Let's get some new stats on birth control usage

[Sullibe]

Just wait until you are expecting number 10! It gets even better!

Can’t wait to tell my husband the good news!

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I don’t know about anybody else, I admit this maybe unusual, but I have 4 children and one due in Sept - we have more sex now, than we did after the first one, come to think of it even before the first one . And, no, we don’t pencil it in.

We in pretty much the same boat, minus the expecting part, although it’s not for lack of trying. We’ve had family members say that as long as they don’t take the kids for the night there’s no worry of us getting pregnant again. They seem to forget about nighttime and nap time, and that our other children are old enough to watch the baby for 20-30 minutes while Mommy & Daddy talk about groceries, bills or what we’re having for dinner. We’ve heard from plenty of friends with one or no kids who complain about never having the time or energy for sex. I figure they’re either not trying hard enough, don’t know how to manage their time, or never figured out how much easier it is to get a few minutes of free time when you have more than one kid.

 

[Charlotte1776]

Lied to by NFP promoters? Now I am wondering why DH and I spent our entire summer going through training so that we could become instructors? Oh, yes! It was so that we could lie to people.

I hate to be the one to revive and old thread, but I just got the most recent issue of CCL’s magazine and it was all about how difficult abstinence is. After reading it I immediately thought about this thread and this post in particular because I think it validated everything I’ve said here. It said that

1. NFP teaching couples DO frequently and deliberately mislead people about how much abstinence is required with NFP and how very difficult it is
2. This practice DOES do more harm than good in the long run
3. NFP DOES harm marriages and DOES make people “bitter” (yes, they used that word)
4. NFP users DO frequently go many months without sex
5. 60% of couples have cycles that do not fit the normal NFP model and therefore require much more abstinence than the small number of days they advertise
6. These couples must endure three weeks or more of abstinence each cycle, not the one week they always say
7. It is normal and common to struggle with NFP, and people who struggle are fed up with being told to just “pray about it” or “just have more kids” because those aren’t real solutions

So maybe now that these concerns are coming from an undeniably pro-NFP source people will take them more seriously?

 

[Personanongrata]

I am single and have been celibate for many years following sterilization. However if the right person came along, I would probably use condoms.

 

[sacredcello]

I hate to be the one to revive and old thread, but I just got the most recent issue of CCL’s magazine and it was all about how difficult abstinence is. After reading it I immediately thought about this thread and this post in particular because I think it validated everything I’ve said here. It said that

Dear Charlotte,

I hold the exact same magazine in my hands, and I do not see the content and subject matter of this months issue: “Getting Real About Abstinence” in the same negative light in which you are painting it. You have left out significant portions which give context for the difficulty which abstinence presents.

1. NFP teaching couples DO frequently and deliberately mislead people about how much abstinence is required with NFP and how very difficult it is

Nowhere in any of the CCL course materials does it tell couples how much abstinence is going to be required of them in their particular situation which changes throughout their lives according to circumstances. NFP instructors for CCL are required to give a Witness Talk at the beginning of Class 1 in which they share their experience with NFP. If a student couple extrapolates from their Witness Talk that their experience with NFP is going to be identical, then that is not the fault of the NFP teacher. My husband and I tell the couples plainly about the difficult periods of abstinence in our own marriage (due to travel and sometimes only being together during phase II, etc.). We don’t tell the couples that this is easy, but we tell them that it is possible.

1. This practice DOES do more harm than good in the long run

This is definitely false. Nowhere in the CCL Magazine does it say that. This statement is contrary to the meaning and purpose of the marital embrace. We do not help our marriages by committing immoral acts.

1. NFP DOES harm marriages and DOES make people “bitter” (yes, they used that word)

In the same article that you are quoting it says this:

“Is it difficult?” Jessica Davidson said. “Absolutely. But our marriage is stronger, our prayer life has improved, we never take being intimate for granted, and our love for one another has grown.”

1. NFP users DO frequently go many months without sex

From a couple (in this issue) who experienced 6 months of abstinence after an ectopic pregnancy and their doctor told them not to get pregnant for 6 months:

From this experience the Clemenz learned that the marital embrace is about more than sex. “It is the moment when we reflect the Holy Trinity and grace flows into our marriage,” Beccy said.

