Laughed at by fellow parishioners because I refused to applaud

[pat41164]

I hope you all have patience for me, but I feel the need to vent.

I’ve always had a bit of trouble with two things during Mass: applause for music and the holding of hands during the Our Father. Our parish in the Chicago area is big on that, and frankly, I believe I’d be hard pressed to find one that is NOT. In the past, I played along, but always felt like something wasn’t quite right. Recently, after much research, I realized why I was feeling that way. These are not “liturgical” actions, and really should be condemned by the parish priests.

So I reached out to my pastor, and he was very supportive. He too was troubled. That said, nothing much is being done about it. I contacted him at Christmas time, and he invited me to meet with him after the craziness of the season died done (my phrase) to talk about it more.

Since then, I’ve been refraining from both. This too is difficult for me, as I find myself alone. I’m the only one (it appears) who doesn’t clap, unless asked to do so by the priest as acknowledgment for someone’s achievements. And I clasp my own hands in prayer during the Our Father. I don’t know if I’m in the right or being overly legalistic. I certainly would never ask anyone NOT to do it. But if it’s not liturgical, I’d rather not participate. So for me and my personality, who wants to tell the world, “Yay, you are awesome!” as well as not enjoying being the one who is different and perhaps “weird,” it’s not easy.

I go to Mass with my boyfriend (who could care less one way or the other about the applause or hand holding), and while I rather not discuss it there and bring more attention to the fact that I abstain, last week and this week, he brought it up with me before Mass started. This week, children in the parish were singing at our Mass. He turns to me and says, “How are you going to beat this rap?” Essentially, asking, “How are you not going to applaud for the sweet, innocent children?” Then he says, “You’ll be the only one for sure, now that they brought in the kid’s show.” And I said, “That’s the point! It’s not a show! It’s not entertainment; it’s prayer!”

Evidently the people in the pew behind me heard. I could hear two females giggling and one saying something about me having a hang up.

I said to my boyfriend, “Please, I’d rather not discuss it here.” Then I heard one female say, “She doesn’t want to talk about it here! Ha, ha!” I was mortified. It took a difficult moment and made it even harder. I probably shouldn’t have taken it to heart, but I did — so much so that I had to excuse myself during Mass to go to the bath and compose myself, because I did shed some tears.

I remembered reading that bishops were saying that if parishioners were moved to do it, it wouldn’t be held against them, but at the same time, it would be wrong to make anyone feel uncomfortable for NOT doing it.

At least now, I feel even more moved to contact our pastor and meet with him about it. Because whether the hand holding and clapping are right or wrong, making fun of me for having a stand about clearly was wrong. I have to admit, I couldn’t wait for the handshake of peace, just to see who were these two women who laughed at me — a mom with her fully grown 20-something daughter — both old enough to know better.

Now, I’m thinking seriously about going to our Polish Mass. I speak enough Polish to get by (and I’ll learn more in the process)… but I doubt my boyfriend will join me, and that’s a little sad, because going to Mass together is something we shared and something I cherish. But I don’t know if I can handle the liturgical abuse anymore.

Thanks for “listening.” Any comments and thoughts are welcome!

 

[josephback]

I went to a Mass in Eden Prairie, Minnesota and the people applauded after the music. Another service I attended in Minnetonka the people applauded after a good sermon by the priest. I think part of it has to stem from people not aware what’s going on. At the college I attend someone told me “Isn’t the music wonderful?” Of course Music is great and necessary to worship but that’s not really the point. I understand your frustration, and I think Benedict XVI said something about it when he was Pope. Google search?

 

[The_Reginator]

I listened and sympathized.

I have basically left my local parish and now go with friends, weather permitting, to an FSSP parish to assist in the Traditional Latin Mass.

It only took a short time to get used to again and I am blessed with many graces by going there.

I never applaud during The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, or even inside the church, as we are in the very Presence of God in the Holy Eucharist.

It’s just plain rude to applaud in church. No respect. No way to catechise children or adults.

