Jokes about bad liturgical music

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Oh man…stories of a Gregorian chant schola member.

We were singing in tandem with a local parish choir, and their director wanted to rehearse. We were in the back row, and the sheet music was passed out. We sang a song called “The Servant Song”. You can read the verses on that link.

After we were done singing, I whispered to one of my schola buddies, “Now, who exactly are we singing this song to?”

Without missing a beat, he replied, “To ourselves, for our own mutual sanctification.” 😃

Seriously, look at songs in a couple of simple ways:
  1. Are you God? Are you talking in God’s place as you sing? Christians across the board used to be very leery of doing this and would avoid the presumptive tone it implies. Now we readily sing, “I am the Bread of Life”.
  2. If you took the words out of the song, and just played the tune to a non-Catholic, would they immediately know that it is sacred music? Why not?
  3. Are the verses designed to encourage you to stay in the struggle against the world, the flesh, and the devil, or does it give you the impression you’ve already arrived at Heaven’s Door?
I won’t even get on the soap box against bongos. Absolutely no liturgical sense if these are seen. Do the choir director a favor and buy them a copy of SACROSANCTUM CONCILIUM
 
My old novus ordo choir used to sing “We Have Been Told” a lot. There was a line “all who live in Me will bear great fruit” - it was impossible to sing without it sounding like “bear grapefruit.” Always wondered what the congregation thought.
 
I was a bad, bad boy at university.

My friends at the school’s chapter of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship could no longer sing Amazing Grace, amongst other songs.

I couldn’t resist changing the odd word here and there. For example:
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a Reg like me …”
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I’ve blocked out the rest of those stunts.
 
doanli said:
We are One in the Spirit, We are One in the Lord…

I just dislike that song, that’s why I’m posting it here. 😉
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Oh, no! “They Will Know We Are Christians” Never one of my faves, either. It has that really bizarre run of minor-sounding notes at the end of the chorus and NOBODY in church sings it the same way!

THEN we have the least favorite of mine, “Sons of God, Hear His holy word, gather 'round the table of the Lord. . . Eat His body! Drink His blood! . . .”

Anyone remember that little gem? 😃
 
Domnall said:
We get “Lord of the Dance” played at Mass sometimes. Alright, I love when that song is sung as a praise song by a folk group or whatever. However, I’m tempted to do my little boogie in the pews which of course would not be acceptable. Why are songs I dance to being sung at Mass? I can’t start hopping around in church, now can I? 😉
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I suppose you can, after all, the GIRM doesn’t say that you can’t hop around.
It doesn’t even say that you can’t boogie.
(sarc)
 
“Here I am Lord! I’m over here, Lord! You are going the wrong way! I’m right HERE Lord! Just a bit farther! Oh…just forget it!”.

I once attended a “Childrens mass” (keep in mind there really isn’t any such thing). From the beginning, I knew it wouldn’t go well. I walked in, and felt like it was a hockey game, it was so loud. The opening hymn was a happy-go-clappy protestant gospel hymn, that the Priest came jumping down the aisle with rainbows and other fun stuff on. Then, behind him, a 2 or 3 women hopping behind him, and he went up into the sanctuary. All during the mass the hymns were protestant gospel tunes, theologically incorrect, played on a guitar and some woman. I never went as usual, it was loud. Lotsa babies, cute :), but, anyhow…then came the baptisms. For the “Alleluia”, there was an almost “preppy” Alleluia. The guy started to play his guitar, and the woman singing…I couldn’t keep a staright face. She was swinging side-to-side, like bending her body. I thought she would crack in half! She was clapping, jumping, o God, I though I would die, because I couldn’t laugh in Mass!

God Bless. That was the MOST sacriliege I have ever witnessed with my own to eyes. Lets just say, I never set foot in that church again. (It wasn’t my Parish).
God Bless 🙂
 
Oh, and let us not forget that one, “AWAKE! Fling off the Night!”…
Oh my God. Literally, LOL!
 
On a Marian feast day, we were lined up in the back for the entrance song when the music minister announced, “Now let us greet our presider with the song Hail Holy Queen.”
The priest turned to me and said, “I am not going to process in to that!”
 
Trinity117 said:
Oh, no! “They Will Know We Are Christians” Never one of my faves, either. It has that really bizarre run of minor-sounding notes at the end of the chorus and NOBODY in church sings it the same way!

THEN we have the least favorite of mine, "Sons of God, Hear His holy word, gather 'round the table of the Lord. . . Eat His body! Drink His blood! . . ."

Anyone remember that little gem? 😃
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Back in the '80s (an Anglican at the time) I was in a folk ‘choir’. :o:o:o

One member of this choir was a teacher and it was time for her class to receive First Communion.
She had us singing a similar (or is it the same??) song:
“Friends all gather 'round the table of the Lo-ord…”
Over and over and over and over and …
 
DCNBILL said:
On a Marian feast day, we were lined up in the back for the entrance song when the music minister announced, “Now let us greet our presider with the song Hail Holy Queen.”
The priest turned to me and said, “I am not going to process in to that!”
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HAHAHA! See, that’s why Priests should be the ones to pick the music…
 
Not about liturgical music per se, but here goes:

What’s the difference between a terrorist and a liturgist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Seriously. Some of these people are just pulling stuff out of the air.
 
:rotfl: :rotfl:

Gosh, is it really that bad out there? runs to the safety of home parish
 
Windmill said:
Seriously, look at songs in a couple of simple ways:
  1. Are you God? Are you talking in God’s place as you sing? Christians across the board used to be very leery of doing this and would avoid the presumptive tone it implies. Now we readily sing, “I am the Bread of Life”.
  2. If you took the words out of the song, and just played the tune to a non-Catholic, would they immediately know that it is sacred music? Why not?
  3. Are the verses designed to encourage you to stay in the struggle against the world, the flesh, and the devil, or does it give you the impression you’ve already arrived at Heaven’s Door?
Click to expand...
That’s a great filter!!
I won’t even get on the soap box against bongos. Absolutely no liturgical sense if these are seen. Do the choir director a favor and buy them a copy of SACROSANCTUM CONCILIUM
Click to expand...
I never used to be sure about why I didn’t like guitars… but just like bongos 😛 the constant strumming/banging just seems tacky. Wheras an organ or a voice will have one note and hold it… a guitar will require nonsensical strumming to hold one chord. It just gets under my skin.

Anyway, this is more general than music but here goes 😃 (Note the “author”)

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

Apologies for the size
 
I was laughing at this:

** Originally Posted by DCNBILL View Post
On a Marian feast day, we were lined up in the back for the entrance song when the music minister announced, “Now let us greet our presider with the song Hail Holy Queen.”
The priest turned to me and said, “I am not going to process in to that!”**
 
Originally Posted by Trinity117 View Post
Oh, no! “They Will Know We Are Christians” Never one of my faves, either. It has that really bizarre run of minor-sounding notes at the end of the chorus and NOBODY in church sings it the same way!
Click to expand...
THEN we have the least favorite of mine, “Sons of God, Hear His holy word, gather 'round the table of the Lord. . . Eat His body! Drink His blood! . . .”
Click to expand...
Anyone remember that little gem?
Click to expand...
Oh yeah, back in the 70s!

runs screaming out of the room

I have to admit I loved and laughed at my Grandpa’s comments as a kid though he was serious. Thought it was awful, “damn shame”, he’s say, and then he would mince words about the priest growing his hair out long and growing a beard.

But Grandma and Grandpa were heartbroken at the changes to Holy Mass.
 
I forget the song from my parents time that featured my bear with the optical problem. [Gladly, my cross I’d bear.]
 
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