Kids under 7 banned from Wedding Church Ceremony

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Tantum_ergo said:
Yes, you can be married in Church but not have the nuptial Mass. Yes, you can have a nuptial Mass with communion but not receive. And finally, yes, for Catholics it must be in a Church (the priest or in some cases even the bishop must dispense if, for example, the bride or groom’s father is a Protestant pastor and the couple wish him to marry them in that Protestant Church instead of the in Catholic Church building, but even there it has to be in a church. No beach weddings. However, the beach can be the reception area. If it would even be wanted.

It SOUNDS mighty romantic and ‘spiritual’ to have a beach wedding but like all outdoor events everybody pictures the temperature at a perfect 70 degrees, not a breath of wind, not a cloud, mosquito, bug, or ‘critter’ around, absolutely no ‘accidents’ such as the bride tripping into the surf in full wedding dress, no children running into the water, no sudden waves soaking the party before the wedding even begins, nobody getting ill from too much sun, no sunburns, no food-bourne illness from the food being out in the heat, no NOISE, etc. etc. The reality of most outdoor weddings is so very different! Give me a nice, quiet, clean, ‘unbuggy’, Church where the bathrooms are right downstairs if needed, nobody is going to get soaked, sunburned, or ‘dive bombed’ by seagulls, etc . .
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Thanks Liza and Tantum…

lol I don’t know about spiritual but definitely romantic…and that’s a good idea to have the reception on the beach…but after you mentioned illness, children running into water and mosquito bites (something I never have been too found of)…it does make one rethink the situation…I still think it sounds romantic though lol…but I’ve got some time to think of weddings and receptions though…lol…I just think more about weddings lately since my bf is getting married.
 
Re the question of whether kids are welcome at a wedding or not: it has always been my understanding that whenever one receives a formal wedding invitation, ONLY the people to whom it is addressed are invited.

If the invitation is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe,” that means only Mr. and Mrs. Doe are invited – NOT their children. If it says “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and family,” or “Mr. and Mrs. Jack Schmoe, Jack Jr. and Jill”, then you know the kids are invited.

Also, a single person is NOT allowed to bring a date to a wedding unless the invitation is addressed to them “and guest.”

Excluding children from a wedding ceremony/reception is not always just a matter of a selfish bridezilla not wanting her “perfect day” spoiled. Every single guest that comes to a wedding reception costs the bride and groom (and/or their parents) extra money for food and drinks (that’s also why it’s VERY important to answer an RSVP promptly and let the bride and groom know even if you are NOT coming), and anyone who’s planned a wedding knows how hard it can be to keep the guest list within limits without alienating or offending anyone 😊 Drawing the line at all children below a certain age is one way to do this.

That being said, I invited everyone’s kids to my wedding and didn’t have any problems with it. But I made sure the kids were specifically named or included in the invitations so there was no doubt about whether they were welcome or not.
 
Secret_Square said:
Excluding children from a wedding ceremony/reception is not always just a matter of a selfish bridezilla not wanting her “perfect day” spoiled. Every single guest that comes to a wedding reception costs the bride and groom (and/or their parents) extra money for food and drinks (that’s also why it’s VERY important to answer an RSVP promptly and let the bride and groom know even if you are NOT coming), and anyone who’s planned a wedding knows how hard it can be to keep the guest list within limits without alienating or offending anyone 😊 Drawing the line at all children below a certain age is one way to do this.
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Children’s plates cost just as much as adult plates, in many places. Not to mention that many halls also require the bride/groom to pay a bar-fee for children, even if they’re unable to drink.
 
Secret_Square said:
That being said, I invited everyone’s kids to my wedding and didn’t have any problems with it. But I made sure the kids were specifically named or included in the invitations so there was no doubt about whether they were welcome or not.
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I did this too with my wedding. Just to avoid any confusion.
 
Secret_Square said:
Re the question of whether kids are welcome at a wedding or not: it has always been my understanding that whenever one receives a formal wedding invitation, ONLY the people to whom it is addressed are invited.

If the invitation is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe,” that means only Mr. and Mrs. Doe are invited – NOT their children. If it says “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and family,” or “Mr. and Mrs. Jack Schmoe, Jack Jr. and Jill”, then you know the kids are invited.

