Large Families on Purpose

[Xantippe]

We do practice NFP.

I’m still cycling, I do have a peak followed by a post peak. I’m not sure if I’m ovulating successfully.

I’m not meticulously charting though, just making mental notes and notes on a calendar. But I’m making the observations daily.

My grandmother had my dad at 46. Her sisters also had babies that year, 44 and 42.

I think if we were to conceive, it would have to be “on purpose” meaning charting, progesterone post peak (the progesterone dose I was using wasn’t really working anymore) and probably “high risk” monitoring.

I do remember about 2 years ago, we were both on the Pregnant or Not thread. I didn;t conceive that month. But the irony is the month that would have been my due date, my oldest son suffered his brain hemorrhage. I often wonder how it worked out that way.

Poor little guy!

I’m 40 and my cycles are much shorter than in the past–24-28 days rather than 30+. Especially with the shorter cycles, the luteal phase doesn’t seem adequate. If my cycles continue to shorten (which they probably will), the luteal phase will be getting less and less adequate.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I don’t think it’s true. The only topic to be banned in parenting is vaccine discussions, but that is due to it being medical advice.

The Parenting Subforum might just be slow organically. Sometimes parenting questions are put directly in “Family Life”

Yes, but what isn’t banned is considered medical advice and hence is banned too. Pretty much all parenting issues can be considered medical advice as frequent interaction with a qualified professional is necessary. This (and the heated arguing) got a lot of threads locked quickly. So the parenting forum became increasingly less popular and mostly has vanished over the years. The parenting forum can go days without a single post, it used to be as happening as family life (if not at times more so.)

 

[Rico_S]

Yes, but what isn’t banned is considered medical advice and hence is banned too. Pretty much all parenting issues can be considered medical advice as frequent interaction with a qualified professional is necessary. This (and the heated arguing) got a lot of threads locked quickly. So the parenting forum became increasingly less popular and mostly has vanished over the years. The parenting forum can go days without a single post, it used to be as happening as family life (if not at times more so.)

Yeah…several years ago there were a lot of militant “attachment parenting” posters who were very active. Lots of threads turned into big debates. It seems that most of them do not post anymore and most of the parenting posters now are less standoffish and more accepting of other parenting philosophies–hence less big threads and epic debates.

 

[jmjZelie]

Yeah…several years ago there were a lot of militant “attachment parenting” posters who were very active. Lots of threads turned into big debates. It seems that most of them do not post anymore and most of the parenting posters now are less standoffish and more accepting of other parenting philosophies–hence less big threads and epic debates.

Oh, I remember that! I had forgotten all about that till you mentioned it.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Oh, I remember that! I had forgotten all about that till you mentioned it.

There wasn’t always a parenting sub forum on CAF. If I remember right, there began to be lots and lots of discussions about things like cloth diapers and potty training and such, to the point that “Family Life” started to look a bit like a board that was all about pregnancy, babies and toddlers. They eventually moved those discussions to a sub forum. I still associate the parenting board with those kinds of questions, so I don’t always read it now that my children are out of diapers.

 

[MomaMary8]

We do practice NFP.

I’m still cycling, I do have a peak followed by a post peak. I’m not sure if I’m ovulating successfully.

I’m not meticulously charting though, just making mental notes and notes on a calendar. But I’m making the observations daily.

My grandmother had my dad at 46. Her sisters also had babies that year, 44 and 42.

I think if we were to conceive, it would have to be “on purpose” meaning charting, progesterone post peak (the progesterone dose I was using wasn’t really working anymore) and probably “high risk” monitoring.

I do remember about 2 years ago, we were both on the Pregnant or Not thread. I didn;t conceive that month. But the irony is the month that would have been my due date, my oldest son suffered his brain hemorrhage. I often wonder how it worked out that way.

Oh, yes. Two years ago was my 2nd miscarriage. How is your son? God works in mysterious ways.

My mother had a hysterectomy so I can’t judge my fertility on her. She actually struggled to have any children. I have no sisters to compare to, so I’m just left wondering. My cycles are stil 28 days like they were when I was in my 20’s, which I think is crazy for a 46 year old woman! I was just talking with a friend about ending my baby days with a still born. It’s a hard thought to grapple with.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Oh, yes. Two years ago was my 2nd miscarriage. How is your son? God works in mysterious ways.

My mother had a hysterectomy so I can’t judge my fertility on her. She actually struggled to have any children. I have no sisters to compare to, so I’m just left wondering. My cycles are stil 28 days like they were when I was in my 20’s, which I think is crazy for a 46 year old woman! I was just talking with a friend about ending my baby days with a still born. It’s a hard thought to grapple with.

