Leaving the church and maybe God

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scared

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I am very troubled and I am not sure this is the right forum if not please tell me.

I have struggled for sometime now with the church many things have lead to this far to many to go into. I did attempt to speak with a priest about it, but he is ill equipped to deal with the issues even the spiritual ones. his suggestion was to seek council and return to mass after the issues are dealt with. Well I simply can not deal with the spiritual side on my own. So I returned to church and the more I attempt to stay in the church the more I am being told to leave.
I attended my first confession since baptism 17 years ago. The experience was not welcoming nor did it make me feel better. I needed to make things right with God before my surgery.

I thought I would at least attend one mass while free of mortal sin, but I am greatly preplexed at my priests reaction to me being there. So my doubts about the church have grown so strong that I can’t pray, I walk into the church and only feel coldness. My priest visably show distain for me being there (others notice this so it is not just me)

So I am at the end wha reasonis there for me to continue to try and be accepted into a religion that obviosly doesn’t want me there? If God exists would he condone this? Others are openly welcomed I am not sure what I have done, when I go to mass I don’t disrupt things I sit quietly.

I have no answer just that I know that something is wrong,leaving I guess is the right thing.

Thanks for listening

scared
 
One priest is not a Church. Can you find a different priest?

If not, can you sit down with the priest and try to find out what the problem is? Don’t leave because of a personality clash.
 
Go to another parish and seek out a spiritual counselor who can actually help you. Not all parish priests are good counselors nor are they all as Christ-like as they ought to be. As I see it, you’re only real difficulty is with this one man, and he is certainly not God nor the Church. Contact your diocese for a good counselor–that’s what they’re there for–to help you. I will pray for you, please pray for me.
 
Dear Sacred,

I can understand your frustration. But please, please do not give up, you will not be dissappointed. You are following Gods call and He is calling you. The devil would LOVE to get you to turn away. Please take some time today and open up your heart in true honesty and humility to God and wait, be patient. The Holy Spirit will guide you. Please listen to the advice the the other posters gave you, find another parish/priest and do not give up until you get your answers. I have a feeling that you will always look back at this time as a pivotal point of your life. It can be so discouraging and frustrating trying to find the answers but the Catholic church will provide you with Gods truth (I’m sorry that this priest/church did not). A couple of other suggestions
  1. Listen to the CD/tapes from Fr Larry Richards about the Mass it can be ordered from catholicity.com/maryfoundation/audiotapes.html
  2. Listen to Fr Corapi on www.relevantradio.com at 11:00 AM EST or download his “Teachings of Jesus” talks from ftp://217.160.246.215/pub/audionet/EWTN_programs/Fr._John_Corapi/
    I will be praying for you,
    May God Bless you!!!
 
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scared:
I am very troubled and I am not sure this is the right forum if not please tell me.

I have struggled for sometime now with the church many things have lead to this far to many to go into. I did attempt to speak with a priest about it, but he is ill equipped to deal with the issues even the spiritual ones. his suggestion was to seek council and return to mass after the issues are dealt with. Well I simply can not deal with the spiritual side on my own. So I returned to church and the more I attempt to stay in the church the more I am being told to leave.
I attended my first confession since baptism 17 years ago. The experience was not welcoming nor did it make me feel better. I needed to make things right with God before my surgery.

I thought I would at least attend one mass while free of mortal sin, but I am greatly preplexed at my priests reaction to me being there. So my doubts about the church have grown so strong that I can’t pray, I walk into the church and only feel coldness. My priest visably show distain for me being there (others notice this so it is not just me)

So I am at the end wha reasonis there for me to continue to try and be accepted into a religion that obviosly doesn’t want me there? If God exists would he condone this? Others are openly welcomed I am not sure what I have done, when I go to mass I don’t disrupt things I sit quietly.

I have no answer just that I know that something is wrong,leaving I guess is the right thing.

Thanks for listening

scared
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It’s really hard to answer without having some clue as to specific issues with which you are troubled.

For example, some people want to live with another person, and sleep with them. The Church would never condone this as it violates the 10 Commandments. A priest would ask the couple to live separately until marriage. One of the highest occasions of sin we can place ourselves in is to live in the same house with the opposite sex, or if one suffers SSA to be in the same house with a member of the same sex.