Also, a single person is NOT allowed to bring a date to a wedding unless the invitation is addressed to them “and guest.”
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Is it assumed always that everyone knows these “rules.” I’ve never heard of them.
 
pnewton said:
Is it assumed always that everyone knows these “rules.” I’ve never heard of them.
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Not really. Well, I don’t know. Depends on the wedding. Big fancy weddings, I’d say yeah. But those are the “standard” so the standards trickle down to the smaller, casual weddings.

So I did my invites assuming “the rules” were common knowledge, and invited everyone in the house. Even still, several people brought friends or dates or whatever and we didn’t mind at all. We sort of expected that would happen. Honestly, I think it’d take a special kind of immature person to actually *care *about these things.
 
The “rules” I have mentioned above about wedding invitations are emphasized in nearly every book, bridal magazine, and website that deals with wedding planning. Lots of women start reading these books long before they get married, out of curiosity over what to do (especially if they are invited to be a bridesmaid in someone else’s wedding). So maybe women know these “rules” but men don’t 😉
 
It’s the bride and groom’s day. If they agree that they don’t want children in attendance, so be it.

Invitees need to decide to accept those terms and attend or decline. They should be aware in advance - i.e. it should be noted on the invite.

That being said, at our daughter’s wedding, our friends, along w/ their 8 kids brought up the gifts! I thought it was lovely. 👍
 
Secret_Square said:
Re the question of whether kids are welcome at a wedding or not: it has always been my understanding that whenever one receives a formal wedding invitation, ONLY the people to whom it is addressed are invited.

If the invitation is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe,” that means only Mr. and Mrs. Doe are invited – NOT their children. If it says “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and family,” or “Mr. and Mrs. Jack Schmoe, Jack Jr. and Jill”, then you know the kids are invited.

Also, a single person is NOT allowed to bring a date to a wedding unless the invitation is addressed to them “and guest.”

Excluding children from a wedding ceremony/reception is not always just a matter of a selfish bridezilla not wanting her “perfect day” spoiled. Every single guest that comes to a wedding reception costs the bride and groom (and/or their parents) extra money for food and drinks (that’s also why it’s VERY important to answer an RSVP promptly and let the bride and groom know even if you are NOT coming), and anyone who’s planned a wedding knows how hard it can be to keep the guest list within limits without alienating or offending anyone 😊 Drawing the line at all children below a certain age is one way to do this.

That being said, I invited everyone’s kids to my wedding and didn’t have any problems with it. But I made sure the kids were specifically named or included in the invitations so there was no doubt about whether they were welcome or not.
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I always find interesting the focus on these well known “written” rules of wedding etiquette. Far less frequently brought up are the “unwritten” rules of etiquette which the BRIDE and GROOM are responsible for fulfilling:

Don’t invite a single friend and not allow them to bring a date, if you plan on them actually attending. No one wants to attend a wedding ceremony and reception by themselves.

Don’t invite a couple and exclude their children. They are expected to dress up, attend your ceremony, buy a gift, AND pay for a sitter?

Your wedding guests will be taking time out of their schedules for YOU. They will bring you gifts. Don’t be stingy and start “counting plates” and decide to exclude dates or family members because of the cost. We all know you probably spent $10K on your dress alone and you’re going to make us come without dates or children because you don’t want to fork out the extra dough to feed them?
 
lada said:
I always find interesting the focus on these well known “written” rules of wedding etiquette. Far less frequently brought up are the “unwritten” rules of etiquette which the BRIDE and GROOM are responsible for fulfilling:

Don’t invite a single friend and not allow them to bring a date, if you plan on them actually attending. No one wants to attend a wedding ceremony and reception by themselves.

Don’t invite a couple and exclude their children. They are expected to dress up, attend your ceremony, buy a gift, AND pay for a sitter?

Your wedding guests will be taking time out of their schedules for YOU. They will bring you gifts. Don’t be stingy and start “counting plates” and decide to exclude dates or family members because of the cost. We all know you probably spent $10K on your dress alone and you’re going to make us come without dates or children because you don’t want to fork out the extra dough to feed them?
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👍
 
lada said:
I always find interesting the focus on these well known “written” rules of wedding etiquette. Far less frequently brought up are the “unwritten” rules of etiquette which the BRIDE and GROOM are responsible for fulfilling:

Don’t invite a single friend and not allow them to bring a date, if you plan on them actually attending. No one wants to attend a wedding ceremony and reception by themselves.

