kids and mass

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twinsx2

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Hi,

I just started taking my toddlers to daily mass in hopes that if they can last 30 mins. then maybe we can eventually go to Sunday mass as a family and make it the whole hour. I have to say the kids did really well! The only mistake I made was they had a sucker when we walked in and I forgot to take it away before mass started. I’m usually the kind of person who over thinks things and this one time I didn’t think about my son’s crunching during Father’s homily. After mass Father said they did really well but no suckers… it takes away the reverance of why we’re here. I understand that but my kids are also only 2 1/2 and they don’t even understand why we’re there… it’s more just trying to get them used to sitting still and quiet. So, is it a church rule or our Father’s when he said no candy/food/gum at church? Is it frowned upon to take a little magna doodle to keep them busy? Or are kids just expected to sit still and quiet? I don’t enjoy taking the toddlers to church because it’s hard for me to get anything out of the mass… my attention is usually focused on keeping the kids quiet but they have to get used to going to church at some point. Thanks for taking the time to read this and God bless!

Twinsx2
 
Well, I agree with your priest. After all, you’re not at the movies. It seems disrespectful to eat during Mass.

As to the Magnadoodle, I think that’s a nice quiet toy to bring. Soft dolls or plush animals are also good.
 
Wow, you should go to a “Christian” service. No kids. Very unpleasant, says I. An eery, sterile silence…Suffer the little children to come unto Me." So we suffer. I don’t care if your kids are squealing along with the choir; and helping father during the consecration by raising their hands to Heaven. I’m pleased there are children being ministered to by the Church, capital C, with our patience and our support for you and them. I know it works. I was watching during Midnight Mass at Christmas, and the little kids were sprawled in the aisles drawing Christmas manger scenes in crayon. Magna Doodle? BRING IT ON! Your ministry is one we all wish to support and thank you for your consideration. Don’t get too scrupulous, we understand. We were all kids once, and the Gospel message you impart is this: love. Love in physical contact, gentle correction, and heroic patience. Keep the joy alive. May we all, in kind, do our duties: smiling to calm anxious children; retrieving thrown pacifiers; redirecting little runaways. That kinda stuff. Make your presence at Mass pleasant for them, and they will get their first taste of God.
 
I recall my parents telling us that we sat near the front of church so we could see what was happening and behave. We’re doing the same with our 5 month old. I realize that it’s not the same as toddlers, but it worked for me and will hopefully work with our son as he gets older.

Keep going to Mass. Remember that the Apostles tried to shoo little children away and Jesus would have none of it.
 
In double checking my links above, I found that I made an error with the first link. So, in doing a search for that thread so I could post the correct link, I came up with several threads that might be of interest to you OP. Some of the threads that came up from that search obviously don’t apply, but some might be of interest. Here is that link:

Search results for *four year old getting “bored” *
forums.catholic-questions.org/search.php?searchid=8141749

I initially did a search on “Kids and Mass” to try to find relevant threads.
 
By the way, please don’t let the titles of the threads I found with my search discourage you at all. Within the threads themselves are good comments, advice and discussion from parents. 🙂
 
Subscribing to this, and just making a few comments, as I’m in a similar situation.

My wife and I have 2 children. Our daughter is 8, and our son just about 2 1/2. About a year ago, my wife spent some time in the hospital due to kidney surgery. (2 weeks total, with nearly 8 months recover, but I digress). 🙂

During that time, our son stayed home with her while my daughter and I went to mass, and once my wife was able, we started going separately, and taking turns watching him. The reason for this was, at the time, she could not hold him due to the surgeries, and he only wanted mommy most of the time at that age.

Anyway, I’m rambling too much, LOL. As I said, he is now nearly 2 1/2, and simply will not sit still for an hour during mass, so we have continued to attend mass separately. Usually one of us goes Saturday at 4:30, the other Sunday morning. (Or either I go to the VERY early Sunday mass, and my wife and daughter go later).

We really want to start taking him, but he will simply not sit still. I’m sure it will get better over time, our daughter of course did, but this is one toddler that is very difficult at the moment. (Even with Thomas, his favorite take along buddy, in tow)! 🙂 Our parish has a cry room, but I really, really don’t like feeling separated from the rest of the congregation.
 
My wife and I have not been blessed with children (yet :)), but I can speak from the perspective of ‘others’ at Mass.

