Let's get radical about Not Judging

[AlanFromWichita]

It is ultimately the Holy Spirit that will convict them. All we can do is be good examples and show love to others.

Bingo!

I choose to love and to listen and to pray. That is all anyone can do.

Nor do you need to do anything else!

Thank you,
Alan

 

[vera_dicere]

I don’t tend to judge, I’m more of a worrier for the fates of peoples’ souls. Of coures, people tend to think I’m judging them. The accent I’m walkign around with doesn’t transfer well into text that is read by a majority of Americans and foreigners. So yeah, I end up sounding like a judgemental schmoo.

But I really worry about people. I mean, the eternal risks people are taking with their lives! All I, or anyone for that matter, can do is pray that everyone gets to know God and love Him and accept the gift He gave us.

 

[JaredR]

I’m enjoying this thread. It helps me be aware of how deep into judgment I really am. I just noticed earlier that when my friend left a nice comment on someone’s Facebook page, I immediately starting conjuring up labels: “insincere,” “saving face after that fight,” etc.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I think prejudgment is tricky, but revealing. If we truly were to “believe the best” like one poster talked about, then our knee-jerk reflexes might not take us in that direction. It’s revealing because it does test our emotional reflexes to see what picture we imagine when we’ve only seen a part of it.

Alan

I actually use those snap judgements (or prejudgements, pick your poison as far as terminology ) to gauge how I am doing when it comes to loving my fellow men (and women!). When I notice my prejudgements are negative, I examine why. Then I know I have an area I need to work on (like road rage. While I do not drive aggressively, I assume the worst about other drivers when I am on the road. Ex: “Man, they are so stupid!” etc…)

The most important factor is examining why you made certain negative judgements. Take, for example, a homeless man on the side of the road asking me to “come here a second, I wanna talk.” I am going to make a prejudgement that it’s probably dangerous and either ask him to come to me in a public area and whatnot. Judgement is a part of prudence but you, with the aid of the holy spirit, need to examine the judgements you make and if they are borne of love and prudence, or bitterness and cynicism.

 

[Sirach2]

One of the saddest consequences for persons who have judgmental hearts is the inability to experience the joy of Christ, deep inside. The pride that spurs attitudes of condemnation towards others is abhorrent to God, and He will withhold His interior consolation in punishment. The soul will find itself bereft of His constant companionship and the wondrous indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

On another thread, I just posted this quote:

“Everything is lawful,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is lawful,” but not everything builds up.

And I used the example of seeing a person flipping the bird. Is it permissible to think, “that is not a good thing?” Probably so. Is it USEFUL to think, “that is not a good thing?” Probably not.

So if it isn’t useful, then how do we learn not to do it? Here is my new idea; forgiveness in advance. When God forgives a sin, He separates it from us as far as the east is from the west. Therefore, if I knew to forgive that well, I would not even remember sins. (Love keeps no record of wrongs.) Well, what if we forgive in advance? I mean, at any given time anybody you see might do something “wrong” but with a patient and forgiving heart you may not even judge at all. So here’s the trick in this semi-convoluted logic: if I forgive like God does, and do it immediately and maybe sooner, then I would literally not even “see” the sin. Here I get the plank out of my own eye and find that my brother’s eye didn’t have a splinter after all.

Alan

 

[PPeterson]

Re: the topic. CAF will shut down due to lack of use lol. sorry for judging.

 

[Sirach2]

Alan,

Hmm. What comes to mind is the scripture, “And if he sin against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day be converted unto thee, saying, I repent; forgive him.” Lk. 17:4

It is true that when God forgives, He wipes the slate clean and remembers our sin no more. But if we are not sorry, even God cannot forgive. (Pretty deep subject, maybe another thread?)

However, if we hold a WILLINGNESS to forgive every offense committed against us, then we have set our hearts free to love and the offense is not harbored interiorly as resentment, even if the person never repents.

 

[E.E.N.S]

…Well, what if we forgive in advance? I mean, at any given time anybody you see might do something “wrong” but with a patient and forgiving heart you may not even judge at all. So here’s the trick in this semi-convoluted logic: if I forgive like God does, and do it immediately and maybe sooner, then I would literally not even “see” the sin. Here I get the plank out of my own eye and find that my brother’s eye didn’t have a splinter after all.