1. 60% of couples have cycles that do not fit the normal NFP model and therefore require much more abstinence than the small number of days they advertise

This is true, and that is why the course materials do not specifically state how much abstinence is going to be required in any given situation. However, the new CCL kits include a copy of Marilyn Shannon’s book called, “Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition” which can and does help women to normalize their cycles and to address and eliminate underlying ill-health issues that can cause irregular cycles. One does not have to simply live with it.

1. These couples must endure three weeks or more of abstinence each cycle, not the one week they always say

Again, there is no specific reference to the amount of abstinence. Some instructors may share their own experiences, which may be closer to a week to 10 days each month, but that does not mean that every couple will have this experience every single month. There is help provided for those with irregular cycles. My health has been significantly improved by Marilyn Shannon’s book – again, it is now a free book included in the CCL kit.

1. It is normal and common to struggle with NFP, and people who struggle are fed up with being told to just “pray about it” or “just have more kids” because those aren’t real solutions

I don’t know how you came to the conclusion from reading this magazine that prayer is not a real solution. It is evident from start to finish that prayer is very important.

From a couple who had to abstain for 6 months due to postpartum transition and a diagnosis of premenopausal osteoporosis (in this month’s issue of Family Foundations):

The Drivers, too, received a spiritual boost, “We realized our couple spirituality needed some fine tuning,” Pamela said. “We experienced temptation at a vulnerable time and now understand the value of a strong prayer life to combat those times.”

So maybe now that these concerns are coming from an undeniably pro-NFP source people will take them more seriously?

Yes, and these concerns were addressed with real solutions and it was shown abundantly in this issue that, while abstinence can be a real challenge, that couples can and do still thrive under the challenge and come out stronger. Far from running away from the issue, CCL addressed it squarely in this month’s publication and highlighted the importance of an important component in the successful practice of NFP.

 

[Calliso]

I hate to be the one to revive and old thread, but I just got the most recent issue of CCL’s magazine and it was all about how difficult abstinence is. After reading it I immediately thought about this thread and this post in particular because I think it validated everything I’ve said here. It said that

1. NFP teaching couples DO frequently and deliberately mislead people about how much abstinence is required with NFP and how very difficult it is
2. This practice DOES do more harm than good in the long run
3. NFP DOES harm marriages and DOES make people “bitter” (yes, they used that word)
4. NFP users DO frequently go many months without sex
5. 60% of couples have cycles that do not fit the normal NFP model and therefore require much more abstinence than the small number of days they advertise
6. These couples must endure three weeks or more of abstinence each cycle, not the one week they always say
7. It is normal and common to struggle with NFP, and people who struggle are fed up with being told to just “pray about it” or “just have more kids” because those aren’t real solutions

So maybe now that these concerns are coming from an undeniably pro-NFP source people will take them more seriously?

Interesting seems problems with NFP are quite common. And yeah I agree just telling people to pray or just have more kids and see how that goes isn;t really solid advice. Not to say that praying doesn;t help…but there comes a time when you have prayed and prayed and prayed and well eventually you need something a little more substansial.

 

[Calliso]

Dear Charlotte,

I hold the exact same magazine in my hands, and I do not see the content and subject matter of this months issue: “Getting Real About Abstinence” in the same negative light in which you are painting it. You have left out significant portions which give context for the difficulty which abstinence presents.

Nowhere in any of the CCL course materials does it tell couples how much abstinence is going to be required of them in their particular situation which changes throughout their lives according to circumstances. NFP instructors for CCL are required to give a Witness Talk at the beginning of Class 1 in which they share their experience with NFP. If a student couple extrapolates from their Witness Talk that their experience with NFP is going to be identical, then that is not the fault of the NFP teacher. My husband and I tell the couples plainly about the difficult periods of abstinence in our own marriage (due to travel and sometimes only being together during phase II, etc.). We don’t tell the couples that this is easy, but we tell them that it is possible.

