Just found out my daughter is gifted, but her grades are average?

[SilverAvenger]

Okay, here goes a message from sombody who was like your daughter, before what happened to me happens to her. [Although my flaw was in the physical coordination sector]

Your daughter has a lot of raw potential God has given her. It’s an amazing gift, and if well honed, she could change the world as we know it.

First of all, the best thing to do would be finding her something that stimulates her. Normaly, poor grades are due because classes are poorly stimulating and don’t provide a chalenge. So “borring classes” = “why giving a damn about them?” that, and the next item.

Secound, making sure her teachers won’t turn down her grades “for the sake of equality”, like was done to me. There is nothing more frustrating than working your best to show everyone that you know, and then getting the same grade as everyone else. Here in Portugal, that’s how they deal with gifted kids, and let me tell you, there’s a big share of then who end up in the psychiatric service because of it.

Third…never make her feel like that gift of hers is a burden. I was made to feel like that [because one other charactristic is that sometimes, gifted people end up by having a mental age different from their physical age. In my case, when I did the assessment, my physical age was 4, and my mental age was 21] since my mother couldn’t realy deal with the fact that in some things, I was older than she was.

Above everything, always show yourself supportive of her…it’s the key in this.

Kind regards.

 

[ClearWater]

I am completely shocked. My daughter went to a very reputable psychologist to do a psycho-educational assessment and we met with the psychologist last week.

His first comment to us was that we have a wonderful child and we’ve done a great job…blah blah blah…then he tells us to be prepared to be surprised.

“You’re daughter’s cognitive ability is in the 99.6 percentile.”

I was thinking oh that’s great! What does this mean???

He then tells us about her test results in detail and ends it with

“Your daughter is very gifted.”

My first question is, “Then why are her grades not reflecting that???”

He says that she probably learned to read via wrote memory instead of phonics, but she must have adjusted bc she is now reading way above her grade level. I was in complete shock b/c we tested her b/c I thought she had dyslexia b/c her ability to read had progressed very slowly.

He told us that her weakness is sequential reasoning…like, what day comes before Friday or if I have 110 books, how many piles of 10 can we make? So we need to help her with that.

Her handwriting also sucks and he told us it’s because her brain is a “Cadillac” and her hand is a “Pontiac”; hence a bottleneck affect of her thoughts and being able to put them down on paper. He said with practice, her hand will eventually catch up to her brain.

We are in shock…completely in shock!!! Now what??? Anyone with experience in this area???

I didn’t see this coming.

My sister was valedictorian of her class. When she was 16 y.o., she toured Europe with America’s Youth in Concert. She played at Carnegie Hall, was in “Who’s Who in Music”.
She was an alternate for the McDonald’s Band. She applied, and was accepted, to MIT. She just wanted to see if she could get it but went elsewhere.

She got a renewable scholarship in Electrical Engineering from Kodak.

In high school, she was bored in math class. So, on her own, she completed the entire book, told someone that, but the person didn´t believe her. Instead of testing her, she had to do that ENTIRE math book all over again!

The second time, she kept all her work to prove her case. Even with all that, she was STILL a full year ahead in math, was taking college math in high school.

Now, she told me that sometimes people are “bored” because something is too difficult. She said she was often also VERY bored, because it was too EASY!

I remembered that. Once, I taught at a home for children in Mexico, and one student was VERY gifted. I’d tell him something ONCE, and he’d remember.

The director of the home was complaining about him to me. I thought, “Are we talking about the same kid?! He’s my BEST student!” Anyway, she said she basically had to hit him to go to his English class.

I went to the teen, asked him what the problem was. He said, “I’m BORED! I already know that! Liz has taught me that. You have taught me. Father has taught me!”

So, I said I’d speak to the social worker at the home about his case, see if I could get him moved up a grade. I asked merely that he be tested, and proceed from there.

The home’s social worker spoke to the social worker at the school. They agreed to test him, and although I had only worked with him a short while, he tested TWO YEARS ahead!

However, they said if they moved him up 2 years, they didn´t know what they’d do with him afterwards. I spoke to the teen, and he said he’d be fine with being moved just one year ahead, then. We made the arrangements.

Later, I checked back on him, asked how he was doing. He was MUCH happier, and the director no longer had any problems with him.

However, boredom is often a problem. I know both with my sister AND that student that they were both gifted.

Sometimes, my sister would say how she couldn´t connect to others on her “level”. She said she always had to “come down to” their level.

With my sister, she was pretty much good at everything…sports, language, music. I didn´t really notice a weak point, unless it would be in her social skills.

