Large Families on Purpose

[bitterhope]

OK, I’m going to have drop out of this thread. You get mad about people assuming things about you, yet you make this statement about Mexican men?
unbelievable.

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. That is what people have said both to my husband and to me about why they just know he can’t control his urges and why they know he rules over our house with an iron fist. No, I would not say that about my husband or any other man. He is a very good man and very caring. No, I do not view mexican men that way at all. Those are the comments others, including OB drs and other professionals, have used against my husband. It’s wrong. I was trying to explain to you why I know that those are the things people assume wrongly and how I know that they do assume those things because they will comment directly like that. That is why I don’t like people making comments about NFP not being mastered as if it’s as simple as controlling urges. Those comments are not acceptable.

 

[bitterhope]

Pretty please can you share your recipe for chorizo con huevos? We have a delicious dish that my husband was taught to make by a Puerto Rican family friend that has chorizo and red beans and rice. But we always have leftover chorizo! We love it and we love eggs, so we need to try chorizo con huevos!
We eat a lot of Mexi-Cali flavors, especially now that we live in SoCal and it is all so easy to find. We also eat meatloaf and roasts and pastas and soups. We always have some sort of high-protein entree, and some salad and bread, steamed veggies and we keep canned green beans and applesauce and cottage cheese on hand to fill up bellies in case the kids are still hungry. It helps us stretch an entree, because the entree is the most expensive part of a meal.
We also like baked potatoes with toppings and fresh baked bread and rice and beans and chili and cornbread. Very cheap meals but also very nutritious and filling.

I will post a recipe tomorrow. I’ve got to get kids to bed. We are leaving to visit family tomorrow so if I don’t get around to tomorrow I will the next day.

 

[UbiCaritas]

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. That is what people have said both to my husband and to me about why they just know he can’t control his urges and why they know he rules over our house with an iron fist. No, I would not say that about my husband or any other man. He is a very good man and very caring. No, I do not view mexican men that way at all. Those are the comments others, including OB drs and other professionals, have used against my husband. It’s wrong. I was trying to explain to you why I know that those are the things people assume wrongly and how I know that they do assume those things because they will comment directly like that. That is why I don’t like people making comments about NFP not being mastered as if it’s as simple as controlling urges. Those comments are not acceptable.

FWIW, I took that comment as being tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, not as a serious comment about a particular group of men.

 

[gardenswithkids]

To the parents of larger families who have responded, or who will respond, here a few specific questions

When did your mind and heart begin to truly comprehend and accept that you were meant to have a larger family? What helped that acceptance to come about? I realized that God intended for us to have a large family once we had a large family. We never intentionally set out to have a large family, but we stopped taking specific measures to limit our family size. At some point, we had more than most people around us and having more children didn’t change that. We accepted it because it was our reality.
Did you ever have any embarrassment about wishing for another baby, even though your family was already large? Not that I remember. I prefer babies to trying to avoid pregnancy through NFP.
How did you handle the chaos of large family life? Did you become very self-disciplined and organized? Or did you learn to let go of expectations a bit? Or both? Both. Plus, it probably helps that while there’s some chaos innate to large family life, we’ve made intentional choices to simplify our lives. Modern expectations of parents can be rather demanding, but having a large family has helped to insulate us from some of the craziness. I know several families with two or three children who have far more chaotic lives than ours. More about that below.
What practical things truly set apart your family from smaller ones, meaning, what practical aspects of your family culture are unique to your family precisely because they came about due to its increasing size? Our children each have only one or two activities that they enjoy, (music, sports, dance, scouts, etc.) I know families where one child does all of those things–and does them all intensely, several nights a week and weekends, sometimes even rather extensive travel. That’s not us. We choose carefully and have sometimes backed away if a child’s activity threw our family life off balance.

A few practical tips we’ve discover:
Tooth brushes: the kids each have two tooth brushes–one in the bathroom and one by the laundry room sink, because quite frequently someone is in the bathroom when teeth need to be brushed. After someone is sick, they get new toothbrushes.

