Knocked up another girl

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Polluted

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Rate my righteousness by CAF standards on a scale from 1-10

On the one hand I engaged in premarital sex (I know im a weak man)

BUT on the other hand no birth control was used and now a beautiful child is forming

😦

Ive already confessed my sin and am set to marry this girl (I hope), she desires to postpone the wedding for a year so that it can be a great multi thousand dollar event with the classic 9 yards (despite me being unable to afford such a wedding).

I dont know what to make of this. It brings up a great question, when I turn on the radio to Catholic Radio but and they constantly rant about abortion or the evils of birth control. Heres a sinful man like myself who obviously (while slipped once or twice). Has been open to life, and have a beautiful young man who I love with all my heart, and another child on the way.

Is there a “Correct” way to sin by Catholic standards? Maybe not a correct way but a way of sinning that doesn’t add insult to injury.

Do you all judge me? Or do you all look at me with with an amazement at my openness to life and desire to follow Church teaching about birth control? :gopray: Even thou i suffer greatly because of this openness to life.

Keep in mind thats 2 children when I make less than 20 grand each year. Hopefully thats going to change soon with my new Job offer, but my point is I drive a carr thats 17 years old, doesnt have air conditioning, I just lived in a tent for a solid year so that I could save up money to visit my son who lives with his evil mother (who I still honor every way I can despite her venomous behavior and words)

Still with me? Are we inspired or sickened by me? By secular standard im a monster. A irresponsible man who should be using birth control since I dont have 50k in the bank and a 60k a year salary with 35 years of age under my belt an a suburban house.

But what about you guys? What about my Catholic brethren?
 
It is no one else’s business to judge you, and it would be pointless, anyway. What you do next is far more important than what you have already done.

You need wise counsel moving forward, not theoretical debates from people who don’t even know you. I will bet that most of the advice you get here will be to see your pastor about this and to avoid rushing in to anything, lest you compound your mistakes by adding an invalid marriage on top of it all.
 
There are lots of people like me

-Young
-Poor
-No family support (quite the opposite actually)
-Tons of debt
-Lacking a stable job
-prior convictions

and yet many of them are going to engage in premarital sex TONIGHT :eek: Some for reasons of loneliness, wanting intimacy in a cold and harsh world that so far has been anything BUT inviting.

What do you all suggest to these people who have condoms right on the nightstand.

Keep in mind this is GOING to happen sadly, and now they are faced with a choice. Premarital sex without condoms, or with condoms. The sin will occur but what do they do? Obviously you all can say (just keep it in your pants), but sometimes its not that simple. Sometimes people fall, and slide into sin, its horrible but its reality.

Is everyone here on board with Church teaching? Are you guys going to tell these young folks like myself to avoid the condoms at all cost? Where does your loyalty fall? :yukonjoe: Are you going to tell them to use birth control contrary to whats written in all our catechisms? Or are you going to tell them to pull a polluted. At the very least keep the sexual act unprotected and open to the gift of life?
 
EasterJoy said:
It is no one else’s business to judge you, and it would be pointless, anyway. What you do next is far more important than what you have already done.

You need wise counsel moving forward, not theoretical debates from people who don’t even know you. I will bet that most of the advice you get here will be to see your pastor about this and to avoid rushing in to anything, lest you compound your mistakes by adding an invalid marriage on top of it all.
Click to expand...
Yes.
 
I have to be honest here guys I feel like a fool on some level. But despite these grave slip ups, I have been OPEN to life. Tell me im not crazy. Tell me you are all the same. Tell me all of you think birth control is a demonic art form and that your desire to cling to Church teaching is just as strong.

Tell me you guys inform your kids that birth control shouldnt be used, and that even thou they are teenagers, if they slip they should NOT use birth control.

I want to hear you all say it. CAF is filled with some of the most righteous Catholics around. Tell me im not crazy and that birth control is NEVER the answer.
 
EasterJoy said:
It is no one else’s business to judge you, and it would be pointless, anyway. What you do next is far more important than what you have already done.

You need wise counsel moving forward, not theoretical debates from people who don’t even know you. I will bet that most of the advice you get here will be to see your pastor about this and to avoid rushing in to anything, lest you compound your mistakes by adding an invalid marriage on top of it all.
Click to expand...
Yes.

Also,

–work on your relationship
–work on your finances with your fiancee (it sounds like you’re not quite on the same page yet)
 
Polluted said:
👍

Rate my righteousness by CAF standards on a scale from 1-10

On the one hand I engaged in premarital sex (I know im a weak man)

BUT on the other hand no birth control was used and now a beautiful child is forming

😦

Ive already confessed my sin and am set to marry this girl (I hope), she desires to postpone the wedding for a year so that it can be a great multi thousand dollar event with the classic 9 yards (despite me being unable to afford such a wedding).

