"Keeping the kiss for marriage – do I or don’t I?" An article

  • Thread starter Thread starter mdgspencer
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Romantic partners kissing is a cultural phenomenon, it is not common in every culture. And in some cultures, you can kiss your friends on the mouth.

Sex, however, is somewhat restricted in every culture and is always seen as something very intimate.
 
VonDerTann said:
There’s another issue l can think of. It’s off the wall to say “no kissing till marriage.” Even if I wanted to date someone holding to that rule, it’d be totally fair to ask “what other odd rules will they demand if I agree? we must sleep in separate rooms after marriage? I’m not allowed to see her nude after we marry?” People who hold to some arbitrary oddball rule tend to have (or later decide to have) more.
Click to expand...
You are making fun, but I am certain there are people who would find this to be putting God first. I mean, why would one want to engage in sexual relations with their spouse without first making certain that the act would have the best chance of creating a child. Think of all the energy one could save. The only real reason to have sex is the create more Catholics, right. There should be no enjoyment in the act.

Having a marriage, or preparing for marriage by living in what amounts to a strict sterile (as in no physical contact) state, is setting yourself up for a failed relationship. IMO.

Folks might as well cohabitate as siblings and adopt a child which would otherwise not have a home or be aborted due to the mothers circumstances.

But then again, the Church allows people who are unable to have children to get married. What is the purpose of that?

I guess my wife and I are both going to hell. I have serious problems understanding the need to suppress some of the very things that actually make us human beings.
 
To many (most?), kissing is part of discernment. Some people are very compatible. Some are not. Some people are willing to make an effort to try to change and improve. Some are not.

Can you wait until marriage to kiss? Sure. Are you likely to find a great match? I’m not so sure. And then it’s too late. Besides, who wants a life of bad kissing?!
 
Last edited:
farronwolf said:
The only real reason to have sex is the create more Catholics, right. There should be no enjoyment in the act.
Click to expand...
That’s most definitely NOT Catholic teaching.

It’s fine and expected for husband and wife to enjoy the act together.

Edited to add, if this was meant to be jokey or sarcasm, I apologize for misunderstanding, but we have had people who say stuff like this on here in all seriousness.
 
Last edited:
I would have felt so ugly and rejected if my boyfriend refused to kiss me.

I’m not talking drunken sloppy smooching between strangers at a party, but somebody I was in a relationship with.
 
Yeah definitely would make me second guess comparability. I do see both sides though. Those who say a kiss isn’t sexual are fooling themselves. Of course a romantic kiss is sexual contact. I’ll note here that the old stereotype that prostitutes don’t kiss is proof that it’s quite intimate. But I can’t imagine not kissing my wife before marriage. But if one of my kids got married and hadn’t kissed the future spouse I’d support that. I’ve only known two people in arranged marriages in my life and they both had no problem having a healthy and intimate relationship, and not only had they never kissed but they were virtual strangers. I think it would be cute and special to have a couple kiss for the first time at the wedding. But I don’t think it should be required morally.
 
The medieval English hugged and kissed everybody, as a normal greeting for strangers. Jews in Jesus’ day showed their affection for their rabbis as their disciples by kissing them. Europeans do a lot of cheek-kissing, holding hands, and walking down the street with their arms around their casual friends.

The only people who didn’t kiss before marriage were cultures that didn’t do kissing at all. Come on, folks, let’s not be Gnostic and unnatural. If you want to be total monks, be monks and don’t try to marry.
 
Again, that’s an interesting anthropological or historical fact but it isn’t related to a boyfriend and girlfriend kissing.
 
farronwolf said:
Having a marriage, or preparing for marriage by living in what amounts to a strict sterile (as in no physical contact) state, is setting yourself up for a failed relationship. IMO.
Click to expand...
Yep. This. I find it slightly odd and unnatural.

And why stop with kissing on the lips? I guess we shouldn’t hug either, because we run the risk of actually feeling something.
 
Last edited:
Anicette said:
the more we are intimate physically, the more it would be become a drug, and the more it would be difficult to abstain until marriage.
Click to expand...
I thin that belittles people; to equate physical intimacy with a drug is to come exceedingly close to saying that once married, “anything goes and will go”. And that flies in the face of NFP.
 
27lw said:
I believe Goa is the Catholic region of India, right?
Click to expand...
Only in relation to the rest of India. According to this, Goa is 25% Christian (it does not specify denominations, unfortunately, so I don’t know how much of that is Catholic). This is certainly much larger than India as a whole where 2.3% of the population is Christian, but it’s still a clear minority.

Goa apparently was actually majority Christian in the 19th century, but the percentage has gradually dropped since then.

It is possible that the town in question (Salvador de Mundo) is far more Christian than most of Goa, though, given that the primary languages are Portuguese and English based on the sign.
 
otjm said:
I thin that belittles people; to equate physical intimacy with a drug is to come exceedingly close to saying that once married, “anything goes and will go”. And that flies in the face of NFP.
Click to expand...
sexuality can become a dependance. Hormones are release to create chemical bound, attachment, so yes dependance between each other. It brings the couple together, so give the ideal conditions to raise a child. It is not far fetched.
Lifeisbeautiful3 said:
40.png
Anicette:
If kissing is part of any discernment, then it’s the same for sex.
Click to expand...
Except one of those two isn’t allowed…
Click to expand...
Very legalistic answer. People are not diposable product that we “try” and then we throw on the trash if we judge that they no longer suit.
And what sort of things kissing or any physical intimacy can learn us on compatibility?
Nothing.
It is just an effusion from love, it should not the contrary, acts before love.
 
Anicette said:
40.png
Lifeisbeautiful3:
40.png
Anicette:
If kissing is part of any discernment, then it’s the same for sex.
Click to expand...
Except one of those two isn’t allowed…
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Very legalistic answer. People are not diposable product that we “try” and then we throw on the trash if we judge that they no longer suit.
And what sort of things kissing or any physical intimacy can learn us on compatibility?
Nothing.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Many would say that’s the purpose of dating/courting - to see if one’s characteristics mesh with another’s: views on faith, interests/hopes/dreams, educational and professional goals, children, sense of humor, attraction, and, yes, the potential for lifelong intimacy. But, if you or others wish not to kiss before marriage, nothing wrong with that either!
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top