Let's get some new stats on birth control usage

[Charlotte1776]

I don’t understand why NFP would require decades of abstinence unless one of the spouses is sick and in that case they would not be well enough to engage in the marital act anyways. Can you explain.

All you have to do is take a look at the many other NFP threads and look for the ones who say they have been abstaining for years and look at their reasons. When talking about actual effectiveness rates, NFP is less effective than every ABC method except withdrawal and spermicides. People who have very serious reasons to avoid, such as life-threatening ones, simply can’t take such a huge risk so their only real option is permanent abstinence. Others are on medicines or have conditions that make it impossible to read signs. For instance, lupus flare-ups cause low-grade fevers and allergy medicines cause mucus to dry up. There are so many other reasons as well.

 

[Sullibe]

Thanks for your honesty. I like your signature btw.

Me too! I grew up with pugs and my sister now has two.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

so it is interesting to see the poll results as well as enlightening to read the responses - especially the ones who say ABC was bad for their marriage/NFP is much better - those really perplex me!

Let me give you one reason why I’m happy to be off ABC. I don’t feel like a sex object anymore. Society puts so much pressure on people when it comes to sex that it becomes an unhealthy obsession. NFP puts a stop to that and makes you see yourself and your spouse as human beings first, not something that serves the purpose of sexually satisfying you. Unfortunately, I was not chaste before I was married. Reason: every guy I dated insisted on having sex and I stupidly thought I had to comply. They saw it as their right. I can’t tell you you much I resent that attitude nowdays. NFP has been truly liberating in that sense - men don’t own me, which now means my husband. While I was on the pill my husband assumed I’d be up for it whenever he liked because it was ‘safe’. That is not the case anymore and I thank God for that. Our sex life has become much healthier.

 

[Charlotte1776]

Contra Mundum:

I don’t feel like a sex object anymore

NFP puts a stop to that and makes you see yourself and your spouse as human beings first, not something that serves the purpose of sexually satisfying you.

men don’t own me, which now means my husband. While I was on the pill my husband assumed I’d be up for it whenever he liked because it was ‘safe’.

I think the issue here is a husband who thinks he has a right to demand sex from his wife even if she says no. If he felt that way before, I’ll bet anything he still does. NFP’s fertile period gives you a break from his demands because he fears pregnancy, not because of a newfound sense of respect and awe for your fertility and femininity. I hear that a lot from NFP teachers, but somehow I doubt the average man is quite as poetic and introspective as that.

I know I sure didn’t feel used when my husband and I used ABC, but I do feel used and disresepcted by NFP. I feel reduced to a babymaking machine who has no choice about whether I have kids or how many. After all, the whole point of NFP is that you can only use it to space children, not to stop having them or not have them at all. If we don’t have a “good enough” reason not to have another child, we HAVE to have one. There is no choice. It doesn’t matter if you’re happy with just 4, if you can afford a 5th and are healthy enough to get pregnant, you HAVE to have that 5th child.

 

[happymommy]

I think the issue here is a husband who thinks he has a right to demand sex from his wife even if she says no. If he felt that way before, I’ll bet anything he still does. NFP’s fertile period gives you a break from his demands because he fears pregnancy, not because of a newfound sense of respect and awe for your fertility and femininity. I hear that a lot from NFP teachers, but somehow I doubt the average man is quite as poetic and introspective as that.

I know I sure didn’t feel used when my husband and I used ABC, but I do feel used and disresepcted by NFP. I feel reduced to a babymaking machine who has no choice about whether I have kids or how many. After all, the whole point of NFP is that you can only use it to space children, not to stop having them or not have them at all. If we don’t have a “good enough” reason not to have another child, we HAVE to have one. There is no choice. It doesn’t matter if you’re happy with just 4, if you can afford a 5th and are healthy enough to get pregnant, you HAVE to have that 5th child.

I know you are upset about NFP, but really did it ever occur to you that some of us really do like it? That maybe it has been a good thing for our marriage, even if it wasn’t for yours? I hated ABC, hated it, but took it every day for years because that’s what I thought everyone did. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore. Just because NFP is not for you and your family, please at least try and understand that for some families it works and we are happy with it! You make it sound like anyone who says they are happy with NFP are liars. I do a lot wrong in this world, but I don’t lie!

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Let me give you one reason why I’m happy to be off ABC. I don’t feel like a sex object anymore. Society puts so much pressure on people when it comes to sex that it becomes an unhealthy obsession. NFP puts a stop to that and makes you see yourself and your spouse as human beings first, not something that serves the purpose of sexually satisfying you. Unfortunately, I was not chaste before I was married. Reason: every guy I dated insisted on having sex and I stupidly thought I had to comply. They saw it as their right. I can’t tell you you much I resent that attitude nowdays. NFP has been truly liberating in that sense - men don’t own me, which now means my husband. While I was on the pill my husband assumed I’d be up for it whenever he liked because it was ‘safe’. That is not the case anymore and I thank God for that. Our sex life has become much healthier.