I dont know what to make of this. It brings up a great question, when I turn on the radio to Catholic Radio but and they constantly rant about abortion or the evils of birth control. Heres a sinful man like myself who obviously (while slipped once or twice). Has been open to life, and have a beautiful young man who I love with all my heart, and another child on the way.

Is there a “Correct” way to sin by Catholic standards? Maybe not a correct way but a way of sinning that doesn’t add insult to injury.

Do you all judge me? Or do you all look at me with with an amazement at my openness to life and desire to follow Church teaching about birth control? :gopray: Even thou i suffer greatly because of this openness to life.

Keep in mind thats 2 children when I make less than 20 grand each year. Hopefully thats going to change soon with my new Job offer, but my point is I drive a carr thats 17 years old, doesnt have air conditioning, I just lived in a tent for a solid year so that I could save up money to visit my son who lives with his evil mother (who I still honor every way I can despite her venomous behavior and words)

Still with me? Are we inspired or sickened by me? By secular standard im a monster. A irresponsible man who should be using birth control since I dont have 50k in the bank and a 60k a year salary with 35 years of age under my belt an a suburban house.

But what about you guys? What about my Catholic brethren?
Click to expand...
I think your posts show a lack of maturity. “Knocked up” is not a term I would think someone who has a grasp on the spiritual would use. In previous posts you articulately backed Catholic teaching on sexuality and then in some you are completely emotional and odd.
On December. 14 in two posts you claim to be married and engage in intimacy while asleep.
So my judgement if you cannot go into the realm of judging your soul, I can judge what you post. And I am not impressed.
 
Polluted said:
I have to be honest here guys I feel like a fool on some level. But despite these grave slip ups, I have been OPEN to life. Tell me im not crazy. Tell me you are all the same. Tell me all of you think birth control is a demonic art form and that your desire to cling to Church teaching is just as strong.

Tell me you guys inform your kids that birth control shouldnt be used, and that even thou they are teenagers, if they slip they should NOT use birth control.

I want to hear you all say it. CAF is filled with some of the most righteous Catholics around. Tell me im not crazy and that birth control is NEVER the answer.
Click to expand...
That is the most insanely idiotic thing that I’ve ever read!! And that is saying something. You need Jesus. 😛

And get yourself checked, because if she let you without a condom you really should have used a condom. Stay away from girls like that or you’ll come away with something that doesn’t respond to antibiotics.
 
Well, it is a question whether “openness to life” is actually a good outside of marriage.

That’s a controversial theological issue. I personally lean toward “no.”
Polluted said:
There are lots of people like me

-Young
-Poor
-No family support (quite the opposite actually)
-Tons of debt
-Lacking a stable job
-prior convictions

and yet many of them are going to engage in premarital sex TONIGHT :eek: Some for reasons of loneliness, wanting intimacy in a cold and harsh world that so far has been anything BUT inviting.

What do you all suggest to these people who have condoms right on the nightstand.

Keep in mind this is GOING to happen sadly, and now they are faced with a choice. Premarital sex without condoms, or with condoms. The sin will occur but what do they do? Obviously you all can say (just keep it in your pants), but sometimes its not that simple. Sometimes people fall, and slide into sin, its horrible but its reality.

Is everyone here on board with Church teaching? Are you guys going to tell these young folks like myself to avoid the condoms at all cost? Where does your loyalty fall? :yukonjoe: Are you going to tell them to use birth control contrary to whats written in all our catechisms? Or are you going to tell them to pull a polluted. At the very least keep the sexual act unprotected and open to the gift of life?
Click to expand...
 
You misundstand openness to life. That belongs in marriage only. Outside of marriage, we are called to be chaste in our state of life. For a single person that means abstaining from sexual relations until marriage.

Do not fool yourself that you have done something good here. Your children are innocent, and you will love them, certainly. But all children are deserving of a loving, two parent home within marriage.

We don’t all get that childhood, certainly I did not, but that is God’s plan for marriage and family.

