Let's get some new stats on birth control usage

[SusanneT]

As a couple who struggle a lot with NFP I really really do believe that a bit more honesty would be a good idea, it is simply wrong to “sell” NFP as an easy way of enjoying all the benefits of family planning (in it’s widest literal sence) whilst still observing Catholic moral teaching

Like most couples we use it because (whatever our motives) we do not want repeated further pregnancies, but because we cannot use ABC, or practise non-procreative intimacy (do anything except have intercourse) it is the only alternative to total abstinance.

I’m sure everyone has different experiences but I do know that for those like us who really struggle and indeed for newly married couples it is beter that it is approached honestly

 

[idontknow]

Never used any kind of birth control, it’s against the church’s teachings.

 

[Charlotte1776]

just because something is mentioned in the CCL magazine I would not take it as a Truth

My point was that if an official NFP organization is admitting everything I’ve been saying (such as teaching couples deliberately misleading people) then maybe some of the folks here wouldn’t be able to deny it any longer.

The magazine talked about people whose marriages were harmed by NFP, but they insist that NFP is never the cause of any marital problems. They are very adamant that the only couples who struggle with NFP are the ones who already had major problems with communication, trust, abuse, lack of respect, lack of faith, lack of self-control, selfishness, personal weakness, and all manor of insulting things. It irks me that they try so hard to blame and shame the couple when NFP causes conflict. Lack of sex can cause problems in a relationship all on its own - you can’t go months or even years without sex and not have some kind of impact. I just wish they would stop trying to portray it as a perfect system that always leads to marital happiness.

 

[Nate13]

I think a lot of posts in this thread have missed the point. Many people on both sides have talked about happiness, but I think the problem is we all have different definitions of happiness. If we are talking about happiness here on Earth then I don’t think anything can be said as to whether contraception is better for happiness or if NFP is better. However if your focus for happiness is reliant upon the state of your soul and getting to heaven then NFP wins hands down. No one should assume that if they do the right thing it will always make them happier on Earth. No where does God promise us that. No where in the bible does God promise happiness on Earth. I would think that many of those who switch to NFP find a lot of their happiness in knowing that they are conforming to God’s will and not because it makes their lives easier here on Earth, although for many it achieves this also. However, if someone doesn’t believe what the Church teaches on this issue and believes they are not hurting their soul using bc, I could understand them saying they are happy. The endgame is heaven, and I don’t see how knowingly doing something that could prevent getting into heaven could make someone “happy”.

@Charotte
I agree with you fully that NFP doesn’t always make a marriage “happier” but I would ask what do they think happiness means?

 

[happymommy]

My point was that if an official NFP organization is admitting everything I’ve been saying (such as teaching couples deliberately misleading people) then maybe some of the folks here wouldn’t be able to deny it any longer.

The magazine talked about people whose marriages were harmed by NFP, but they insist that NFP is never the cause of any marital problems. They are very adamant that the only couples who struggle with NFP are the ones who already had major problems with communication, trust, abuse, lack of respect, lack of faith, lack of self-control, selfishness, personal weakness, and all manor of insulting things. It irks me that they try so hard to blame and shame the couple when NFP causes conflict. Lack of sex can cause problems in a relationship all on its own - you can’t go months or even years without sex and not have some kind of impact. I just wish they would stop trying to portray it as a perfect system that always leads to marital happiness.

I’m willing to bet that a lot of the couples who struggle with NFP do have those problems and they blame them on NFP. It’s easier to blame “something” for their lack of communication, trust, faith and self-control then to say that they themselves have these faults.

Yes, you can go for months or even years without sex. It is not what a marriage is made of. It is a bonus within your marriage. If you base your relationship only on sex, then yes you are going to have a hard time with NFP. If your husband was hit by a car tomorrow and could no longer be able to have sex with you, would your marriage fall apart? Would you still find happiness in your marriage with out it?

Life is not full of sunshine and happiness. That’s part of the problem with the world right now. We think that life should always be just the way we want it. We are spoiled! **I **want to be happy all the time, have sex when I want, only have a baby when **I **want. And until we realize that life is not always under our control we are never going to be “happy”.