That’s my feeling exactly, just from the other side of the fence. When using ABC, there was much less thought on both our parts about the other’s feelings. Almost without fail, the whole point of sex, aside from when we were trying to conceive, was pleasure or because I couldn’t sleep. We have an entirely different view of it now, and it’s much more about making love than about doing something that feels good. Our marriage is much healthier as well, with fewer fights, less arguing and more time spent together in general.

 

[happymommy]

We have an entirely different view of it now, and it’s much more about making love than about doing something that feels good. Our marriage is much healthier as well, with fewer fights, less arguing and more time spent together in general.

That’s how it has been for us too!

 

[lo_amo87]

Gosh, I so envy all these positive responses to NFP. I wish I could just chuck those stupid pills down the toilet!!!

 

[onmyknees]

Gosh, I so envy all these positive responses to NFP. I wish I could just chuck those stupid pills down the toilet!!!

Well, my parents just had the rhythm method, which was way less effective than NFP. They also had to abstain more often than most because my mother had irregular periods.

My father’s salary was not much but he and my mother put all their trust in God. All six of their children were a blessing to them. They had to make many sacrifices but we had our faith and our love for each other and we were very happy together. My parents were married for 60 yrs. before my father passed away. God rest his soul.

God will provide if you surrender to His will.

 

[karow]

Where’s the response “One of us got sterilized when her uterus exploded, resulting in a caesarean hysterectomy, and we’re just glad she’s alive!”?

 

[Calliso]

I know you are upset about NFP, but really did it ever occur to you that some of us really do like it? That maybe it has been a good thing for our marriage, even if it wasn’t for yours? I hated ABC, hated it, but took it every day for years because that’s what I thought everyone did. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore. Just because NFP is not for you and your family, please at least try and understand that for some families it works and we are happy with it! You make it sound like anyone who says they are happy with NFP are liars. I do a lot wrong in this world, but I don’t lie!

I donlt think she is implying that people who claim that NFP is great for their marriage are lying. Just giving a different point of view. I also thought she made a good point about men and their feelings on sex and fertility.

I would also add that what you said goes both ways. Or in other words some people here need to understand that just because some people here hate NFP and it was/is not good for their marriage that doesn;t mean they are bad Catholics or that something is wrong with them or that they donlt really love their spouse and so on. Part of the tone of her post might have been her lashing out a bit against those sorts as well just a guess on my part though.

 

[mathematoons]

I feel reduced to a babymaking machine who has no choice about whether I have kids or how many. After all, the whole point of NFP is that you can only use it to space children, not to stop having them or not have them at all. If we don’t have a “good enough” reason not to have another child, we HAVE to have one. There is no choice. It doesn’t matter if you’re happy with just 4, if you can afford a 5th and are healthy enough to get pregnant, you HAVE to have that 5th child.

Again, being celibate, I don’t get this. God is the one who decides whether you have kids and how many. If you use NFP, then you will have that fifth child if and only if He wants you to, at the time He wants it to happen. While this can happen on ABC (only abstinence is 100% effective), it seems to me that the use of ABC is saying that you know better than God. Am I missing something? Again, I don’t mean to offend anyone.

 

[adrift]

Again, being celibate, I don’t get this. God is the one who decides whether you have kids and how many. If you use NFP, then you will have that fifth child if and only if He wants you to, at the time He wants it to happen. While this can happen on ABC (only abstinence is 100% effective), it seems to me that the use of ABC is saying that you know better than God. Am I missing something? Again, I don’t mean to offend anyone.

You are right:thumbsup: Incidentally, we used NFP to get pregnant not to avoid. I never see this use mentioned.

 

[Calliso]

Again, being celibate, I don’t get this. God is the one who decides whether you have kids and how many. If you use NFP, then you will have that fifth child if and only if He wants you to, at the time He wants it to happen. While this can happen on ABC (only abstinence is 100% effective), it seems to me that the use of ABC is saying that you know better than God. Am I missing something? Again, I don’t mean to offend anyone.

So you donlt think biology has anything to do with making babies? Besides I am sorry but if God is the sole one responsible for who gets pregnant and how many babies a person has. I am sorry but he has made some pretty bad mistakes! I mean if that were the case why let a 16 year old girl ruin her life with a pregnancy? Or perhaps a better example take a woman who has a family full of starving children who she can not currently take care of. Now one would think that in such a situation God would make sure that woman does not get pregnant right? Wrong!

The point is if one believes as you do either we have to believe that God is cruel or believe that he is completely incompetent. Personally I believe that God is neither. He lets biology take its course. Not to say that he doesn;t occasionally directly intervene but it logically would be rare.

 

[tundramom]

Unfortunately, I had my tubes tied after my 3rd. I was not a Catholic then, but my husband was… I didn’t see the big deal and selfishly did it against his urging me not to.

I have regretted it ever since. I absolutley know that what I did was completely against the will of God. Not just when I converted.

I have no medical data to back this up, but after my tubes were tied, I had such mental health issues as well as physical that I am convinced were a direct result of messing with something I should not have messed with.