My son is fine, thank you. He is still improving but he’s in high school. He has some limitations, but overall doing very well.

My mom also had a hysterectomy so I don’t have that to compare to. I’m the older sister by a bit.

You have my prayers.:hug1::hug1:

 

[bitterhope]

Oh, yes. Two years ago was my 2nd miscarriage. How is your son? God works in mysterious ways.

My mother had a hysterectomy so I can’t judge my fertility on her. She actually struggled to have any children. I have no sisters to compare to, so I’m just left wondering. My cycles are stil 28 days like they were when I was in my 20’s, which I think is crazy for a 46 year old woman! I was just talking with a friend about ending my baby days with a still born. It’s a hard thought to grapple with.

Prayers going up for you. I do understand. It hurts feeling as if all the years of allowing God to work through us and all the struggles we lovingly accept, all the funding of hidden joy along the way and peace…it all gets disrupted with the questions about why

For me, knowing it really honestly ended violently and I may very well never have that happy ending with my baby days caused me to rethink many parts of my marriage. I struggled with knowing how hard I fought with God to prevent what I am now begging for, I began to open my eyes to all the other sins of my married life. I realize how unworthy I am of all His gifts (not just my babies), and I am so much more thankful for every part of my life. It was through this horrendous experience that I began to become aware of how graciously merciful God truly is.

One Bible passage that has meant more to me the more children I have is Luke 2:34-35

**Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradictedl

(and you yourself a sword will pierce)* so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”**

God truly is a contradiction, but only through our human eyes and in our human hearts.

 

[Convert_in_99]

There wasn’t always a parenting sub forum on CAF. If I remember right, there began to be lots and lots of discussions about things like cloth diapers and potty training and such, to the point that “Family Life” started to look a bit like a board that was all about pregnancy, babies and toddlers. They eventually moved those discussions to a sub forum. I still associate the parenting board with those kinds of questions, so I don’t always read it now that my children are out of diapers.

Lol! I never knew that! Well they could easily make it one forum again. I think most of the more active posters of today either don’t know or forget it’s there lol. The CA forums in general are much slower than they used to be, even just 3-4 years ago this place was really still quite active. I think many folks have just switched to Facebook or other social media networks. I really miss some of those posters!

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

Lol! I never knew that! Well they could easily make it one forum again. I think most of the more active posters of today either don’t know or forget it’s there lol. The CA forums in general are much slower than they used to be, even just 3-4 years ago this place was really still quite active. I think many folks have just switched to Facebook or other social media networks. I really miss some of those posters!

I’m not very active on FB bc FB is far more public. Real names and you have to take steps to sort friends and such to avoid who sees what, which I also don’t go to the trouble to do much. I stopped posting in CA as much as I used to because real life got extra busy and bc the topics were much more heavily moderated making it hard for many discussions to have here. Not that I blame the mods. There’s only so many of them to go around and there’s some topics people just don’t want to talk about so much as state they are right. Sure there were heated discussions but they could also still be very good discussions. I miss it too. And yes, I do completely forget there’s a parenting forum. Lol Some did start a FB group but that didn’t last bc no moderation doesn’t work either.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I’m not very active on Facebook either. I spent time on another forum, and discovered that forums (and the people who posts on them) change over time. One thing I really like about CAF is that even though it’s changed over the years, I can generally find other mothers with large (and large-ish) families posting here, and for the most part, it’s a “safe” place to chat without feeling attacked for having Catholic views and several children.

In real life, I know numerous Catholic moms with large families, but trying to have a heart-to-heart when there are twenty-two ears potentially listening in on our conversation makes it a bit challenging! Plus there’s the reality that we’re moms–and our children may need immediate attention. Those disruptions break the flow of our conversations. With an internet forum, I can type when we have a few spare moments, stop mid-sentence if necessary, and then come back to finish my thoughts later if I want.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m not very active on Facebook either. I spent time on another forum, and discovered that forums (and the people who posts on them) change over time. One thing I really like about CAF is that even though it’s changed over the years, I can generally find other mothers with large (and large-ish) families posting here, and for the most part, it’s a “safe” place to chat without feeling attacked for having Catholic views and several children.

In real life, I know numerous Catholic moms with large families, but trying to have a heart-to-heart when there are twenty-two ears potentially listening in on our conversation makes it a bit challenging! Plus there’s the reality that we’re moms–and our children may need immediate attention. Those disruptions break the flow of our conversations. With an internet forum, I can type when we have a few spare moments, stop mid-sentence if necessary, and then come back to finish my thoughts later if I want.

