Just got my RCIA sponsor, but

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So, I met my assigned RCIA sponsor! I was super nervous but the meeting went amazingly. However…I might just be overthinking things…but I think that his assignment as a sponsor to me may have had some matchmaking (for lack of a better term) motivations? I was initially told that my sponsor was a woman much older than me. I was very surprised when the woman that organizes RCIA matters introduced me to a guy just slightly older than me. This woman in charge of RCIA matters seemed to be a bit more focused on the shared interests and hobbies this guy and I had than on actually discussing the RCIA process. The guy seems incredibly nice and I find it very easy to talk to him. I’m not necessarily tempted (for lack of a better term)? But I can’t deny that I might have a bit of a crush on him due to how quickly we bonded and how much we share in common. I don’t intend to make a move or anything. I understand and respect the importance of the role of a sponsor. If this guy were to ever eventually show any inclination of having romantic interest in me, is that against some sort of rule? I’m conflicted and confused to say the least. But I’m hopeful that I can have a proper sponsorship experience through my RCIA process with him as my sponsor if that makes any sense? Has anyone ever been through something similar before?
 
I can’t say I have ever heard of this type of situation in an RCIA before, it isn’t against any kind of " rule " , if anything, I guess it could be considered, awkward ? An I suppose as long as the feelings are mutual, and nothing feels creepy, really shouldn’t be a problem. But one thing to consider is to take things in stride, an set things where they need to be. If you want to see this person in a romantic interested way. Maybe consider just putting that out on the table, and requesting a new RCIA sponsor. So that way you can focus on the aspects of the RCIA process. An not be battling matters of the heart and faith, with the exact same person at once. There wouldn’t need to be a drawn out explanation or special council to appoint you a new sponsor, you can make up an excuse or be upfront as to why or just say, that both of your schedules are busy…

It is just my two cents, hope it helps.
 
I agree with @OSN, seems awkward. I would not want to be put in a situation that appeared to be matchmaking. What if halfway through the program you had a falling out? It seems an unnecessary and possibly confusing distraction while you are trying to discern your faith.
 
Crocus said:
It seems an unnecessary and possibly confusing distraction while you are trying to discern your faith.
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I agree. Not to mention the pseudo-incestuous aspects to it considering that your sponsor is basically your godparent!

I’d definitely be asking for a different sponsor.
 
Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice. I really appreciate it. There actually doesn’t seem to be an alternative to this guy for a sponsor at the moment if the initial sponsor they had chosen is genuinely no longer available. You see, my circumstances are unique and I am trying to go through the RCIA process in a region where the dominant language is French (which I am not fluent in). They were open about how limited they were in English speaking candidates for a sponsorship role.
If anything, I think that I should take things in stride as you’ve suggested. It’s only a small crush right now for me. If he and or I were to ever discuss exploring a romantic relationship based on Catholic morals/values then I suppose I would insist on meeting with the priest to get his (name removed by moderator)ut on how to proceed if this were to happen before the completion of my RCIA process.
Because of my background with Catholicism (personally and academically), I was surprised to be told that my RCIA process might only last from now until the end of this summer. I am hoping that if anything romantic were to happen between us, that it would be after that process is completed.
 
Nothing wrong with it, not sure why this would even be an issue. Two single people that have attractions is normal.
 
I think that an implication of incest is a bit extreme? Also, I thought that godparents were separate roles entirely for most circumstances? Furthermore, I think I already had official godparents before my parents stopped being practicing Catholics right around my toddler years.
 
to-whatever-end said:
I think that an implication of incest is a bit extreme?
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No, actually, I don’t. I believe in some of the Eastern Churches they don’t allow opposite sex sponsors or godparents to marry their sponsees. So, I’m not alone in this. Still, I did qualify with pseudo for good reason.
 
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Okay. I understand. I apologize if my response to your initial comment came across as argumentative (for lack of a better term)? I was simply providing my perspective on it and leaving it open ended because I’m still learning. And I have association with the Eastern Churches so I don’t understand why they’re own stances on such a matter would be relevant in this context of Roman Catholicism (western rite)? If you could provide further explanation as to why you mentioned the eastern churches I would appreciate it to get a better understanding of the potential relevance? Thanks.
 
My understanding is that even in the Latin Rite marriage to a Godparent used to be forbidden because of spiritual kinship. This was aborrogated. Some of our Orthodox brothern still forbid it. That’s why I mentioned it.

