Journey towards modesty

[SaintRita]

I know there are plenty of threads on modesty here (I went back to '09) but I really didn’t see any that addressed this…

I was wondering how long of a process it was for you to be at a point at which you met your personal modesty standards (I know that everyone has different levels they are comfortable with)

For me personally I feel like its taking forever to discern what God requires of me in the modesty department. I went through an all-skirt phase back in when my oldest (now 8) was an infant, but that didn’t last long - he’s rough and tumble and I just couldn’t get the hang of the long skirt thing… Over the course of the last 5 years or so I began layering tanks under my t-shirts to avoid the cleavage issue (I’m well endowed and short in the torso). I also exclusively wear capris and skirts in the summer (no shorts).

My higher “standards” for myself haven’t gone unnoticed… my mother has made comments here and there (nothing positive or negative - just noticed)… My husband doesn’t care one way or the other as long as I look presentable and not frumpy. I think mom mostly noticed because we took my daughter shopping and I was kind of picky about how the clothes fit and what she was allowed to wear on the beach.

I still don’t feel like I’m “all the way there”. I don’ t know why - but I still have a nagging feeling… being plus sized I really don’t like sizing up on pants for a looser fit because I feel like I look frumpy and DH doesn’t care for that. I don’t feel like I could cover up too much more.

I have taken to wearing headbands (like thicker ones) and have toyed with the idea of partial hair covering for years but I’m still not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to do yet. I’m positive (I think) that I don’t want to go full blown, but I definitely feel like I need to do a little something especially that my hair is longer.

Anyhow - I wondered if anyone feels they are where they need to be or is this an ever-evolving process?

 

[KrazyKat]

When I retired and did not have to dress for my job I was able to dress appropriatly.

No sleeveless blouses, etc., does not have to be long sleeved always but sleeves yes. Nothing cut low for top or cut high for bottom. Loose pants, if too forming over buttocks or crotch top long enough to cover both. Skirts or dresses always below the knees.

Now there may be others who go to more extremes, but I do not feel that I am immodest, ever .

I do not care what people think, I answer to The Lord my God.

I believe God gave us hair to keep us humble.

 

[hannajomar]

Interesting topic!

I do think modesty is something that evolves. If you know the show, “Nineteen Kids and Counting,” Michelle Duggar said something very interesting about modesty. They were asked why the females in their family always wear skirts. She said that the goal of how they dress is to draw attention to their face first, and not the rest of their body. While they aren’t Catholic, that really makes sense to me. For me, I think wearing long skirts all the time would draw unnecessary attention to myself. I choose relaxed-fit jeans, and looser pants for many occasions. Personally, I try to be modest while still blending in.

In the past few years, though, I have gained weight. I’m having the same issue as you in that I am trying to find loose-fitting clothes that are not also frumpy. And that’s tough when we are plus-sized. I smiled when you wrote about your mother noticing your modesty. My mother has trouble accepting me wearing pants all the time because she’s going hot flashes. She doesn’t know how I can stand it. She was happy when I told her I got some knee-length shorts because we are trying to not use our air conditioner.

 

[Kelfa28]

My journey toward modesty was simple and fairly quick and no-nonsense.

I went through my closet.

I pulled out everything that I determined was immodest and unnecessary. This included shirts that showed too much cleavage, push-up bras, jeans that wear either too tight or way too “low rise” and dresses and skirts that were above the knee.

I went shopping and bought things that were nice, comfortable and still stylish. I don’t have skin showing that I wouldn’t want to show. I can bend over without worrying about my shirt riding up or my cleavage peeking out.

It’s good enough for me.

I won’t compromise style with more modesty. This is where I firmly draw the line. I want to be able to walk out of my room after getting myself together and my husband will take immediate notice and will compliment me on how nice I look.
Plus, what I wear needs to be practical for child care, cleaning and errands.

I don’t understand this obsession with modesty. I think it’s very straight foreword. I’ve seen another poster comment on modesty dress well. Clothes you wear shouldn’t show off cleavage, your behind or your stomach.