 

[ctb95]

Yeah, I’d definitely talk to your pastor. Perhaps you speaking with him will move him to take action and try to change things. Holding hands during the Our Father isn’t liturgically correct, but I see it happen at nearly every parish I’ve gone to. I’m not one for hand-holding, personally. However, applauding for the music is inappropriate and takes the focus off the liturgy.

What the female parishioners said and how they acted was completely unacceptable and very rude, especially during mass. You’re right to be upset.

I’m not sure what to say about your boyfriend though. That’s something for you two to discuss and I can’t really offer any advice other than this: Do what is best for you.

 

[YADA]

Hi Pat, I am sorry you are feeling so distressed attending Mass. I hope you can come to peace.

I am not sure how old you are or how long you have been a member of this particular parish. As an older person who has attended many parishes as a parishioner and many parishes as a visitor - I can tell you there are lots of differences, some parishes are large, some small, some are rural or urban, cultural [you know this as you mention a Polish Church] some affluent, some financially struggling, many in between, some with schools - most not, some with more than one priest [rare] some with only one [common in my area at least] few with Deacons. Some have liturgy committees, some have only the priest or one staff for liturgy decisions.

Yet with all the cultural and even language differences around the entire world- there is only One Mass! - and as Catholics we are truly blessed to belong to the Catholic “Universal” Church. I can enter Mass anywhere in the world and not have heard the language being spoken not understanding it and know the rhythm of Mass and what is happening enough to follow along … how awesome is that!

Applauding for music … I hope you mean at the end of mass - not during the Mass. You mentioned the priest asking for applause for achievements and that being more acceptable to you … Well after the final hymn - the most common time I have experience ‘applause’ for the music -** in truth the Mass has ended **and you could just consider this a spontaneous way in which the family gathered has to express their joy at coming together to worship as a family - that this hour spent together is a happy moment … considering all the people who go up for Communion and then leave before returning to their seats - couple with the fat that the “Mass has ended…” this seems pretty minor … and whose to say that this spontaneous display of happiness is not an inspired response to our commission to bring the Good News with us as we go? It may not be your thing - but … it is not bad

Now applauding for music pieces - individually - and during the Mass is far more problematic - I have not ever seen that happen … - except during a homily when the priest sang and the - homily was interactive for lack of a better word.

SO applause happening during the Mass rightly is the Priest’s problem to solve as he is in control of the Liturgy, present to witness it and also instruct the faithful on proper etiquette if it was inappropriate.

Holding hands during the Our Father is something that garners lots of discussion … personally I think it started with families and small children - as a way for parents to stand with their children and also control them … think toddlers - too big and squirmy to just hold 100% of the time but too squirmy to not hold on to … and perhaps young people like you and your boy friend … I have done both and experienced the transition from its being rare to more common - common in some parishes and not in others … it is something I do not loose sleep over and I recommend you take that same attitude with …

If you don’t like holding hands - then do not hold hands - Instead of holding feelings against those that do decide to pray for them … This is what I do for those who leave immediately after Communion - for them I pray that the emergency that takes them away will be resolved according to God’s will and the people involved will be safe and comforted, or that the work that calls them away be successful and that they reach their destination safely or that if they are just bored with Mass they come to a deeper understanding of the Mystery they just experienced and that they will desire to stay until the final blessing … because in truth - I don’t know why people leave early, will they be fired if they are late to work? Is the person a doctor or other emergency responder? Are they leaving to set up hospitality for after Mass to welcome all of us , or are they just trying to get home to watch football … whatever the reason people do good or bad in our sight - we do not know their heart but we can pray …

FYI - I can understand attending Mass without your boyfriend would be sad - since my spouse passed away - attending Mass - which was the anchor of our life together that set the order of our week and kept us grounded - is one of the hardest things I do alone … our faith was the very core of our marriage and the Mass was at the center - even if we were in different places in a given week attending Mass in two places - we still felt like we attended together … now every Mass is both happy because we are close due to the veil between heaven and earth is opened in a way - but also sad because the space between heaven and earth is also great

 

[Dorothy]

It certainly was uncharitable for the women behind you to make those unnecessary remarks.