Don’t invite a couple and exclude their children. They are expected to dress up, attend your ceremony, buy a gift, AND pay for a sitter?

Your wedding guests will be taking time out of their schedules for YOU. They will bring you gifts. Don’t be stingy and start “counting plates” and decide to exclude dates or family members because of the cost. We all know you probably spent $10K on your dress alone and you’re going to make us come without dates or children because you don’t want to fork out the extra dough to feed them?
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Sometimes it is more than just about the money.
  1. Limited space. Locations have a maxium number of guests they can accomdate.
  2. Bride/Groom feel uncomfortable having small children around an open bar
  3. Personal reasons (such as the previous poster’s comment about the cousin who had special needs)
  4. Some families have more children than adults in them. Bride/Groom may want to keep everything focused on the adults / not feel as though the day has become about the children running about.
  5. Bride/Groom may want to have a late wedding and reception. People go home early when there are children.
  6. It may not be YOUR children the couple has a problem with, but the cousin’s super-wild children. Easiest way to not offend everyone and cause strife in the family may be to limit children based on age.
  7. Any number of reasons that are not listed here, but are important to the Bride and Groom.
Not everyone spends 10k on a dress either. Brides have been known to buy a white bridesmaid dress to wear instead. Some couples spend 10k or less on their entire wedding and skip things like favors, chair covers, centerpieces. Some limit their food to only deserts and do cupcakes instead of a wedding cake. Ever been to a potluck wedding? My point being, not everyone has money enough to have a huge celebration, nor does every couple friviously throw their money about. To say that they do is unfair.

Furthermore, I think the unwritten rule is that anyone over 18 should be allowed to bring a guest and that the host is not required to invite children. (And that if children are not included, that the invitation should reflect this.)
If you decide not to attend an event because your date or children are not included, thats fine. Send your regrets. I don’t understand where this anger is coming from though.

This is, after all, a day celebrating the couple getting married. You don’t know why they choose to celebrate it in this manner. They are probably not going out of their way to insult you in particular.
 
Malia_Belen said:
Someone mentioned that the mass itself is a public event so no one can be banned. Does that mean that Catholic weddings are generally held during mass? Just curious 🙂
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Yes, normally, unless there is some overriding reason not to, such as the families not being Catholic, which is the most common reason for not having a wedding Mass. 🙂
 
lada said:
I always find interesting the focus on these well known “written” rules of wedding etiquette. Far less frequently brought up are the “unwritten” rules of etiquette which the BRIDE and GROOM are responsible for fulfilling:

Don’t invite a single friend and not allow them to bring a date, if you plan on them actually attending. No one wants to attend a wedding ceremony and reception by themselves.

Don’t invite a couple and exclude their children. They are expected to dress up, attend your ceremony, buy a gift, AND pay for a sitter?

Your wedding guests will be taking time out of their schedules for YOU. They will bring you gifts. Don’t be stingy and start “counting plates” and decide to exclude dates or family members because of the cost. We all know you probably spent $10K on your dress alone and you’re going to make us come without dates or children because you don’t want to fork out the extra dough to feed them?
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Actually, these are not unwritten rules of wedding etiquette, they are common assumptions that are actually wedding etiquette faux pas. I’ve helped a couple friends plan their weddings and the rule is that who is mentioned on the invite is who is invited.

Planning a wedding is stressful business, especially for people who don’t have all the money in the world to throw around or who simply want to be financially responsible.

It is not, and should not be, expected of the bride and groom to plan their guest list based on trying to accommodate every single guest’s preferences or opinions. This is their wedding and they are inviting people to come and be a part of a day that is about them and their union together in God. It isn’t about the guests. As in any other situation, it is rude to “extend invitations” to other people who were not originally invited to an event.
Q.
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Is it considered tacky to write in the number of invited guests on the response card?
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A.
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This tactic will let guests know that only the people to whom the invite is addressed are invited. It’s surprising how many guests feel free to bring children or other relatives you didn’t expressly invite. But there is a subtler way to do this: Write in the exact names of the people invited (just as you addressed them on the outer or inner envelope), and have them check “will attend” or “will not attend.” That way, it will be clear that “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” or “John, Katherine, and Tommy Smith” are the people invited; all they need to do is note whether or not they’re coming.
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-the knot.com

In my opinion the best way to avoid all these weird situations is simply for the bride and groom to KNOW their guests and for the guests to have good manners.

