Lesbian teacher at preschool we love

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My four year old son is enrolled in a year-round outdoor forest preschool program that we both love. Basically, the kids spend all day outside hiking, sledding, digging, climbing trees, doing nature crafts, etc in the woods and on a nearby farm. It has been really good for his health this year, because he’s getting lots of exercise.

I’m not an outdoorsy person at all so I really like that rain or shine, I know DS is going to get play time outside. I had been planning to re-enroll him next year and also supplement with a more traditional preschool at our local Catholic school.

Here’s my dilemma. The current teachers are leaving and the program director has just announced their replacements. One of the new teachers was introduced as a mom who lives with her wife and young baby in a nearby town. I don’t like the idea of this teacher offhandedly making a comment about her “wife” and having DS notice. On the other hand, a lot of things go right over his head (for example, we announced our most recent pregnancy to friends and family in front of him several times and he didn’t realize what we were saying), and I hate to pull him out of a program that is otherwise really good for him if the immoral living situation of one of the teachers won’t be brought in to school. To what extent do you think preschoolers notice the personal lives of the preschool teachers that supervise them?

I’m inclined to approach the program director to express my concern. What would you do?
 
If they have chosen to introduce her that way, then I’d say you are right to be concerned, and right to raise your concerns.

Some people in such situations will not bring their private lives into their workplace. I’m sure there are many gay teachers across all levels of teaching who simply keep things to themselves. But there are some who choose to make it known, in which case we really ought to shield younger children from such things, since it effectively normalises what we consider an objectively sinful lifestyle. To answer your question though - I don’t really know how much they might notice anyway. I guess it depends on both the child in question and how obvious or direct the teacher is.

As a starting point, you could simply ask the director whether teachers’ personal details are going to be shared with the children and/or discussed around them.
 
It’s a dilemma for sure. I’ve know some excellent teachers who are gay, and I would love to have them teaching my child. However, I know that they are in the profession to teach and not to preach. My concern would be that this new director would actively indoctrinating the kids to normalize “families with two mommies”. If it was an older child, I would be fine explaining what we believe about marriage and that not everyone believes what we believe. But with kids that young, I don’t know if they are ready for that. I guess the best course of action would be to speak to the director and make your position clear that you are raising your daughter Catholic and you don’t want her being taught things contrary to your faith. Her response should give you an idea of what you can expect.
 
nodito said:
I’m inclined to approach the program director to express my concern. What would you do?
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Is same sex marriage legal in your state? If so, this teacher and the program director are simply observing the current (and legal) societal norms. If same sex marriage is not legal in your state, well, it likely will be soon. That’s where our society is going - like it or not. You (and probably your child by default) will be the “odd man out” if you make an issue of this.

At the same time, no one is forcing you to send your child to this preschool program. If, in your opinion, the cons outweigh the pros, send you son elsewhere.
 
As long as the teacher does not bring her private or social life into the class room I would hold my peace. Just keep in mind "what would Jesus do(or say)? If anything becomes questionable-then it would be time to go to the person(s) that are in charge. You know, you can not shield a child forever, but teach him well at home in a Christian manner when the time comes. Peace.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
As long as the teacher does not bring her private or social life into the class room I would hold my peace. Just keep in mind "what would Jesus do(or say)? If anything becomes questionable-then it would be time to go to the person(s) that are in charge. You know, you can not shield a child forever, but teach him well at home in a Christian manner when the time comes. Peace.
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i agree with this poster

for pre-schoolers this type of situation may not be that big of a deal

monitor the situation as closely as you can and respond accordingly
 
nodito said:
My four year old son is enrolled in a year-round outdoor forest preschool program that we both love. Basically, the kids spend all day outside hiking, sledding, digging, climbing trees, doing nature crafts, etc in the woods and on a nearby farm. It has been really good for his health this year, because he’s getting lots of exercise.

