Laughed at by fellow parishioners because I refused to applaud

[MaryT777]

To put this in a little more perspective, there were 2 people, related to each other, who made these remarks, out of the whole church. The whole parish is not laughing at you or disagreeing with you and is not being so rude. Most of the people would not even notice if you did not clap or hold hands. That is the reality of the situation. These women were wrong, yes, but that should not color your whole outlook–avoid them in the future. And forgive them.

I generally do not applaud in church, unless the priest asks for it, as at a Baptism, but then again, spontaneous applause occasionally does occur, and I prefer not to hold hands either. So I don’t. Plain and simple, and actually few people even notice, and I consider it their problem, not mine.

This is not really liturgical abuse that is serious enough to affect Mass. All of this is common throughout the country, and it rarely is addressed by the Bishops. Abuse is a word that has strong connotations, is overused, and I know some people will not agree, but this does not really rise to that level, since it is so common and commonly ignored or even promoted by clergy. Something like seriously changing the words of the liturgy, or the Consecration, or deliberately using the wrong readings, or some other serious deviations are the things that truly rise to the level of abuse and would be addressed by the Bishop if it came to his attention.

So I would pick my battles, and ignore these rude people. Rude people are everywhere. If this does seriously disturb you, though, you can always find another parish.

Well said, especially about picking battles and ignoring those that are rude.

 

[esieffe]

I am with you 100%. I loath passing the peace, greeting people during Mass holding hands and especially clapping to the music, if that type of song comes up.

I love my church along with another Church I go to, and I am open to meeting people, or saying hi, but just not during Mass. I usually sit in an area by myself where I wont be able to shake or hold hands. I used to feel a bit bad about feeling this way until I read and heard from others that such things really should not be a part of the Mass as a rule anyway.

One thing is for sure, I do not go to Mass impress anyone, or to make friends, I go to Mass to sit at our Lord’s table. If someone were to give me a weird look,I wouldn’t care. Just pray for the gigglers. Being silly at a Catholic Mass is not worth a second thought on your part.

 

[NeedImprovement]

I hope you all have patience for me, but I feel the need to vent.

I’ve always had a bit of trouble with two things during Mass: applause for music and the holding of hands during the Our Father. . . . These are not “liturgical” actions, and really should be condemned by the parish priests.

So I reached out to my pastor, and he was very supportive. He too was troubled. That said, nothing much is being done about it. . . .

Thanks for “listening.” Any comments and thoughts are welcome!

Hi Pat 41164

The things you describe can have a tendency to derogate from the air of reverence which should prevail in every celebration of the Holy Sacrifice of The Mass. Anything which diverts our attention away from the Lord during Mass, cannot be considered* good.* And that space after we have received our Blessed Lord in Holy Communion can be a particularly sore/vulnerable spot for applause to take place during Mass, or at its conclusion.

I’ve led liturgical singing on and off for years, using a guitar , but I developed a way of doing it deftly without allowing the guitar to grate against peoples’ nerves. I don’t do that much of it now because I’ve been asked to lead several different prayer groups and I serve as an assistant to the Catholic chaplain in a large long-term & palliative care institution for Sunday Masses.

Anyhow, at one of the prayer groups (which includes a Rosary and concludes with the celebration of the Mass) I played & sung 2 hymns at Communion Panis Angelicus and Hail Mary Gentle Woman if it makes a difference], because Father had asked me to. It was a bit of a squeeze because I was also serving the Mass. I was caught by surprise when people applauded at the end of the hymns. I decided I wouldn’t play& sing Communion hymns with that prayer group any more . . .because of the applause I received. Clapping just doesn’t fit there, and if we were clapping, it should be for Jesus, if at all.

At my home parish during weekday Masses, Father will often ask me to intone the opening hymn (from my pew and without an instrument) just so we might keep it in a key which is comfortable for everyone to sing in. He asked me if we could do something a little more special, musically speaking, for our Blessed Mother for the Mass of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception in December 2016 . I told him I could oblige by bringing in a guitar and singing a Communion hymn and then leading a closing hymn, but I mentioned my concern that people mustn’t clap after the hymns and he concurred with me , saying , “Yes, this is a problem.” Then, we both prayed about it the day before .

The next day the hymns went very well, and . . .no applause. But after Mass, a lot of people came over to me individually to tell me, “Thank you, that was beautiful”, and I replied to each one, “Thank you, and thank you for not clapping during Mass.”

