the closest distance possible and be with Him in eternity! I don’t know why I am suddenly so determined to strive for holiness at all costs. I really want to ‘re-recognize’ God, having squandered my first year after the Holy Baptism. :confused::(:mad:
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Gees. What is with the self-deprecation in this threads? Is that part of being Catholic or something? I’m just kidding. I used to be envious of this girl who is so loving and full of joy. I prayed for it. I tried to emulate her or outdo her. I am still envious I wish I had a natural lovableness about it. It is effortless for her. SORRY IF I AM PROJECTING OR MAKING THIS ALL ABOUT ME AGAIN? Darn. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS OR USELESS. Gees. You will always make mistakes and that time is permanently lost. What can you do now? Just try to change. Pray. Remember, a righteous man falls seven times a day and gets back. NOW GO IN PEACE.
 
St. John of Cross seemed to have answered my bewilderment in one of his books. Let me read up his advice against ‘spiritual envy’. 😛

Feeling heavily indebted to God after Mass today. Looking at the silhouettes of two retiring priests, and realizing that this might very well be one of my last chances to see them alive, sentiment suddenly filled my heart - I was so impressed with their sincere dedication to the parish (which is in stark contrast with the Presiding Parish Priest’s pride, vanity and snobbery) - though they do not really give good sermons. 😦

I have yet to discover what my talents really are. I don’t think I am good at anything… Actually, God can replace me with anyone to do what He wills in my current career. And I still can’t figure out why He always gives me trials of the flesh instead of ‘easier’, more ‘exterior’ vices… The more I pray, the more I discover my weaknesses. Yet, this is just the beginning of even greater agony…
 
anonymous1995 said:
St. John of Cross seemed to have answered my bewilderment in one of his books. Let me read up his advice against ‘spiritual envy’. 😛

Feeling heavily indebted to God after Mass today. Looking at the silhouettes of two retiring priests, and realizing that this might very well be one of my last chances to see them alive, sentiment suddenly filled my heart - I was so impressed with their sincere dedication to the parish (which is in stark contrast with the Presiding Parish Priest’s pride, vanity and snobbery) - though they do not really give good sermons. 😦

I have yet to discover what my talents really are. I don’t think I am good at anything… Actually, God can replace me with anyone to do what He wills in my current career. And I still can’t figure out why He always gives me trials of the flesh instead of ‘easier’, more ‘exterior’ vices… The more I pray, the more I discover my weaknesses. Yet, this is just the beginning of even greater agony…
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Thank you for this post.
 
I’m jealous of anyone who has a personal relationship with God. I only have a corporate one.
 
I’ve had this problem for about a decade. I have a strong relationship with God, but no corporate relationship whatsoever, if you’re talking about a relationship that others can see, the one that actually goes through the motions. I hide it. The only times I go to church anymore are with my parents when I’m in town, because if I didn’t they’d know something was up. And I just look at the floor the whole time, I don’t even face the priests or talk to the people around me. Which is a ridiculous way to live your life considering just 5 years ago I was in the process of entering the seminary. I’ve had this crushing guilt for years that I can’t get rid of even though I know it’s not warranted. I get the feeling it may not be from anything I actually did, but more just from who I am, and that I don’t know how to prove my loyalty to God. It’s from not acting like a follower.

I guess the problem is, though I feel like I would do anything for God, I’m still not loyal to him, and I hate that. Last month I went home for the weekend and my mom kept shoving the Bible in my face (we’ve always read one passage before dinner), and when I said I wasn’t into it, and she started arguing with me, I said “(____) the Bible.” In front of everybody. Well, I caught it and only said the first two words, but still, that tells me something’s still buried that shouldn’t be there and I don’t know how to confront it. Throughout my childhood I used to curse so heavily that sometimes people couldn’t even understand me, but I broke it a few years ago and now only curse very occasionally, so I have no idea where it came from – it just came out. That bothers me more than the actual words.

After all Christ did for us, and for me, I can’t even act like I respect that. I don’t act like someone who’s loyal. I act like someone who’s trying to turn people away from him. And I have been. I try to take responsibility for it – I can admit when I screwed up, and I’m always begging God to help me listen and understand better, but nothing ever changes. And when I see all these people who are loyal to God, I just hate that they can do it and I can’t.
 
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