Of course you aren’t bound by what the Orthodox do or by abrogated canon law. My point was simply that these relationships have uncomfortable pseudo-incestuous overtones to me. You asked for opinions, so I gave you mine. You are free to do what you like of course.
 
Okay. Thank you for the clarification. I really do appreciate it. I understand and respect your opinion on the matter. Presently, I don’t agree that such a relationship would be (pseudo)incestuous. But, I never know, my RCIA process may lead to a new perspective on the matter as I further develop my understanding of Roman Catholic doctrine and such? Regardless of the respectful disagreement, I value your (name removed by moderator)ut. The more perspectives the better. Thanks again.
 
Husbands sponsor wives, wives sponsor husbands. Brothers sponsor sisters. We just matched a sponsor with a catechumen based because both had struggled with alcohol and would be good influences with each other. If you’re not comfortable, talk to your RCIA director, or just focus on RCIA for now and see what comes next year. It’d make a great story to tell the kids 🙂
 
Complex situation. I think you should wait a bit to see how it is going. And if it leads to a romantic interest, you should be clear with him about it and maybe get things in order with the advice of the priest. But as you said, you have a very short time with him in RCIA. In that time, apart from the program, you can get to know each other better and confirm what you feel.
(sorry if I didn’t always chose the right words, English is not my native language, I’m French :))
 
I give a little lecture at the start of RCIA each year that covers these topics:
  • This is a journey to a person, Jesus Christ. It includes components that are academic; but it is not, primarily, a class.
  • This journey is for adults, and all will be treated as such. I assume you are attending by your choice.
  • If you are dating or engaged or married to a Catholic, they may not be the best choice of a sponsor. Sometimes people become Catholic because they want to please (or at least, not to hurt the feelings of) this person. You can think about this for a time and make your own decision; if you don’t have another person to select, I will help find one for you. If you believe your relationship with this person would not be damaged if you decide not to enter the Church, you are free to choose them.
  • The only reason to enter the Church is because you have come to believe during this journey that the Catholic Church is the Church started by Jesus, and you want to be with Him.
We provide mentors for every person, as well; which serves a similar, yet distinct, role for the catechumen/candidate.
You are a capable, intelligent, adult. Trust yourself, and know you can always choose a different sponsor if you discern your feelings are complicating your free choice to complete your journey [of full initiation] into Christ.
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If, after full initiation, you both are experiencing attraction, there is nothing wrong with dating. Maybe God has greater plans for both of you.

Christ is risen,
Deacon Christopher
 
For the time being, focus on the faith. Spend time with our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament - miracles happen there - from life changing to little illuminations. Relax, and allow yourself to be yourself - as much as that is possible. Try not to read ‘too much’ into anything. Finally, do not be afraid, since everything happens for a reason.
 
My wife of eighteen years (at the time) was my sponsor. Others in my RCIA class also had spouses or a fiancée as their sponsor. I don’t see a problem unless it interferes with your journey. If it does, find another sponsor.
 
Maybe God’s giving you a little wink and nudge …

Seriously though, it’s a non-issue. I think that your focus should be on your journey for the time being but no harm in getting to know him. After the process, who knows where it could go?
 
Your sponsor does not have to be in the same country, heck, they could be in the Space Station. They simply must be a practicing Catholic who meets the age requirements who has been Confirmed themselves.

They do not have to come to meetings, someone can stand Proxy at the Rites.
 
The only thing canon law says is that a sponsor must be a confirmed, practicing Catholic at least 16 years old and not your parent. There are no rules against dating your sponsor. We have husbands and wives sponsor each other all the time. I encourage people to think of someone else to be their sponsor since their spouse is ideally along with them for the journey regardless. But most people coming in (when their spouse is already Catholic) simply feel the most comfortable with them as their sponsor.

Generally, for those who need me to find them a sponsor, I do not pair them up with someone of the opposite sex precisely to avoid candidates feeling awkward as you do. But with the language issue, I can see why the options might be much fewer in your case.

I agree that if you feel uncomfortable about it, you can certainly request another sponsor. And I’d agree that it would probably be best not to begin dating during the process itself.
 
Many people are not aware of this. When my daughter made her confirmation during high school, the leader of the class (the youth minister) insisted that sponsors had to be “physically available.” As all of our family lives 7 hours away, she insisted my daughter have a church provided sponsor–who happened to be the leader’s own sister. It wasn’t until afterward that we found out this is not the case.
 
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