Yeah, I notice from occasionally looking at older CAF threads that the cast of characters has changed a lot.

That’s also a good point about being able to maintain a conversation. In real life in person, you wouldn’t be able to talk to a friend for a week about the same thing.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

There wasn’t always a parenting sub forum on CAF. If I remember right, there began to be lots and lots of discussions about things like cloth diapers and potty training and such, to the point that “Family Life” started to look a bit like a board that was all about pregnancy, babies and toddlers. They eventually moved those discussions to a sub forum. I still associate the parenting board with those kinds of questions, so I don’t always read it now that my children are out of diapers.

Oh wow, I vaguely remember that!
Parenting was popular… I remember there was a Mineral Makeup thread, and oil cleansing… lol, some random things.
I also remember there was a period of time that got erased from CAF, I forget what we called it, the Great something or another, where all the threads that took place in that period of time were lost… do you remember that?

Back to the original topic, though, OP… I remember at one point, when we already had a few kids, seeing how things people wrote/said implied that we were just tiring ourselves for no reason… from the Catholic point of view we could be using NFP, and from the secular, we could just use ABC or whatever we wanted to stop having kids or at least space them more. I didn’t really believe they were right, but I would see it in many places, even implying that since we weren’t using NFP we were acting like animals, mindless breeding, instead of planning responsibly (although I knew that we weren’t acting mindlessly, we were choosing to be open without avoiding, we were responsibly caring for the children we had, raising them in the faith, and keeping in mind the potential future children while making decisions and plans in our life). I decided to talk with people I trusted, people I know had a solid formation and weren’t just stating their opinions or their conclusions as facts. I spoke with several priests during confession at different points in time, I spoke with laity I knew that understood our faith well. I brought articles and quotes to see if I was interpreting them incorrectly.
They all strengthened my thoughts on the matter. God will never let us “outdo” Him in generosity. NFP is not required, there is nothing that NFP offers that a couple that is not using it needs. Virtues can be worked on in other ways.
I am not trying to be negative towards NFP, the fertility cycle is part of God’s beautiful design, and the availability of NFP to avoid can be a blessing for those who need to avoid, and can help them in their path to holiness. I am just stating that, for those who have not discerned a need to avoid, welcoming children as God sends them can also be a beautiful part of the path to holiness.

 

[jmjZelie]

Oh wow, I vaguely remember that!
Parenting was popular… I remember there was a Mineral Makeup thread, and oil cleansing… lol, some random things.
I also remember there was a period of time that got erased from CAF, I forget what we called it, the Great something or another, where all the threads that took place in that period of time were lost… do you remember that?

Back to the original topic, though, OP… I remember at one point, when we already had a few kids, seeing how things people wrote/said implied that we were just tiring ourselves for no reason… from the Catholic point of view we could be using NFP, and from the secular, we could just use ABC or whatever we wanted to stop having kids or at least space them more. I didn’t really believe they were right, but I would see it in many places, even implying that since we weren’t using NFP we were acting like animals, mindless breeding, instead of planning responsibly (although I knew that we weren’t acting mindlessly, we were choosing to be open without avoiding, we were responsibly caring for the children we had, raising them in the faith, and keeping in mind the potential future children while making decisions and plans in our life). I decided to talk with people I trusted, people I know had a solid formation and weren’t just stating their opinions or their conclusions as facts. I spoke with several priests during confession at different points in time, I spoke with laity I knew that understood our faith well. I brought articles and quotes to see if I was interpreting them incorrectly.
They all strengthened my thoughts on the matter. God will never let us “outdo” Him in generosity. NFP is not required, there is nothing that NFP offers that a couple that is not using it needs. Virtues can be worked on in other ways.
I am not trying to be negative towards NFP, the fertility cycle is part of God’s beautiful design, and the availability of NFP to avoid can be a blessing for those who need to avoid, and can help them in their path to holiness. I am just stating that, for those who have not discerned a need to avoid, welcoming children as God sends them can also be a beautiful part of the path to holiness.

Wow what an awesome post lifeisbeautiful!!!

Thank you for that powerful encouragement.

As an update, my husband and I have decided to not use NFP. Whether God never sends us any more than the five children we already have, or whether He sends us five more, we hope to just take it one baby and one pregnancy at a time and not get caught up in a fearful mindset. If at some point in time, we experience some sort of family crisis or health crisis, then we might reconsider, but going forward, we do feel drawn to just be open to however many children God wants to send us. It has helped quite a lot to be able to ask for feedback here from other mothers of larger families. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, to all of you who told your stories!

