Leaving the Church

[Pete44]

A good friend of mine just told me she has left the church. We have been close for a long time… were romantically involved for 4 yrs, broke up and both have kind of been struggling since then to find our way in life. We have maintained a friendly relationship and both genuinely care for the other person. She called last week out of the blue and told me that God had called upon her to contact me. She uged me to get back in Gods favor any way I could because he loves me and wants a relationship with me. Prior to that conversation with her I had already done many of those things to rebuild my relationship with Christ, but I do feel like support and reassurance was something I needed, and coming from her it felt fantastic. However, she told me that she is no longer Catholic but goes to a Christian church where she practices speaking in tongues and studying scripture. She seems to have found peace in her life and with God, which I am thrilled about. However, I am very upset that she has chosen to leave the Catholic faith. I am not sure how to proceed, or if I should or can do anything about it. Should I just be happy that she has found God and let it be?

Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[horselvr]

What makes her think that you are not already in God’s favor and already have a relationship with him?

She may be a good friend now but that may change if you remain a Catholic instead of going to her church and believing as she does.

I think she has a bit of nerve. Typical.

 

[Pete44]

What makes her think that you are not already in God’s favor and already have a relationship with him?

She may be a good friend now but that may change if you remain a Catholic instead of going to her church and believing as she does.

I think she has a bit of nerve. Typical.

Well we know eachother really well and she knew I was struggling. I was in a state of mortal sin, so in all fairness, I was out of favor with God. Honestly I was away from the church for about 5 yrs until somewhat recently. I have started going to confession and the Eucharist regularly and really want to rebuild my relationship with God.

She, in no way, tried to be judgemental, just wanted me to find him and his love for me. She said she just doesnt get anything out of going to mass so she tried something different. Im not sure how to approach this situation, or if I really even need to. I did tell her that while I am happy that she found inner peace, I wont ever attend church that is not Catholic, as those were the beliefs I was raised on and I intend to hold on to them. She kept going on about speaking in tongues, which is something I know nothing about.

 

[Barbkw]

However, she told me that she is no longer Catholic but goes to a Christian church where she practices speaking in tongues and studying scripture. Thank you.

At Christmas I was visiting relatives in a city far from my home. I attend a Catholic parish service and it was such a blessing to hear the priest consistently explain throughout the Mass (multiple times) that we are a Eucharistic Church. That God is with us and that we can receive Him into our body (and that we are also temples for the Holy Spirit).

My younger sister blames pederast priests and their bishops for her reason to leave the Church.

My next older sister blames the Church’s “lack” of understanding of homosexual acts and ABC for her reason to leave the Church.

My oldest sister blames the Church’s rules concerning Catholic marriage for her reason to leave the Church.

My brother blames the religious sisters who attempted to correct his problem behaviors.

 

[GEddie]

Well we know eachother really well and she knew I was struggling. I was in a state of mortal sin, so in all fairness, I was out of favor with God. Honestly I was away from the church for about 5 yrs until somewhat recently. I have started going to confession and the Eucharist regularly and really want to rebuild my relationship with God.

She, in no way, tried to be judgemental, just wanted me to find him and his love for me. She said she just doesnt get anything out of going to mass so she tried something different. Im not sure how to approach this situation, or if I really even need to. I did tell her that while I am happy that she found inner peace, I wont ever attend church that is not Catholic, as those were the beliefs I was raised on and I intend to hold on to them. She kept going on about speaking in tongues, which is something I know nothing about.

Tongues is one of the signs in the Acts of the Apostles. There, it involves speaking in languages unknown to oneself, for the purpose of evangelization, or in “spiritual languages” unknown to anybody for the purpose of prayer. It is the hallmark of Charismatic and Pentecostal Christians, IMS.

Although S. Paul spoke in tongues, he never taught that everybody would, or should seek to do so. A church where all are urged to pray in tongues is probably a good one to stay out of, IMNAAHO.

Interestingly, besides tongues speakers, the NT Church also had tongues interpreters". This “gift” seems to have fallen by the wayside.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Joe_5859]

Not knowing the entirety of the dynamics of your relationship, take all that I say with a grain of salt.