This is definitely false. Nowhere in the CCL Magazine does it say that. This statement is contrary to the meaning and purpose of the marital embrace. We do not help our marriages by committing immoral acts.

In the same article that you are quoting it says this:

“Is it difficult?” Jessica Davidson said. “Absolutely. But our marriage is stronger, our prayer life has improved, we never take being intimate for granted, and our love for one another has grown.”

From a couple (in this issue) who experienced 6 months of abstinence after an ectopic pregnancy and their doctor told them not to get pregnant for 6 months:

From this experience the Clemenz learned that the marital embrace is about more than sex. “It is the moment when we reflect the Holy Trinity and grace flows into our marriage,” Beccy said.

This is true, and that is why the course materials do not specifically state how much abstinence is going to be required in any given situation. However, the new CCL kits include a copy of Marilyn Shannon’s book called, “Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition” which can and does help women to normalize their cycles and to address and eliminate underlying ill-health issues that can cause irregular cycles. One does not have to simply live with it.

Again, there is no specific reference to the amount of abstinence. Some instructors may share their own experiences, which may be closer to a week to 10 days each month, but that does not mean that every couple will have this experience every single month. There is help provided for those with irregular cycles. My health has been significantly improved by Marilyn Shannon’s book – again, it is now a free book included in the CCL kit.

I don’t know how you came to the conclusion from reading this magazine that prayer is not a real solution. It is evident from start to finish that prayer is very important.

From a couple who had to abstain for 6 months due to postpartum transition and a diagnosis of premenopausal osteoporosis (in this month’s issue of Family Foundations):

The Drivers, too, received a spiritual boost, “We realized our couple spirituality needed some fine tuning,” Pamela said. “We experienced temptation at a vulnerable time and now understand the value of a strong prayer life to combat those times.”

Yes, and these concerns were addressed with real solutions and it was shown abundantly in this issue that, while abstinence can be a real challenge, that couples can and do still thrive under the challenge and come out stronger. Far from running away from the issue, CCL addressed it squarely in this month’s publication and highlighted the importance of an important component in the successful practice of NFP.

I am curious what real solutions were given and please leave out any just have kids and or just pray advice.

 

[Sparki777]

None of the answers were accurate for us. We were protestants when we married, and our pastor/church was pro-birth control, so we didn’t know anybody thought it was sinful. We used it for the first year until I developed allergies and then we switched to NFP. We didn’t convert to the Catholic Church until about 10 years later. So, I guess I could mark “We never committed the sin of contraception,” because we didn’t knowingly sin, since it’s the closest, but I do wish you had an option for people who converted and changed their approach to family planning sometime during the process.

 

[Charlotte1776]

It really doesn’t matter whether the info contained in the article is negative or not, because, well, it’s in the article! I don’t think I’ve portayed it unrealistically at all. In fact I went through it right before I wrote the post just to make sure I couldn’t be accused of doing just that. Everything I posted that the article said was, in fact, in the article.

1. NFP teaching couples DO frequently and deliberately mislead people about how much abstinence is required with NFP and how very difficult it is

“NFP users often sugarcoat the topic [abstinence], afraid of providing ammunition to critics.”

“NFP providers aren’t always realistic about the required length of abstinence period in marriage.”

“Most NFP couples with they’d received a more honest representation of what periods of abstinence can really involve.”

“Brad Gallenburg, 28, a correctional officer in Oshkosh, Wis., doesn’t believe he and his wife, Sarah, were taught the reality of these abstinence periods during their NFP training.”

“I don’t think couples are painted a realistic picture during training…I felt like that part was pushed through fast.”

“They were led to believe that the amount of abstinence was much less than what they actually experience.”

“Braun says it’s critical that intructors be upfront with engaged couples about the length of abstinence that may be required.”

“When Jess and Ericka Cowman, of Boise, Idaho, began speaking to engaged couples of NFP, they realized couples were being told abstinence was no big deal. ‘They needed to hear that it can be hard. Of course we want to put a positive spin on NFP, but that’s not as effective as being real.’ Being real means admitting that abstinence doesn’t always fit into a neat 7-10 day package.”