I remember when, many years ago, when our priest where I lived at the time was introducing the “handshake of peace”. He told us to turn to the right, and then to the left, shaking hands with the person and saying “Peace be with you”.

Over the years it has become expanded quite a bit, and is a distraction. It certainly should not be a cause for uncharitable remarks. It is perfectly fine (and many do it in my parish) to just turn your head and smile and say simply “Peace” at that time.

If things don’t change, then all you can do is offer up your pain to the Lord while focusing on Him alone.

Peace,

Dorothy

 

[Randy_Carson]

I hope you all have patience for me, but I feel the need to vent.

I’ve always had a bit of trouble with two things during Mass: applause for music and the holding of hands during the Our Father. Our parish in the Chicago area is big on that, and frankly, I believe I’d be hard pressed to find one that is NOT. In the past, I played along, but always felt like something wasn’t quite right. Recently, after much research, I realized why I was feeling that way. These are not “liturgical” actions, and really should be condemned by the parish priests.

So I reached out to my pastor, and he was very supportive. He too was troubled. That said, nothing much is being done about it. I contacted him at Christmas time, and he invited me to meet with him after the craziness of the season died done (my phrase) to talk about it more.

Since then, I’ve been refraining from both. This too is difficult for me, as I find myself alone. I’m the only one (it appears) who doesn’t clap, unless asked to do so by the priest as acknowledgment for someone’s achievements. And I clasp my own hands in prayer during the Our Father. I don’t know if I’m in the right or being overly legalistic. I certainly would never ask anyone NOT to do it. But if it’s not liturgical, I’d rather not participate. So for me and my personality, who wants to tell the world, “Yay, you are awesome!” as well as not enjoying being the one who is different and perhaps “weird,” it’s not easy.

I go to Mass with my boyfriend (who could care less one way or the other about the applause or hand holding), and while I rather not discuss it there and bring more attention to the fact that I abstain, last week and this week, he brought it up with me before Mass started. This week, children in the parish were singing at our Mass. He turns to me and says, “How are you going to beat this rap?” Essentially, asking, “How are you not going to applaud for the sweet, innocent children?” Then he says, “You’ll be the only one for sure, now that they brought in the kid’s show.” And I said, “That’s the point! It’s not a show! It’s not entertainment; it’s prayer!”

Evidently the people in the pew behind me heard. I could hear two females giggling and one saying something about me having a hang up.

I said to my boyfriend, “Please, I’d rather not discuss it here.” Then I heard one female say, “She doesn’t want to talk about it here! Ha, ha!” I was mortified. It took a difficult moment and made it even harder. I probably shouldn’t have taken it to heart, but I did — so much so that I had to excuse myself during Mass to go to the bath and compose myself, because I did shed some tears.

I remembered reading that bishops were saying that if parishioners were moved to do it, it wouldn’t be held against them, but at the same time, it would be wrong to make anyone feel uncomfortable for NOT doing it.

At least now, I feel even more moved to contact our pastor and meet with him about it. Because whether the hand holding and clapping are right or wrong, making fun of me for having a stand about clearly was wrong. I have to admit, I couldn’t wait for the handshake of peace, just to see who were these two women who laughed at me — a mom with her fully grown 20-something daughter — both old enough to know better.

Now, I’m thinking seriously about going to our Polish Mass. I speak enough Polish to get by (and I’ll learn more in the process)… but I doubt my boyfriend will join me, and that’s a little sad, because going to Mass together is something we shared and something I cherish. But I don’t know if I can handle the liturgical abuse anymore.

Thanks for “listening.” Any comments and thoughts are welcome!

When is it appropriate to applaud at Mass?
catholic.com/qa/when-is-it-appropriate-to-applaud-at-mass

HOLDING HANDS AT THE OUR FATHER?
ewtn.com/library/Liturgy/zlitur10.htm

 

[Boy_Wonder]

Time to bail. Go to St. Mary of the Angels where the Kennedy and Armitage meet. St. John Cantius is another safe bet but the masses there are all in the extraordinary form (Latin). Neither goes in for hand holding or clapping. The Polish parishes out around Milwaukee and Belmont don’t cotton to this nonsense either. St Alphonsus at Wellington and Sheffield has solid no nonsense masses and lots of young people. There’s a wonderful parish in suburban St. Charles. Very Orthodox.