Obviously when children are old enough to sit quietly through Mass and pay attention, they should…but until then, I don’t think there’s any harm in a magna-doodle or something else to keep them occupied. The important thing in my opinion is that they understand the need to be quiet and respectful, so as not to disturb others. Of course, kids will make noise sometimes – that can’t be helped – but it should be minimized as much as possible during Mass.

Speaking for myself, I love that children are present at Mass rather than sequestered away into a nursery or ‘Kids Church’ like almost always happens in Protestant worship services.

Insofar as food or a sucker, I’m not aware of any formal rule about it, but I can think of two good reasons not to do it (besides that your Priest asked you not to):

First, because it’s good for kids to know that there are times and places for things, and that Mass is not the place for a snack.

Second, because many/most of the people around you are engaged in the Eucharistic Fast…while this is only one hour nowadays, there are probably a lot of people who choose to fast longer, or were running behind and didn’t have time for breakfast before the hour began, so it’s a courtesy to them not to have people (even kids!) eating around them!

God bless you for exposing your children to the Mass early! They will get used to it in time. I see some very young ones at Mass who make it through the whole hour very well. Practice makes perfect!
 
I have no children, yet, but if I do have children, I want to find the best ways to keep them quiet during Mass. I would like to bring a little coloring book or a regular book for them to look at, but I want it to be religious.

I’ve seen many differences on how children behave at Mass. There’s usually one that will scream the whole time and parents don’t take them out when we have a crying room right there. That’s very frustrating. My friend’s little girl was here visiting on Sunday night and she was a little angel the whole time. She made a few noises but they weren’t ridiculously loud. She wanted to look through the hymnals which I thought was cute.

My grandmom told me the children are all on their best behavior at the Latin Mass we have. I don’t know what it is but they’re quiet. I think that’s because the ultimate Catholic families are there.
 
twinsx2 said:
Hi,

I just started taking my toddlers to daily mass in hopes that if they can last 30 mins. then maybe we can eventually go to Sunday mass as a family and make it the whole hour. I have to say the kids did really well! The only mistake I made was they had a sucker when we walked in and I forgot to take it away before mass started.
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well you can’t take away a 2 yr old’s candy once he has started on it
I advise against any type of food snack to keep a child quiet in church not only because of the mess (our church is cleaned by volunteers after the last Mass we have no janitor on Sunday), but for the precedent it sets, that food is a reward for silence or good behavior, or that any quiet time must be accompanied by food. Just not good for their future health, and lessens your authority. That being said, there is no reason to bring them before they can reasonably be expected to sit quietly absorbed in a book or soft toy for an hour. Usually by age 3.5 or 4 a child can sit through a Disney movie, so he can sit through Mass. There is no reason to torture yourself when they are at the stage–roughly 15 to 30 months–when they simply will not behave in a public place. Getting them used to daily Mass is an excellent idea, especially if you sit in front so they start watching what is going on.
 
I agree with the Pastor and also agree with no food even though I am all about making the Mass kid friendly and I do not always agree with some people’s traditional leanings. I am on staff at a large parish. Our church is carpeted and it is difficult to get up crushed Apple Jacks from between the pews. It also hard to allow some food and not others. I led a 1st Reconciliation program last night in our church and one of the dads walked in with a grande glass of Starbucks.

We have a non denominational Christian Church a few miles south of us that has an espresso machine right in the back of the church. Dad may have been confused.
 
puzzleannie said:
well you can’t take away a 2 yr old’s candy once he has started on it
I advise against any type of food snack to keep a child quiet in church not only because of the mess (our church is cleaned by volunteers after the last Mass we have no janitor on Sunday), but for the precedent it sets, that food is a reward for silence or good behavior, or that any quiet time must be accompanied by food. Just not good for their future health, and lessens your authority. That being said, there is no reason to bring them before they can reasonably be expected to sit quietly absorbed in a book or soft toy for an hour. Usually by age 3.5 or 4 a child can sit through a Disney movie, so he can sit through Mass. There is no reason to torture yourself when they are at the stage–roughly 15 to 30 months–when they simply will not behave in a public place. Getting them used to daily Mass is an excellent idea, especially if you sit in front so they start watching what is going on.
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I just want to be sure about this. You’re saying that children shouldn’t be brought to Mass until they can sit quietly the entire time (which you put at about 3.5 to 4 years)?
 
