Jokes about bad liturgical music

[ljubim]

My favorite: “Eye has not seen.” I cannot keep a straight face - it’s like “I has not eaten breakfast yet,” or “I had not finished reading the book!”

Also the eerie resemblance between “Here I am, Lord” and the Brady Bunch theme…

Any more?

 

[VetA]

Also the eerie resemblance between “Here I am, Lord” and the Brady Bunch theme…

Here I am Lord = Brady Bunch

i dont see it sorry.

but that is not to say that i wouldent rather see TANTVM ERGO come back

i have provided links btw

 

[ljubim]

Here I am Lord = Brady Bunch

i dont see it sorry.

but that is not to say that i wouldent rather see TANTVM ERGO come back

i have provided links btw

For example:
I have heard you calling in the night, vs Who was busy with three boys of his own

Creepy, huh?

 

[The_Reginator]

Sorry, this is not a joke, merely an observation.

A few years back our parish continuously sang “Come Let Us Build”. (It was used for fund-raising and sang at each Mass.)
I found the tune eerily similar to “One Tin Soldier” by The Poppy Family. Not only did I not care for the words but I had a hard time keeping a straight face some mornings.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

My favorite: “Eye has not seen.” I cannot keep a straight face - it’s like “I has not eaten breakfast yet,” or “I had not finished reading the book!”

Also the eerie resemblance between “Here I am, Lord” and the Brady Bunch theme…

Any more?

I think you’ll have to take up the first one with St. Paul.

But as it is written: “What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him,” 1 Corinthians 2:9

 

[Joe_Kelley]

Some years back a priest from Ireland retired from our parish. For his farewell the choir did something using an "old Irish melody". Unfortunately I know the tune as Will You Go Lassie from the Clancy Brothers’ album The Boys Won’t Leave the Girls Alone. A bit out of place in a mass.

 

[Nowhere_Man]

Some years back a priest from Ireland retired from our parish. For his farewell the choir did something using an "old Irish melody". Unfortunately I know the tune as Will You Go Lassie from the Clancy Brothers’ album The Boys Won’t Leave the Girls Alone. A bit out of place in a mass.

 

[ljubim]

I think you’ll have to take up the first one with St. Paul.

But as it is written: “What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him,” 1 Corinthians 2:9

In English, and without the ‘what,’ it’s pretty funny… just sayin’

On the non-funny side of liturgical music - every year on Holy Saturday the local parish moves us to giggles - literally cannot help it - because they do an awful version of that hymn the Israelites sang in the reading where the sea fell on the Egyptians. They’re already so hippy-awful, and it really comes out during this song. It would be a lot more funny were it not during MASS.

 

[Nowhere_Man]

In English, and without the ‘what,’ it’s pretty funny… just sayin’

On the non-funny side of liturgical music - every year on Holy Saturday the local parish moves us to giggles - literally cannot help it - because they do an awful version of that hymn the Israelites sang in the reading where the sea fell on the Egyptians. They’re already so hippy-awful, and it really comes out during this song. It would be a lot more funny were it not during MASS.

Mine does it too; we even have a slide whistle… shudder

 

[Domnall]

We get “Lord of the Dance” played at Mass sometimes. Alright, I love when that song is sung as a praise song by a folk group or whatever. However, I’m tempted to do my little boogie in the pews which of course would not be acceptable. Why are songs I dance to being sung at Mass? I can’t start hopping around in church, now can I?

 

[ljubim]

Mine does it too; we even have a slide whistle… shudder

Oh no! That’s far worse than the tambourine

I’ve got to post this by Fr. Z. Almost identical to the original. We all know it, sing along!
Fr. Z:

Gather Us In …to the tune of, that is!]

Here in this place, our comfortable parish,
All of the statues carried away,
See in each face a vacuous visage,
Brought here by guilt or by R.C.I.A.

Gather us in, by Beemer or Hummer,
Gather us in, so we can feel good,
Come to us now in this barren Zen temple,
With only a shrub and an altar of wood.

We are the young, our morals a mystery,
We are the old, who couldn’t care less,
We have been warned throughout all of history,
But we enjoy this liturgical mess.

Gather us in, our radical pastor,
Gather us in, our unveiled nun,
Call to us now, with guitars and bongos,
Hang up your cellphones and join in the fun!

I was actually serious about singing it. It’s hilarious

 

[Nowhere_Man]

Oh no! That’s far worse than the tambourine

Yeah, its a great contrast to Father, who stands there with a quizzical look on his face that seems to scream “you’ve got to be kidding me!”

I’ve got to post this by Fr. Z. Almost identical to the original. We all know it, sing along!

I was actually serious about singing it. It’s hilarious

That’s amazing!!

 

[doanli]

My favorite: “Eye has not seen.” I cannot keep a straight face - it’s like “I has not eaten breakfast yet,” or “I had not finished reading the book!”

Also the eerie resemblance between “Here I am, Lord” and the Brady Bunch theme…

Any more?

We are One in the Spirit, We are One in the Lord…

I just dislike that song, that’s why I’m posting it here.

 

[doanli]

Oh no! That’s far worse than the tambourine

I’ve got to post this by Fr. Z. Almost identical to the original. We all know it, sing along!