Therefore, some feel the Church is pushing them away, when in reality they are leaving of their own free will, but blaming the Church for not bending God’s rules. The Church does not make them up, rather they have been given to us.

The Church must be charitable and certainly loves all of God’s children. However, like a good mother, she must also be mindful not only of this life, but the reality of an eternal afterlife.

Original sin leaves us prone to following the easier path, which is often a sinful or less than virtuous path. Sin brings us certain satisfactions which we choose over working at controlling the passions. It is far better to try hard and fail 100,000 times than to give in and stop trying to please God through obedience altogether. This can be a source of deep pain for people.

I don’t want to pray and you should n’t share anything with which you are uncomfortable with. However, if there is a way to get into specific issues as to how you don’t feel accepted, that would be easier to deal with.
 
The struggle that I have with the church where things that happened many years ago, but I have just began to realize the damaging effect they had on me. At a very young age I was physically removed from the church and told never to come back.

I met my husband and through him I joined a RCIA program and was baptized etc. into the church. The priest fought daily to keep me in the church, he showed me the wonders of the church.

14 years ago tragic events took the lives of our twins. It was due to an ectopic pregnancy, this was the being of my problems with the church, a very ill informed person told me I murdered my children, this was days after my realise from hospital and to top it off it was at christmas. I was still coming to terms with their death and my near death that I was unable to cope. Our parish had been informed of the twins death, but they did nothing, we left the church not once did the parish priest or others ask why we left. I truely felt that I had been excommunicated from the church. I am now only coming to terms with this.

We returned to the church briefly with the birth of a very ill child. Again the church turned away. They did allow us to baptize him, but with my undealth with issues, I couldn’t stay, I felt so alone.
Within 3 months of my child’s birth I was in a horrific car accident that has left many permanet injuries. Although our church was aware of the accident they offered no help, not spiritually, no annointing of the sick, not even a call to see if there was anything anyone could do.

Our last child asked us to return to the church so that first communion could be received. The priest was beside himself when he found out that our oldest then 10 had not received any of the sacraments, we tried to explain, but were simply told that didn’t matter, we were negligent in not having had our children receive the sacaraments.

Fast forward now, we have a new priest. My health had declined,a parish member approached him for annointing for me. Without hesitation he did give it to me. I went to him later to explain my situation, everything spillled out, childhood problems, church problems everything. I couldn’t believe my ears he told me to get counciling possibly for a couple of years, and to leave the church until the councilling was done. I do not believe he did it with malise, just with poor judgement. I sought a second opinion, yes councilling was a good idea, but leaving the church was not. I would need all the spiritual support I could get and even if I didn’t feel God’s presence, it would be there. So I continued to go. A question arose that was to do with sin. I asked the priest thinking he would be able to give me direction. Again he told me to leave until councilling was done.

I am in counciling, but that doesn’t replace what is needed from church. Spiritual councilling is the job of the priest and he is just unwilling to do that at this time. His words not mine. So as I attempt to deal with past problems in the church, where do I turn to find the truth about the church? I am spiritually dying weekly. My faith which is shaky at best and in jeopardy of being wiped out completely without some type of help. Help I just don’t seem to be worthy of receiving. Yes, I am guilty of not being the greatest person in the world, but I see my church reaching out to others. A person in my parish had surgery shortly before me and they are receiving home visits from the priest. I had surgery and the man won’t even look or talk to me.

Another person who is dealing with a similar issue as me is receiving weekly sessions with the priest, but I get punted. I just don’t get it. I thought the church and priests are suppose to foster positive spiritual care, acceptance and help. I can understand if he feels inexperienced or incapable to help me deal with some of the issues, a counciller can do that. But church teachings is not the job of a counciller. I feel so alone. With the exception of the priest that helped me through RCIA and ultimately presided over my marriage, the church only seems to want to be there for us when things are going well. Go away if you are burdened. Burdened I am, a burden that I am unable to do on my own. With that my trust in the church has fizzled out and my belief in God is being questioned. If he does exist he must really really hate me.
I simply don’t know any other solution other than to leave. I feel miserable and every attempt to resolve this is meet with another leave. I did try to talk with the priest once and he told me he didn’t want to hear anything, nothing, he was very adament about it. How do you deal with that? I realize he is human and is prone to mistakes just like us, but he is a priest, I am not I don’t have an in with God, I have spent much of my life fighting with him. I don’t know how to change that.