 

[samiam1611]

I think a lot of posts in this thread have missed the point. Many people on both sides have talked about happiness, but I think the problem is we all have different definitions of happiness. If we are talking about happiness here on Earth then I don’t think anything can be said as to whether contraception is better for happiness or if NFP is better. However if your focus for happiness is reliant upon the state of your soul and getting to heaven then NFP wins hands down. No one should assume that if they do the right thing it will always make them happier on Earth. No where does God promise us that. No where in the bible does God promise happiness on Earth. I would think that many of those who switch to NFP find a lot of their happiness in knowing that they are conforming to God’s will and not because it makes their lives easier here on Earth, although for many it achieves this also. However, if someone doesn’t believe what the Church teaches on this issue and believes they are not hurting their soul using bc, I could understand them saying they are happy. The endgame is heaven, and I don’t see how knowingly doing something that could prevent getting into heaven could make someone “happy”.

Good post. Great post actually. I think you are right, for some people, getting into heaven is more important than getting the most enjoyment as possible out of this life. The thing is though, there is the possibility of there not even being heaven or any afterlife whatsoever, so people might be carrying crosses they don’t even need to bear.

I admit I don’t really understand what you all think heaven will be like so maybe if I understood that, if I understood your faith that following what the Church tells you to do will get you into this mysterious place, perhaps I would understand why you guys are willing to compromise your happiness in this life.

That only applies to people who struggle with this of course. If NFP works for you and you really would not mind another kid so having sex doesn’t cause you more worry than pleasure, more power to ya.

For me, this life is the only one I’m going to have and I’m not going to spend the rest of my childbearing years stressing out about something when such an easy solution exists.

 

[Nate13]

@Samian1611
Thanks for the complement I hope it brought some clarity to the discussion. For us comparing earth to heaven is incomparable. It means we get to be with God and be embraced by his love for eternity! If you don’t believe in heaven then I now know what your definition of happiness is for sure haha. For me though the idea of happiness is one of the reasons why I have been able to hold onto my faith in God. The idea of the ultimate goal to be to achieve happiness here on Earth seems so empty and unpredictable to me. So many things could happen that we have no control over to disrupt this. I also find the lack of respect for history now-a-days to be very sad because how else do we learn not to make the same mistakes over and over again other than to learn from our history?

 

[onmyknees]

Good post. Great post actually. I think you are right, for some people, getting into heaven is more important than getting the most enjoyment as possible out of this life. The thing is though, there is the possibility of there not even being heaven or any afterlife whatsoever, so people might be carrying crosses they don’t even need to bear.

I admit I don’t really understand what you all think heaven will be like so maybe if I understood that, if I understood your faith that following what the Church tells you to do will get you into this mysterious place, perhaps I would understand why you guys are willing to compromise your happiness in this life.

That only applies to people who struggle with this of course. If NFP works for you and you really would not mind another kid so having sex doesn’t cause you more worry than pleasure, more power to ya.

For me, this life is the only one I’m going to have and I’m not going to spend the rest of my childbearing years stressing out about something when such an easy solution exists.

Heaven will be like this,

Revelations 21:1-7

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.  And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband; and I heard a great voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling  of God is with men.  He will dwell with them; and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away."

And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold I make all things new."  Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true."  And he said to me, "It is done!  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.  To the thirsty I will give water without price from the fountain of the water of life.  He who conquers shall have this heritage, and I will be his God and he shall be my son."

 

[Calliso]

My point was that if an official NFP organization is admitting everything I’ve been saying (such as teaching couples deliberately misleading people) then maybe some of the folks here wouldn’t be able to deny it any longer.

The magazine talked about people whose marriages were harmed by NFP, but they insist that NFP is never the cause of any marital problems. They are very adamant that the only couples who struggle with NFP are the ones who already had major problems with communication, trust, abuse, lack of respect, lack of faith, lack of self-control, selfishness, personal weakness, and all manor of insulting things. It irks me that they try so hard to blame and shame the couple when NFP causes conflict. Lack of sex can cause problems in a relationship all on its own - you can’t go months or even years without sex and not have some kind of impact. I just wish they would stop trying to portray it as a perfect system that always leads to marital happiness.