If bride and groom are close to a FAMILY, rather than just the two parents in the family, the children should be invited and most likely will be. As for singles, if an unmarried guest has a fiance or a serious, long-term significant other, they should be invited, but it is not necessary to do a +1 for every single the B&G invite. An exception to this rule would be if the B&G are inviting someone who is single who for whatever reason won’t know anyone else at the wedding. Then it is best to allow them a guest. Otherwise, a good seating chart is all that is needed. This is why it is important for the B&G to know their guests. Guests should have good manners by understanding that every individual seat and place setting at a reception costs SOMEONE a considerable amount. It is rude for the guests to expect bride and groom to have to narrow what was originally a 150 person invite list to 30 people just because the guests think that they should be able to bring whomever they deem necessary to the wedding.

Bottom line: If you are insulted by who was or was not invited to a wedding, don’t attend. It’s not about you, it’s about the couple who is getting married.

Biggest Mistakes Wedding Guests Make
 
I don’t know about protestant, but I think this no kids thing is regional. All my Southern friends have been to church–weddings, funerals, everything–from the moment they were big enough to stuff in tights and a party dress (so one friend from Mobile once said! :p) They now take their children to weddings also.
 
Secret_Square said:
The “rules” I have mentioned above about wedding invitations are emphasized in nearly every book, bridal magazine, and website that deals with wedding planning. Lots of women start reading these books long before they get married, out of curiosity over what to do (especially if they are invited to be a bridesmaid in someone else’s wedding). So maybe women know these “rules” but men don’t 😉
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The rules you mention are basic good social manners. One does not invite extra people to someone else’s event whether it be a wedding reception, a house party or a dinner party. It should not take a magazine to teach us this type of thing. Parents used to own this responsibility for teaching their children how to act once they stepped out of their own home and into society at large.

I’ve seen people embarrass themselves and upset a host/hostess by showing up with an extra person only to find out that it is a sit-down dinner party with a limited amount of food, chairs and place settings. It is simply rude and selfish to assume that it is OK to invite people to eat other people’s food, drink their wine or even enter their home or event without their express permission. I find it sad that our society has produced so many people who think that basic good manners are optional or something that they don’t need to know as an adult. I know that in the US we are generally more casual than in most other countries, but some things have gotten out of hand. A phone call or email to the host/hostess to seek permission even if we think they won’t mind takes very little effort and it shows our respect for them.
 
jmcrae said:
I’m glad we had a “slightly moist” wedding - the only alcohol we served was the champagne for the toast. I wouldn’t have wanted any sloppy drunks drooling all over the place, or crying in the bathroom.
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Ohh…“slightly moist” wouldn’t stop some of my relatives…
lizaanne said:
Puce is a gorgeous color!!! 😃 —> PUCE
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Ohhh…I always thought it was a kind of green…Hi, my name is Spirithound, and I’m a guy…
 
jc-servant said:
The rules you mention are basic good social manners. One does not invite extra people to someone else’s event whether it be a wedding reception, a house party or a dinner party. It should not take a magazine to teach us this type of thing. Parents used to own this responsibility for teaching their children how to act once they stepped out of their own home and into society at large.

I’ve seen people embarrass themselves and upset a host/hostess by showing up with an extra person only to find out that it is a sit-down dinner party with a limited amount of food, chairs and place settings. It is simply rude and selfish to assume that it is OK to invite people to eat other people’s food, drink their wine or even enter their home or event without their express permission. I find it sad that our society has produced so many people who think that basic good manners are optional or something that they don’t need to know as an adult. I know that in the US we are generally more casual than in most other countries, but some things have gotten out of hand. A phone call or email to the host/hostess to seek permission even if we think they won’t mind takes very little effort and it shows our respect for them.
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Amen!👍
 
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