I’m not an outdoorsy person at all so I really like that rain or shine, I know DS is going to get play time outside. I had been planning to re-enroll him next year and also supplement with a more traditional preschool at our local Catholic school.

Here’s my dilemma. The current teachers are leaving and the program director has just announced their replacements. One of the new teachers was introduced as a mom who lives with her wife and young baby in a nearby town. I don’t like the idea of this teacher offhandedly making a comment about her “wife” and having DS notice. On the other hand, a lot of things go right over his head (for example, we announced our most recent pregnancy to friends and family in front of him several times and he didn’t realize what we were saying), and I hate to pull him out of a program that is otherwise really good for him if the immoral living situation of one of the teachers won’t be brought in to school. To what extent do you think preschoolers notice the personal lives of the preschool teachers that supervise them?

I’m inclined to approach the program director to express my concern. What would you do?
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AS a former teacher, I would be concerned because these are critical years. One positive is that kids at that age don’t need a lot of information - just their questions answered to satisfy them for that developmental period.

Myself, I would probably try to find another place but society is rapidly changing to accepting same sex couples as a norm. You see it on TV, in magazines and in your local places to shop.

Very tough decision. Another option, too, would be to definitely take it to the Lord in prayer and also speak with your spiritual director or priest - weigh all the pros and cons and then make as sound of a decision with the info you have gathered.

I’ll keep you in my prayers that God will direct you to the best decision…

In Christ,

Rita
 
Here’s the thing - unless it’s a religious school, the preschool isn’t allowed to discriminate against people in same-sex relationships. It’s illegal in most, if not all, states, and probably is illegal nationally (the reason why religious affiliated institutions are exampt from this is because of the “ministerial exception”, where employees of religious instituions are considered “ministers”, even if not ordained; due to the 1st amendment, religious institutions have the right to determine who can and cannot be a minister - this is why religious institutions are allowed to have “Morality Clauses” while other employers are not allowed to have such clauses). And, if people in heterosexual relationships are allowed to have their significant others over as guests (and introduce them as their significant others), the preschool is required to allow people in same-sex relationships the same courtesy.

Unfortunately, then, if the preschool isn’t a Catholic preschool, and you don’t want your child exposed to a woman and her “wife”, you really have no recourse other than to move your child to a Catholic preschool that prides itself on being faithful to the magisterium or to remove your child from preschool altogether. If it is a Catholic preschool and the director refuses to listen to you, you have the recourse of taking the issue to your bishop.
 
The problem is that you really can’t monitor the situation as some have suggested. Preschoolers aren’t known for giving thorough and thoughtful answers. But they take in a lot more than we think. The teacher may discuss her personal life, and your child may never think to repeat it (even with your questioning). I can’t imagine how the topic will never come up in class as I assume the teacher will have a picture of her family on her desk.

A few weeks ago, someone posted here on CAF of a teacher who openly admitted to pushing her homosexual lifestyle (though acceptance) on her young students. So it’s certainly not out of the question that this teacher will also bring up marriage, especially when discussing bullying.

Honestly, I don’t think it’s worth the risk. Can you imagine your child as a teen, discussing homosexuality with you? And that child saying “You say it’s wrong but you put me in a preschool with a lesbian teacher!?”

I know that we Catholics and other traditional Christians will soon be heavily persecuted for abiding by traditional marriage.
 
I would head off the issue at the pass and realize the only thing I had control over - whether or not my child goes to that school - means I need to find another preschool. In a public program like this, you can’t tell a teacher what he/she can and cannot say, and many homosexuals feel it’s their duty to teach children to accept their lifestyle. Even if the principal and teacher agreed that it would not be talked about (unlikely they’d agree to that), it would only take an innocent question for it to be brought into the open (“Ms. Smith, are you married?”). It’s not fair to the child to have confusion sown so early in their development when you’re trying to raise them in the Faith in accordance with the Catechism. If your child was older, it would matter less, in my opinion, because you can reason more easily with older kids.
 