Yep! I mean I mean I get it sometimes the problem isn;t really NFP it is those other things. But SOMETIMES after you have examined everything else the problem(s) do come down to NFP. Whether for instance it is a lack of sex and sexual intimacy caused by NFP couples forced into long term abstinence or couples who find themselves still able to use NFP but find their intimate time severely limited. Stress I think would be a big one. Cause on one hand using NFP to avoid might cause a lot of stress especially if NFP isn;t very reliable for you. If you had had unexplainable mishaps before with NFP well everytime you had sex no matter how much of a YES! that chart said I imagine you would be worried! Of course abstainance is another option and sure that takes away the stress of worrying about getting pregnant, but adds more of its own. I realize that for some marriages sex is not very important and those couples can go fine without it. But if sexual intimacy is important to someone and they have to go without it for monthes or even years yeah its going to be pretty darn stressful!

 

[Calliso]

I’m willing to bet that a lot of the couples who struggle with NFP do have those problems and they blame them on NFP. It’s easier to blame “something” for their lack of communication, trust, faith and self-control then to say that they themselves have these faults.

Yes, you can go for months or even years without sex. It is not what a marriage is made of. It is a bonus within your marriage. If you base your relationship only on sex, then yes you are going to have a hard time with NFP. If your husband was hit by a car tomorrow and could no longer be able to have sex with you, would your marriage fall apart? Would you still find happiness in your marriage with out it?

Life is not full of sunshine and happiness. That’s part of the problem with the world right now. We think that life should always be just the way we want it. We are spoiled! **I **want to be happy all the time, have sex when I want, only have a baby when **I **want. And until we realize that life is not always under our control we are never going to be “happy”.

Yes for some people that is true but like Charlotte said before in some cases yes the problem is NFP. One shouldn;t always blame NFP and I donlt think anyone here is saying that but at the same time sometimes you have to realize that in some instances the problems can be tied right to NFP. As for sex in a marriage. Well as I have said before it depends on the marriage and the people in it. For some sex is nice but something that is little more then a nice perk. For some though sexual intimacy is extremely important and going without it for long periods of time well is going to cause some problems! But just because you find sex in marriage important doesn;t mean you base your whole marriage off it! And really when you think about it sex is one of the few things that really seperate marriage from just being friends for instance. If you look at it from the Christian pov especially. I mean you can spend time with a friend you can bond with a friend so on and so forth but sex nope that is reserved for marriage! So yes while sex should not be the only pillar a marriage stands on it is still important.

 

[JackyB]

Perhaps I shouldn’t butt in, as a celibate Catholic, but how can people who call themselves Catholic use ABC? To me, that seems like saying you know more than God, as does anything defined as a mortal sin by the Church.

I’m a relatively new Catholic, so please forgive my ignorance.

I called myself Catholic and didn’t bother to find out about Catholic teachings on ABC, took the pill during the 1st 9 years of my marriage, stopping to have 3 children. I was diagnosed with breast cancer when my youngest was 4 and that took the responsibility of birth control out of my hands. I do regret using it and allowing myself to live in ignorance because it suited me to do so.

 

[Pseu]

Wow. I am deeply saddened by the results of this poll. deeply. and astonished.

So for those who use bc . . .

Considering what I understand is the abortifacient nature of chemical bc and life-denying nature of barrier methods, do you consider yourselves Pro Life?

Also, do you think of yourself as Catholic? Cafeteria Catholic? CINO? Enlightened?

I don’t really know how to ask this w/o sounding snarky but don’t want to be that way . . . I am genuinely interested in the answers if you care to field the questions.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

So for those who use bc . . .

Considering what I understand is the abortifacient nature of chemical bc and life-denying nature of barrier methods, do you consider yourselves Pro Life?

Also, do you think of yourself as Catholic? Cafeteria Catholic? CINO? Enlightened?

I answered that we used it previously. I was brought up in the Church, but the teaching I got back in the 80’s didn’t really cover birth control…or much of anything about sex for that matter, other than to say sex outside of marriage is wrong (we were taught that masturbation is A-OK, however). My wife and I were both told by priests, including the one who married us, that ABC was an acceptable method of avoiding kids. It was also encouraged by our families. Until a few years ago, I didn’t know the Church’s actual view on birth control, nor did I really understand how the pill worked. I hate to plead ignorance, but that’s how things were for us.

