Just a rant

[CCM08]

Wow. how ungreatful. I can’t imagine repaying someone for giving me a place to live by bringing adultery into their home. I completely agree with you, your house and your rules. If she doesn’t wish to conduct herself by them she needs to find another place to live. I’d just lay down the law and tell her she can’t have men at your home period. It would be rather uncomfortable for you or her mother to have to testify at a divorce hearing about this behavior. I also would make it clear that she needed to be home for her kids, not out committing adulerty and that you, nor your wife, would be watching her children while she stays out all night. Single parent duty is tough, she needs to learn now that her social life is taking a back seat, in a bus so to speak, to her children. Sooner or later the kids are going to be old enough to understand what’s going on and no kid deserves to grow up watching cartoons in the living room while mom’s in “notching the headboard” with half the neighborhood.

We’re married, and the times we’ve stayed with her parents or my mother we’ve always had an understanding that martial relations would not be apporiate. There are just things you don’t do in other people’s homes.

 

[rayne89]

Sooner or later the kids are going to be old enough to understand what’s going on and no kid deserves to grow up watching cartoons in the living room while mom’s in “notching the headboard” with half the neighborhood.

While I agree this woman’s behavior is wrong I think this comparison is a bit much and really insulting to the character of this woman you don’t even know. The OP described a situation with one man -the same man on repeated occasions. He did not say half the neighborhood. This woman is “unchurched” as the OP describes, she obviously doesn’t hold the same values we do but that doesn’t make her …well, a woman that sleeps with half the neighborhood.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Well, she’s not behaving very virtuously either. I’m looking at it from the view of a woman whose husband left her with an infant and two small children. This woman has been living in another house for a couple of months because her marriage ended. A few weeks ago she started seeing a new man?

Her small children have just had the foundation of their home pulled out from under them. They are in a different place. Their mother has been going through the turmoil of separation. That has to carry forward to them somehow. I can’t imagine they are not sad and confused and miss daddy. Already she is dating a new man. And sleeping with him.

How well does she know this new person? She’s dragging him into the home where her children are. She is putting them at risk. They should be her first priority. In many many cases, children are hurt by the mother’s boyfriend or fiancee, or live-in. Right now she has her mother and stepfather to serve as a buffer. But she’d be doing this if she could afford to live alone. And no one would be the wiser. She should be working at stabilizing her own children’s lives. A couple months after my marriage broke up, I was in NO shape to be forging new romantic relationships. I don’t know many women who would be.

She also runs the risk of the father of her children finding out there is a man in there with her children. Some men can be set to violence by that kind of behavior. She’s opening a real can of worms here.

Does she allow her children to get close to this man? What if it breaks up also? Is she going to lead her children through a series of “uncles” and pseudo-father figures? No, this many not be half the neighborhood… yet. But she’s off to a good start.

Sorry to be mean. But unless she had this guy on the back burner waiting during her marriage and has known him for a long time, she is bringing a stranger into the intimate lives of her very young and vulnerable children.

I’ll be harsh about it. As a mother. Who has been in her position. She has no business doing it. I don’t care what religion you are.

 

[rayne89]

I agree she is using very poor judgement and what she is doing is wrong I just think comparing her behavior of bring one man home (which is pretty unbelievable while staying at your own mother’s house ) is not the same as notching your headboard with half the neighborhood.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I agree she is using very poor judgement and what she is doing is wrong I just think comparing her behavior of bring one man home (which is pretty unbelievable while staying at your own mother’s house ) is not the same as notching your headboard with half the neighborhood.

But I think that we can agree that adultry is adultry whether it is with just one man or with 33 men, right?

Maybe the “notching the headboard” was a euphamism or an exageration to make a point?

 

[rayne89]

But I think that we can agree that adultry is adultry whether it is with just one man or with 33 men, right?

Maybe the “notching the headboard” was a euphamism or an exageration to make a point?

I agree. Just like murder is murder -but we would agree there is a difference between a person who killed one person and a serial killer right?

 

[Liberanosamalo]

But every serial killer started with the first murder. I just think it doesn’t bode well for her future if she hasn’t even been separated officially and divorced officially and she’s already on the dating circuit.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I agree. Just like murder is murder -but we would agree there is a difference between a person who killed one person and a serial killer right?

Agree, but what is the difference with sex 1 time with 50 guys or sex 50 times with 1 guy?

 

[CCM08]

While I agree this woman’s behavior is wrong I think this comparison is a bit much and really insulting to the character of this woman you don’t even know. The OP described a situation with one man -the same man on repeated occasions. He did not say half the neighborhood. This woman is “unchurched” as the OP describes, she obviously doesn’t hold the same values we do but that doesn’t make her …well, a woman that sleeps with half the neighborhood.

Considering the divorce papers aren’t even filed and she’s already hitting the sack with some other guy it’s pretty clear the bed sheets don’t have to cool down. I really don’t see how the character of an adultress can really be insulted. When you’re bringing guys that spend the night in your mother’s home right after you’ve moved out of your husband’s house I would say that does qualify you as someone that probably “gets around.” I really don’t care who she wants to fornicate with, that’s her affair. However dishonoring the home of your mother is truely a shameful act. I don’t think you need to be a practicing Christian to know that. At any rate, I was using a emphuism to make a point.

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

Even aside from the moral objections, I see a couple of other problems. One, it’s not cool to bring men into the grandchildren’s lives like that. If you’re going to bring a man into your life, he had better be very serious about sticking around for the long haul. And, such a man will wait until you’re married.

Two, why should you and your wife be OK with some stranger staying in your house at night? How do you know he won’t steal or something? It’s your house and you don’t have to allow any guests you didn’t expressly invite, yourself!

 

[Dirk_Skene]

…
How well does she know this new person? …
Does she allow her children to get close to this man? …
Sorry to be mean. …

1st question: I am not sure. I think it was from the net.
2nd question: yes.

You are not being mean You are being a Christian. You see a bad situation & you are commenting in a proper way.

The father does know. I do not think there will be violance. That does not worry me too much. The daughter & boyfriend no longer try to stay the night together. Since my 1st post on this thread things have changed. Not as well as it shoiuld be though.

 

[Dirk_Skene]

… It’s your house and you don’t have to allow any guests you didn’t expressly invite, yourself!

That is a point I made to my wife :yup: I think she just did not want a confrontation But it better now that it happened

 

[tamccrackine]

I’m glad you stood your ground. I wish my own father would do this with my older sister because she has done this very thing to them. She did this when her oldest was 4 and she’s done it when her youngest was the same age. Both her girls have NO respect for her now because they are getting conflicting messages about “you must honor and obey your mother” yet they recongize her behavior as being self deprecating.

Good luck with everything else in this situation. It sounds like things are going to work out just fine and she’s got good support. I’ll keep your entire family in my prayers!