Large Family Dilemma

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aaronlgates

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I am writing as a convert to the faith in 2008. My wife and I entered RCIA in 2007 after years of study and prayer. We pursued the Catholic church because of its stance on life issues… specifically birth-control. As a molecular biologist turned Pharmacist I was acutely aware of the abortifacient mechanism of hormonal contraception. We had decided long ago to allow God to plan our family… and we pursued the Catholic faith hoping to find those who were like-minded(this was NOT the reason for conversion… We just had hoped to eventually find those who took the life issues seriously).

Now that we are expecting our eighth child we find ourselves freaks in any Catholic Church we attend. I am confident that we made the right choice… but am sad to find that there are so few who take seriously the Church stance on contraception/sterilization.

I am located in the Central Valley of California. Does anyone know of a parish or fellowship group that has large families in it? I even went to an Opus Dei retreat recently, thinking that that there would be some conservative minded Catholics in their ranks. Of 45 men, two others had families larger than 3 children.

I am confused and disappointed.
 
Bless you for your prayers!! I totally agree. I guess I had a rough intro into the Church… As our post pharmacist in an overseas military community, all parishioners filled their birth control at my pharmacy(until I finally refused to stop handling birth control altogether)… My fellow parishioners here talk of their vasectomies, etc… I know that God chooses to bless some with more children than others, but I am not ignorant or naive.

We actually fellowship with a variety of people… Most with few or no children. We’ve given up on the idea if finding a large family to fellowship with. Perhaps we are the only ones God is choosing to bless with a large family in our area!
 
You might want to check out the FSSP parishes. They are traditional Latin Mass catholics (in communion with the Church), and there are many, many large families. I attend the Melbourne, Australia parish (six kids myself) and its wonderful to see all the large families.

The traditional Mass is not for everyone, but you might like it. I had a quick look - there are three or four parishes in California, but I wouldn’t know if any one was close to you.

fssp.com/press/locations/
 
You’re not the freak! Be a shining city on a hill. Maybe you can rub off on some of the others.

1flesh.org
 
1flesh.org is boss

also, maybe there ARE other couples, but they just happen to be less fertile. Everyone’s different, I suppose.
 
Thank you all for your replies. I will definitely check out the traditional Masses… We went to one a long time ago and found a nice large family there. I think we’re ‘over’ the need for fellowship with a family… Our kids have enough playmates within our own family… It’s just so wierd to be experiencing this in the Church that we thought promoted it.
 
aaronlgates said:
Thank you all for your replies. I will definitely check out the traditional Masses… We went to one a long time ago and found a nice large family there. I think we’re ‘over’ the need for fellowship with a family… Our kids have enough playmates within our own family… It’s just so wierd to be experiencing this in the Church that we thought promoted it.
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It’s not that easy for people to be separate from the culture they exist in, even for Catholics.

But if you just be a light shining for the world to see and live your life with joy, then people will be inspired by your example. It’s the same with our entire faith, you know?

May God bless you and your family.
 
gatorayd said:
It’s not that easy for people to be separate from the culture they exist in, even for Catholics.

But if you just be a light shining for the world to see and live your life with joy, then people will be inspired by your example. It’s the same with our entire faith, you know?

May God bless you and your family.
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Maybe I DON’T WANT to be a shining light! Maybe I just want to be selfish and GO to the light!

🙂

LOL!!!

I guess that the salt shouldn’t necessary be in the form of a salt lick/salt block… So I shouldn’t be seeking out large families(assuming that large families are salty!)… I still have a hard time seeing myself as a light when I’m so young in the faith and have my own issues.

I am just wanting to ‘come home’ to the Church that embraces childbearing and new life!

Thanks for the encouraging words gatorayd!
 
aaronlgates said:
Maybe I DON’T WANT to be a shining light! Maybe I just want to be selfish and GO to the light!

🙂

LOL!!!