If we were in your shoes my hubby and I would move our child to a Catholic pre-school however we intend on a fully Catholic education for our children from pre-school to graduating university. We can’t control what occurs in the classroom in both cases however we know the Catholic schools promotes Catholic values.

Have you asked around if there is a Catholic preschool that does some of the outdoor activities your son likes?

At that age kids are impressionable, curious and full of questions, we as parents want a firm foundation for the faith to grow. When our children are older they will be exposed to people living differently from them but are better equipped to deal with it.
 
I taught preschool. My kids didn’t really ask about my personal life. They knew my husband (then boyfriend) was in the military, but it was because I got a phone call at work, the administration called my class and told me I had a call on line so-and-so and it was him telling me that he was shipping out and it was soon due to an emergency. I cried. It was the first deployment and I was 18 hours away. I needed to take a break and the director, who was AMAZING, explained to the class. I got TONS of hugs from my babies that day. Then I had mommies and daddies telling me to thank him for his service. lol. They would not have known about any of my “real life” if it hadn’t had been for that call.

My junior year of high school, my softball coach retired. He needed to, he taught most of our parents, but he was an amazing coach and we named the field after him. Anyway, the new coach was female and BUTCH. Like, gaydar went off as soon as I saw her for the first time. Several parents had a problem with her because of it. She didn’t talk about being gay, she didn’t bring “friends” around(being a coach and traveling as much as we did, it wouldn’t have been shocking. Not like at a preschool where I don’t think I ever met any of my co-workers spouses at work) and she was totally professional; parents still freaked out. I only needed 32 credits to graduate and ended up graduating with 36, don’t ask how I did it. Well, my senior year I only had 2 classes and how the schedule worked out I had a break between these two classes so I was her aide because they wouldn’t let me leave campus once I got there. :rolleyes:
We bonded, actually. She was a great person to talk to. She gave good, honest advice that I would expect any good teacher to give, regardless of sexual partners. We are Facebook friends. I’m actually Facebook friends with several of my teachers and still keep in touch. I was a total teacher’s pet.lol.
While we have kept in touch over the years, she has been concerned and has messaged me several times about what I’m going through right now. Still a wonderful person, who gives great advice and genuinely still cares about her players years after we have walked off that field.
Being gay doesn’t stop someone from touching lives in a positive way. She will always be “Browniecakes” to her first team at MHS and she still truly cares.
 
When my children were that little, they assumed that when they saw two adults together at all the same events, those two adults were a married couple. A man and a woman, two men, two women: it didn’t matter. This lead to some fairly amusing presumptions on their part, let’s just say that. They had a classmate with lesbian parents. They do not remember looking back that he had two women as parents. The other children had such an assortment of relatives picking them up, dropping them off, and cheering at their school plays that parents did not register on their radar all that strongly. If the teacher does not pointedly insert this issue into her conversations, I’d let it go. If she does, however, then yes, I’d find a different school. It is wrong to try to politicize a preschool.
 
EasterJoy said:
When my children were that little, they assumed that when they saw two adults together at all the same events, those two adults were a married couple. A man and a woman, two men, two women: it didn’t matter. This lead to some fairly amusing presumptions on their part, let’s just say that. They had a classmate with lesbian parents. They do not remember looking back that he had two women as parents. The other children had such an assortment of relatives picking them up, dropping them off, and cheering at their school plays that parents did not register on their radar all that strongly. If the teacher does not pointedly insert this issue into her conversations, I’d let it go. If she does, however, then yes, I’d find a different school. It is wrong to try to politicize a preschool.
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👍
 
I have done work for male & female gay people, the Genuine ones are extremly careing ,
It’s the Hetrosexual ones that I worry about, they come in all sorts from careing to nasty
 
I don’t know if this situation would work out. But if the situation bothers you much, and there are equally good programs, why worry? You can just move out to another preschool program. You are a free person.
 