Towels and Sheets: The kids use thin bath towels so they dry quickly and can more easily fit in the washer. Each has one, and I hang it right back up after I wash it. I don’t keep a lot of bath towels and sheets in the linen closet–they are mostly in use except for a few spares. Once-a-day change of kitchen towels and bathroom hand towels (in our main floor half bath–and I store them under that sink) to cut down on spreading germs.

I spend more of my time and energy for housekeeping on keeping the house sanitary than I do on keeping things tidy. Sanitary is more important than tidy. (But limiting “stuff” helps keep things tidier. More about that below.)

Shoes and socks: We limit each child’s number of shoes to boots (or sandals, depending on the season), dress shoes, tennis shoes. We keep out grown shoes for hand-me-downs or out of season shoes stored in deeper storage. I prefer tights for girls because (unlike socks), tight stay together.

I store their nicer dress clothing/ special occasion clothes in my closet. Otherwise, out of season and between sized clothing is stored in trundles under the beds. My children dress nicely, but they don’t have a lot of clothes. I discovered for some that the more clothes they have, the worse they (and their rooms!) looked. They couldn’t find things that coordinated and clothes fell off hangers and got all wrinkled at the bottom of the closet. If a school aged child has more than they can take care of, then they have too much. That last principle applies to clothes, toys, books, and more.

Toys–we keep some stored and switch around which toys are out and available for them to play with. And now that Thanksgiving has passed, I’ll be needing to sort through the toy closet before Christmas.

For example, in our family, we color code towels and have special plate designs and toothbrush types for each child. We also use over-the-door hooks for hanging up towels and bathrobes and jackets over. Every. Single. Door. Of. Our. House! . We also have a shoe shelf for everyone’s shoes at the front door. We line up to go places, even for tooth brushing time at the bathroom. We cram many beds in tiny bedrooms. We homeschool. And the list goes on. Our home is weird to others with smaller families, and I LOVE to see how other big families make it work.

I answered in indigo above.

 

[LongingSoul]

FWIW, I took that comment as being tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, not as a serious comment about a particular group of men.

For what it is worth, when I commented on the original posts category of people who chose big families because NFP didn’t work for them… I wasn’t suggesting that any particular group of national men were sex fiends. Just that there are men in this world, across the spectrum, who don’t feel subject to sexual limitation. Christopher West commented on this phenomenon when he was counselling couples in regards to sex within marriage and I’ll attempt to find that reference to prove it.

NFP doesn’t recognise in any official capacity as far as I know, a category of people that NFP doesn’t work for per se. It mainly comes down to the difference between predictable cycles and the more high maintenance, unpredictable cycles. There isn’t recognition of any situation that totally precludes a green light period or even a green light day except in the chronic absence of periods altogether.

When people say that NFP doesn’t work for them, West is asking if it is not the case that the effort to observe and test, is the determining factor rather than the actual absence of green light days.

 

[bitterhope]

For what it is worth, when I commented on the original posts category of people who chose big families because NFP didn’t work for them… I wasn’t suggesting that any particular group of national men were sex fiends. Just that there are men in this world, across the spectrum, who don’t feel subject to sexual limitation. Christopher West commented on this phenomenon when he was counselling couples in regards to sex within marriage and I’ll attempt to find that reference to prove it.

NFP doesn’t recognise in any official capacity as far as I know, a category of people that NFP doesn’t work for per se. It mainly comes down to the difference between predictable cycles and the more high maintenance, unpredictable cycles. There isn’t recognition of any situation that totally precludes a green light period or even a green light day except in the chronic absence of periods altogether.

When people say that NFP doesn’t work for them, West is asking if it is not the case that the effort to observe and test, is the determining factor rather than the actual absence of green light days.