I was actually serious about singing it. It’s hilarious

AAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!! (runs away screaming into the night…)

 

[catcom2]

We have a great clapping song for the Gloria.

“Gloria clap clap, Gloria clap clap, in excelsis Deo!”

Latin in a NO Mass, be careful what you wish for!

We weren’t sure why there was clapping, and one parishioner hypothesized that it was like clapping out the devil.

I hypothesized that we weren’t a Protestant church.

Laughs were had by all.

 

[Domnall]

We have a great clapping song for the Gloria.

“Gloria clap clap, Gloria clap clap, in excelsis Deo!”

Oh my, we have that one too! Scary stuff

This is why I go to the noon mass. The choir may stink but they at least don’t go wild…that and we have a cantor.

 

[Timothy17]

Degrading sacred music into popular form is dangerous.

The Church, if and when it uses musical styles and forms of the popular or localized variety, runs the danger of making popular music sacred.

I want to make this clear: the Church’s music does not degrade sacred music when it compromises itself; rather, it makes popular or secular music sound sacred. That’s pantheism pure and simple.

“Our citizenship is in heaven…”

“My Kingdom is not of this world…”

When the liturgy includes popular music forms we run the extremely dangerous risk of making Christ look like a liar. We suggest popular music is fine and dandy, and then are surprised when our children exercise no scruples in music. A lot of the music I hear at Mass sounds no different than the music I hear on the radio; in fact, I would argue that the Church embarasses herself because it seems like she is trying to make music “as good as” the radio’s, but fails miserably. It is totally inspired by, subject and complimentary to the music “of this world.”

The Mass should be an experience not-of-this world. We should hope and pray that our worship, when we exercise it, is truly pleasing to God. Tradition has endowed us with truly beautiful and noble forms of worship, especially in music.

Using or experimenting with popular musical styles and forms is a wide open road to scandalizing the faithful. Someone truly seeking Christ and entering into a Church and hearing guitars playing, hands clapping and people humming to the beat would only see Christians behaving no differently than the world behaves. Popular music defines love as lust and dramatizes human relationships into power struggles. It glorifies partying, drinking, sex, and every vice and passion. This, as we know, is the result of original sin.

Sacred music is beatiful and profound. It elevates the mind. It inspires to truly noble, wonderful, and beautiful deeds, and most importantly, it is surely “not of this world.”

Mass is holy. Holy means “seperate, special, set apart.” Mass is no longer by definition holy when we are acting, singing, and behaving as we do or would anywhere else. Now, we can desecrate the Mass and that worship we learned from Heaven and Mass would still be holy because Christ becomes present in the Eucharist. What’s heartbreaking is the idea of exposing Christ to the world’s idolatry when he becomes present to His people.

 

[daeve]

We get “Lord of the Dance” played at Mass sometimes. Alright, I love when that song is sung as a praise song by a folk group or whatever. However, I’m tempted to do my little boogie in the pews which of course would not be acceptable. Why are songs I dance to being sung at Mass? I can’t start hopping around in church, now can I?

I love the song Simple Gifts. And I loved the version we sang when I was a kid called All Our Hope in Salvation. I’ve never run into anyone else who knows that version, so I think maybe a nun at my school might have written it. But I really don’t want to sing Lord of the Dance. After a discussion here, I looked for it on You Tube because people were saying it’s a song you might here in an Irish pub. Well, I found some guys with drums and pipes and such singing it and I did like it. But I don’t want to hear it at Mass. I especially don’t want to hear me singing it.

 

[daeve]

We are One in the Spirit, We are One in the Lord…

I just dislike that song, that’s why I’m posting it here.

We sang that Sunday, and a week or two ago my nephew was confirmed in the UCC, and that song was part of the service.

 

[daeve]

We have a great clapping song for the Gloria.

“Gloria clap clap, Gloria clap clap, in excelsis Deo!”

Latin in a NO Mass, be careful what you wish for!

We weren’t sure why there was clapping, and one parishioner hypothesized that it was like clapping out the devil.

I hypothesized that we weren’t a Protestant church.

Laughs were had by all.

This is a dreadful song for Mass. Our previous choir director loved it and we sang it on Easter Sunday! The current one told me I’d like it the way HE does it, but fortunately he hasn’t done it yet. He likes a little “gospel” with his Mass. I love Gospel music, like the Gaither Homecoming, the Martins, the Isaac Family, but not at Mass.

We’re singing an Alleluia right now…you can’t hear it without swaying. I’m surprised people aren’t out there snapping their fingers and yelling Amen. The other Mass parts are ok, but the Alleluia…I can’t put my feelings into words. I’m an alto, and the melody is too high for me. Sunday the only other person there was a tenor, and neither of us was able to sing the melody. It was especially interesting with just the alto and tenor parts, and the choir director singing from the piano.

One of the verses in Lift High the Cross goes something like this:

Each new born servant of the Crucified
Bears on his brow the sign of Him who died.

When you see it on the page though, you get Crucified Bears. My 12 year old boy sense of humor can’t help but laugh at that, although I’m finally able to do it mentally.

In We Give You Thanks, the third verse mentions “the fragrance of release”. I can’t imagine what it really means, but I’m sure you can imagine what my juvenile mind thinks.