1. This practice DOES do more harm than good in the long run (And by this I mean the practice of misleading couples about the amount of abstinence, not the practice of NFP which I think you took it as)

“There is great risk for NFP couples entering marriage with a misconception about the length of Phase II.”

1. NFP DOES harm marriages and DOES make people “bitter” (yes, they used that word)

“Because one of his primary ways to show love is through touch, he finds the cross even more burdensome…Today, intimacy remains a source of deep pain in their marriage.”

“Linda remembers the pain of newlywed abstinence.”

“We’ve witnessed the strain for some people who have kids a year apart.”

“In 2010 the Drivers got a crash course in extended abstinence…Pamela needed six months’ rest from pregnancy. But as her postpartum transition went on and on, they reached the end of their rope. ‘We were questioning our entire call to spread the news about natural family planning.’”

“Eratic signs led to total abstinence, and the stress took its toll on Beccy and her husband, Ivo, a police officer. ‘Everything he did annoyed me.’”

“I start focusing on how hard it’s been, the bitterness of having to abstain so long…”

“Abstinence for a guy is never fun. It’s hard every single month.”

1. NFP users DO frequently go many months without sex

“Justina and Chris Bennet, of Tampa, Fla., had three children in four years. They needed a rest from pregnancy and childbirth, but suddenly they found themselves facing long stretches of abstinence.”

“Sometimes there will be periods of abstinence, but sometimes those times can be long periods of time!”

“Reflecting on our long periods of abstinence…”

1. 60% of couples have cycles that do not fit the normal NFP model and therefore require much more abstinence than the small number of days they advertise

1. These couples must endure three weeks or more of abstinence each cycle, not the one week they always say

“As newlyweds, he and his wife faces cycles of 45 to 60 days.”

“[Periods of abstinence in NFP] are often estimated under the assumption that the woman has a typical 28-day cycle. But what happens to an NFP couple when a women’s [sic] cycle isn’t ‘like clockwork?’”

“Vicki Braun, CCL’s project manager and chart consultant, says more and more women’s charts appear to be atypical or irregular. 'More than 60 percent of home-study charts we have seen in the past year could be tagged as atypical or irregular…Practically speaking, these cycles require longer periods of abstinence - two to three weeks or more - if the couple is trying to postpone pregnancy.”

1. It is normal and common to struggle with NFP, and people who struggle are fed up with being told to just “pray about it” or “just have more kids” because those aren’t real solutions

“We often here that if abstinence is difficult, perhaps God is calling a couple to have another child…But that’s not the answer for everyone.”

“We’re open to another child, although I think it’s partly because we’re worn out by abstinence.”

Continued…

 

[Charlotte1776]

Continued from previous post…

Of course the article goes on to say that couples who face extreme hardships from NFP go on to say that ultimately going through such pain was good for them. Suffering is good for the soul, after all, and a pro-NFP magazine is certainly not going to say anything negative about NFP without making sure the positive aspects are prominently highlighted next to it. NFP does have clear spiritual benefits (I’ve never said that it doesn’t), but that does not mean at all that it doesn’t cause very serious problems in the lives and marriages of many, many people. It’s unrealistic to say that if a couple struggles with NFP, the struggle is never due even partly to NFP but is entirely the fault of the couple being selfish, or hedonistic, or spitirually faithless, or mistmatched, or what have you. They can’t say on the one hand that NFP is hard, but then turn around and say that NFP can never be hard or strain a marriage because if it is, the problem can only be with you.

But like the article said, sweeping these harsdships under the rug and brushing off the concerns of people who struggle is not the way to go. I think people who promote NFP are so sensitive to anyone saying anything even remotely negative about it that their knee-jerk reaction is to demonize folks who struggle with it. Just look at the thread going on right now where someone posted a poll asking people whether they have had an uplanned pregnancy with ABC or NFP, or have used either without getting pregnant. She immediately got jumped on for even daring to suggest that perhaps NFP is not 100% effective, as was someone who said they got pregnant while using NFP. I don’t think that’s helpful at all. There are real, legitimate issues for folks who practice NFP and if anyone is serious about helping them, they won’t demonize and relentlessly run down folks who struggle with it or who’ve had NFP fail them. That’s why I keep posting about NFP. I don’t think it’s right to pretend that NFP doesn’t involve a great struggle and I think those issues desperately need to be talked about for the benefit of those going through it or who are about to start using NFP. I know that if I had been told the reality of NFP from the start, my experience with it would have been completely different, and I’ve had many people tell me the same thing. It needs to be portrayed as the daily spiritual battle
that it is, not an ABC alternative that it’s not.