Not getting into another NFP debate on this thread or in CAF ever. What I will say is I can never guarantee not getting pregnant, even on day 23 of a 28 day cycle where ovulation was confirmed by a fertility monitor on day 14. Not planning on going around in circles about any if this ever again, but I have had NFP only drs and several instructors through the years look over my charts and not a single person can figure out how I possibly conceive when I should not be fertile during that time. Many are not very polite about the things they suggest. But lack of self control is always thrown into the mix so much so that now that my husband is sure he isn’t willing to experience another loss we abstain completely. Abstaining is the only thing that works to prevent pregnancy in our marriage. And quite honestly this is way more information anyone on here really needs about my married life. I know for a fact many couples experience multiple unplanned pregnancies so I know we are not really unique. Some of these couples become very angry and resentful. Some neglect their kids and go on to do what they want to do in life instead of caring for their families. Some switch to artificial birth control. Others get sterilized. Some if us decide that we were called to a bigger family than we felt possible and so we align our will to God’s will for us and find joy and peace in our vocation. No, I’m not hurt or upset NFP isn’t ever going to work for me. I’m so glad to have the family I initially want to prevent. I can’t imagine life without them or imagine living any other way. This is where I belong. What does upset me is how many times a couple is guilt tripped for “failing” at NFP and when they ask for help they don’t receive any answers. Eventually these couples quit all together, and many end up using ABC instead. These couples should be aware that letting God take control is very possible even when the world says no it isn’t. It is not irresponsible to have more kids and less stuff. Moms can happily and successfully raise large families. And when our plans don’t work out, accepting God’s plan is beautiful.

 

[bitterhope]

FWIW, I took that comment as being tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, not as a serious comment about a particular group of men.

Thank you. I thought it was pretty obvious but I guess not. I’ve been married to a Mexican man for my entire adult life. I have lived in Mexico off and on for most of that time as well. If I shared those stupid stereotypical views I think I would never attempt to stand up for my husband or say he’s a wonderful man or any of that stuff. After 18 years and 8 kids, it should be pretty obvious how I personally feel about at least ONE Mexican man. I just wish people would leave him out of it. He’s a beautiful soul that struggles harder than most people know and it is all for our family. He never complains but I know it hurts him sometimes.

 

[bitterhope]

Here’s how we make chorizo con huevos. Remember this serves 10 so your family may need to adjust

1 lb. chorizo (bulk or in casing–remove from casings)
2 onions diced
2 bell peppers diced
Two cloves garlic, minced
Jalapeños diced to taste
2 potatoes diced
Two Roma tomatoes diced
A dozen eggs
Salt and pepper to taste

Heat oil in a pan over medium heat. Fry chorizo, garlic, onions, potatoes and jalapeños until chorizo is cooked. Add the tomatoes and cook until tomatoes are heated. Crack the eggs either in a bowl or right on top if the chorizo in the skillet. Season with salt and pepper. My husband and boys always add red pepper flakes as well. Serve with black beans, salad and corn tortillas or tostadas. Sometimes we fry the beans or even add it to the chorizo, but usually they are just boiled. You could probably use flour tortillas but my kids don’t like them so I’m not sure if it would affect the flavor much.

We change this up all the time but this is a basic recipe for 10. The possibilities are endless and if you are missing an ingredient it’s easy to substitute or just leave it out. If you remove the seeds from the peppers it decreases the heat and if you want more spice leave them in or add salsa afterwards. You can substitute and hot pepper for the jalapeños or not add any at all. We often use garlic powder instead of fresh garlic if we are out.

This is a very quick and easy meal and one of the first meals my kids learn to make on their own.

 

[UbiCaritas]

For what it is worth, when I commented on the original posts category of people who chose big families because NFP didn’t work for them… I wasn’t suggesting that any particular group of national men were sex fiends. Just that there are men in this world, across the spectrum, who don’t feel subject to sexual limitation. Christopher West commented on this phenomenon when he was counselling couples in regards to sex within marriage and I’ll attempt to find that reference to prove it.