I had 3 Cesareans and my doctor advised me to. That is not an excuse, but I thought at the time I was doing what was best for me.

Trusting and relying on God and His will for my life is something I’m learning to do.

Steph

 

[cviolette]

Unfortunately, I had my tubes tied after my 3rd. I was not a Catholic then, but my husband was… I didn’t see the big deal and selfishly did it against his urging me not to.

I have regretted it ever since. I absolutley know that what I did was completely against the will of God. Not just when I converted.

**I have no medical data to back this up, but after my tubes were tied, I had such mental health issues as well as physical that I am convinced were a direct result of messing with something I should not have messed with. **

I had 3 Cesareans and my doctor advised me to. That is not an excuse, but I thought at the time I was doing what was best for me.

Trusting and relying on God and His will for my life is something I’m learning to do.

Steph

I had my tubes tied after my 4th c-section. My husband and I are both Catholics but were not following our religion. My husband still thinks it was the right decision. I would love to have it reversed.

I also experience problems after getting my tubes tied. I use to suffer sharp pains in my stomach and was depressed and angry. It was also after getting my tubes tied that I decided that I wanted a divorce. I did not end up divorcing him but the marriage was never the same.

 

[onmyknees]

Again, being celibate, I don’t get this. God is the one who decides whether you have kids and how many. If you use NFP, then you will have that fifth child if and only if He wants you to, at the time He wants it to happen. While this can happen on ABC (only abstinence is 100% effective), it seems to me that the use of ABC is saying that you know better than God. Am I missing something? Again, I don’t mean to offend anyone.

Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah, “Sister, get up, and let us pray and implore our Lord that He grant us mercy and safety” So she got up, and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe. Tobias began by saying, “Blessed are you, O God of our fathers…You made Adam, and for him you made his wife Eve as a helper and support. From the two of them the race of mankind has sprung. You said, ‘it is not good that the man should be alone; let us make a helper for him like himself.’ I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we grow old together.” And they both said, “Amen, Amen” Then they went to sleep for the night.

 

[happymommy]

I donlt think she is implying that people who claim that NFP is great for their marriage are lying. Just giving a different point of view. I also thought she made a good point about men and their feelings on sex and fertility.

I would also add that what you said goes both ways. Or in other words some people here need to understand that just because some people here hate NFP and it was/is not good for their marriage that doesn;t mean they are bad Catholics or that something is wrong with them or that they donlt really love their spouse and so on. Part of the tone of her post might have been her lashing out a bit against those sorts as well just a guess on my part though.

We’ve been “talking” on other threads about NFP, Maybe lying was too strong of a word, but I do get the feeling that she doesn’t believe us.

And no, I don’t agree with her thoughts on men at all, at least not in respect to my husband.

 

[mathematoons]

So you donlt think biology has anything to do with making babies? Besides I am sorry but if God is the sole one responsible for who gets pregnant and how many babies a person has. I am sorry but he has made some pretty bad mistakes!

What I mean is that the natural consequence of sex–indeed, its purpose–is pregnancy. For some reason, God made it possible only at certain times of the month–but if He wants a woman to have another baby, He can make it happen.

I mean if that were the case why let a 16 year old girl ruin her life with a pregnancy? Or perhaps a better example take a woman who has a family full of starving children who she can not currently take care of. Now one would think that in such a situation God would make sure that woman does not get pregnant right? Wrong!

The point is if one believes as you do either we have to believe that God is cruel or believe that he is completely incompetent. Personally I believe that God is neither. He lets biology take its course. Not to say that he doesn;t occasionally directly intervene but it logically would be rare.

OK, now we’re getting into the problem of suffering, which would derail the thread if discussed. Whether you agree or not, this is part of the reasoning the Church uses in allowing NFP and not ABC.

 

[Charlotte1776]

We’ve been “talking” on other threads about NFP, Maybe lying was too strong of a word, but I do get the feeling that she doesn’t believe us.

I absolutely believe that there are plenty of people who are perfectly happy with NFP, and I’m happy for them. I’m not sure why anyone would think I wouldn’t. The problem is that many of those same people accuse those who aren’t of being bad Catholics, abusive spouses, untrustful of God, selfish, and all manner of awful things. Not that you say those things, but there are way, way too many who do. It’s just adding insult to injury after being told by NFP promoters in RCIA, CCL class, etc. that it always improves marriages, never harms them. NFP seems to be the one Church teaching no one is allowed to dislike. No one gets called a selfish, hednostic, spouse abuser for struggling with the teachings about purgatory, for example.

I’ve had multiple people tell me they are thankful that I am open about my struggles with NFP because the attacks on people who don’t like it make them feel both isolated and also afraid to speak up themselves. It helps them to hear that they aren’t alone in having felt lied to by NFP promoters or having had their marriage harmed by it. Talking about it as I work towards accepting this heavy cross is both therapeutic for me and apparently for many others as well, so I suppose I’ll keep talking.