We all sin, you’ve confessed yours. Now make a new start and do what is best for the children you have created.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I think your posts show a lack of maturity. “Knocked up” is not a term I would think someone who has a grasp on the spiritual would use. In previous posts you articulately backed Catholic teaching on sexuality and then in some you are completely emotional and odd.
On December. 14 in two posts you claim to be married and engage in intimacy while asleep.
So my judgement if you cannot go into the realm of judging your soul, I can judge what you post. And I am not impressed.
Click to expand...
+1

Your passive-aggressive posts make it sound like you are just prodding for validation, and/or are desperately looking for someone to “judge” you so that you can engage in a prepared, self-righteous defense.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I think your posts show a lack of maturity. “Knocked up” is not a term I would think someone who has a grasp on the spiritual would use. In previous posts you articulately backed Catholic teaching on sexuality and then in some you are completely emotional and odd.
**On December. 14 in two posts you claim to be married and engage in intimacy while asleep. **
So my judgement if you cannot go into the realm of judging your soul, I can judge what you post. And I am not impressed.
Click to expand...
Good catch. I thought the story was a little unbelievable but didn’t bother to check the posting history.
 
Here’s another item to add to the to-do list:

–find an older married guy with a family to mentor you (maybe a married deacon?)

I have a feeling you’re going to need a lot of hand-holding to help you and your fiancee have a good relationship long-term.

Keep your eyes open for somebody like that.

Also, don’t make any life-altering decisions without talking to people that you respect first. It sounds like you may have trouble with impulsiveness and self-control. Your pattern of behavior reminds me a lot of an old friend who has been married and divorced twice, has two children with two different ex-wives, kept losing jobs, was diagnosed as bipolar late in life (after the failed marriages), and is basically indigent.
 
So thats how my fellow Catholics view this? Saying condoms should be used or anyone engaging in premarital sex has serious mental illness? Might want to check your catechism and your Bibles. Plenty of Gods right hand men screwed up in such a way…and the Church under NO circumstances says birth control is ok.

And as for my previous post I did not say “my wife”. I believe it was worded a tad differently.
 
Polluted said:
I have to be honest here guys I feel like a fool on some level. But despite these grave slip ups, I have been OPEN to life. Tell me im not crazy. Tell me you are all the same. Tell me all of you think birth control is a demonic art form and that your desire to cling to Church teaching is just as strong.

Tell me you guys inform your kids that birth control shouldnt be used, and that even thou they are teenagers, if they slip they should NOT use birth control.

I want to hear you all say it. CAF is filled with some of the most righteous Catholics around. Tell me im not crazy and that birth control is NEVER the answer.
Click to expand...
I think you need to calm down a bit.

Whenever you engage in sex, there’s a chance that the girl could become pregnant. That’s common sense, not “use a condom and don’t worry”.

According to your religion, you shouldn’t have pre-marital sex. You have done so, but have confessed. The best thing for you to do now is to support the mother of your child, and try to find a better job.

According to your religion, birth control is never the answer, unless it is used for medical purposes.

I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. Have you talked to your Priest about how you’re feeling?

Lou
 
Polluted said:
So thats how my fellow Catholics view this? Saying condoms should be used or anyone engaging in premarital sex has serious mental illness? Might want to check your catechism and your Bibles. Plenty of Gods right hand men screwed up in such a way…and the Church under NO circumstances says birth control is ok.

And as for my previous post I did not say “my wife”. I believe it was worded a tad differently.
Click to expand...
You called her your spouse.
 
Lou2U said:
I think you need to calm down a bit.

Whenever you engage in sex, there’s a chance that the girl could become pregnant. That’s common sense, not “use a condom and don’t worry”.

According to your religion, you shouldn’t have pre-marital sex. You have done so, but have confessed. The best thing for you to do now is to support the mother of your child, and try to find a better job.

According to your religion, birth control is never the answer, unless it is used for medical purposes.

I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. Have you talked to your Priest about how you’re feeling?

Lou
Click to expand...
I have. In fact one priest i confessed to prior was happy i didnt use birth control…actually stating that was even worse.

My priest was very kind and assured me God forgives me and loves me. Hes also happy we are set for marriage in the near future
 
I also saw a Dec. post where you talked about your “spouse.”

Always tell the truth–it’s easier to keep the stories straight.
Polluted said:
So thats how my fellow Catholics view this? Saying condoms should be used or anyone engaging in premarital sex has serious mental illness? Might want to check your catechism and your Bibles. Plenty of Gods right hand men screwed up in such a way…and the Church under NO circumstances says birth control is ok.

And as for my previous post I did not say “my wife”. I believe it was worded a tad differently.
Click to expand...
 
Polluted said:
Exactly
Click to expand...
She is not your spouse.

You also said this:

He’s being dramatic. I have the same condition (if you can even call it that). He is not violently raping his wife. But in his sleep he is probably fondaling her, kissing her, and being sexual…then goes back to sleep. I can’t believe a wife would be pissed about this. Mine finds it flattering and funny because all of the sudden after being all passionate I roll back over and go to bed and she’s disappointed.
 
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