I guess that the salt shouldn’t necessary be in the form of a salt lick/salt block… So I shouldn’t be seeking out large families(assuming that large families are salty!)… I still have a hard time seeing myself as a light when I’m so young in the faith and have my own issues.

I am just wanting to ‘come home’ to the Church that embraces childbearing and new life!

Thanks for the encouraging words gatorayd!
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This is one of my favourite passages actually.
[BIBLEDRB]Matt. 5:14-16[/BIBLEDRB]
God wouldn’t give you anything you couldn’t handle. And its those that are young in the faith that I find most inspiring to be honest.

To be realistic, large families aren’t all that common. It’s only in recent years that I’ve come across other ones (both larger than mine and both Opus Dei actually). I guess you just have to be patient and find solace in the fact that there are definitely devout Catholics with large families out there - you just haven’t met them yet.

And it was no problem mate :).
 
I used to live in Northeren CA and maybe went to the same opus dei events/groups as you ??? LOL…one thing I noticed then was that most of them were younger people. Maybe they will have 8 kids one day…they just haven’t gotten there yet. give them time.
 
I’d just like to reiterate that using NFP does not mean you have to have a large family. Mine is considered large by the standards of most of my community, but then most folks here have no more than four. Doesn’t mean they are not following church teaching, just that they may have grave reason to avoid more children. I’m an N.O. person, by the way.
 
Maybe it is WHERE you live.

Around here, 8 wouldn’t even ring the bell. There are many large families here, and they aren’t all Catholic.

I live in the South.
 
mamamayi said:
I used to live in Northeren CA and maybe went to the same opus dei events/groups as you ??? LOL…one thing I noticed then was that most of them were younger people. Maybe they will have 8 kids one day…they just haven’t gotten there yet. give them time.
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No it was So Cal a few weeks ago. I was probably the second youngest at 41. Most were in their 40s or later.
 
maryjk said:
Maybe it is WHERE you live.

Around here, 8 wouldn’t even ring the bell. There are many large families here, and they aren’t all Catholic.

I live in the South.
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THAT would be a sight to see!
 
aaronlgates said:
I am writing as a convert to the faith in 2008. My wife and I entered RCIA in 2007 after years of study and prayer. We pursued the Catholic church because of its stance on life issues… specifically birth-control. As a molecular biologist turned Pharmacist I was acutely aware of the abortifacient mechanism of hormonal contraception. We had decided long ago to allow God to plan our family… and we pursued the Catholic faith hoping to find those who were like-minded(this was NOT the reason for conversion… We just had hoped to eventually find those who took the life issues seriously).

Now that we are expecting our eighth child we find ourselves freaks in any Catholic Church we attend. I am confident that we made the right choice… but am sad to find that there are so few who take seriously the Church stance on contraception/sterilization.

I am located in the Central Valley of California. Does anyone know of a parish or fellowship group that has large families in it? I even went to an Opus Dei retreat recently, thinking that that there would be some conservative minded Catholics in their ranks. Of 45 men, two others had families larger than 3 children.

I am confused and disappointed.
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Welcome to the Church populated by mortal sinners…The destruction wrought by the femi-nit-wit movement of the 1960’s knows no bounds…Many people blame it on Vatican II but it was the cultural movements of the time that affected our Church more than Vatican II. Our leadership did not take a strong stand I suppose, and still do not, IMO. And thus, here we are.

A personal confession: As a lapsed Catholic (would not have claimed to even be Catholic any more), I used contraception from the age of 15 until my husband and I decided we were ready for our first child. I am one of those who realized much too late that I would have loved to have a large family. I am so thankful there are faithful Catholics like you and your wife, living out God’s commandments in such a visible way! God bless you and your large family!

When I pray at Planned Parenthood, I have seen many cars driving in, that have rosaries hanging from the rear view mirror…This makes me very sad. 1 out of every 4 women, 25%, have had an abortion. That includes Catholics.