I have now written a novel and sorry for the length, but that is about it.

Again thanks for listening

scared
 
Scared,
My prayers are with you. Please stay the course. God loves you and will always be with you. Please do not let the actions of a single priest dissuade you. Please try to contact another priest or the Diocese to get someone to help you on your spritual journey. Remember Christ died for you and your sins as an individual please do not be discourge if you persevere God will listen.

I will keep you in my prayers
 
After reading about your situation I feel you are a suffering soul–one God has called to suffer, to be rejected, in imitation of him. Now, that doesn’t excuse by any means this priest advising you to leave the Church until you’ve gotten counseling. :bigyikes: I won’t tell you what I think he is, but suffice it to say it isn’t complimentary.

Find another parish ASAP and go to Mass with a clear conscience. You have had some truly horrible experiences in which you were blameless. Even not going to Mass could be said to be a part of your sufferings in all this. You’ve been to confession, so any past sin is all over and done with in God’s eyes. I truly feel you are living as the Crucified in your present parish. But, they shouldn’t be shunning you as they are–that’s just plain wrong. Of course, I’m assuming they know about your health needs and surgery and all.

Like I said, find another parish even if you have to drive out of your way to attend. God loves you very deeply because he is allowing you to experience such deep sufferings. Rely on him and him alone if you must, but don’t give up on his Church because of a few misguided people who ought to be slapped up the side of the head for treating you so badly.
 
scared -

I am only 17 and am probably not the most qualified person to answer, but I will give what I have.

God is good. That is one thing that will never change. There are lots of stupid people, idiots, heretics, saddists, etc. in the world, but God is good. People aren’t always.

Another thing - God loves you. That, also, will never change.

Don’t lose your faith in God because of the sins of men. That is like saying “I met an American once, and he was an idiot. Therefore, everything America stands for is idiotic.” It is neither logical nor right. God gave us all free will, and some people use their free will to become idiots.

As others have suggested, finding another parish may be a good idea. Do you have friends in your parish you could discuss the matter with? While lay people cannot administer sacraments (except baptism and eucharist), they can be support and help you spiritually. For me, it has mostly been my parents and a couple of my friends who have helped me grow spiritually. I was never very close to the priest at my church or the chaplain at my school (until this year, new chaplain).

Where do you turn to find the truth of the church? If it is cold logic and reason you want, go to the apologetics forum and ask as many questions as you want. Catholicism is the fullness of truth, regardless of emotions. (I apologize if that was harsh - I dismiss emotions too easily and can’t even find my own sometimes. I’m working on it.)

A favorite quote from St. Teresa of Avila has helped me get through some tough times: “God alone suffices.”

Scared, God does exist, and he does love you. Any pain you go through you will grow from. Offer it up as a prayer. Take advantage of the sacraments when they are available to you. Don’t give up. And, as the Canadians say, “you keep your stick on the ice.”
 
I should mention I live in a small rural area, so another parish is not the answer. If it was that easy I would have simply gone to another parish, but to go to another parish would require a couple of hours driving. As it is I must travel an hour to see the counciller once a week.

Few in my parish are aware of the whole situation. The priest and another lady know everthing. Most people are aware of my health issues and the surgery. Hard to keep quiet in a small town.

Yes I am aware all my past sins are forgiven, I did accept absolution and did my penance. although I wonder if questioning the church and God maybe another sin, haven’t figured that one out yet.

I have tried not to let one person taint all, but unfortunately he is not the first poor priest I have come across, he is one of many, he is just the one who is here when things have spiralled downward.

cardenio I just wanted to say you maybe only 17, but I know many 17 year olds that would be far more concerned about their hair than how someone else felt. Your parents must be very proud of you.

scared
 
If another parish isn’t an option–is there someone at your church you trust? Is there any way you could find a qualified Catholic counselor/spiritual director–since your priest keeps suggesting counseling, maybe he could suggest someone to assist you spiritually?

