I have 9.
At 4, I could ‘justify’ it as, lots of people have 4. At 5, I convinced myself it’s only one more than 4, which lots of people have. At 6, I had to admit to myself, I’m One of Those People with a BIG family. It was hard, given that my own mother had expressed dismay over me being pregnant with the 5th. (Even today, I hear she’s making cracks about me ‘with all those kids,’ in a less than complimentary way.)
I don’t really feel I’ve made any changes to accommodate. It’s just the way we’ve always lived. Always room for one more (or two, in the case of twins.)
I don’t feel I’ve sacrificed anything, but then again, that’s because this is just the way it’s always been. Yes, we could have had more peace and quiet, maybe a nicer house, maybe family vacations, but I simply don’t feel the loss.
I do think having so many children led to the event that was the catalyst in me refusing to go near my family anymore. I have wondered, if I’d had a normal family, just my son and daughter, would that day have gone the way it did. I’m absolutely sure it wouldn’t have.
However… the fact remains, my father is an alcoholic, there have always been problems, there were problems when I was in high school, and problems bad enough when I had only two that we packed up and moved as far away as we could. He was still the same man when we came back. So while I might have struggled through, had I only had two children, it never would have been good, and chances are, something else would have been the catalyst instead.
I haven’t had that many negative comments. I’ve mostly had positive comments. But I did have one parent of a student tell me several times, rather firmly, there are ways to stop that, you know. Ditto for the wife of a colleague, an older woman who I had liked very well up until then, but who got right in my personal space, making sure I knew there were ways to stop that. The doctor who delivered my twins also made the comment, “You don’t
have to keep getting pregnant, you know.”
I always find these comments, the suggestion that people not KNOW how to use birth control quite laughable. REALLY??? In this day and age, it’s virtually impossible to not know birth control exists, and it’s not really that hard to figure out how to use it. Not exactly rocket science.
And if their intention is to let me know I’m
allowed to use birth control, despite what the pesky silly Catholic Church tells me…well, again, have they thought this through? Do they really think that in my 30s, with that many kids, I’ve been blindly following some silly, nonsensical teaching without any thought, but they’re going to say, “You don’t have to do that, you know,” and suddenly the blinders will fall away, (imagine the light shining, the angels singing LAAAAAA!
) and thanks to them, I will suddenly see?
Like it just
never occurred to me before!!!
Mostly, though, I’ve had positive comments.
That was the oddest question, but in all honesty the kids all had shoes at the kitchen door in a huge pile because it was a wet day outside…there were a lot of shoes in a small space!