NFP doesn’t recognise in any official capacity as far as I know, a category of people that NFP doesn’t work for per se. It mainly comes down to the difference between predictable cycles and the more high maintenance, unpredictable cycles. There isn’t recognition of any situation that totally precludes a green light period or even a green light day except in the chronic absence of periods altogether.

When people say that NFP doesn’t work for them, West is asking if it is not the case that the effort to observe and test, is the determining factor rather than the actual absence of green light days.

I was referring to bitterhope’s comment about Mexican men, and how “we all know what they’re like.” I took the comment as having a sort of spirit about it. I live in Texas, and yes, this attitude about Mexican men is rather common in some areas here.

 

[jmjZelie]

Here’s how we make chorizo con huevos. Remember this serves 10 so your family may need to adjust

1 lb. chorizo (bulk or in casing–remove from casings)
2 onions diced
2 bell peppers diced
Two cloves garlic, minced
Jalapeños diced to taste
2 potatoes diced
Two Roma tomatoes diced
A dozen eggs
Salt and pepper to taste

Heat oil in a pan over medium heat. Fry chorizo, garlic, onions, potatoes and jalapeños until chorizo is cooked. Add the tomatoes and cook until tomatoes are heated. Crack the eggs either in a bowl or right on top if the chorizo in the skillet. Season with salt and pepper. My husband and boys always add red pepper flakes as well. Serve with black beans, salad and corn tortillas or tostadas. Sometimes we fry the beans or even add it to the chorizo, but usually they are just boiled. You could probably use flour tortillas but my kids don’t like them so I’m not sure if it would affect the flavor much.

We change this up all the time but this is a basic recipe for 10. The possibilities are endless and if you are missing an ingredient it’s easy to substitute or just leave it out. If you remove the seeds from the peppers it decreases the heat and if you want more spice leave them in or add salsa afterwards. You can substitute and hot pepper for the jalapeños or not add any at all. We often use garlic powder instead of fresh garlic if we are out.

This is a very quick and easy meal and one of the first meals my kids learn to make on their own.

Thank you! This sounds SOOOO good. I am sure that we will love it.

 

[jmjZelie]

I answered in indigo above.

Thank you for answering the way you did. It made it so easy to follow and to reply.

I like the toothbrush idea. Now that we have two older children who are becoming more concerned about privacy and grooming, we have frequently been locked out of the bathroom at a crucial time during our bedtime routine with the littles, and even for diaper changes (I have always kept toddler diapers and training pants in the hall bathroom). I may need to set up secondary locations for toothbrushing and diaper duty.

We have only one change of towels and linens per person. I take their sheets and towels and throw them in the washer and immediately pass out clean sheets and towels. But we keep no extras. I have thought about just keeping one set, but with the way we go through those items during illness and potty training times, we need the spares.

We are on the same wavelength as you regarding the kitchen towels, and the amount of clothes, books, and toys per person. We aren’t there yet, but I am aiming to live lightly enough that each person’s necessary belongings: their wardrobe and favorite toys and treasured books, could all fit into one piece of luggage. We are doing well with regard to that goal. We got rid of 3/4 of our belongings in this past year and downsized to a home half the size of our previous one. We chose minimalism as the approach to enable us to learn how to thrive as a large family.

 

[Sarcelle]

Here’s how we make chorizo con huevos. Remember this serves 10 so your family may need to adjust

1 lb. chorizo (bulk or in casing–remove from casings)
2 onions diced
2 bell peppers diced
Two cloves garlic, minced
Jalapeños diced to taste
2 potatoes diced
Two Roma tomatoes diced
A dozen eggs
Salt and pepper to taste

Heat oil in a pan over medium heat. Fry chorizo, garlic, onions, potatoes and jalapeños until chorizo is cooked. Add the tomatoes and cook until tomatoes are heated. Crack the eggs either in a bowl or right on top if the chorizo in the skillet. Season with salt and pepper. My husband and boys always add red pepper flakes as well. Serve with black beans, salad and corn tortillas or tostadas. Sometimes we fry the beans or even add it to the chorizo, but usually they are just boiled. You could probably use flour tortillas but my kids don’t like them so I’m not sure if it would affect the flavor much.