Alan

God doesn’t forgive this way, however, and judging & forgiveness are not exclusive to one another. Before you can forgive something you must first judge it to be a wrong act, otherwise there is nothing to forgive.

“If thy brother shall offend against thee, go, and rebuke him between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou shalt gain thy brother” (Matthew 18:15).

"Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart, but reprove him openly, lest thou incur sin through him” (Leviticus 19:17).

“He must know that he who causeth a sinner to be converted from the error of his way, shall save his soul from death, and shall cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:20).

Jesus - “If thy brother sin against thee, reprove him: and if he do penance, forgive him” (Luke 17:3).

“Them that sin reprove before all: that the rest also may have fear” (1 Timothy 5:20).

“Preach the word: be instant in season, out of season: reprove, entreat, rebuke in all patience and doctrine” (2 Timothy 4:2).

“Brethren, and if a man be overtaken in any fault, you, who are spiritual, instruct such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

“The greatest kindness one can render to any man consists in leading him from error to truth.” (St. Thomas Aquinas)

Jesus’ words “judge not” are frequently taken out of context, and the following verses are conveniently omitted. Scott Peck writes:

“The sentence ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged’ is usually quoted out of context. Christ did not enjoin us to refrain from ever judging. What he went on to say in the next four verses is that we should judge ourselves before we judge others–not that we shouldn’t judge at all. ‘Thou hypocrite,’ he said, ‘first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to case out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.’ (Mt. 7:5) Recognizing the potential for evil in moral judgments, he instructed us not to always avoid making them but to purify ourselves before doing so.”[13]

Dietrich von Hildebrand explains that the spirit of Christian peace calls us to fight for the kingdom of God:

“… mindful of the words of Our Lord, “I came not to send peace, but the sword” (Matt. 10:34), we should be warriors of Christ. The holy Church on earth is called ecclesia militaris (“the Church militant”). We cannot at the same time hunger and thirst after justice—an inherent basic attitude of the true Christian—and be at universal peace with the doers of evil and the unjust. The meek St. John the Evangelist goes so far as to advise the faithful against greeting heretics (2 John 10-11).”[14]

Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz, speaking at the Institute on Religious Life on April 10, 1999, warned the faithful to be “careful that words like ‘caution’ and ‘prudence’ are not simply used as an excuse for inaction, inability, sloth, or cowardice which prevents us from sharing a truth with others.”

Don’t forget that admonishing the sinner is a work of mercy!

 

[DBT]

Dave, you give me a lot of credit. I haven’t really thought about it in these terms. Thanks for the great idea! Why not take satan’s tools and turn them against him? Do you have any examples in mind?

Sure

My theory is that much of the “false judging” we all do is based on two things:

1. In our dealings with others we’re often transactional in nature . . . ie, what am I going to get out of this little exchange. More often than not, I think, we do this sub-consciously.
2. We over rely on our own personal opinions and preferences for how we filter people, circumstances, situations and so on. A large part of our spiritual growth depends on overcoming this kind of self-reliance.

In short, we’re “self-oriented” which causes us to see in a (sometimes) very distorted way . . . even when all might appear crystal clear to us. Along these lines, St. John of the Cross teaches in “The Ascent” we can make our worst judgements when we feel most inspired. Again, it is very rare to actually get a “true” glimpse into the heart of another. So we shouldn’t do it.

The key, as you say, is to turn our way of judging inside out . . . to be “other focused” rather than “self-focused.” While this won’t necessarily eliminate false judging (we’re human afterall) . . . it will decrease it’s frequency. A few examples rattled off top of mind . . .

• Assume the best of others and their intentions
• Try to think of the other person as “better” than you in some particular way
• Praise God for the “little virtues” we see in those who trouble us the most. Trust me, they’re there . . . if we only look
• Bear the little faults we see in others and don’t make a federal case out of everything
• Defer to the will of another; ie, let them have their way for a change
• Take an interest in the interests of others
• When hurt or offended, don’t return evil for evil
• When you recognize you can’t sway the opinion of another . . . let it go and move on . . . don’t waste your time fighting city hall
• Encourage rather than lecture

There’s really nothing “new” in this list . . . most are Scriptural examples drawn from the life of Christ. But I do think these type of things help us to make “right use” of judgment . . . leading us to be more peaceful, joyful, loving and encouraging as we go about it.