 

[3_Dog_Night]

Yeah, a mom and her 20 something daughter should know better. No, mass is not a show or a performance. And sometimes something that is said or sung hits a chord with folks that they want to demonstrate their appreciation – and in America, we applaud. I believe the correct approach to The Lord’s Prayer is to raise both hands and arms above your head but at your side (if that makes sense). Per the deacon at RCIA class.

You can’t control what other people do, but you can control what you do and how you respond. If it would help you feel better, I attended a mass where a man in the pews responded with a loud “Amen” at something the pastor said (the gospel was the story about the Good Samaritan). Everyone laughed, and the pastor said, “What more is there to say?” And he ended his homily. I felt as if I were in a Baptist (Protestant) service.

And at another church, the deacon makes much ado about scrubbing the carpet after the host fell while the teens and their hip moms go up to receive communion half clothed (scantily clad/ cleavage showing/ short, short skirts). They bend over to reverence the host, and well, it’s indecent. It is painful to watch them embarrass themselves in this way. And shall we mention the folks who leave early (I am guilty of that myself at times).

I don’t know what to say. Sit in another part of the church? Meet with the pastor? (The pastor should enforce the liturgical customs, but often it is a lose-lose for them because of the backlash they get from parishioners.) Try some different parishes – maybe you will find greater reverence and adherence to protocol at another church? Cover your hands with Desiden cream – folks will probably decline your hand? Don’t let it bother you?

 

[CB_Catholic]

I hope you all have patience for me, but I feel the need to vent.

I’ve always had a bit of trouble with two things during Mass: applause for music and the holding of hands during the Our Father. Our parish in the Chicago area is big on that, and frankly, I believe I’d be hard pressed to find one that is NOT. In the past, I played along, but always felt like something wasn’t quite right. Recently, after much research, I realized why I was feeling that way. These are not “liturgical” actions, and really should be condemned by the parish priests.

So I reached out to my pastor, and he was very supportive. He too was troubled. That said, nothing much is being done about it. I contacted him at Christmas time, and he invited me to meet with him after the craziness of the season died done (my phrase) to talk about it more.

Since then, I’ve been refraining from both. This too is difficult for me, as I find myself alone. I’m the only one (it appears) who doesn’t clap, unless asked to do so by the priest as acknowledgment for someone’s achievements. And I clasp my own hands in prayer during the Our Father. I don’t know if I’m in the right or being overly legalistic. I certainly would never ask anyone NOT to do it. But if it’s not liturgical, I’d rather not participate. So for me and my personality, who wants to tell the world, “Yay, you are awesome!” as well as not enjoying being the one who is different and perhaps “weird,” it’s not easy.

I go to Mass with my boyfriend (who could care less one way or the other about the applause or hand holding), and while I rather not discuss it there and bring more attention to the fact that I abstain, last week and this week, he brought it up with me before Mass started. This week, children in the parish were singing at our Mass. He turns to me and says, “How are you going to beat this rap?” Essentially, asking, “How are you not going to applaud for the sweet, innocent children?” Then he says, “You’ll be the only one for sure, now that they brought in the kid’s show.” And I said, “That’s the point! It’s not a show! It’s not entertainment; it’s prayer!”

Evidently the people in the pew behind me heard. I could hear two females giggling and one saying something about me having a hang up.

I said to my boyfriend, “Please, I’d rather not discuss it here.” Then I heard one female say, “She doesn’t want to talk about it here! Ha, ha!” I was mortified. It took a difficult moment and made it even harder. I probably shouldn’t have taken it to heart, but I did — so much so that I had to excuse myself during Mass to go to the bath and compose myself, because I did shed some tears.