 

[SaintRita]

I don’t understand this obsession with modesty. I think it’s very straight foreword. I’ve seen another poster comment on modesty dress well. Clothes you wear shouldn’t show off cleavage, your behind or your stomach.

I don’t feel like as though its an obsession - I just want to be sure I’m doing what God wants me to do… for years I dealt with jokes about my chest size and so maybe I’m overcompensating, but I’m also a mom and trying to set an example for my kids as well.

 

[KrazyKat]

I don’t feel like as though its an obsession - I just want to be sure I’m doing what God wants me to do… for years I dealt with jokes about my chest size and so maybe I’m overcompensating, but I’m also a mom and trying to set an example for my kids as well.

Loving and serving God is not an obsession! If you do not want to dress modestly is that then a “possession?”

 

[Jenny35]

I don’t feel like as though its an obsession - I just want to be sure I’m doing what God wants me to do… for years I dealt with jokes about my chest size and so maybe I’m overcompensating, but I’m also a mom and trying to set an example for my kids as well.

I can really relate to what you wrote and I don’t see it as an obsession. I don’t have a lot of money to clothes shop and I’m quite short, so that adds challenges as well, but I am really trying to always wear sleeves, never show cleavage, make sure my tops are long enough if I have to reach my arms above my head or bend over. I love skirts, but my height makes bying them very difficult. Clothing manufacturers overall seem to ignore short people. And the “petite” section is often designed for senior aged women. Yes, it’s modest, but also very frumpy.

 

[Kelfa28]

I don’t feel like as though its an obsession - I just want to be sure I’m doing what God wants me to do… for years I dealt with jokes about my chest size and so maybe I’m overcompensating, but I’m also a mom and trying to set an example for my kids as well.

I’m sure there are plenty of online resources available for free that can help with fashion tips on how to dress well…even for woman who are plus size.
This is one of the reasons why I really liked the show “What not to Wear” because the makeovers were stylish and modest as well and they made it work with different sized woman.

I’ve had to deal with my ever changing body thanks to pregnancy. It’s not something I’m used to dealing with either.
My chest size has increased dramatically over the past two years due to pregnancy and nursing.
It’s caused some complications…as in I had to buy all new tops and bras to compensate.

Ive always read that finding the correct bra size will do wonders for your outfits.

Personally, when I see posts that indicate modesty means all women should dress in skirts…it irks me a little. I understand it’s a personal choice but if it’s not practical for you…then find something else to wear I guess.

 

[Kelfa28]

I suppose I should rephrase my point about obsession.

I was referring to the threads out there…the numerous, numerous threads that go on for pages and pages and pages about modesty for women.

They get totally nuts about the topic. It’s disheartening sometimes reading them. It makes me think that I’m displeasing God by choosing to wear jeans, a T-shirt and flats when I go out grocery shopping with the kids.

That putting on some lipgloss and mascara is causing scandal.

 

[SaintRita]

I suppose I should rephrase my point about obsession.

I was referring to the threads out there…the numerous, numerous threads that go on for pages and pages and pages about modesty for women.

They get totally nuts about the topic. It’s disheartening sometimes reading them. It makes me think that I’m displeasing God by choosing to wear jeans, a T-shirt and flats when I go out grocery shopping with the kids.

That putting on some lipgloss and mascara is causing scandal.

My standard mommy uniform is jeans and a t-shirt. I don’t see that changing. I think modesty is different for everyone. I love my skirts, but I save them for when I go out - it makes me feel just a little more put together.

 

[Kelfa28]

My standard mommy uniform is jeans and a t-shirt. I don’t see that changing. I think modesty is different for everyone. I love my skirts, but I save them for when I go out - it makes me feel just a little more put together.

I think it’s the standard for mommy uniforms…

Comfy and still modest. Stylish too if you go with the right top and at least step out of the house after taking a shower…which, can be a stretch to do sometimes.

Before I converted, I must say…my fashion choices were questionable and certainly not very modest. Most of what I owned was donated.
But, I seemed to always like skirts with flow to them that were knee-length or lower. I kept almost all of my skirts.
They are in my date night/Church rotation. Though, I will wear the knee-lenth ones around the house if I’m behind on laundry.