It is a very dark time for our culture and the Church needs to stand up for life and not fear the consequences. I have rarely heard any mention of God’s prohibition of any sort of obstacle to life. In over 20 years, only recently since we switched parishes have I heard any of the 5 non-negotiables for Catholic voters even mentioned. This needs to change. Priests and bishops need to take ON the culture and not let the culture run things.

I have mad respect for you, sir. You are living a Catholic life. God bless you.
 
Assuming that contraception is not a frequent topic of conversation between yourself and your dinner guests, I don’t really understand what difference it makes in whether or not you can be friends with another couple. I also don’t think you should assume that because a couple only has three children, that they are contracepting. There could be any number of reasons why they only have three children and many of them could have nothing to do with the pill. Since most individuals are not in the habit of regularly discussing their reproductive habits with their church friends, you do not have a very high likelyhood of having a disagreement with a three-child couple on the subject, even if they are using the pill.
 
maryjk said:
Maybe it is WHERE you live.

Around here, 8 wouldn’t even ring the bell. There are many large families here, and they aren’t all Catholic.

I live in the South.
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Definitely. We have 12, 8, 7 child families at our parish, which is very small by any standards. I have good friends with 6 and 5 (5 has no intention to stop either; I think 6 is done for now). We have 2 and disturb our families when we reference “baby 4” down the road. We’re the two-baby family you might brush off. But I get hyperemesis, and pregnancy puts me in bed for three months, at least. So thought I would adore another right now, I need DS1 and 2 to get a little bigger first. But we have no set “number” or conception of when we want to stop.
Find a very traditional priest who talks about confession and urges the rosary. That’s where the big families are.
 
Allegra said:
Assuming that contraception is not a frequent topic of conversation between yourself and your dinner guests, I don’t really understand what difference it makes in whether or not you can be friends with another couple. I also don’t think you should assume that because a couple only has three children, that they are contracepting. There could be any number of reasons why they only have three children and many of them could have nothing to do with the pill. Since most individuals are not in the habit of regularly discussing their reproductive habits with their church friends, you do not have a very high likelyhood of having a disagreement with a three-child couple on the subject, even if they are using the pill.
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It comes up quite often actually! Being that it’s part of our conversion story… It’s really not an awkward thing at all for us to talk about.

We actually have no friends with more than 2 children tha t I can think of… And they’re great friends. We just aren’t expecting to find a large family anymore… Unfortunately.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Welcome to the Church populated by mortal sinners…
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Thank you for your kind words Juliane! I AM very thankful for having made the decision to be open to life early on… This is not to say that I haven’t made a LOT of OTHER decisions I’m not proud of… I can definitely say that I contribute to the Church’s population of mortal sinners… But I am happy to be home in the Catholic Church.

I’m just not thinking that I’m ready to be some example just yet. Thank you though!!
 
aaronlgates said:
It comes up quite often actually! Being that it’s part of our conversion story… It’s really not an awkward thing at all for us to talk about.

We actually have no friends with more than 2 children tha t I can think of… And they’re great friends. We just aren’t expecting to find a large family anymore… Unfortunately.
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It may not be a big deal for you to talk about it, but a couple who have had difficulty concieving their third child might be more comfortable changing the subject. I’m glad that you are still okay with being friends with couples with less children. The issue of contraception aside, some couples are not cut out to handle more than a certain number of children. Large families are really for those who have a really strong marriage, alot of energy, considerable work ethic, good physical and mental health, and the ability to provide steady income. Not all couples have all of these attributes and it is reasonable for them to avoid having a larger family than they can handle, presuming they are doing so in a way that is consistant with Church teaching. Having a large family is a huge blessing and it may not be everyday that you come across those who are as fortunate as you are. I just hope that you are not assuming that every family you know that doesn’t have as many kids as you have are contracepting because it might not be so. NFP is very effective and difficulty with fertility is very common. (Especially in a generation of women who were made to take birth contol begining at the age of 12 or 13 as a treatment for cramps and acne.)
 
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