 

[sacredcello]

But like the article said, sweeping these harsdships under the rug and brushing off the concerns of people who struggle is not the way to go.

We are in agreement about this. And, that is why CCL devoted an entire issue to the topic of abstinence. They are definitely not sweeping it under the rug.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a knee-jerk reaction to anyone who states honestly that they are struggling with NFP. It’s quite true that NFP can be a daily battle (when one is in the midst of phase II), but that is not surprising. In our journey here on Earth, we are members of the Church Militant and hope to one day join the Church Triumphant in Heaven.

However, when I am lumped together into a faceless group known as “NFP promoters” and it is said here that we are lying to people…well, then I feel the need to set the record straight. I have never lied to anyone, nor was that my purpose in becoming an NFP instructor.

The people in this issue of Family Foundations who felt that abstinence was not highlighted by their instructors have been responded to by a very good and full discussion of it. Let’s not pretend that CCL is brushing anyone off.

 

[samiam1611]

Those of you who struggle(d) with extended abstinence or NFP in general, would being told up front about it actually change the way you see things now? Or do you just think the tendency of the teachers to sugar coat it is something that should be addressed? For instance, if you knew right off the bat how long the periods of abstinence would be, would you not bother? Or not convert, if you are converts? Would having foreknowledge of the difficulties ahead have changed your actions? Or is it “simply” that you wouldn’t feel so frustrated with it if you had known ahead of time?

 

[Jack_Bauer]

There isn’t a correct choice for me. Hated contraception, but wife used it anyway. I kicked and screamed about it, gently, but went along with it out of fear of our relationship failling. I felt that it kept us further apart than if she wouldn’t have used it. I literally hated those d_mn pills and many times thought about trying to replace them with a placebo.

Then, she opened up again to have another child, but went back on them again, hurting my feelings again. After coming off of them again, and having our last child, with a birth defect that later miraculously disappeared during our conversion to Catholicism, she got sterilized against my wishes. I even said that it might be a problem if we ever become Catholic. I was trying anything to stop her. She still goes through monthly menstrual cycles, PMSing, and I don’t get to have anymore children. I love her, but I hate what she did to us, in spite my objections, to me, our children and God. I nearly left her over it but struggled to stick it out while trying to secretly find a way to draw her to my Catholic faith without proselytizing her as she did to me. .

Our marriage was not valid until we converted because I used to be Catholic and regretted leaving ever since the beginning when I realized why the Church had such rules requiring dispensations. I learned the hard way. It took me many years to come back home. And I blame me, more than her, because I should have trusted in God more by remaining Catholic. Her clergy family proselytized me right out of my shaky dying Catholic faith.

But I’m back home, secretly grieving over my past sins.

 

[sacredcello]

I am curious what real solutions were given and please leave out any just have kids and or just pray advice.

The entire July/August issue of Family Foundations is addressed to the topic of abstinence and how couples deal with it. If you would like me to send you my copy of the magazine, I would be happy to do so. Send me a PM with your address. Since this issue is 40 pages long, I am not going to try to summarize all of the ways in which couples have grown closer through their faithfulness to each other through the practice of NFP. It is not intended to be like Cosmopolitan magazine with 150 ways to have hot sex or whatever. But, if you are interested in the topic, you can purchase it from CCL for a few dollars. Or, like I said, I’d be happy to send you my copy.