mdgspencer said:
I don’t know if this situation would work out. But if the situation bothers you much, and there are equally good programs, why worry? You can just move out to another preschool program. You are a free person.
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Thanks for all your comments; I’m still digesting them.

mdgspencer and others, If there were another program like this available, we would definitely transfer. But it’s a unique program and I haven’t found anything else like it. The laternative is going to be a regular preschool where he sits and plays and learns inside. It’s fine, I get it, lots of kids do it that way, but I really like the outdoor model and it would be a shame to lose it.
 
phil_at_dayboro said:
I have done work for male & female gay people, the Genuine ones are extremly careing ,
It’s the Hetrosexual ones that I worry about, they come in all sorts from careing to nasty
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Hey, Phil,

I don’t think it’s about the people themselves (I have a niece that says she is a lesbian) but more about finding the best way to teach our children our Christian values.

It’s definitely a conundrum because you have such lovable people in relationships that God and conservative churches teach against. We think that young children don’t understand but while they don’t verbalize it they are learning what they see. The more we become involved with the lifestyle itself the more it becomes a norm among us.

I have a 4 year old nephew who listens, watches, and formulates his idea about something and then all of a sudden he verbalizes what he’s been seeing and learning. It’s critical that we teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is not a Christian way of life and yet still let them know that they can love the individuals involved in it.

Thanks for your comment and observation - I think it was an important point to bring up in the conversation.

God bless!!

Rita
 
Seeing as I’m not a Catholic I’m not sure my opinion is worth anything but I wouldn’t be so worried OP.

At my local primary school there is a man in a same sex marriage teaching the kindergarden class. The only reason any of us know this is because a few years after he joined the school the headteacher was accused of discrimination against minorities having only “white christian” employees by a muslim parent and he pointed out since the school employed two black teachers, one jew, one homosexual and a korean pagan she was talking out of her backside.

Were it not for this episode at a Parents Association meeting none of us would have known. At pre-school/kindergarten level some parents like to know a little bit about the teachers, essentially just enough to assure them they are of good character (and married apparently scores high there) and since he began teaching that class it has become slightly better known.

My son has been taught by him when he taught a higher grade and is none the wiser, they don’t do “citizenship” or “ethics” classes at that age so the topic is never raised. I don’t think I’m too unbiased with that assessment, one Orthodox Jewish couple were rather nervous sending their daughter once this became known but they also agree it has made no difference.

Secular schools and pre-schools are very different affairs from faith schools. Unlike at a Catholic school where the teacher gives theology and their opinions on morality as absolute fact these teachers must be unbiased and can be penalized for not behaving so. Your child will be fine.
 
spedteacherita said:
Hey, Phil,

I don’t think it’s about the people themselves (I have a niece that says she is a lesbian) but more about finding the best way to teach our children our Christian values.

It’s definitely a conundrum because you have such lovable people in relationships that God and conservative churches teach against. We think that young children don’t understand but while they don’t verbalize it they are learning what they see. The more we become involved with the lifestyle itself the more it becomes a norm among us.

I have a 4 year old nephew who listens, watches, and formulates his idea about something and then all of a sudden he verbalizes what he’s been seeing and learning. It’s critical that we teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is not a Christian way of life and yet still let them know that they can love the individuals involved in it.

Thanks for your comment and observation - I think it was an important point to bring up in the conversation.

God bless!!

Rita
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This is a pre-school. Not a baby-sitter or at home daycare. A person’s spouse doesn’t just hang out at work. The most a spouse would have any contact at a pre-school is dropping off the spouse/picking them up. Or possibly dropping off something, but that is usually handed to someone in the front office. Most schools have a curriculum that needs to be taught. I don’t remember talking about marriage of any sorts when I was teaching pre-k. And it wasn’t decades since I was in the classroom, either.

Kids are going to know people who are gay. Just like they are going to know plenty of other sinners and will sin themselves.
 
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