 

[LittleScoty]

Thanks for this thread.

What one wears is important.

How one wears it and conducts themselves must be equally important though too I think.

I think that your effort to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord is commendable!

 

[SaintRita]

Thanks for this thread.

What one wears is important.

How one wears it and conducts themselves must be equally important though too I think.

I think that your effort to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord is commendable!

See the bolded. That could be a whole other thread in and of itself! I tend to be more loud and excitable. I’ve mellowed out over the years, but I wear my emotions on my face - have a 10 minute conversation with me and that is obvious. I’ve tried really hard to be more reserved, but its a daily battle for me.

 

[MomaMary8]

I don’t feel like as though its an obsession - I just want to be sure I’m doing what God wants me to do… for years I dealt with jokes about my chest size and so maybe I’m overcompensating, but I’m also a mom and trying to set an example for my kids as well.

I hear you on this one. It is difficult when you are larger in the chest, because there are somethings that can cover you head to toe, and your chest will still be noticed Now that 2 of my daughters are fully grown and have inherited my feminine physique I notice chest-attention grabbing outfits even more so. As fashion trends change, my daughters and I adjust our clothing choices. Just when we think we’ve got a style that suits us, the favortie cut of a blouse is out and a new one is in!

I think an evaluation of a wardrobe should be a constant in some ways. Body shapes change, and our state of life evolves. I’m no longer the overweight mom of toddlers, I’m now the thinner mom of teenage girls and boys with toddlers in tow. What I could wear 10 years ago is not what I can wear today. I have to be active, yet set an example to my daughters just entering the world. I have to dress nicely and respectfully, giving my sons a model for possible future spouses. I also need to be attractive for my husband who has promised to not look at another…I need to give him something good to look at since he won’t be looking any where else!

 

[SusanneT]

This included shirts that showed too much cleavage, push-up bras, jeans that wear either too tight or way too “low rise” and dresses and skirts that were above the knee. .

This made me laugh, I’m quite small on top (at least between pregnancies etc) so I used to crave having as cleavage to show ! So “push- up bras” were on my list of things to get rid of !

I know all about modesty being a state of mind, but please - it is about covering up as well !

 

[mommamaree]

I went too far after my conversion, with respect to modesty. I only ever wore skirts and I started wearing a mantilla at Mass. But I did those things, not because I really liked skirts or because I loved the devotion of head covering, but because I was so ashamed of my beauty. I allowed myself to become very plump and frumpy in order to hide and avoid anyone noticing me. It is very disturbing to know what lust can do to a man’s thoughts when he views a woman he finds visually appealing. I was ashamed and afraid.
Last year, I finally started working on overcoming those fears. Recently, with my husband’s encouragement and according to his preferences, I started wearing tank dresses or knee-length dresses, shorts, pants, and tank tops. I even started swimming again and we got a membership at the community pool. I stopped head covering last summer, too. I also started dropping lots of weight and am now more than halway to my goal. My husband is so happy and has ordered me lots of new clothes, even a two-piece swimsuit, which will arrive this week.
But I am having to deal with more lingering glances and double takes and gazing, especially at my breasts. I am journeying toward modesty, but this time around, I am determined not to feel shame about having a female form, or long, thick hair, or a pretty face, or a large bosom. I used to think that having those physical attributes, and not hiding them through covering or binding, meant I was vain and provocative, and that I was the cause of lust. Now I know better. It is not my fault, and it is not vain to just be naturally curvy and pretty and I am tired of hiding. I want to have fun and get some sun and be active and social, but I must confront my shame issues in order to do so. So it is a journey, but in a different way perhaps than other women who feel more comfortable and happy in their own skin.

 

[KrazyKat]

"Reflect that fashion, if it is indecent - and we see that the world unfortunately follows it as if it were a law - is a trick of the devil, a clever trap in which the devil catches souls, in the same way as hunters catch game in the woods and fields.

God did not give us clothing as an adornment in order to feed our human vanity and frivolity. No!.."