I remember reading about Einstein, and some thought he was not right mentally. Turned out he was a GENIUS! So, she’s in good company!

A lot of genuises had difficulty with certain aspects of, say, language. Look at DaVinci. Didn´t they have to stick his writing in a mirror in order for others to be able to read it?

 

[fastenatingguy]

I would steer her to the creative or performing arts.
Class work may not necessarily be the place where her skills may manifest themselves.
Maybe expose her to some of the Fine arts and see if something there turns out to be her “thing”.
Congratulations, but also, be ready for her to be kind of misunderstood by folks. I would keep the “gifted” thing under wraps. Kids can be mean, parents can be jealous, and some educators skeptical. She’ll encounter lots of grief if this is not handled with a fair amount of discretion.
I’m sure she will make the world a better place. God bless you all. I would pray to St. Ignatius of Loyola, and Thomas Aquinas for guidance in managing all that she will encounter in her development.

I was blessed that my gifted daughter was co-salutatorian at her high school (and mine): Loyola Academy.

Me? not even close…

 

[petra22]

I was thinking oh that’s great! What does this mean???

/QUOTE]

It means YOU might have to work hard to keep ahead of her!!!
You know, keep her interested and willing to work up to potential…
Good luck and best wishes…

 

[Xantippe]

Depending where you live, there can be some very interesting opportunities.

In our area, there’s a college school of education that runs gifted summer camps. For little kids, they do themed 1-week programs (botany, space station, a model city, etc). Meanwhile, the bigger kids (from about 4th grade up) are able to choose from a course catalog. The big kids do 90 minute classes for one five-day week, choosing between many different topics. I was initially not very impressed with the level of some of the offerings or wondered whether cooking REALLY deserved to be a gifted camp subject, but now that my oldest is a 7th grader, I’m starting to be impressed by some of the stuff the kids are coming up with.

Our local community college also does some kids’ summer classes that we haven’t tried, but that look interesting.

In general, I’m a big fan of short camps and summer courses. You have just enough time to discover a new subject area that you can explore more later on your own, but not enough time so that it starts feeling like school.

 

[Xantippe]

With regard to gifted kids slacking, maybe we just need to dream bigger for them?

This morning, I was floating the idea to my husband, 12-year-old and 9-year-old that maybe, down the road, they could sign up for and do a Biblical Hebrew course together. (The 12-year-old is in her fourth year of school Latin and doing well and the 9-year-old is in his first year, and my husband has taught himself some Hebrew.) Now, that’s a big dream, and maybe it will be a while before the 9-year-old is up for it, but I think it would be a realistic goal to work toward.

 

[triumphguy]

Grades are a very poor indicator of future success in life. The Unabomber was a math prodigy that went to Harvard when he was 16.

The world is run by ‘C’ students.

No it’s not!

While I do know C students who are now millionaires, most of the “leaders” in the most important fields are definitely the A students.

 

[triumphguy]

Having a preference either way (for the gifted or the hard-working average student) has absolutely no bearing on what kind of children we’ll wind up blessed with.

Look - you’re stating the obvious.

My comment was not about choice as a parent, but that a student with a work ethic will eventually outperform someone gifted but lazy.

 

[Xantippe]

Look - you’re stating the obvious.

My comment was not about choice as a parent, but that a student with a work ethic will eventually outperform someone gifted but lazy.

But if you are a gifted student that works hard, you can easily outperform a diligent dullard.

At the top of many fields (say, for instance, academia), you’ll find people who are both astonishingly brilliant and ridiculously driven.

 

[Allegra]

Look - you’re stating the obvious.

My comment was not about choice as a parent, but that a student with a work ethic will eventually outperform someone gifted but lazy.

That really isn’t true. I’m a music teacher and I know lots of teachers and musicians. There are some people that are just good at what they do and will put the hardworkers away with little effort for their entire professional lives. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s reality and it’s important for average people to accept this fact. I’ve seen so many musicians practice themselves into repeditive motion injuries and mental breakdowns, thinking just one more hour and they might catch up to that guy who partied all night, fell out of bed, chugged some coffee, and played the audition flawlessly. If they don’t accept reality, they will make themselves ill, discontented, and completely loose their passion. The secret to success is to love what you do and do what you love.

