Keeping Maiden Name

[darcee]

For us the names of the children were never and issue, our children always had their father’s names. My older two have their father’s name and my younger three my husband’s name.

This is NOT a moral issue. If you feel that the wife taking the husband’s name on marriage is important because of your cultural traditions then by all means do so, but don’t try to raise your personal choice on the matter to some moral imperative.

-D

 

[copland]

That is so wild that this subject comes up here because my wife and I were in a small group Bible study when this came up.

My wife replaced her middle name with her maiden last name. This was 10 years ago. She almost did not take my last name and just kept hers, but she did change it at the last moment. She was doing this out of being a little miss feminist. I always tried to act like it never bothered me, but it always did a little bit. It just made me feel as if I was not worthy in her eyes.

But she has lost alot of that bitter feminist attitude over the years. The more I love her and treat her like a **lady ** the more she finds the “I am woman hear me roar” **** not that appealing. And I think she regrets the decision of not doing it the traditional way.

But here is a point that I think we should consider.
When a man and woman marry, they become one. And the name change is just one sign of completness. As Paul gives us an illustration of a true marriage between Jesus and the Church in Ephesians as an example, that is paralleled with a man and his wife. The devotion is supposed to be the same. The man is to love his wife the way Christ loves the Church. And in response to that the wife is to submit to her husband by loving her Godly man and being devoted to him since he is loving her in an unbelievaable way.

Think about it! The Church people take upon the name of Christians. Do they not take upon the name of Christ as a means of being a a sign of identity, to show that they are one with Christ? In the same way it can be paralleled with a man and his wife, for her to take upon his name as a sign of being one flesh.

 

[darcee]

But this is NOT a church tradition it is strictly cultural. If you are Catholic and from a non-Western culture (as a couple people have mentioned) you might do things completely differently and that is perfectly fine.

One can not raise their cultural mores to the level of doctrinal teaching. No matter how many scriptures they can cite whicho make a similar yet completly unrelated point.

For instance my family is of Jewish extraction. We didn’t have last names to take until the mid 17th Century when they were decreed. My husbands family is of Norse decent… they used a naming structure similar to the Jewish one. Paul’s teaching is wonderful… it has NOTHING to do with last names. In fact I dare say his mother went by Paul(name removed by moderator) bat Paul(name removed by moderator)sdad not Paul(name removed by moderator) Paulsdadslastname.

I am sorry your wife at one time was a bitter feminist, but taking or not taking a last name has very little to do with being a feminist or a lady in this culture… it is certainly NOT a universal thing.

 

[Angelica]

Like a few posters, I took my maiden last name for my new middle name and took my husbands’ last name when we married.

Yes I knew I was marrying into a new family and I accepted taking his last name but I did not want to completely lose my last name that made me who I was and am to this day. I felt had I disregarded my maiden last name I was losing a part of myself and I did not like that one bit.

I just didn’t completely buy into needing to change my entire name just because I was marrying and moving into another stage in my life.

Heck, I never went by my maiden middle name. Never used it. Never made it known but for legal documents. I didn’t see an issue with dropping it for my last name that I used for my entire life.

 

[Mistermerlin]

lizziebeth730:

I don’t see that theres anything wrong with seperate friends, You’re bound to not like someone that your spouse is friends with. And a weekend away with the girls isn’t a huge ordeal to me either. And I’ll have my own checking account, and so will he and a joint one as well.

I’m sorry but my point isn’t about a particular friend or even about a weeekend away with the girls. (And I do think keeping separate checking accounts is a mistake. BTW, keeping one for business and one for joint use is fine). It’s about an attitude of trying to hold onto something from your single life rather than making every effort to forge a new, unified life for you, your spouse and, eventually, your children. I’m sure your parents have made things work out. However, I’m willing to bet that for every example like your parents there are scores of marriages who didn’t make it because the couple insisted on keeping their single identities. If you don’t believe me believe the divorce rate.

 

[dream_wanderer]

darcee:

But this is NOT a church tradition it is strictly cultural. If you are Catholic and from a non-Western culture (as a couple people have mentioned) you might do things completely differently and that is perfectly fine.

One can not raise their cultural mores to the level of doctrinal teaching. No matter how many scriptures they can cite whicho make a similar yet completly unrelated point.

I think in Iceland they don’t have family names at all. I believe if a man named John had a son…the son’s name would be Joe Johnson…his daughter would be Jane Johnsdottir and so on.

The name change is a cultural thing…I personally think men and women should both give up their names and take a whole brand new one.

dream wanderer

 

[Fortiterinre]

Mistermerlin:

I’m sorry but my point isn’t about a particular friend or even about a weeekend away with the girls. (And I do think keeping separate checking accounts is a mistake. BTW, keeping one for business and one for joint use is fine). It’s about an attitude of trying to hold onto something from your single life rather than making every effort to forge a new, unified life for you, your spouse and, eventually, your children. I’m sure your parents have made things work out. However, I’m willing to bet that for every example like your parents there are scores of marriages who didn’t make it because the couple insisted on keeping their single identities. If you don’t believe me believe the divorce rate.