I remembered reading that bishops were saying that if parishioners were moved to do it, it wouldn’t be held against them, but at the same time, it would be wrong to make anyone feel uncomfortable for NOT doing it.

At least now, I feel even more moved to contact our pastor and meet with him about it. Because whether the hand holding and clapping are right or wrong, making fun of me for having a stand about clearly was wrong. I have to admit, I couldn’t wait for the handshake of peace, just to see who were these two women who laughed at me — a mom with her fully grown 20-something daughter — both old enough to know better.

Now, I’m thinking seriously about going to our Polish Mass. I speak enough Polish to get by (and I’ll learn more in the process)… but I doubt my boyfriend will join me, and that’s a little sad, because going to Mass together is something we shared and something I cherish. But I don’t know if I can handle the liturgical abuse anymore.

Thanks for “listening.” Any comments and thoughts are welcome!

To put this in a little more perspective, there were 2 people, related to each other, who made these remarks, out of the whole church. The whole parish is not laughing at you or disagreeing with you and is not being so rude. Most of the people would not even notice if you did not clap or hold hands. That is the reality of the situation. These women were wrong, yes, but that should not color your whole outlook–avoid them in the future. And forgive them.

I generally do not applaud in church, unless the priest asks for it, as at a Baptism, but then again, spontaneous applause occasionally does occur, and I prefer not to hold hands either. So I don’t. Plain and simple, and actually few people even notice, and I consider it their problem, not mine.

This is not really liturgical abuse that is serious enough to affect Mass. All of this is common throughout the country, and it rarely is addressed by the Bishops. Abuse is a word that has strong connotations, is overused, and I know some people will not agree, but this does not really rise to that level, since it is so common and commonly ignored or even promoted by clergy. Something like seriously changing the words of the liturgy, or the Consecration, or deliberately using the wrong readings, or some other serious deviations are the things that truly rise to the level of abuse and would be addressed by the Bishop if it came to his attention.

So I would pick my battles, and ignore these rude people. Rude people are everywhere. If this does seriously disturb you, though, you can always find another parish.

 

[JimG]

I grew up straddling both the pre and post Vatican II eras, and I recall one parish in particular which had wonderful choirs in both eras. In the pre-VII period, even as a kid I was nearly overcome with awe at the beauty of our choir. It made me want to jump for joy. But I didn’t, nor did I applaud, nor did anyone else. There were no outbursts of any kind during or following Mass.

Sometimes I wanted to tell the choir members how great they were, but didn’t feel it was my place. The thinking was that the music was for the greater glory of God. Indeed it was, and it also edified the congregation, lifting their hearts.

That same parish post-VII still had some amazingly gifted choirs. Their music remains both uplifting and it glorifies God. But now, sometimes, after Mass, there is applause. I liked the silent appreciation better, but things change.

 

[Allegra]

I’m kind of surprise that I’m the first person to bring this up, but it seems to me that your real problem is the boyfriend. I mean, you’re not wrong about applause after each sung prayer and hymn is distracting and not particularly reverent, and there’s nothing wrong with not participating in it. You’ve got yourself a couple of overgrown “mean girls” sitting behind you but there isn’t much you can do about it. At least not in church. What would bother me the most is that your boyfriend doesn’t respect your opinion about it and was trying to bully you about it during Mass. (Or right before, whatever) That, to me, would be the most bothersome part of the experience.

 

[josh987654321]

.

I hear ya, I hate the superficial stuff, it’s so fake, I certainly don’t go to Church for a concert. If people want to sing that’s fine I think and can be good sometimes, I don’t sing though.

Don’t worry about them laughing, id keep attending there, if it were during the Mass I wouldn’t have participated in the clapping, only after Mass ended I would clap if something called for it and for a short time keeping my gaze on Christ in the tabernacle.

I think a lot of it can be symptoms of a larger and deeper issue, which I think is probably the disbelief in the real presence of Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist, because if all Catholics really believed in the real presence, we wouldn’t have to worry about irreverence.

We can only be examples ourselves showing reverence to Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist and pray for them and the Church, which are certainly in some rough times, due to all the heresies and scandals that abound. Stay the course Pat.