 

[Xantippe]

That really isn’t true. I’m a music teacher and I know lots of teachers and musicians. There are some people that are just good at what they do and will put the hardworkers away with little effort for their entire professional lives. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s reality and it’s important for average people to accept this fact. I’ve seen so many musicians practice themselves into repeditive motion injuries and mental breakdowns, thinking just one more hour and they might catch up to that guy who partied all night, fell out of bed, chugged some coffee, and played the audition flawlessly. If they don’t accept reality, they will make themselves ill, discontented, and completely loose their passion. The secret to success is to love what you do and do what you love.

Yes.

I don’t know how true it was of the historical Mozart, but that’s the story in the movie Amadeus–no matter how hard Salieri worked, he wasn’t going to be as good as Mozart.

 

[Allegra]

Yes.

I don’t know how true it was of the historical Mozart, but that’s the story in the movie Amadeus–no matter how hard Salieri worked, he wasn’t going to be as good as Mozart.

It might not be a historical account of Salieri, but it’s a very realistic account of who-knows-how-many-musicians who have burned out and driven themselves mad through the ages.

 

[EasterJoy]

I would not lean at all on the idea that she is gifted, except to let her know that she has both abilities and challenges that are unique.

Psychological research has shown that children who are praised for hard work and passion are more likely to challenge themselves and accept the correction and repetition required to excel. Children who are told they are smart are more likely to question themselves when they fail and generally to avoid failure.

That is not to say children shouldn’t be told they’re gifted. It is to say that you ought to praise their tenacity and willingness to get up and try as many times as it takes as the quality that will take them far. Praise their love of whatever it is that ignites their enthusiasm. You want them to know that talent will only get them so far, but the combination of their talent and their willingness to work will get them past set-backs and will be what serves them. That way, they won’t have this idea that being gifted is an easy ticket to success. It isn’t. Even Mozart worked hard.

 

[Elena321]

How olds your daughter?
What is her memory like,particularly episodic/autobiographical?
What are her skills like in the areas of Commerce?
Did the Psychologist give you a written breakdown of the areas that he tested and her scores for them?
Eg:executive function,abstract reasoning,semantic knowledge,visiospatial abilities etc…
Personally I wouldn’t worry too much if your daughter has poor handwriting-many doctors also do and they do alright.

 

[Sarcelle]

As a teacher (and father of gifted kids) one of the weaknesses that gifted kids fall prey to is that they can “wing” it, learn on the fly, picking up concepts quickly, and they can learn to read and interpret their teachers, and look very smart doing it, all while avoiding the details, the nitty-gritty and the grind of mastering the details and the skills necessary to do really well.

I would rather my kids were average but had a ferocious work ethic, than gifted but able to wing it.

A ferocious work ethic can be installed in any child, gifted it not.

A child that is gifted and has a ferocious work ethic can set the world on fire.

 

[1ke]

Although a US based organization, this association has excellent information on their website:

nagc.org/

 

[CradleJourney]

Just an FYI - for my gifted son the very hardest thing is imprecise test questions. And unfortunately these tend to show up a great deal on standardized tests, end-of-course exams, and the pre-prepared tests that come with textbooks.

Ex. from a first grade test:

Would you rather have fruit bar A or fruit bar B? (Accompanied by drawings depicting a large generic bar for A and a much smaller one for B).

My son did not answer the question, and of course, it was counted wrong.

When asked, his reasoning was quite sound - he could not possibly answer because he didn’t know what kind of fruit bar it was. If it was one he didn’t like, then he’d pick B so there was less he’d have to eat. If it was one he did like, then he’d pick A so he’d have more to enjoy.

Now if the question had been worded properly for a math test (which this was) then it would have asked which fruit bar is larger - and he’d have answered it correctly.

I cannot begin to tell of the literally hundreds of “wrong” answers my son has had because of similar situations. He thinks very literally, and will often come up with a perfectly legitimate responses that do not match ANY of the multiple choice answers offered.

It began in first grade and now continues thru high school (still struggles with questions like in Health - “What would be the best way to prevent someone from tampering with your drink?” His natural response - don’t be at a party and/or don’t drink there - were not options. And the frustration he feels over the “rules and exceptions to the rule” when it comes to English is legendary.

On the other hand, I’m very confident that there’s an engineering program/position out there where his skills are going to make him quite successful. (He perpetually stumps his advanced physics and calculus teachers with his questions and has had to up his reading level to get at the articles that help him get his answers).

So my advice, enjoy with pride your child’s abilities, be willing to go to bat for them when needed, but also be aware that you may need to sometimes convince them that it’s easier to “go along” with a system that’s not necessarily conducive to those who think differently.

Good luck!