I agree, Mr. Merlin! The Wall Street Journal just this week had an interesting article on the great increase in women taking their husband’s last names after a 1980’s-1990’s surge in maiden names and hyphenating. Attitude is everything, especially for those who approach matrimony. I see danger in separate checking accounts, completely separate friends, and even separate names. Obviously it’s not a sin, and it might work for some women, but a married couple should be a couple in most things. I am a guy, and my best friend is an Evangelical woman who really helped me “revert” to Catholicism through the strength of her Christian wisdom and conviction. We don’t do anything that looks like a date (dinners out, movies, etc), because it’s not fair to her husband even though it’s completely innocent (we do go out all together). She does not have the freedom to be “just friends” with me the way a single woman does, because she is married. As a guy it is hard to be attracted to a woman who wants to keep her maiden name and separate friends when I am expected to still follow the traditional masculine roles and pay for dates, etc. Life is a two-way street, and some of the modern conventions are a little one-sided.

 

[Minerva]

like some here, I kept my maiden name when I got married (just 15 days ago!) I thought about hyphenating but the combination of our names sounds atrocious. our children will just have his last name. Socially if people want to call me Mrs hisname that’s totally fine - but professionally and legally I wish to be known as my name. I really disagree with the suggestion that women like me who keep their names don’t take the unity of marriage seriously. Why is it that we are accused of holding onto the past, but when a man keeps the name he’s had since birth, no one accuses him of holding onto the past? Sounds like a double standard to me. As many have already said, name keeping/changing is a cultural custom, not a moral issue.

 

[dream_wanderer]

Minerva:

like some here, I kept my maiden name when I got married (just 15 days ago!) I thought about hyphenating but the combination of our names sounds atrocious. our children will just have his last name. Socially if people want to call me Mrs hisname that’s totally fine - but professionally and legally I wish to be known as my name. I really disagree with the suggestion that women like me who keep their names don’t take the unity of marriage seriously. Why is it that we are accused of holding onto the past, but when a man keeps the name he’s had since birth, no one accuses him of holding onto the past? Sounds like a double standard to me. As many have already said, name keeping/changing is a cultural custom, not a moral issue.

Thank you. That’s why I saw everyone should start over. I’m being serious about that but of of course no one will take me seriously.

dream wanderer

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

The “name” issue. With men they get all worked over having THEIR name carried on. I am sorry, but it all sounds like a big ego trip on their part.

 

[renee1258]

OhioBob:

When my wife and I were married, she had her “legal” middle name changed to her maiden name. Now she has both names without being hyphenated. I thought that was an interesting approach. Neither right nor wrong. Just thought I would share another opinion.

Blessings.

Did the same…

 

[loyola_rambler]

As touched on earlier, surnames are really a VERY recent development in the history of world. The tradition has never really been “finalized” in most countries. Women’s surnames have been in even more flux than men’s surnames. In some countries, it’s required that a woman retake her father’s surname if she divorces. In other countries, she’s allowed to take another surname from her immediate family to prevent “shame” upon her…but she can’t keep the name of the man she divorced.

As for marrying, if a woman in this country wants to keep her father’s name, there’s nothing at all wrong or unethical about it. Leave her alone about it and just be happy for her marriage and her new life.

 

[Gwyn]

I kept my maiden name until 2 weeks before my ds was born. Then hyphenated my last name to have both my maiden name and dh’s last name. DS however has only dh’s last name.

 

[puzzleannie]

I got married in the 60s, in our family the wife’s maiden name becomes her middle name, with husband’s last name, and first son is usually given her maiden name as his first name (does any of this make sense)
Hartley Barton Sims marries Annie Mae Doofus
She becomes Annie Doofus Sims and their first son is named Doofus Sims or sometimes, Hartley Doofus Sims. I don’t know if this comes from the English or German side of the family.

there are actually a lot of Doofuses in my part of Ohio (Amish)

WHen I got married I reasoned it made no difference to be identified as my father’s chattel and remain Annie Mae Doofus, or to become my husband’s chattell as Annie Doofus Sims, so to make things easer I chose the second. But it is a choice, nothing biblical, just family and cultural tradition.

Our first son was named for Mickey Mantle (no relation)

 

[AmyS]

I changed my last name… It is kind of nice when you are hideing from people from your past. Actually, I do tease about using my maiden name when I am with a diffcult client on the phone and my married name when the client is easy. It is a clue to other coworkers who work with the person.

 

[TarAshly]

i personally will find it an honor to take my husbands name, i love him and his family and am honored to be a part of that.

 

[rayne89]

Wow I didn’t realize so many women were so attached to their last name. When I got married I gladly took my husbands last name. I never thought twice about it, I wanted his last name. We were now a new family of our own, and like the previous poster I was honored to take it. (I guess you women didn’t doodle your first name with the last name of your boyfriend in highschool huh? )

As far as the my money, his money and our money, I don’t like that idea. My husband works full time and I work part time and it all goes together as our money. When he was laid off and I worked more hours than I usually did,it was still our money.

 

[renee1258]

OhioBob:

When my wife and I were married, she had her “legal” middle name changed to her maiden name. Now she has both names without being hyphenated. I thought that was an interesting approach. Neither right nor wrong. Just thought I would share another opinion.

Blessings.

I did the same.

 

[StratusRose]

A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.

 

[Jay74]

OhioBob:

When my wife and I were married, she had her “legal” middle name changed to her maiden name. Now she has both names without being hyphenated. I thought that was an interesting approach. Neither right nor wrong. Just thought I would share another opinion.

Blessings.

Ditto. My fiance is doing that, since her profession as a writer/editor for a magazine makes it wise for her to keep her name recognition (reputations take years to build).

Some people say that it is because women are treated like property. I’m not sure about that, but I do think it is nice for a family to be identified with 1 name.

It’s great we live in a country where we can choose though.