 

[gardenswithkids]

Oh wow, I vaguely remember that!
Parenting was popular… I remember there was a Mineral Makeup thread, and oil cleansing… lol, some random things.
I also remember there was a period of time that got erased from CAF, I forget what we called it, the Great something or another, where all the threads that took place in that period of time were lost… do you remember that?..

Yes, I remember that! Did we call it “The Great Crash of (whatever year it was)?” CAF was down for a very long time, and when it came back up, a number of threads (and the happy yellow background they used to have) were missing. With Martha coming back to post here with us again, I’m getting all nostalgic. :bighanky:
And perhaps some of us may not be quite as young as some people think, but I know how to take a compliment when someone assumes I’m younger than I am. It might be the mineral make-up, quality skin products and the pigtails.:kiss4you:

…Back to the original topic, though, OP…

Yes. Sorry if I’m taking us too far off topic in meandering down memory lane.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Wow what an awesome post lifeisbeautiful!!!

Thank you for that powerful encouragement.

As an update, my husband and I have decided to not use NFP. Whether God never sends us any more than the five children we already have, or whether He sends us five more, we hope to just take it one baby and one pregnancy at a time and not get caught up in a fearful mindset. If at some point in time, we experience some sort of family crisis or health crisis, then we might reconsider, but going forward, we do feel drawn to just be open to however many children God wants to send us. It has helped quite a lot to be able to ask for feedback here from other mothers of larger families. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, to all of you who told your stories!

:grouphug:

Thank you for the update!

 

[bitterhope]

Oh wow, I vaguely remember that!
Parenting was popular… I remember there was a Mineral Makeup thread, and oil cleansing… lol, some random things.
I also remember there was a period of time that got erased from CAF, I forget what we called it, the Great something or another, where all the threads that took place in that period of time were lost… do you remember that?

Back to the original topic, though, OP… I remember at one point, when we already had a few kids, seeing how things people wrote/said implied that we were just tiring ourselves for no reason… from the Catholic point of view we could be using NFP, and from the secular, we could just use ABC or whatever we wanted to stop having kids or at least space them more. I didn’t really believe they were right, but I would see it in many places, even implying that since we weren’t using NFP we were acting like animals, mindless breeding, instead of planning responsibly (although I knew that we weren’t acting mindlessly, we were choosing to be open without avoiding, we were responsibly caring for the children we had, raising them in the faith, and keeping in mind the potential future children while making decisions and plans in our life). I decided to talk with people I trusted, people I know had a solid formation and weren’t just stating their opinions or their conclusions as facts. I spoke with several priests during confession at different points in time, I spoke with laity I knew that understood our faith well. I brought articles and quotes to see if I was interpreting them incorrectly.
They all strengthened my thoughts on the matter. God will never let us “outdo” Him in generosity. NFP is not required, there is nothing that NFP offers that a couple that is not using it needs. Virtues can be worked on in other ways.
I am not trying to be negative towards NFP, the fertility cycle is part of God’s beautiful design, and the availability of NFP to avoid can be a blessing for those who need to avoid, and can help them in their path to holiness. I am just stating that, for those who have not discerned a need to avoid, welcoming children as God sends them can also be a beautiful part of the path to holiness.

Beautifully said.

 

[SusanneT]

I come to this thread late, but to me it is very simple. If God chooses to bless the love of husband and wife with life then that is the natural order of things and to be welcomed.

If for whatever reason the couple do not feel able to welcome another child as a gift they can and should abstain, or if that is likely to lead to greater sin, or if they would welcome another child but have reasons arrived at mutually in prayer to delay they can use NFP.

Those are the licit options.

But whatever they do is between them and God it is no-one else’s business.

 

[SusanneT]

Wow what an awesome post lifeisbeautiful!!!

Thank you for that powerful encouragement.

As an update, my husband and I have decided to not use NFP. Whether God never sends us any more than the five children we already have, or whether He sends us five more, we hope to just take it one baby and one pregnancy at a time and not get caught up in a fearful mindset. If at some point in time, we experience some sort of family crisis or health crisis, then we might reconsider, but going forward, we do feel drawn to just be open to however many children God wants to send us. It has helped quite a lot to be able to ask for feedback here from other mothers of larger families. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, to all of you who told your stories!

 

[Sarcelle]

OK, I’m going to have drop out of this thread. You get mad about people assuming things about you, yet you make this statement about Mexican men?
unbelievable.

She was being sarcastic.