It’s how we shine

Dave

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Sure

• Assume the best of others and their intentions
• Try to think of the other person as “better” than you in some particular way
• Praise God for the “little virtues” we see in those who trouble us the most. Trust me, they’re there . . . if we only look
• Bear the little faults we see in others and don’t make a federal case out of everything
• Defer to the will of another; ie, let them have their way for a change
• Take an interest in the interests of others
• When hurt or offended, don’t return evil for evil
• When you recognize you can’t sway the opinion of another . . . let it go and move on . . . don’t waste your time fighting city hall
• Encourage rather than lecture

Dave,

That is an awesome list! Funny enough, a lot of those things also help within marriage when it comes to avoiding brawls over misinterpreted words, or even navigating some of the difficulties that come with marriage. Funny how all this stuff is interlaced, huh?

 

[Sirach2]

DBT:

Bear the little faults we see in others and don’t make a federal case out of everything.

It has calmed me many times to reflect that the faults we see in others are rarely mortal sins, seldom venial sins, and most probably just an imperfection that the Holy Spirit will deal with, in His time, at a moment when the person is ready for truth.
So why the big fuss?

You may not have come to this chapter in Third Spiritual Alphabet yet, but here is a wonderful lesson on whether to admonish another. Pg. 588

1. 
   *]The first is certain knowledge of the sin; do not correct on the basis of mere suspicion.
   *]The second is meekness in correcting; if we threaten angrily, we will provoke the person we discipline and cause him to commit further sin.
   *]The third condition is that there be no one else more suitable for correcting. If some who are as good or better than I see the sinner or if they are his superiors or are more familiar with them, I can probably assume and believe that one of them will discipline him. However if it were certain they would not, then I would be bound to correct him, provided the other five conditions were simultaneously present.
   *]The fourth is that there must be hope that my counsel will correct him. If this hope is not present, I should not discipline him.
   *]The fifth condition is that his sin be mortal, not venial.
   *]The sixth is that there does not appear to be a better time or place for discipline than when I see him sin or when I choose to correct him.
   
   Many times, our little snits with others have little basis for correction, other than our own opinion must rank first.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

You guys are all awesome. I have nothing to add at this time.

Alan

 

[DBT]

Funny how all this stuff is interlaced, huh?

Indeed

You may not have come to this chapter in Third Spiritual Alphabet yet, but here is a wonderful lesson on whether to admonish another. Pg. 588

1. 
   *]The first is certain knowledge of the sin; do not correct on the basis of mere suspicion.
   *]The second is meekness in correcting; if we threaten angrily, we will provoke the person we discipline and cause him to commit further sin.
   *]The third condition is that there be no one else more suitable for correcting. If some who are as good or better than I see the sinner or if they are his superiors or are more familiar with them, I can probably assume and believe that one of them will discipline him. However if it were certain they would not, then I would be bound to correct him, provided the other five conditions were simultaneously present.
   *]The fourth is that there must be hope that my counsel will correct him. If this hope is not present, I should not discipline him.
   *]The fifth condition is that his sin be mortal, not venial.
   *]The sixth is that there does not appear to be a better time or place for discipline than when I see him sin or when I choose to correct him.
   
   Many times, our little snits with others have little basis for correction, other than our own opinion must rank first.

1. 
   I can’t recommend this book enough. List’s like what you provide abound. And, as a Carmelite, I love to see how both Sts John and Teresa were so wonderfully influenced by Osuna Recollection (for those not familiar, the topic of Third Spiritual Alphabet) is the cure for almost all spiritual ills . . . especially the type that sink us into a bottomless pit like what I bolded from you above. We’re blind to so many things like this in our nature and we’re oblivious to the many selfish ways in which we act. We’re like the frog that slowly boils in a pot of water without even realizing it.
   
   No wonder the gift of self-knowledge through prayer is the source of so much trial (and ultimately joy) in the dark nights . . . we’re forced to see things in ourself as they actually are! So while it can be quite painful to come to see as imperfection what we once thought in ourselves as virtue . . . it is so very important to come to “see” like this. No pain, no gain . . . for this is how we are transformed!
   
   How I wish recollection was stressed more! The simple turning away from all our “notions of self” (thoughts, opinions, preferences, feelings) and re-directing our focus to God in the midst of our daily activities will in itself free us from so many ills - like the topic of judgmentalism in this thread. Trust in ourselves (our opinions) and we often fall into lapses like judgmentalism . . . trust in God (through recollection) and we stand firm.
   
