Ladies! I need some help? Advice!

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I just discovered your post and have yet to read the other responses. Your wife is lonely and depressed, that’s why she spends, spends, spends. She wants you and your attention. Ask me how I know…
 
Wacky& Wonderful, i think you are dead on!! Everything you say is too a T!!! about my wife. She is very dependant on a man. Her goal in life was not too be a career women but to be a stay at home Mom. So how do you know!!

I would like to preace that to the previous posters, is we have no debt except for the house and no credit cards. So the bottom line is an income problem as she would say it. I make close to 55K/yr with a $800.00/house payment and we are struggling. To me that is just plain irresponsible. We should be just fine. I have taken the advice of some of the above posters and split the checking accounts. Have all my bonus income go to one account and that will pay all bills. While the base salary income will go into the joint account and pay for groceries, stuff for the baby etc. etc… That is only 24K. So as you can see there isn’t a whole lot there after basic necessities to go and waste money. I think this will solve the problem for the time being.
 
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uofl19:
Wacky& Wonderful, i think you are dead on!! Everything you say is too a T!!! about my wife. She is very dependant on a man. Her goal in life was not too be a career women but to be a stay at home Mom. So how do you know!!

I would like to preace that to the previous posters, is we have no debt except for the house and no credit cards. So the bottom line is an income problem as she would say it. I make close to 55K/yr with a $800.00/house payment and we are struggling. To me that is just plain irresponsible. We should be just fine. I have taken the advice of some of the above posters and split the checking accounts. Have all my bonus income go to one account and that will pay all bills. While the base salary income will go into the joint account and pay for groceries, stuff for the baby etc. etc… That is only 24K. So as you can see there isn’t a whole lot there after basic necessities to go and waste money. I think this will solve the problem for the time being.
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You make more than enough money WITHOUT any second job. You have no debt and an $800 mortgage on that salary? You should be able to put together a budget easily. Making her stick to it is another story. That can be accomplished by giving her a finite allowance.

I’d stop valet parking, but keep umpiring since that’s your recreation.

She needs to find a way to earn her mad money. And she needs counseling for possible depression & her emotional ties to money-- maybe it’s even post-partum depression, you never know.
 
Also, I live in Louisville, Ky which is not by any means a Boston, New York or San Francisco when it comes to a cost of living! I don’t think anyone would shed any tears for us when my income and hose payment and think I need to work a 2nd job. It’s just a matter of buying stupid stuff. We are having a yard sale this Saturday. She is hoping to make some money. You can imagine all the stuff she has accumulated over the years, especially before we were married and she had major credit card debt. The weather is supposed to be nice, God willing we can sell some stuff.
 
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uofl19:
Wacky& Wonderful, i think you are dead on!! Everything you say is too a T!!! about my wife. She is very dependant on a man. Her goal in life was not too be a career women but to be a stay at home Mom. So how do you know!!

I know because I did the same thing. AND, I knew why I was doing it. But my ex just didn’t care. So, I’m now divorced and living below the poverty level, but I don’t spend foolishly now. Yes, I have a job. No, I am not receiving gov’t aid of any kind.

When it came time to empty out the house, I was amazed at the amount of stuff I had stored in the closets, stuff that I didn’t even know I had. I had forgotten about it. As the possibilty of divorce became more and more of a reality, my spending increased and in one month alone, I spent $300 just on Ebay.

We went to therapy, alone and as a couple. I felt insecure, invisible and definitely not loved. I wanted to try, he did not. You cannot make someone do that which they simply do not want to do. I was an employee, and I had a job to do. End of story. Don’t expect anything else. So I bought “things” to fill that void. There’s more to the story, but that’s a brief explanation of how I know what your wife is feeling.

Like they say about kids: they want your time, not things. Same thing goes for spouses.
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I’d say you seem to have your act together, however I disagree that Roth IRA’s and college tuitions are the sacred cows they are often treated to be.

I would kill the IRA and tuition to save my marriage - if it came to that.

However, prudence tells me that there’s more to it than that. It may be that you could satisfy her bad habits until those funds were depleted but things wouldn’t improve.

Start choosing some other friends. Friends who don’t charge their Disney World trips to the card. Start filling HER social calendar with things that are loads of fun but don’t require tons of money. Perhaps by dumping the umping and valeting and taking her out for a walk you would come out ahead. In other words in the 2 hours you spend making $X she’s blowing $XXX, whereas if you’re together taking a walk your not earning $X but she’s also not spending $XXX so you’re now $XX ahead.

You don’t have to be cheap and dull. Canoeing, skating, sledding, walking, bird watching - just ton’s of stuff that are fun and cheap.
 
Its encouraging that she is hoping to make money at this garage/yard sale. You could suggest that the stuff she doesn’t sell could be sold on e-bay, after a while if it isn’t sold both of you could give it to charity.
 
Black Jaque, dumping Valet parking is one thing but the Umpiring is another. I have been doing this for 10 yrs and being an ex-college baseball player it still keeps me involved in the game. There is no way I would ever give up umpiring. She knew that going in that I do this and I get a lot of big game assisgnments. Honestly, I don’t think she minds umpiring as much. She just doesn’t want it more than 1 or 2 nights a week.
 
Have you tried to find a mothers group for her? I was going nuts being home cleaning all day and now I get to interact with mothers and have friends. I was getting so excited to see people on Sundays.

Could the two of you sit down at the beginning of every week and go over the money coming in and which bills need to be paid and show how much goes to savings. Give her a small amount of cash that she is free to spend or save towards something else, and give yourself the same amount so it is fair. My husband started out as the type that could spend so easily and is now denying himself some of his retail therapy.

We are living on a lot less than that and we are making it work. I am a stay at home mom and there are times that I really wish I was working so I could get a break and have the extra money coming in but I know that we are doing good when my son grins and giggles at me, or blows raspberries at the priest on Sunday.
 
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