 

[Serap]

Continued from previous post…

Of course the article goes on to say that couples who face extreme hardships from NFP go on to say that ultimately going through such pain was good for them. Suffering is good for the soul, after all, and a pro-NFP magazine is certainly not going to say anything negative about NFP without making sure the positive aspects are prominently highlighted next to it. NFP does have clear spiritual benefits (I’ve never said that it doesn’t), but that does not mean at all that it doesn’t cause very serious problems in the lives and marriages of many, many people. It’s unrealistic to say that if a couple struggles with NFP, the struggle is never due even partly to NFP but is entirely the fault of the couple being selfish, or hedonistic, or spitirually faithless, or mistmatched, or what have you. They can’t say on the one hand that NFP is hard, but then turn around and say that NFP can never be hard or strain a marriage because if it is, the problem can only be with you.

But like the article said, sweeping these harsdships under the rug and brushing off the concerns of people who struggle is not the way to go. I think people who promote NFP are so sensitive to anyone saying anything even remotely negative about it that their knee-jerk reaction is to demonize folks who struggle with it. Just look at the thread going on right now where someone posted a poll asking people whether they have had an uplanned pregnancy with ABC or NFP, or have used either without getting pregnant. She immediately got jumped on for even daring to suggest that perhaps NFP is not 100% effective, as was someone who said they got pregnant while using NFP. I don’t think that’s helpful at all. There are real, legitimate issues for folks who practice NFP and if anyone is serious about helping them, they won’t demonize and relentlessly run down folks who struggle with it or who’ve had NFP fail them. That’s why I keep posting about NFP. I don’t think it’s right to pretend that NFP doesn’t involve a great struggle and I think those issues desperately need to be talked about for the benefit of those going through it or who are about to start using NFP. I know that if I had been told the reality of NFP from the start, my experience with it would have been completely different, and I’ve had many people tell me the same thing. It needs to be portrayed as the daily spiritual battle
that it is, not an ABC alternative that it’s not.

I really admire your intelligence Charlotte. You are so insightful for a young woman. I applaud you for your posts. Thanks for giving credence to the couples who do have hardships from using NFP.

 

[Calliso]

The entire July/August issue of Family Foundations is addressed to the topic of abstinence and how couples deal with it. If you would like me to send you my copy of the magazine, I would be happy to do so. Send me a PM with your address. Since this issue is 40 pages long, I am not going to try to summarize all of the ways in which couples have grown closer through their faithfulness to each other through the practice of NFP. It is not intended to be like Cosmopolitan magazine with 150 ways to have hot sex or whatever. But, if you are interested in the topic, you can purchase it from CCL for a few dollars. Or, like I said, I’d be happy to send you my copy.

Is the CCL the couple to couple league right? I might just get my own copy in time. thanks.

 

[ac_claire]

We are in agreement about this. And, that is why CCL devoted an entire issue to the topic of abstinence. They are definitely not sweeping it under the rug.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a knee-jerk reaction to anyone who states honestly that they are struggling with NFP. It’s quite true that NFP can be a daily battle (when one is in the midst of phase II), but that is not surprising. In our journey here on Earth, we are members of the Church Militant and hope to one day join the Church Triumphant in Heaven.

However, when I am lumped together into a faceless group known as “NFP promoters” and it is said here that we are lying to people…well, then I feel the need to set the record straight. I have never lied to anyone, nor was that my purpose in becoming an NFP instructor.

The people in this issue of Family Foundations who felt that abstinence was not highlighted by their instructors have been responded to by a very good and full discussion of it. Let’s not pretend that CCL is brushing anyone off.

Good post. I think it’s a HUGE generalization to claim the the CCL sugarcoats NFP. First, every couple is different, every class is different. Second, anyone who understands sex and marriage should know that *any *kind of family planning (NFP or ABC or whatever) is going to be more complicated than just doing whatever you want whenever you want and leaving the outcome in God’s hands. (Which is what we’re doing, btw, and it’s not difficult at all. )

There are so many different methods of NFP, too. If you have regular cycles, you can use the cervical mucus method which is a lot simpler than temping. There’s methods where you check your cervical position (for me that would be the hardest, so we’ve never done that). There’s simple charting and using ovulation predictor kits, which you can get real cheap on Amazon. There are so many different methods of NFP. And this is arguable, but I believe that if you are in good health and have regular cycles, you can teach yourself NFP if you insist that going to classes is too expensive or inconvenient or etc., etc.