   Thank you!
   Dave

 

[AlanFromWichita]

No wonder the gift of self-knowledge through prayer is the source of so much trial (and ultimately joy) in the dark nights . . . we’re forced to see things in ourself as they actually are! So while it can be quite painful to come to see as imperfection what we once thought in ourselves as virtue . . . it is so very important to come to “see” like this. No pain, no gain . . . for this is how we are transformed!

How I wish recollection was stressed more! The simple turning away from all our “notions of self” (thoughts, opinions, preferences, feelings) and re-directing our focus to God in the midst of our daily activities will in itself free us from so many ills - like the topic of judgmentalism in this thread. Trust in ourselves (our opinions) and we often fall into lapses like judgmentalism . . . trust in God (through recollection) and we stand firm.

Thank you!
Dave

Yes, this has been going on for some time for me, and the trials have almost become comical, as the Lord overpowers the doubts they cause with injections of hope and faith. It’s actually fun when my evil thoughts get “purged” because once I think them – and marvel at how subtle and sinister they are – I know the only reason I thought them is that the Holy Spirit is healing me. So, they aren’t scary or even annoying anymore. Sometimes it amazes me how nasty the motives for a simple loving act can sound when paraphrased by evil thoughts. It’s kind of like my friend Jesus, through the HS, takes a plank out of my eye and I say, “my, that felt like a big one – can I see it, can I see it?” It’s like watching the garbage men loading up my junk and getting ready to take it out. (That’s me, the spiritual sewer guy!)

Christ was adamant about turning away from our notions of self. I believe that there is not nearly enough emphasis on the transformational aspects of our faith, and our spiritual journey in general. We go through the motions but when do receive healing? We have faith that He will heal us, but are we taught how to do our part to facilitate such healing? Not in the mainstream, and some of those who promote prayer forms that are intended to advance this healing are vilified by other Catholics and called “new age” and worse.

That’s why I think many people who “just” go to Church – and they may believe and have faith and everything – are totally missing out on one of the biggest reasons Christ came – to give us His peace, to live our lives in abundance, etc. Simply going through rituals and believing the right things isn’t enough. Honestly I’d like to see a HUGE amount of emphasis placed on the spiritual journey in the mainstream, such as during Homilies, since that’s what we are here on earth to commence.

Alan

 

[E.E.N.S]

Christ was adamant about turning away from our notions of self. I believe that there is not nearly enough emphasis on the transformational aspects of our faith, and our spiritual journey in general. We go through the motions but when do receive healing? We have faith that He will heal us, but are we taught how to do our part to facilitate such healing? Not in the mainstream, and some of those who promote prayer forms that are intended to advance this healing are vilified by other Catholics and called “new age” and worse.

A large part of the reason that many Catholics are cautious with many of the services that term themselves to be “healing services” (or something similar), it because many of them actually do tend to incorporate New Age practices and beliefs. I mean not to say that all of them do, but it is a fact them many of them do, and this is not a good thing. In fact, you used the phrase, “…notions of self.” Christ wasn’t “adamant about turning away from our notions of self”, but rather to turn us away from our false love of self. There is a much bigger difference here than you might realize, and many in the New Age movement will use terms like “notions of self” which sounds innocent, but leads to a bad theology.

That’s why I think many people who “just” go to Church – and they may believe and have faith and everything – are totally missing out on one of the biggest reasons Christ came – to give us His peace, to live our lives in abundance, etc. Simply going through rituals and believing the right things isn’t enough. Honestly I’d like to see a HUGE amount of emphasis placed on the spiritual journey in the mainstream, such as during Homilies, since that’s what we are here on earth to commence.

Alan

The biggest reason Christ came to earth was to bring salvation. While it is true that he wished peace, don’t forget that he said, “I come not to bring peace, but the sword.” (Matt 10: 34) Also, (depending on what you mean by “live our lives in abundance”), He didn’t say that we are to live our lives in abundance, but rather He said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” (John 10: 10) While Christ was speaking of eternal life, reading it the way you stated can lead a person to think that Christ wanted us to live our earthly lives “in abundance”, (which for most people means something entirely different than what Jesus meant.)

Hopefully you can see that slight wording changes can end up giving and entirely backwards view of the truth. So always be cautious, both in speaking and in learning.