Kids under 7 banned from Wedding Church Ceremony

[redrosetea]

My daughter had an evening wedding and a very expensive dinner afterward…She and my sil decided they didn’t want to have to pay for meals for kids, who wouldn’t have eaten them anyway

She told everyone there was no children and why…You shouldn’t just assume everyone understand that if a child’s name is not on the invite they understand it means no kiddies

It makes the people ,who perhaps aren’t so quick to pick things like this up, feel very embarrassed to attend with a child or 2 in tow

Better to spare peoples feelings by giving a personal explanation than to have them embarrassed at the door

Personally I would have loved to see some children at the event, but I wasn’t picking up the tab so I said nothing, it wasn’t my call

 

[pnewton]

But most people know this.

ETA: See post #75.

Yout think so? Apparently a large enough percentage, whether it is a majority or not has probably never been measured, are unaware of this, so as to make it an issue. As some one said, it is mentioned in books of etiquette, for those that read such things.

 

[Magdalena09]

Yout think so? Apparently a large enough percentage, whether it is a majority or not has probably never been measured, are unaware of this, so as to make it an issue. As some one said, it is mentioned in books of etiquette, for those that read such things.

It is mentioned in books of etiquette. It’s also mentioned in just about every bridal/wedding magazine and book ever written. Of course, there are those who have never planned or helped plan a wedding, or been in one, so they would have an excuse of ignorance to the “rules”… but I would think most married couples with children have, in fact, planned a wedding, and would know.

When I said, “most people know this”, I was referring to the small Texas town I’m from. No socialites here to be seen.

 

[jmcrae]

Yout think so? Apparently a large enough percentage, whether it is a majority or not has probably never been measured, are unaware of this, so as to make it an issue. As some one said, it is mentioned in books of etiquette, for those that read such things.

Presumably, parents who have children have read such things, if only to plan their own wedding, their children’s baptisms, and their children’s birthday parties.

 

[pnewton]

Presumably, parents who have children have read such things, if only to plan their own wedding, their children’s baptisms, and their children’s birthday parties.

I guess me and the OP are just the exceptions.

 

[jmcrae]

I guess me and the OP are just the exceptions.

Maybe. How did you get through your own wedding without ever reading a book on the subject?

 

[Spirithound]

I don’t think it is some unknown rule of etiquette that in the case of formal (and even semi-formal) events, only those who are invited are supposed to attend.

But this is the point: a wedding, in my view, is a family event. Invite Mom and Dad, expect to get Niece and Nephew too.

I guess me and the OP are just the exceptions.

me too?

 

[Magdalena09]

Well it is a family event, to an extent. I have already gone over this, but I suggested that if the B&G are close to the FAMILY, and not just the PARENTS of a family, then yes, the kids would be invited, and the invitation would read… “Mr and Mrs Soandso and Family”. This would obviously be the case with a sister or brother of the bride or groom. The OP’s particular problem would be an exception to the rule… but if her invitation did not have the kids listed, knowing these rules would have helped her because she could have called her brother and said… why are the kids not on the invitation, is this a mistake? Things would have been cleared up far in advance. On the other hand, if a bride wants to invite her co-worker who she has grown somewhat close to but whose husband, 8 kids, and live-in granny she has never met… well, the co-worker shouldn’t assume it is a household invitation.

I mean seriously just looking at this from a logical perspective, planning a wedding would be impossible if the B&G are made to assume that the people they invite may or may not bring along more people than are actually on the guest list.

It seems all of this could be avoided by people simply RSVPing in a timely manner like they are supposed to. At least tell me that THAT is not some foreign rule of etiquette that only socialites know about.

 

[psr13]

Well it is a family event, to an extent. I have already gone over this, but I suggested that if the B&G are close to the FAMILY, and not just the PARENTS of a family, then yes, the kids would be invited, and the invitation would read… “Mr and Mrs Soandso and Family”. This would obviously be the case with a sister or brother of the bride or groom. The OP’s particular problem would be an exception to the rule… but if her invitation did not have the kids listed, knowing these rules would have helped her because she could have called her brother and said… why are the kids not on the invitation, is this a mistake? Things would have been cleared up far in advance. On the other hand, if a bride wants to invite her co-worker who she has grown somewhat close to but whose husband, 8 kids, and live-in granny she has never met… well, the co-worker shouldn’t assume it is a household invitation.

I mean seriously just looking at this from a logical perspective, planning a wedding would be impossible if the B&G are made to assume that the people they invite may or may not bring along more people than are actually on the guest list.

It seems all of this could be avoided by people simply RSVPing in a timely manner like they are supposed to. At least tell me that THAT is not some foreign rule of etiquette that only socialites know about.

RSVP’ing is actually not too common anymore. I don’t think people my age know what it means honestly. For my wedding, no friends called. One family member did, but that’s more acceptable I think. We just asked them at the next family gathering if they were going.

 

[psr13]

I guess me and the OP are just the exceptions.

Don’t worry. I didn’t read any planning books, either. Why on earth would one need to read one in regards to a baptism or birthday party? Goodness.

 

[Magdalena09]

RSVP’ing is actually not too common anymore.

I don’t know if Texas is just completely out of the loop but I have never seen a wedding invitation without an RSVP card also. I’m surprised that you can get invitations without them, short of making the invitations yourself.

Oh and I just realized, it can’t be just a Texas thing because I have been invited to college friends’ weddings in New York, Maryland, and Minnesota.

 

[Abeille]

RSVP’ing is actually not too common anymore. I don’t think people my age know what it means honestly. For my wedding, no friends called. One family member did, but that’s more acceptable I think. We just asked them at the next family gathering if they were going.