About the no food rule-beginning at what age? My son is 15 months old. He has been going to Divine Liturgy since he was about 3 weeks old. We take food with us, and if he gets hungry during Divine Liturgy, we feed him. Do you really expect that children this young will understand why food is being withheld or that withholding food will accomplish anything other than a bunch of crying and screaming. I do agree that there comes a point at which a child should not be eating during Mass. However, I’m sure that my son has not reached that point, and I suspect that there are some 2-3 year olds who haven’t reached that point either.
 
rotlex said:
Subscribing to this, and just making a few comments, as I’m in a similar situation.

My wife and I have 2 children. Our daughter is 8, and our son just about 2 1/2. About a year ago, my wife spent some time in the hospital due to kidney surgery. (2 weeks total, with nearly 8 months recover, but I digress). 🙂

During that time, our son stayed home with her while my daughter and I went to mass, and once my wife was able, we started going separately, and taking turns watching him. The reason for this was, at the time, she could not hold him due to the surgeries, and he only wanted mommy most of the time at that age.

Anyway, I’m rambling too much, LOL. As I said, he is now nearly 2 1/2, and simply will not sit still for an hour during mass, so we have continued to attend mass separately. Usually one of us goes Saturday at 4:30, the other Sunday morning. (Or either I go to the VERY early Sunday mass, and my wife and daughter go later).

We really want to start taking him, but he will simply not sit still. I’m sure it will get better over time, our daughter of course did, but this is one toddler that is very difficult at the moment. (Even with Thomas, his favorite take along buddy, in tow)! 🙂 Our parish has a cry room, but I really, really don’t like feeling separated from the rest of the congregation.
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My wife and myself did the same, when my daughter was 2 1/2. We went to separate Masses.

When you think about it, its not that long you’ll have to do this, because after age 3, the kids seem to turn to corner and can make it through a Mass without too much fuss.

Especially with the threat of not going to McDonald’s for lunch after Mass if they don’t behave. 😃

Jim
 
RyanBlack said:
I just want to be sure about this. You’re saying that children shouldn’t be brought to Mass until they can sit quietly the entire time (which you put at about 3.5 to 4 years)?
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no I did not say that, don’t put words in my mouth
I said parents should not feel obligated to bring them until that time.
This parent is very wise in building up to it, rather than expecting a child to come in and sit still with no preparation, and in creating a learning curve.
 
puzzleannie said:
no I did not say that, don’t put words in my mouth
I said parents should not feel obligated to bring them until that time.
This parent is very wise in building up to it, rather than expecting a child to come in and sit still with no preparation, and in creating a learning curve.
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I didn’t put words in your mouth. I asked for clarification. However, it seems to me that the following (your words) is very easily interpreted as an argument against bringing infants and toddlers to Mass:

“That being said, there is no reason to bring them before they can reasonably be expected to sit quietly absorbed in a book or soft toy for an hour. Usually by age 3.5 or 4 a child can sit through a Disney movie, so he can sit through Mass.”

In fact, I don’t see what other way you would expect someone to interpret this statement.
 
As PuzzleAnnie suggests, it is not necessary (from the Church’s standpoint) to take your children to Mass when they are very young and not able to sit still and/or behave for so long. And unless there is some special medical or developmental issue, toddlers can go an hour or so without food. Young children (even within families) vary greatly as to the age they can behave (according to adults) at Mass. Some children figure out that Mass is special when they are barely over a year old; others seem not to get it when they are five, six, or even older.

My suggestion is that if the parent wants to bring an item along to occupy a child that it ought to be something “religious” like a soft cover bible book or a child’s rosary or something like that rather than other toys. (Blankies and stuffies are OK if the child needs them to feel secure.) That helps set the precedent that Mass is not like other event/place that a child might attend/visit (the store, the library, the park, an older sibling’s school, etc.)

It’s also a good idea to introduce a quiet prayer time at home (even if it’s only a minute or two a day) so children (one years old isn’t too young for many children) learn that we all need to set aside time for God.
 
I brought a stack of holy cards to Mass when my grandchildren were young and it kept them quiet for a long time, looking at the pictures and sorting them, etc. Plus we sat right up front where they could see everything. Just a suggestion.
 
CB_Catholic said:
I brought a stack of holy cards to Mass when my grandchildren were young and it kept them quiet for a long time, looking at the pictures and sorting them, etc. Plus we sat right up front where they could see everything. Just a suggestion.
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just have to be careful not to get the gory ones like St. Lucy!

:eek:
 
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