We change this up all the time but this is a basic recipe for 10. The possibilities are endless and if you are missing an ingredient it’s easy to substitute or just leave it out. If you remove the seeds from the peppers it decreases the heat and if you want more spice leave them in or add salsa afterwards. You can substitute and hot pepper for the jalapeños or not add any at all. We often use garlic powder instead of fresh garlic if we are out.

This is a very quick and easy meal and one of the first meals my kids learn to make on their own.

Thanks for the recipe.

I have relatives make this for me after coming back from volunteering with Doctors Without Borders in Mexico.

I can make this for myself.

 

[bitterhope]

Thanks for the recipe.

I have relatives make this for me after coming back from volunteering with Doctors Without Borders in Mexico.

I can make this for myself.

You’re welcome!

My husband’s Tia and her husband make chorizo to sell. I wish I had her recipe because it’s a much better flavor than the store bought here in the US. Their kids are all grown (10 children) and live in various places around Mexico but on Saturdays they all go back to grind the pork and make the chorizo. The grand kids now help out too. She and her husband never went to school but 9 of their kids are all graduates of the university in Mexico City. Two nurses, two doctors, a dentist, an accountant, a few attorneys and a Captain in the Mexican Navy. The youngest sells chorizo in the city because he never liked school. The kids all give back to the family out of gratitude instead of a feeling of obligation. Chorizo plays a big roll in their lives. Something so simple and inexpensive provided a good life for their family. I do make my own queso fresco using my mother in laws recipe, but I would love Tia’s recipe for fresh chorizo.

 

[Sarcelle]

You’re welcome!

My husband’s Tia and her husband make chorizo to sell. I wish I had her recipe because it’s a much better flavor than the store bought here in the US. Their kids are all grown (10 children) and live in various places around Mexico but on Saturdays they all go back to grind the pork and make the chorizo. The grand kids now help out too. She and her husband never went to school but 9 of their kids are all graduates of the university in Mexico City. Two nurses, two doctors, a dentist, an accountant, a few attorneys and a Captain in the Mexican Navy. The youngest sells chorizo in the city because he never liked school. The kids all give back to the family out of gratitude instead of a feeling of obligation. Chorizo plays a big roll in their lives. Something so simple and inexpensive provided a good life for their family. I do make my own queso fresco using my mother in laws recipe, but I would love Tia’s recipe for fresh chorizo.

Queso fresco.

I remember making a flan that called for this.

Que Rico!

 

[EasterJoy]

I like the toothbrush idea. Now that we have two older children who are becoming more concerned about privacy and grooming, we have frequently been locked out of the bathroom at a crucial time during our bedtime routine with the littles, and even for diaper changes (I have always kept toddler diapers and training pants in the hall bathroom). I may need to set up secondary locations for toothbrushing and diaper duty.

For hygienic reasons, the secondary locations ought to be separate, such as tooth-brushing at the kitchen sink and diaper changes in the laundry area.

In the bathroom, it is actually more sanitary to lower the lid before flushing and to store toothbrushes in a cabinet rather than in a holder kept on the counter. A toilet flushed with the lid up will send a small aerosol up into the air in the bathroom, and even hand rinsing can spray some contaminated droplets before the soap is applied. It isn’t a huge hazard, but in a big family it pays to do what can be done to keep every bug from going through the entire clan!

We have only one change of towels and linens per person. I take their sheets and towels and throw them in the washer and immediately pass out clean sheets and towels. But we keep no extras. I have thought about just keeping one set, but with the way we go through those items during illness and potty training times, we need the spares.

We are on the same wavelength as you regarding the kitchen towels, and the amount of clothes, books, and toys per person. We aren’t there yet, but I am aiming to live lightly enough that each person’s necessary belongings: their wardrobe and favorite toys and treasured books, could all fit into one piece of luggage. We are doing well with regard to that goal. We got rid of 3/4 of our belongings in this past year and downsized to a home half the size of our previous one. We chose minimalism as the approach to enable us to learn how to thrive as a large family.