Also, I once saw a priest interrupt with a parish announcement just as an applause was beginning in a Mass, and it stifled the applause. - :idea:

Here is something which should be of interest. It’s part of an excerpt from Pope Benedict XVI’s book SPIRIT OF THE LITURGY , which is posted over at EWTN :

SPIRIT OF THE LITURGY

Wherever applause breaks out in the liturgy because of some human achievement, it is a sure sign that the essence of liturgy has totally disappeared and been replaced by a kind of religious entertainment. Such attraction fades quickly - it cannot compete in the market of leisure pursuits, incorporating as it increasingly does various forms of religious titillation.

God bless you pat41164 .

 

[angell1]

if I may offer a slightly different perspective, my pastor has made it very clear to our congregation that mass is not entertainment. however, he did say that applause is also a symbol of thanksgiving, as in you are thanking the music ministry for their service, so he doesn’t really have an issue with it. and it’s only ever done after mass at my parish.

I thinkt he hand holding during the our father must je be in the United states, we don’t do it here. but again, not really the end of the world I think. if you don’t like it, don’t do it

 

[pat41164]

Thank you all for your comments and empathy/support. To answer a few questions and address a few comments:

Applauding for music … I hope you mean at the end of mass - not during the Mass.

I mean DURING Mass. Consistently, the song that occurs after the Communion hymn but before the final blessing (the name of that music escapes me).

I’m kind of surprise that I’m the first person to bring this up, but it seems to me that your real problem is the boyfriend. I

Oh… he heard about it after Mass. Yes, I felt like I was being dogged and teased by him, even before the women behind us chimed in. He claimed he didn’t realize he was insensitive. Sigh. And he has a bit of hearing problem, so he didn’t even hear the women behind us.

In the long run… I’ve forgiven all involved. I tried not to care, but apparently, I did. It was a “visceral” feeling of hurt that I got over quickly enough, but I’ll admit that the behavior of these women took me by surprise. And hopefully now, my boyfriend will respect my feelings on the subject.

My question is:
How was the Mass otherwise? Was the homily edifying?
Did Christ come to you in Holy Eucharist?
Did you have a good prayer/conversation with him when you returned to your pew?
THESE are things that matter. Don’t get caught up at such a young age in the “stuff”.

Great questions! The answer is YES to all of the above!

I think, going forward, I will try to talk to our pastor (and he sounded very open to that — he invited me to do so), and maybe I’ll just take a break and visit Polish Mass for a few weeks, and I’ve been meaning to go to the Byzantine Catholic church that I do attend a few times a year (and I’m very overdue). I think doing so might settle me down so I can go to the English Mass at my church with a peaceful, forgiving heart.

 

[TK421]

Hand holding is a neutral matter otherwise the Catholic Conference of Bishops would say otherwise.

Benedict XVI hit the nail on the head: religious music at Mass will never be able to compete against the mass market of leisurely pleasures. If not for its spiritual value and aim toward God, it will always be out wrestled.

Giving compliments to the music ministry is all well and good but doing it on a regular basis seems kind of eccentric and being in the choir myself I would find that awkward. I mean, I like doing what I’m doing, and sure, I naturally enjoy the odd person here and there giving me words of encouragement, but regular applauding? I’m participating in a weekly Mass at my local parish, not performing on Broadway.

 

[Cassandra_Lyn]

We applauded when the kids sang one song this past Sunday… that’s it.
I don’t know why you would any other time, but it would seem counterintuitive to not applaud for the kids?

 

[Cassandra_Lyn]

In my church, families and couples hold hands, that’s it.

 

[peter26]

If you find it distracting, go to the Byzantine Church or the Polish Mass you mention. See if you have a Tridentine Mass or maybe the Ordinariate Use available in your area. There is no point in going somewhere where you are distracted by feeling pressured into doing things you rightly don’t feel comfortable doing. Plenty of parishes out there that say the black and do the red.

 

[JanetF]

Shame on the mom and 20-year old daughter for laughing…

I have strong feelings about holding hands during communion. I don’t like it, therefore I don’t do it. I fold my own hands in prayer and pray.

Clapping after music… If mass is ended, I’m okay with this because mass is ended, during mass I don’t think it’s appropriate.

When I was married 30+ years ago, it was customary for priests to introduce the new couple at the end of mass and then people would clap. I told my family and friends, please not to clap, most went along with my wishes. I just don’t like clapping in church. I’ve softened somewhat (as above), but still not crazy about it.

 

[paperwight66]

Shame on the mom and 20-year old daughter for laughing…

I have strong feelings about holding hands during communion. I don’t like it, therefore I don’t do it. I fold my own hands in prayer and pray.

.

Did you mean actually holding hands during Communion? I have never seen that.

 

[Cassandra_Lyn]

Must mean during the Our Father. Unless they mean couples holding hands while in line for Communion, I understand that gets under some people’s skin.

 

[JanetF]

Oops, meant during the Our Father.