I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[josh987654321]

Time to bail.

I don’t like the idea of “Church shopping” because if everyone does that, then we wonder why some Catholic Church somewhere does something silly and sacrilegious, and it’s probably because all the faithful simply left that Church, yet Christ in the Tabernacle can’t leave that Catholic Church.

I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[pianistclare]

To put this in a little more perspective, there were 2 people, related to each other, who made these remarks, out of the whole church. The whole parish is not laughing at you or disagreeing with you and is not being so rude. Most of the people would not even notice if you did not clap or hold hands. That is the reality of the situation. These women were wrong, yes, but that should not color your whole outlook–avoid them in the future. And forgive them.

I generally do not applaud in church, unless the priest asks for it, as at a Baptism, but then again, spontaneous applause occasionally does occur, and I prefer not to hold hands either. So I don’t. Plain and simple, and actually few people even notice, and I consider it their problem, not mine.

This is not really liturgical abuse that is serious enough to affect Mass. All of this is common throughout the country, and it rarely is addressed by the Bishops. Abuse is a word that has strong connotations, is overused, and I know some people will not agree, but this does not really rise to that level, since it is so common and commonly ignored or even promoted by clergy. Something like seriously changing the words of the liturgy, or the Consecration, or deliberately using the wrong readings, or some other serious deviations are the things that truly rise to the level of abuse and would be addressed by the Bishop if it came to his attention.

So I would pick my battles, and ignore these rude people. Rude people are everywhere. If this does seriously disturb you, though, you can always find another parish.

THIS^^^

This is not about you.
It’s a cultural and local custom.
Don’t participate.

My question is:
How was the Mass otherwise>? Was the homily edifying?
Did Christ come to you in Holy Eucharist?
Did you have a good prayer/conversation with him when you returned to your pew?
THESE are things that matter. Don’t get caught up at such a young age in the “stuff”.

It’s not worrying about.
I don’t like to hold hands. So? No one cares.
So I don’t.

Focus on your own prayer life, and let the other things go. Otherwise you’ll find yourself unhappy at every parish you find yourself in. Mass is so much more.

 

[pnewton]

Having a couple of inconsiderate people act like jerks is nothing to sweat. If you are okay not clapping, then be okay with it and do not let rude comments get to you. If it bothers you too much, then clap. Either way, be content with your decision.

Oh, and I am sorry they were inconsiderate. I know it is no fun to be an object of derision.

 

[OraLabora]

I grew up straddling both the pre and post Vatican II eras, and I recall one parish in particular which had wonderful choirs in both eras. In the pre-VII period, even as a kid I was nearly overcome with awe at the beauty of our choir. It made me want to jump for joy. But I didn’t, nor did I applaud, nor did anyone else. There were no outbursts of any kind during or following Mass.

Sometimes I wanted to tell the choir members how great they were, but didn’t feel it was my place. The thinking was that the music was for the greater glory of God. Indeed it was, and it also edified the congregation, lifting their hearts.

That same parish post-VII still had some amazingly gifted choirs. Their music remains both uplifting and it glorifies God. But now, sometimes, after Mass, there is applause. I liked the silent appreciation better, but things change.

I’m a chorister in a Gregorian choir. We sing only at OF Masses (no licit EF in our area), and we do usually get applause. Often led by the pastor!

At our abbey there is always an organ postlude on Sundays outside of Advent and Lent (except Gaudete and Laetare Sundays). The organist is almost always applauded at the end. Technically though, Mass is over at that point.

I’d rather not be applauded, but it’s outside my control so I don’t let it get to me. Chanting in the choir is not, for me, performance, it is prayer. Of course we want to do our best for God’s greater glory.

 

[Reuben_J]

I hope you all have patience for me, but I feel the need to vent.

I’ve always had a bit of trouble with two things during Mass: applause for music and the holding of hands during the Our Father. Our parish in the Chicago area is big on that, and frankly, I believe I’d be hard pressed to find one that is NOT. In the past, I played along, but always felt like something wasn’t quite right. Recently, after much research, I realized why I was feeling that way. These are not “liturgical” actions, and really should be condemned by the parish priests.