Sister Lucia. “Calls” from the message of Fatima

 

[thewanderer]

I went too far after my conversion, with respect to modesty. I only ever wore skirts and I started wearing a mantilla at Mass. But I did those things, not because I really liked skirts or because I loved the devotion of head covering, but because I was so ashamed of my beauty. I allowed myself to become very plump and frumpy in order to hide and avoid anyone noticing me. It is very disturbing to know what lust can do to a man’s thoughts when he views a woman he finds visually appealing. I was ashamed and afraid.
Last year, I finally started working on overcoming those fears. Recently, with my husband’s encouragement and according to his preferences, I started wearing tank dresses or knee-length dresses, shorts, pants, and tank tops. I even started swimming again and we got a membership at the community pool. I stopped head covering last summer, too. I also started dropping lots of weight and am now more than halway to my goal. My husband is so happy and has ordered me lots of new clothes, even a two-piece swimsuit, which will arrive this week.
But I am having to deal with more lingering glances and double takes and gazing, especially at my breasts. I am journeying toward modesty, but this time around, I am determined not to feel shame about having a female form, or long, thick hair, or a pretty face, or a large bosom. I used to think that having those physical attributes, and not hiding them through covering or binding, meant I was vain and provocative, and that I was the cause of lust. Now I know better. It is not my fault, and it is not vain to just be naturally curvy and pretty and I am tired of hiding. I want to have fun and get some sun and be active and social, but I must confront my shame issues in order to do so. So it is a journey, but in a different way perhaps than other women who feel more comfortable and happy in their own skin.

Awesome post:thumbsup: I went through something similar when I was a teenager, but thankfully for only a pretty short period of time. And, well, not so much because of fear of others, but because of a misguided sense of what modesty is. Being modest should not make you look frumpy or ever make you ashamed of your own body.

 

[catholicmamajoy]

See the bolded. That could be a whole other thread in and of itself! I tend to be more loud and excitable. I’ve mellowed out over the years, but I wear my emotions on my face - have a 10 minute conversation with me and that is obvious. I’ve tried really hard to be more reserved, but its a daily battle for me.

Unless you are out and out obnoxious (and I seriously doubt you are), please don’t try and change your personality and your temperament! I’m always saddened by those who think someone who is more vocal and passionate about things is being unladylike or immodest. Some women may be more calm and docile, but some of us are fiery and outgoing by our God-given nature and temperament. Now, I can see how one might want to work on not “flying off the handle” in a disagreement or “taking 5” before responding to someone else that’s being hostile, but I hope that no women ever thinks she needs to be docile and timid because some poor misguided person said that’s what consitutes modest or Christian behavior in a woman.

 

[catholicmamajoy]

I went too far after my conversion, with respect to modesty. I only ever wore skirts and I started wearing a mantilla at Mass. But I did those things, not because I really liked skirts or because I loved the devotion of head covering, but because I was so ashamed of my beauty. I allowed myself to become very plump and frumpy in order to hide and avoid anyone noticing me. It is very disturbing to know what lust can do to a man’s thoughts when he views a woman he finds visually appealing. I was ashamed and afraid.
Last year, I finally started working on overcoming those fears. Recently, with my husband’s encouragement and according to his preferences, I started wearing tank dresses or knee-length dresses, shorts, pants, and tank tops. I even started swimming again and we got a membership at the community pool. I stopped head covering last summer, too. I also started dropping lots of weight and am now more than halway to my goal. My husband is so happy and has ordered me lots of new clothes, even a two-piece swimsuit, which will arrive this week.
But I am having to deal with more lingering glances and double takes and gazing, especially at my breasts. I am journeying toward modesty, but this time around, I am determined not to feel shame about having a female form, or long, thick hair, or a pretty face, or a large bosom. I used to think that having those physical attributes, and not hiding them through covering or binding, meant I was vain and provocative, and that I was the cause of lust. Now I know better. It is not my fault, and it is not vain to just be naturally curvy and pretty and I am tired of hiding. I want to have fun and get some sun and be active and social, but I must confront my shame issues in order to do so. So it is a journey, but in a different way perhaps than other women who feel more comfortable and happy in their own skin.

:yup: Thank you for sharing; there’s much in there I can identify with regarding my own experiences.