The movement of minimalism as a freeing habit of life is gaining a wider appreciation, even among secular families. Many people who had the experience of travelling around the world while they were young with everything they needed to live in a backpack appreciate that they had it far easier than travelers who were lugging around more stuff than they needed. IOW, your children are not going to find that only kids from large families have ever heard of such a thing.

 

[ThePCWife]

How do mothers of many closely spaced children cope with the sleep deprivation during the baby years? Or if you don’t experience sleep deprivation then, why is that the case?

 

[pensmama87]

How do mothers of many closely spaced children cope with the sleep deprivation during the baby years? Or if you don’t experience sleep deprivation then, why is that the case?

How close is closely? Mine are 25 and 30 months apart, so, definitely not Irish twins, but still close enough that when baby comes along the next youngest is likely to need things during the night on a regular basis. DH and I divvy it up - he attends to the older kids and I take care of the baby. I cosleep which means less awake time with baby at night. After night weaning DH is also the one who takes over transitioning out of our bed.

So, we’re both tired, but not so exhausted we can’t function. And we each get a sleep-in day on the weekends and/or afternoon nap.

 

[jeannetherese]

My dad got up every night to change our diapers and bring us to bring us to mom for our late feeding so that she would not have to get out of bed.
I am so grateful for my parents and the marital example they set for us. We know what the ideal looks like and know that it is possible to attain.
May God bless them.
Amen.

 

[jeannetherese]

How do mothers of many closely spaced children cope with the sleep deprivation during the baby years? Or if you don’t experience sleep deprivation then, why is that the case?

My dad got up every night to change our diapers and bring us to bring us to mom for our late feeding so that she would not have to get out of bed.
I am so grateful for my parents and the marital example they set for us. We know what the ideal looks like and know that it is possible to attain.
May God bless them.
Amen.

And, looking at the note from pensmamma87, naps were an institution when I was a child.
I remember asking my mom why I had to take a nap as I thought I did not need one. Her reply was that she needed us to take one.
A scheduled rest/quiet time each day can work wonders for parent and child.

 

[adamhovey1988]

I have been trying to figure out how to frame my question for weeks now, and decided to just start a thread, inviting CAF members to contribute to the conversation.

I would like to converse with people who are from large families, or who have had large families. Especially people who have foregone the use of NFP or used it in very limited circumstances, perhaps because they decided they didn’t like practicing NFP or it didn’t work for them or they didn’t feel like they had serious enough reasons, etc.

Whatever the personal reasons, I would just like to hear some general thoughts on having larger families, regarding family culture and logistics and perspectives and philosophies. I already have five kids, and our baby is just over a year now, and predictably we are thinking another baby would be nice to add to our family, but I already have the largest family of anybody that I know, and I have no one to learn from or talk to about large family life, or about just leaving the “family planning” up to God.

Is there anyone who would like to talk about their experience? God bless!

I don’t have any children but out of living children that my mother has there are six of us and my mother is not exactly religious and in fact I was not even baptized until I was 21 and my mother has never been. Her mother and father had two children together plus two adopted children and they both had a child from a previous marriage. Although my grandpa’s Mother was Catholic she was an adult convert so I don’t think he was raised Catholic, although he did go to a Catholic school but he said he was not baptized until he was in the army and he just referred to himself as Protestant nothing specific. Maternal grandmother was Baptist. My grandma and grandpa on my dad’s side had seven children and they were Lutheran. My brother who claims the title of atheist has seven children. I don’t necessarily think religion is always the reason that people have so many kids. Sometimes you find large Protestant families and other times you find small Catholic families. My mother was actually on contraceptives when she got pregnant with me, so I have a choice word or two to say about people who support the use of them. I think it’s just better that they don’t because it does not always work and natural family planning is just as effective if natural family planning isn’t going to work then the artificial contraceptives probably aren’t either