I’m so, so sorry you’re going through all of this. I wonder if for some reason your priest feels overwhelmed or unqualified to deal with your situation? Otherwise, I can’t understand why he wouldn’t assist you.

Please, don’t give up on the Church. I know it may not feel like it, but God loves you. That sounds trite and feel-goody, but it’s true. He wants you in His Church. I’m sure many of us here will keep you in our prayers; please pray that God will send you where He wants you; that He’ll help you get the help you need.
 
Dear scared,

If there is anything that I personally can do for you, please let me know.

Prayerfully and sincerely,

~~ the phoenix
 
I want to reply, but if I do I’ll be late for work. I am so glad you came to our forums because I’m certain that God sent you to us so that you may work through this.

These are troubling times for our Church. Unfortunately, formation in seminaries has been even more troubling so the priests today have had such an emphasis in psychology, some seem to forget about spiritual needs. It seems you have had this experience. While much of what you went through is outrageous to say the least, at least for now, know that priests are human and very capable of error, bad judgment, lack of virtue and even downright sinful behavior. All you can do is pray for them. But you need help - serious spiritual help and the internet can be that link for souls separated from the rest of the world when in rural situations.

Any priest telling you that you should leave the church while undergoing counseling - that is highly suspicious and its very possible that this man was actually taught to respond in this way to a situation such as the one you presented (since only he and you fully know the contents of that conversation).

Hang in there for now and stick with us here at Catholic.com. Whatever you do, DO NOT leave the Church Christ instituted. The Catholic Church is the true Church instituted by Christ and that will never change. Every christian faith out there is a spin off because they disagreed with this or that. I can tell you your head is screwed on right with what you think you should be getting out of your Church, but the Church is also composed of fallible human beings - many of whom sound to be misguided with regards to your experiences.

I have more to say, but must go now.

God Bless and I’ll say prayers for you.
 
Lux_et_veritas:

Please don’t be late for work on my account.

As I struggle with these issues several things have crossed my mind. First, I am leaning towaard the priesyt being scared and therefore unable to deal with the issues, I surmise that if he deals with one he may feel obligated to deal with all.So allthough orginally I was extremely angry with him now I just feel sorry for him. He seems to be doing well with others, so it must be me that is the problem.

I have a friend that I have discussed this with, she will have nothing to do with the catholic church,again another person with priest problems, different priest. She begged me to find a different church with what has happened this one obviously doesn’t want you, I told her that there is only one church the catholic church, I still believe that, the problem with that is it means all or nothing. I have spent a good portion of my life outside the church looking in. I am back to where I started and often wonder why I fought to join, only to be punted again.

Today I will remove the crucifixes from my house. They are the last thing in my home to remind me of God. I no longer have the will or strength to fight for the church.

scared
 
If you haven’t already check masstimes for a different parish in your area:
masstimes.org/dotNet/

Also, I recommend reading some of St. Faustina’s Diary at:
catholic-forum.com/churches/cathteach/divinemercy1.htm

Have you considered talking to someone that can help you (or direct you to someone better equipped to deal with your situation) such as the people at the Coming Home Network or maybe the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal?
chnetwork.org/contact.htm
franciscanfriars.com/contacts/index.htm
 
Scared,

I realise the situation that you are in, and cannot really relate to it that well, however one of my parents has left the church, due to the illness of my sister, this was about 8 years ago now. If you have any questions on teachings or issues with the church, then discuss them here. The most obvious thing to say here is that your priest was wrong, I myself would go and seek coucil, - just for one day - with a different priest, and maybe even try to contact the bishop, if you have real concerns write to a clergy member that seems nice to you, I have done this. Most importantly you should remember that God is never going to trun his back on you, even if your church shall, try building up your personal relationship with God, you do not need the church to come closer to God, if you wish to take the break from the church then do, but please do not take a break from God, even if it does not seem like it God will always love you, please remember that - please. Try reading books related to it, I read the alchemist when I was doubting God and suffering etc, it did help.

You will overcome what other humans have done, I know this much, be sure to tell us if ever you have a concern.