 

[EasterJoy]

As a teacher (and father of gifted kids) one of the weaknesses that gifted kids fall prey to is that they can “wing” it, learn on the fly, picking up concepts quickly, and they can learn to read and interpret their teachers, and look very smart doing it, all while avoiding the details, the nitty-gritty and the grind of mastering the details and the skills necessary to do really well.

I would rather my kids were average but had a ferocious work ethic, than gifted but able to wing it.

The main thing, say the researchers, is that scholars have a “so what?” attitude towards trying and failing to achieve their goal on the first try. Anyone who wants to achieve excellence has to be willing to work, accept correction, and work through failure and weakness towards eventual success and strength. The people who take failure as a sign that they are not gifted after all will have a very hard time of it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, hardly a paragon in some other areas, has always been the epitome of the “so what?” attitude towards trying and failing. He advocates throwing your all into your goal, and if you fail sometimes–so what? What is the worst that can happen? You pick yourself up and you either try again or you find something else to do. If failure isn’t going to put you into slavery or working in a diamond pit or some other awful fate like that, don’t fear it. He also advocates for giving a “what’s the next thing?” attitude, since people who rest on their laurels aren’t as satisfied as people who look for new goals once they’ve played the last ones to their logical conclusions. Succeed or fail, then go to the next thing.

IOW, being gifted is not an end in itself. It is a tool you have at your disposal. You can be decidedly “ungifted” according to the world–few people were more “ungifted” in terms of their American film prospects than the thick-accented, gap-toothed, odd-bodied, untrained-to-act and oddly-named Arnold Schwarzenegger was told he was when he landed on US soil–and still succeed, and you may not even use your greatest gifts in every goal you pursue. The main thing is to choose goals that you feel passionate enough about to keep working at them even during the times when it isn’t fun. Often that is in the area of your greatest gifts, since you can achieve more with the same effort, but not always. It is important that gifted children be told very clearly that their gifts aren’t a free ticket and they aren’t a limitation that says, “Here. You’re good at this, so you have to do this.” This is especially important for kids who aren’t all that wild about doing what they are “best” at doing. They can find their “gift” to be a great burden, if their gift has them instead of the other way around.

 

[HouseArrest]

There are challenges that go along with giftedness. One such problem is that gifted children often think that since they are intelligent, they do not have to follow rules. I had one student who was probably not even gifted but bright. He never put his name on his paper. When I counted points for a project, I might come up with 29 features that I want to see, each being worth one point. In order to round it up, the name on the paper would be worth one point.

He didn’t put his name on the paper, so he didn’t get the point. His argument? He didn’t/shouldn’t/won’t put his name on the paper because after all, he got the other 29 points. His mother agreed. Why should he have to do that? He is way above that. We went round and round. They kept saying, “why can’t you just give him the point?” to which I responded, “why doesn’t he just put his name on his papers?”

Another issue I had with my daughter was that teachers kept trying to give her reading material that was too mature for her. She had a very high reading level, but some content was inappropriate for her age. I think it is easy to assume these gifted kids are adults and are ready for adult situations.

 

[pianistclare]

There are challenges that go along with giftedness. One such problem is that gifted children often think that since they are intelligent, they do not have to follow rules. I had one student who was probably not even gifted but bright. He never put his name on his paper. When I counted points for a project, I might come up with 29 features that I want to see, each being worth one point. In order to round it up, the name on the paper would be worth one point.

He didn’t put his name on the paper, so he didn’t get the point. His argument? He didn’t/shouldn’t/won’t put his name on the paper because after all, he got the other 29 points. His mother agreed. Why should he have to do that? He is way above that. We went round and round. They kept saying, “why can’t you just give him the point?” to which I responded, “why doesn’t he just put his name on his papers?”

Another issue I had with my daughter was that teachers kept trying to give her reading material that was too mature for her. She had a very high reading level, but some content was inappropriate for her age. I think it is easy to assume these gifted kids are adults and are ready for adult situations.

Love this. You bring to light a situation that is common in parents of children who are very bright.
They feel that their children should be exempt from the mundane requirements of the rest of the class.
This is what I was talking about when I cautioned about letting this cloud their thinking or letting everyone know about this news.
Already we have seen some negative postings, some envious postings, and some folks who doubt the veracity of the claims and we don’t even know these people!
I can only imagine what they will encounter IRL. I would say, try to get her a good education, see if she exhibits a preference for subjects, talents, etc. and support her when and if she is ever misunderstood. But don’t expect special treatment, don’t compare her to others, and don’t allow people to pigeon-hole her. Basically, the same advice one would give ANY parent of any child; gifted or average.