I don’t think the only two options are “live and let live” or “bludgeon her over the head till she comes back to the Catholic faith.” If you want to keep up the friendship and communication, that’s up to you. You don’t have to berate her about leaving the Catholic faith, but neither do you have to apologize or hide your Catholic faith.

It’s not likely that you will say one, perfect thing and then she will be immediately and permanently convinced that she needs to come back to the Catholic faith. It is more likely that, in time, she will see that you really do have a personal relationship with the Lord even while remaining Catholic. That living witness may force her to come to terms with the fact that a relationship with the Lord and being Catholic are not mutually exclusive.

 

[Barbkw]

She kept going on about speaking in tongues, which is something I know nothing about.

Our Church’s evening prayer group speaks in tongues throughout their meeting. I wasn’t familiar with this type of prayer until then.

I’m happy that they have an experience of the Holy Spirit in this way, however that’s not how I experience Him.

At the prayer group meeting, each person joined in, speaking in tongues, but no one could interpret what was said. The utterances seemed to be in the realm of personal internal expression with the Holy Spirit.

 

[OxygenMan]

The speaking in tongues that was done in the Bible was a single, miraculous event, brought on by the power of the Holy Spirit. They were able to speak actual languages, so they could preach to the people around them from various nations.

The speaking in tongues done by modern religious groups is usually a display of ecstatic fits accompanied with senseless babble. My grandmother belonged to one of those churches during her childhood, but left it when she married my grandfather.

As for your friend, though, it’s a hard position to be in. There isn’t much you can do. Each person has to decide whether to stay with the Church or leave it, and they alone face the consequences.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Let her fall in love with Christ somewhere else. She will work her way around to the Eucharist one day, how could she not?
Pray confidently for her, that she will return, and she’ll bring new life to tired souls when she does. She is on a journey, as we all are. Wanting more of Christ is a good thing!

 

[Carlan]

. I did tell her that while I am happy that she found inner peace, I wont ever attend church that is not Catholic, as those were the beliefs I was raised on and I intend to hold on to them. She kept going on about speaking in tongues, which is something I know nothing about.

YOU are doing the right thing. Pray for her return to the Church. Continue in your defense of the faith.Become as knowledgeable of our faith as you can be. Pick up a copy of the new Catechism of the Catholic Church.
You also may want to check out the Catholic Charismatic Renewal in your area,perhaps doing so will help you to understand her new found inner peace.
Life in the Holy Spirit is greatly emphasized in the “Renewal”.
The movement has greatly helped many in their spiritual growth.God bless you and Peace, Carlan

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It is likely to be the Pentacostals. If she ever mentions being “slain in the spirit,” you will know for sure that it is. They are the only cult (yes I said cult) that uses that terminology.

Pray for your friend. You are not the one that has to worry about not being Christian.

 

[Joe_5859]

It is likely to be the Pentacostals. If she ever mentions being “slain in the spirit,” you will know for sure that it is. They are the only cult (yes I said cult) that uses that terminology.

Catholics that are part of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal Movement also use such terminology as being “slain in the spirit” or “speaking in tongues”.

I don’t want to get the thread off topic with a debate on the merit/authenticity of these types of things. I just want the OP to know that there are some Catholics out there who pray in similar ways.

 

[Carlan]

Catholics that are part of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal Movement also use such terminology as being “slain in the spirit” or “speaking in tongues”.

I don’t want to get the thread off topic with a debate on the merit/authenticity of these types of things. I just want the OP to know that there are some Catholics out there who pray in similar ways.

Yes Joe and I believe it would be helpful to the OP in understanding where his fallen away Catholic friend is coming from in this sense, and perhaps she will come to understand that she would be able to stay with in our Church and experience the complete fullness without leaving. I believe, in time, the Holy Spirit will reveal the importance of the Holy Eucharist as the very center of our Christian worship to her. Peace,Carlan

 

[fred_conty]

A good friend of mine just told me she has left the church. However, I am very upset that she has chosen to leave the Catholic faith. I am not sure how to proceed, or if I should or can do anything about it. Should I just be happy that she has found God and let it be?

Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Prayer moves mountains. Prayer also moves people.

I don’t know how much you know about Our Lady of Grace, or how much
you know about Mary’s power with her divine Son. But if she gave birth
to Jesus, she can also give birth to him again in your friend’s heart. Today
She moves her divine Son just as she did at Cana. The following is just
one incident of her love and mercy.

Mary appeared and spoke with Sister Justine Bisqueyburu, a
Daughter of Charity of St. Vincent de Paul, in 1840, about a green scapular.

Mary herself made certain promises to those who would keep the scapular on them,
wear or carry it, and would say a certain prayer everyday, and believe that
Mary would obtain those favors from her Son. Here are the favors she promised:

1. Conversion of those who do not have the faith
2. Reconciliation to the Church for those who have lost/strayed from the faith
3. Assurance of a happy death
4. Strengthening of the faith for those already in the Church
5. Protection from Satan for those who wear or promote the scapular

This is the very answer to your search. But on your part you must
pray, at least daily: “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”, once for yourself and once for your friend every day.

Here are the very words of Mary to Sister Justine:
“The GREATEST graces come from using the scapular but these graces come
in direct proportion to the degree of CONFIDENCE IN ME which the user has.”

What does confidence mean? Mary showed this herself at the annunciation of Gabriel.
“Yes, blessed is she who BELIEVED that the PROMISE made her by the Lord would be FULFILLED.” (Lk. 1;45) St. Elizabeth extolling the absolute trust of Mary in God’s promise. Mary believed without doubting.

Mary didn’t say when conversion would happen, just that she promised it would happen.
Then your friend may look at the following website for questions about the faith. An easy read. And addressed mainly, but not only, to fundamentalists.
davidmacd.com/catholic/mary_in_the_bible.htm

You may get a free one by googling “Green Scapular”. Get one for yourself as well.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=620449
(Story from an atheist)
How did you come to embrace Catholicism?
Strangely enough, it was the Blessed Virgin Mary. That friend of mine had sneakily
snuck in a scapular under my mattress. I didn’t know until about 1 year into my
conversion. I imagine that she had something to do with it. I think it was the
green scapular.

 

[Bartolome_Casas]

She is not your wife, sister, mother or daughter. She is an ex-girlfriend, and so, really, you have no logical relationship with her.

Move on. She is none of your business. Wish her well.

Now, get on with YOUR life. You have a life, don’t you? You have a career, right? You want marriage, right? Unless you are an ordained deacon or priest, going out and saving souls all across the world really is not your vocation.

This woman is still in the one Church of Christ. She is still your fellow Christian. She can still get all the graces that any Catholic can, provided that her conscience is clear about where she attends church (and the Catholic Church presumes a good faith conscience on the part of most non-Catholic Christians) . This all stated in the Vatican II document on Ecumenism. See: vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19641121_unitatis-redintegratio_en.html

Ecumenism is one of the most neglected and misunderstood doctrines and missions of the Catholic Church today. Yet, the popes since the Vatican II Council have never backed away from it, and have constantly promoted it in word and deed.

According to the Catholic Church, your ex-girlfriend did not leave the Church. She has only left the fullness of the Faith found only in the Catholic Church. But this does not in any way mean that God will deprive her of any graces, unless she really feels that she is doing something wrong in being active in a non-Catholic Christian Church.

Go to any Catholic bishop about this matter, and they will tell you just what I’ve told you. They support the Church’s position on Ecumenism.

 

[Pete44]

She is not your wife, sister, mother or daughter. She is an ex-girlfriend, and so, really, you have no logical relationship with her.

Move on. She is none of your business. Wish her well.

Now, get on with YOUR life. You have a life, don’t you? You have a career, right? You want marriage, right? Unless you are an ordained deacon or priest, going out and saving souls all across the world really is not your vocation.