 

[ac_claire]

Continued from previous post…

Of course the article goes on to say that couples who face extreme hardships from NFP go on to say that ultimately going through such pain was good for them. Suffering is good for the soul, after all, and a pro-NFP magazine is certainly not going to say anything negative about NFP without making sure the positive aspects are prominently highlighted next to it. NFP does have clear spiritual benefits (I’ve never said that it doesn’t), but that does not mean at all that it doesn’t cause very serious problems in the lives and marriages of many, many people. It’s unrealistic to say that if a couple struggles with NFP, the struggle is never due even partly to NFP but is entirely the fault of the couple being selfish, or hedonistic, or spitirually faithless, or mistmatched, or what have you. They can’t say on the one hand that NFP is hard, but then turn around and say that NFP can never be hard or strain a marriage because if it is, the problem can only be with you.

Did anyone actually say this to you, or write it in the article?

But like the article said, sweeping these harsdships under the rug and brushing off the concerns of people who struggle is not the way to go. I think people who promote NFP are so sensitive to anyone saying anything even remotely negative about it that their knee-jerk reaction is to demonize folks who struggle with it. Just look at the thread going on right now where someone posted a poll asking people whether they have had an uplanned pregnancy with ABC or NFP, or have used either without getting pregnant. She immediately got jumped on for even daring to suggest that perhaps NFP is not 100% effective, as was someone who said they got pregnant while using NFP. I don’t think that’s helpful at all. There are real, legitimate issues for folks who practice NFP and if anyone is serious about helping them, they won’t demonize and relentlessly run down folks who struggle with it or who’ve had NFP fail them. That’s why I keep posting about NFP. I don’t think it’s right to pretend that NFP doesn’t involve a great struggle and I think those issues desperately need to be talked about for the benefit of those going through it or who are about to start using NFP. I know that if I had been told the reality of NFP from the start, my experience with it would have been completely different, and I’ve had many people tell me the same thing. It needs to be portrayed as the daily spiritual battle
that it is, not an ABC alternative that it’s not.

I think you make some good points…but in trying to explain that some couples do struggle a LOT with NFP, I think you may have gone slightly overboard in your broad criticism of NFP. This glosses over the fact that countless couples to not find NFP to be a battle and who have actually felt that NFP has been a blessing in their marriage.

 

[Jennifer_J]

There are at least 4 different forms of NFP. Some forms work better from some women than others.

I wish this info was a sticky:

ccli.org Sympto-thermal method–basal temps, mucous, cervix position
nfpandmore.com another stm site

boma-usa.org Billings–mucous only
woomb.org/

creightonmodel.com Creighton method–medical model mucous only

nfp.marquette.edu/ Marquette–various fertility symptoms with fertility monitor

I would suggest if you have trouble with one method, try another.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

1. This practice DOES do more harm than good in the long run

I’m glad you explained later on that you meant the practice of misleading and not the practice of using NFP. I don’t think this is an issue anyone disagrees with, the idea that no one should mislead others regardless if we are talking about NFP or any other subject.

1. NFP DOES harm marriages and DOES make people “bitter” (yes, they used that word)

Charlotte, I still don’t see anything supporting this statement. FWIW, just because something is mentioned in the CCL magazine I would not take it as a Truth (and I know you wouldn’t either), but nevertheless, saying it is difficult, causes hardships etc is very different from saying it harms a marriage, in fact, it could mean the opposite. A marriage is something good, and God does not want it to be harmed, thus if we are truly needing to use NFP/abstaining to avoid and have discerned we should use it, the hardships will only be for a good, not to harm the marriage. If harm is occuring then something is not being done the way it should be (note I said harm and not hardship or difficulty), simply because with God everything is for the good, and so the couple needs to figure out what changes need to be done. These changes have to be moral ones since anything immoral will be harmful to their marriage off the bat, whether they believe it or not. The Church helps us learn about these Truths, not because it wants to cause a burden on us, but because it wants us to be able to make educated decisions when using our free will, so we know whether the choice we are about to make draws us nearer or farther from God, and drawing a marriage farther from God is never good, always harmful.