Another couple might not really know how to discern whether or not they are being called to a large family. They might have serious reasons that would lead certain couples to practice NFP to avoid pregnancy, and yet decide that those reasons are not sufficient in their own marriage. They might be capable of practicing NFP, but simply don’t want to. So they muddle their way along, baby after baby, until they have a truly large family that surprises even themselves. I see their decision as a generous one, too.
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What I am asking about is the philosophy and perspective and logistics. I want to learn from other veteran large family parents and benefit from your wisdom. I admire you deeply, however you arrived at your large family size, and I wish I could take you out for coffee and just listen to you talk about your family culture, because I know no one with a family larger than my own, which is already quite large at 5, but which might possibly grow soon enough, because my husband and I are like that third couple I described.
I ended up with a large family because 1. a friend posed the question why call yourself Catholic if you don’t actually believe it, and I could see no good reason to leave the Catholic Church for any other branch of Christianity, and especially no good reason to suddenly quit believing in God or Christ. So I started following Catholic teaching. and 2. because NFP just didn’t seem to work for us. I knew exactly how it’s supposed to work, kept the charts, watched the signs, and still ended up getting pregnant repeatedly–including with multiples, no less, days outside of even the pretty safe zone. I.e., it should have been medically impossible according to NFP, and yet it happened.
I’m one of those who muddled along, swearing I’d figure it out next time…telling myself 5 was only one more than 4 which lots of people had…struggling with the concept of 6 and admitting I was now one of those nut cases with a really big family…and finally ending up with 9 when I was 36.
6 was the turning point for me. My own mother greeted the news of the 5th with a sigh for my ineptitude (the woman who supposedly raised me to be Catholic

) so I didn’t bother telling her about #6 until a few weeks before birth. #6 was very hard for me, but once that child was born, I fell in love and everything changed.
In the years since, I have come to truly appreciate not only the individual children, whom I have always loved of course, but the wonder God has done in my life and how my family is impacting those around us, simply by the fact that we live what is now a counter cultural life. I see kids who have begged for years for ore siblings, who have open and generous hearts, who look up to their older siblings and are so excited when they come home, who learned to care for and love their younger siblings, and shower them with love when they come home.
I think people don’t know what to make of our family because they’ve heard all the ugly stereotypes of big families, yet they see me living a full and active life and siblings who are not trapped at home ‘raising the younger kids’ but out getting advanced degrees, adults who love their younger siblings and actually wish they’d had even more, kids who look forward to having their own families and in some cases look forward to having large families themselves, because they love having so many siblings.
I value and treasure the joy on their faces when they get together.
I value the moments when my daughter tells me she thinks we did a great job raising her–that they never realized we counted as ‘poor’ by some government number or other, because we always had what we needed and they were having fun. That she learned to value people and time together instead of things and money.
I value the moments my older kids reminisce and laugh about the things they did together, and the moments when a pair of kids who butted heads finally grows up and comes together as friends.
Don’t worry what anyone else says about you or your family. Look to God and your husband and your children.
AT THE SAME TIME…
I would never deliberately aim for or try for a big family, OR a small family. I really think the truth is not in family size, but in trusting God and in being joyful with what we have. I love my big family, but there are advantages to having/being an only child as well as the advantages my kids have with all these siblings, and it’s really about* accepting God’s graces, and what He has in mind for us,* and using what He gives us to the best of our ability.
I have a friend who has only one child, because he and his wife lost a number of babies to miscarriage. He is able to provide his one child the world, and since his wife died, he is showering those resources on my children, too, and not only willing but ABLE to give a great deal of help and attention and resources to my kids with autism.
Why did God deny him children and give so many to me? We can’t answer that. We can only know that we all have different gifts in life and we are all called to use those advantages to serve God and make life better for others. He is able to give something to my kids that I can’t–because he had a smaller family. At the same time, his child is gaining something from being with my kids because of what my family is, something that child never had and never would have experienced, and values and loves.
This to me is the deeper truth about NFP and family size:
trusting God, rather than the actual number of children. What does He want from us, rather than what do we want from life?
I, personally, have found greater joy in trusting God, even though none of it was what I planned.