So I reached out to my pastor, and he was very supportive. He too was troubled. That said, nothing much is being done about it. I contacted him at Christmas time, and he invited me to meet with him after the craziness of the season died done (my phrase) to talk about it more.

Since then, I’ve been refraining from both. This too is difficult for me, as I find myself alone. I’m the only one (it appears) who doesn’t clap, unless asked to do so by the priest as acknowledgment for someone’s achievements. And I clasp my own hands in prayer during the Our Father. I don’t know if I’m in the right or being overly legalistic. I certainly would never ask anyone NOT to do it. But if it’s not liturgical, I’d rather not participate. So for me and my personality, who wants to tell the world, “Yay, you are awesome!” as well as not enjoying being the one who is different and perhaps “weird,” it’s not easy.

I go to Mass with my boyfriend (who could care less one way or the other about the applause or hand holding), and while I rather not discuss it there and bring more attention to the fact that I abstain, last week and this week, he brought it up with me before Mass started. This week, children in the parish were singing at our Mass. He turns to me and says, “How are you going to beat this rap?” Essentially, asking, “How are you not going to applaud for the sweet, innocent children?” Then he says, “You’ll be the only one for sure, now that they brought in the kid’s show.” And I said, “That’s the point! It’s not a show! It’s not entertainment; it’s prayer!”

Evidently the people in the pew behind me heard. I could hear two females giggling and one saying something about me having a hang up.

.
.

Now, I’m thinking seriously about going to our Polish Mass. I speak enough Polish to get by (and I’ll learn more in the process)… but I doubt my boyfriend will join me, and that’s a little sad, because going to Mass together is something we shared and something I cherish. But I don’t know if I can handle the liturgical abuse anymore.

Thanks for “listening.” Any comments and thoughts are welcome!

If you do not feel like joining hands during the Our Father, then don’t. As you can see, playing along will only make you feel worse about it in the long run that one day you will call a stop to it.

I have not heard that holding hands should be condemned only that strictly speaking it is not done. In my archdiocese we do not do that (holding hands) anymore due to the instruction from our liturgical committee (to those involve in the liturgy). In due time, less and less people would be doing it. So the practice can be regional or local, but if you feel strongly about it, then do not participate.

As for the clapping at the end of the mass, I personally think it is just a mark of appreciation rather than to glorify the people concerned. Sometimes we have visiting clergy celebrating the mass and we applause him at the end of the mass. If we can do that then why not to those who put up some effort to make the choir more lively, more participative.

But more importantly, it should be personal, whether you want to applause or not. I thought you made too much of a big deal to it when your boyfriend commented within hearing distance of those sitting behind you. People do not have to know what you want or do not want to do, no?

 

[katy]

I’m kind of surprise that I’m the first person to bring this up, but it seems to me that your real problem is the boyfriend. I mean, you’re not wrong about applause after each sung prayer and hymn is distracting and not particularly reverent, and there’s nothing wrong with not participating in it. You’ve got yourself a couple of overgrown “mean girls” sitting behind you but there isn’t much you can do about it. At least not in church. What would bother me the most is that your boyfriend doesn’t respect your opinion about it and was trying to bully you about it during Mass. (Or right before, whatever) That, to me, would be the most bothersome part of the experience.

Agreed.

 

[SyroMalankara]

Time to bail. Go to St. Mary of the Angels where the Kennedy and Armitage meet. St. John Cantius is another safe bet but the masses there are all in the extraordinary form (Latin). Neither goes in for hand holding or clapping. The Polish parishes out around Milwaukee and Belmont don’t cotton to this nonsense either. St Alphonsus at Wellington and Sheffield has solid no nonsense masses and lots of young people. There’s a wonderful parish in suburban St. Charles. Very Orthodox.

St. John Cantius is not all Extraordinary Form, they celebrate EF, but also Ordinary Form in Latin and in English - all ad orientem.