Libero
 
Scared,

First of all let me say that my heart goes out to you, and you are in my Prayers. Second, scared though you may be - you have opened yourself up for help - both here on this forum, and apparently, elsewhere - that takes courage. It also took courage to return to the Church, face confession and penance, and to try and deal with these issues which seem to have arisen from that. God obviously has a big plan for you, else you would not be recieving so much resistance.

Which brings me to the point I think. God didn’t do any of these things to you. Some you did to yourself, the rest were done to you by ignorant people who should know better. Priest or not - people are people, subject to all the same things everyone else is: Deception, Pride, malice, greed, jealousy, lazines, and fear. To name a few.

God is none of those things - His aim is to make you into the best, strongest, most faith-filled you that you can be. He will use everything at His disposal to do so, including the worst traits of humanity, and the vilest works of the devil. The Saints in Rome under the rule of Nero come to mind. As does the quote in:

HEB 12:4 “Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin:”
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                  and too:
EPH 6:12 “For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual hosts' of wickedness in the heavenly places’.”
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                and again:
2COR 12:9 “And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for `my’ power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
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                 and:
2COR 12:10 “Wherefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in injuries, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

I am sorry you are going through this from the people who ought to be helping you, but God did not, IS NOT doing this to you; people are, for whatever reason. Even Padre Pio was ‘persecuted’ by the Church, see that here and more as well.
1923 Following inquest in 1922, the Holy Office decrees that there is nothing “supernatural in the events attributed to Padre Pio.” He is ordered to celebrate Mass in the chapel inside the convent with no members of the public present and not to reply to letters addressed to him. Following some general outcries, Padre Pio returns to church to celebrate Mass and a transfer to Ancona is rescinded.
1931 Banned from the practice of his ministry and can only celebrate Mass in the friary chapel.
1933-34 Resumes saying Mass in church and hearing confessions
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I urge you to pray. Pray and seek God FIRST, and His righteousness. Find out what His will is for you - and then DO IT. Leaving God is not the answer, it only will make things worse. Leaving the church isn’t the answer either - although leaving that particular building of the Church probably isn’t a bad idea. Even if you must drive an hour or so a week to get to Mass - there is nothing more beneficial for you than to share in Christ through the Eucharist, outside of Prayer and Obedience anyway.

Please reconsider your options. After all - if God is for you…who can stand against you??? :amen:

Peace

:blessyou:

John
 
My advice is to try calling around to find someone that can help you. Here’s some links that might help you find that person:

catholictherapists.com/
aoccs.org/

Maybe you can get in touch with the Institute for Psychological Sciences to see if any of their graduates are located neer you:
ipsciences.edu/www

Also, I highly recommend praying the Rosary daily no matter how dark things get.

May God bless you and help you find that person needed to get you through these dark times in your life.
 
Dear Scared,
My heart goes out to you. To go through such horrific traumas and to have little or no support from your pastor and church is devastating. Thank God that you at least have a small internet community that is supporting you and praying for you. I will ask our local convent to pray for you as well. Jesus also knew abandonment very well. During the most painful time of His life, His three best friends were sleeping, completely oblivious to his agonizing pain. Your pastor is sleeping right now, and hopefully someday he will wake up. Don’t leave the Church because of one person. You have too much to live for. You are saving a multitude of souls that you will only see in eternity. God has not abandoned you any more than He abandoned Jesus on the Cross. We love you, and you are part of our family, though we spread throughout the entire globe. We are united in prayer for you. 👍
 
Scared -

What you are saying is very sad to hear. I understand what it’s like to feel rejected, outcast, unwanted; in school, at work, in my family, and in my parish. It sounds like you have turned to the priest and people in your parish to give you God’s unconditional love and acceptance; and they certainly are *supposed *to be loving and welcoming. But they are only human! Humans can never perfectly reflect God’s love; I think even saints fail sometimes to do so. Perhaps God is allowing these people to fail you so that you will turn to Him, instead of to them. If the church can provide you with the sacraments, then you have access to Him; though your parish really ought to provide more, the sacraments are the most important thing. Don’t let people come between you and God. Pray the Rosary; go to Eucharistic adoration. Rely on God, ask Him for what you need, and try not to worry about how your parish treats you. Remember, they are sinners too.
 
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