I said we quit using it because it was bad for our marriage, but the real answer is a little more complicated. Even during 12 years of Catholic schooling, I was never taught that it was wrong. I’d always heard the Church was opposed, but never was given any real reasons. I certainly didn’t know it was an official teaching, especially after having several priests tell me it was okay. My wife never went to Catholic school, but her Catholic parents not only didn’t tell her that it was wrong, but actively encouraged her using it and put her on the pill early in her teens.
Based on our backgrounds, in our minds it was pretty natural for her to go on the pill once we got married (despite what everyone believed, we weren’t sexually active before we were married so there was no need for her to be on it then). She was on the pill for several years, right up until we decided to have our daughter. She went back on it right after she was born, then went off it again a few months later when we decided to try again. She then went back on it for a time, but then begged me to go off it due to health issues. It took a little convincing, but I finally supported her decision. We chose to use other methods after that, but finally decided that the idea of another baby wasn’t so bad so we decided to forgo those in favor of a very loose and sloppy adherence to the rhythm method (that way we could still tell the people in our family who were opposed to idea of non contracepting that we weren’t trying to get pregnant, even though we were trying very hard to do an awful job of not trying).
The idea of ABC being bad for our marriage came about as a bit of a revelation during this time. Our lackadaisical efforts to avoid contraception resulted in us getting pregnant, which unfortunately led to our miscarriage. However, this did bring me back into the Church more fully than I’d been since I was a teenager. I started reading up on all those things I’d been so misinformed about, one of which was the Church’s views on contraception. We hadn’t been using any form of contraception for about a year at this point, and although I could tell we now had a much different view of sex & one another than we’d had before, all the pieces didn’t fall into place until I really began studying what the Church teaches and why. I didn’t discuss it too much with my wife at first, but when I finally did, it turned out that she’d come to a lot of the same conclusions about how much better our marriage was without the benefit of having read about the Church’s views.
As it is now, we haven’t used any form of contraception in about 3 years and while we couldn’t see the negatives before, we can certainly feel the benefits now. We’re much closer, have a deeper respect for one another and a much healthier appreciation of our marriage. I know there are other mitigating factors, but the openness and deeper intimacy we have from not using birth control certainly plays a big part.