This woman is still in the one Church of Christ. She is still your fellow Christian. She can still get all the graces that any Catholic can, provided that her conscience is clear about where she attends church (and the Catholic Church presumes a good faith conscience on the part of most non-Catholic Christians) . This all stated in the Vatican II document on Ecumenism. See: vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19641121_unitatis-redintegratio_en.html

Ecumenism is one of the most neglected and misunderstood doctrines and missions of the Catholic Church today. Yet, the popes since the Vatican II Council have never backed away from it, and have constantly promoted it in word and deed.

According to the Catholic Church, your ex-girlfriend did not leave the Church. She has only left the fullness of the Faith found only in the Catholic Church. But this does not in any way mean that God will deprive her of any graces, unless she really feels that she is doing something wrong in being active in a non-Catholic Christian Church.

Go to any Catholic bishop about this matter, and they will tell you just what I’ve told you. They support the Church’s position on Ecumenism.

Word! Solid advice my dude. Yeah I have definitely moved on…as I said hadnt talked to her in almost a year and she called out of the blue… just took me by surprise and I wondered if I she was in any kind of spiritual danger or anything.

Much appreciated

 

[Carlan]

According to the Catholic Church, your ex-girlfriend did not leave the Church. She has only left the fullness of the Faith found only in the Catholic Church. But this does not in any way mean that God will deprive her of any graces, unless she really feels that she is doing something wrong in being active in a non-Catholic Christian Church.

Go to any Catholic bishop about this matter, and they will tell you just what I’ve told you. They support the Church’s position on Ecumenism.

Yes true Bartolome, however, God does not deprive us of graces, we Christians deprive our selves through our disobedience.
The Church’s mission is to promote all efforts toward Christian unity,She prays daily in the Mass for the return of his flock(our separated Christian brethren) to full unity.
When we know the complete truth of Christ’s revelation we do not turn away from those of us who descent. We continue to love them, pray for them and trust God to bring them back into full communion with his one body. Peace, Carlan

 

[TEM]

She is not your wife, sister, mother or daughter. She is an ex-girlfriend, and so, really, you have no logical relationship with her.

Move on. She is none of your business. Wish her well.

Not to be confrontational, but if this were the criteria of Evangelizing, then Our Faith would have ended with Chirst’s Ascension, Mary’s Assumption and St Joseph’s death. By the virtue of our Baptisim we are called to Evangelization and not just to our families but to the world.

OP continue to grow in your faith, pray daily, learn all you can about what you believe in. In your actions and the way you live your life you will show your friend and all those around you how Christ dwells in you, and you in He.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I love to suggest books, and if you’re interested, Search and Rescue by Patrick Madrid might be one that can address some of the issues you’re wondering about. It’s a good book about how to evangelize in a way that is respectful and how to prepare yourself - which helps your own spiritual growth as well.

Definitely emphasize the positives of the friendship - it doesn’t have to be a romance to be mutually life-enhancing. We all need friends, and unless it gets contentious or something, it’s generally good to share our spiritual journeys with good friends. (If it gets contentious, sometimes a breather is called for.) Wishing you the best.

 

[may_they_be_one]

This woman is still in the one Church of Christ. She is still your fellow Christian. She can still get all the graces that any Catholic can, provided that her conscience is clear about where she attends church (and the Catholic Church presumes a good faith conscience on the part of most non-Catholic Christians) . This all stated in the Vatican II document on Ecumenism. See: vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_decree_19641121_unitatis-redintegratio_en.html

Ecumenism is one of the most neglected and misunderstood doctrines and missions of the Catholic Church today. Yet, the popes since the Vatican II Council have never backed away from it, and have constantly promoted it in word and deed.

According to the Catholic Church, your ex-girlfriend did not leave the Church. She has only left the fullness of the Faith found only in the Catholic Church. But this does not in any way mean that God will deprive her of any graces, unless she really feels that she is doing something wrong in being active in a non-Catholic Christian Church.

Thank you Bartolome Casas for reminding our zealous brethren of this grace-filled teaching of Christ. Many would do well to consider what attracts fellow Christians (including many former Roman Catholics) to Protestant/“tongues-speaking” churches.

The Church recognizes the Holy Spirit is active in non-Catholic churches. Much of their worship and preaching can edify even a strong Roman Catholic’s faith.