RSVP’ing is still pretty common.
Its rather rude not to.

How else do you know how much room to set aside and how much food to prepare/purchase?
Halls ask for final headcounts. You’re paying exactly for your number. If extra people show up, the hall has to pull some food for an upcoming event and prepare it last minute, you’re going to be charged much more. (Sometimes double what the plate actually costs.)

 

[Abeille]

I don’t know if Texas is just completely out of the loop but I have never seen a wedding invitation with an RSVP card also. I’m surprised that you can get invitations without them, short of making the invitations yourself.

Oh and I just realized, it can’t be just a Texas thing because I have been invited to college friends’ weddings in New York, Maryland, and Minnesota.

So you’ve never seen an RSVP card, or you’ve never seen an invitation without one?
I think you made a typo in here but I’m not sure which way you meant it to read.

 

[pnewton]

Maybe. How did you get through your own wedding without ever reading a book on the subject?

Is life really all that difficult that one must read a book on everything. What I did was:
Reserve a place for a reception
Order food
Reserve the Church for Nuptial Mass
Record the music for before, after and the reception
Had a fellow musician ready to play and a coworker sing
Had a coworker prepare the flowers and make a wedding cake.
Family set up everything else for the reception
Bought a wedding dress and ordered a tux
Contacted those who would serve as groomsmen and brides maids.
Had a friend lined up for photos
Ordered invitations and printed our own program

At no point did I really need to think very much. My wife took some items and I took some and we did it. Very simple and we had a great wedding Mass, probably on no more than $1500. I gave no thought to such things like whether children would be there, should be there, how many were going to show or whether they would bring anything. It was not very stressful, at least most of the time, and I would not have had it any other way.

I guess in some circles such things are more critical. Maybe it is for the best I avoid weddings.

 

[pnewton]

RSVP’ing is still pretty common.
Its rather rude not to.

Again, I never thought about this or read anything, but it makes common sense. If i am invited any place, I always say yes, no or maybe, try to avoid or correct the maybes, and then do what I say I will do. At my wedding I just got a ballpark figure based on talking to people and that worked pretty well. However, our rehersal dinner was at a restraunt where the exact number is not critical, and our reception was done by ourselves and family. For this, ballpark was fine.

If I ever had a formal event, I would definitely say yes or no. I like things simple.

Tonight I had a birthday party with ten people. It was great. All people but one let us know and all but one who said they were coming, came. It was nothing complicated, but it was more fun and more memorable than the fanciest party I have ever attended.

 

[Magdalena09]

So you’ve never seen an RSVP card, or you’ve never seen an invitation without one?
I think you made a typo in here but I’m not sure which way you meant it to read.

I made a typo but I had already corrected it by the time you posted this

 

[Magdalena09]

Again, I never thought about this or read anything, but it makes common sense. If i am invited any place, I always say yes, no or maybe, try to avoid or correct the maybes, and then do what I say I will do. At my wedding I just got a ballpark figure based on talking to people and that worked pretty well. However, our rehersal dinner was at a restraunt where the exact number is not critical, and our reception was done by ourselves and family. For this, ballpark was fine.

If I ever had a formal event, I would definitely say yes or no. I like things simple.

Tonight I had a birthday party with ten people. It was great. All people but one let us know and all but one who said they were coming, came. It was nothing complicated, but it was more fun and more memorable than the fanciest party I have ever attended.

My parents’ reception was like that too–in my grandparents’ backyard, and my grandmother’s business catered it so it wasn’t like they were going to run out of food or anything.

However, in general, most caterers and reception halls need to know a headcount, which is why RSVPing is very important.

Imagine if you were the host of a wedding and you invited… say… 175 people. Out of those, 115 RSVPd. To leave room for the occasional forgetful person, you plan for chairs, place settings, and food for 135 people.

Now imagine if those 60 people who didn’t RSVP, neglected to do so simply because they didn’t think it was necessary… but they all show up. Imagine 30 of those people were single and decided to also bring dates. You now have over 200 people at a wedding that was set up for under 150.

This is why there are basic “rules” when it comes to planning these types of things. Some may see it as silly or unnecessary, but when it comes down to it… it’s practical, logical, and cost-efficient.

 

[psr13]

RSVP’ing is still pretty common.
Its rather rude not to.

How else do you know how much room to set aside and how much food to prepare/purchase?
Halls ask for final headcounts. You’re paying exactly for your number. If extra people show up, the hall has to pull some food for an upcoming event and prepare it last minute, you’re going to be charged much more. (Sometimes double what the plate actually costs.)

Not around here it isn’t. People didn’t RSVP for my sisters wedding either. We had to call everyone. I hear this from others, too. Most of the people I talk to are older, so they know what it is, but when I mention it to people my age their eyes gloss over.

Sure, they have RSVP cards, but no one uses them.

 

[Magdalena09]

I think it also comes down to one’s preferences.

My parents had kegs of beer at their reception instead of wine or champagne… some people would never dream of having that at their reception!!!

If one’s personal preference is for less fancy and informal, to-hell-with-a-seating-chart type party, then that’s fine. If one prefers something more organized, fancy, and formal… that’s fine too!

Neither is better than the other, but different things are needed to make both a success.

 

[Magdalena09]

Not around here it isn’t. People didn’t RSVP for my sisters wedding either. We had to call everyone. I hear this from others, too. Most of the people I talk to are older, so they know what it is, but when I mention it to people my age their eyes gloss over.

Sure, they have RSVP cards, but no one uses them.

I would be willing to bet that that is the exception, not the rule, to nationwide practice. I can think of some ways to test this as well.

ETA: See post #75.