We’d both fallen away from the Church, but as we’ve come back into our faith, we’ve worked hard to get ourselves in line with her teachings. Because of that, the health risks and because we wanted more kids, we turned our backs on ABC and couldn’t be happier. Artificial contraception isn’t something we’d even consider at this point.

We consider ourselves both pro life and Catholic, but we also know that we can always do better than we currently do. We work hard to instill these values in our kids, although that’s a bit more difficult with our 20-year-old son than with our younger daughters. His Catholic education and peers have taught him that ABC is the natural route, so he has a hard time swallowing the line I’m feeding him. I challenge him regularly with discussions about our faith, though, so I’m hoping that some of it gets through.

 

[Lenas_mama]

I used the pill 5 years in the past and a diaphragmen for 2 years before I gotten pregnant
with Lena. I´m pregnant again and I will use nfp after the birth.

 

[x0stephanie]

We used the pill before we were married but went off it several months before our wedding and took nfp lessons.

 

[Lindsey731]

My husband and I will be married 1 year on Sunday. Every day since our wedding we have used NFP. We have a beautiful son (our honeymoon baby!) that was born almost 3 months ago. We are open to having many children and the love we have together is amplified because of not using birth control. We are completely free with each other and nothing holds us back. We love, too, that NFP is what is right in the eyes of God and the Catholic church. We know that what we are doing is what we should be doing. Though we find ourselves not abstaining because we are starting our family, we will need to learn more on the postpartum side of things as we progress with our family (and our age!).

My only wish is that we find couples and friends who use NFP. I only know of 3 couples that practice NFP, 2 of which are my husband’s side of the family. So many Catholic simply go to church on Sundays and feel they are fulfilling their obligation. Living a Catholic life means doing what is right, regardless of how much it puts you at an inconvenience.

My hope is that many reading this use Natural Family Planning and see that God will always take care of you, more than we can take care of ourselves.

 

[happymommy]

My husband and I will be married 1 year on Sunday. Every day since our wedding we have used NFP. We have a beautiful son (our honeymoon baby!) that was born almost 3 months ago. We are open to having many children and the love we have together is amplified because of not using birth control. We are completely free with each other and nothing holds us back. We love, too, that NFP is what is right in the eyes of God and the Catholic church. We know that what we are doing is what we should be doing. Though we find ourselves not abstaining because we are starting our family, we will need to learn more on the postpartum side of things as we progress with our family (and our age!).

My only wish is that we find couples and friends who use NFP. I only know of 3 couples that practice NFP, 2 of which are my husband’s side of the family. So many Catholic simply go to church on Sundays and feel they are fulfilling their obligation. Living a Catholic life means doing what is right, regardless of how much it puts you at an inconvenience.

My hope is that many reading this use Natural Family Planning and see that God will always take care of you, more than we can take care of ourselves.

That’s wonderful! I’m very happy for you and your husband!!!

Please be careful with thinking that there are many who don’t use NFP, family size is not always the way to judge that! We have dear friends that use NFP, but could only get pregnant twice. And most of us that use NFP don’t wear badges that let the world know about it

 

[onmyknees]

My husband and I will be married 1 year on Sunday. Every day since our wedding we have used NFP. We have a beautiful son (our honeymoon baby!) that was born almost 3 months ago. We are open to having many children and the love we have together is amplified because of not using birth control. We are completely free with each other and nothing holds us back. We love, too, that NFP is what is right in the eyes of God and the Catholic church. We know that what we are doing is what we should be doing. Though we find ourselves not abstaining because we are starting our family, we will need to learn more on the postpartum side of things as we progress with our family (and our age!).

My only wish is that we find couples and friends who use NFP. I only know of 3 couples that practice NFP, 2 of which are my husband’s side of the family. So many Catholic simply go to church on Sundays and feel they are fulfilling their obligation. Living a Catholic life means doing what is right, regardless of how much it puts you at an inconvenience.

My hope is that many reading this use Natural Family Planning and see that God will always take care of you, more than we can take care of ourselves.

Thank you for sharing this! You are doing your part in spreading the Good News.

 

[Lindsey731]

Happymommy,

I suppose that can indeed be true. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

 

[maryjk]

Please be careful with thinking that there are many who don’t use NFP, family size is not always the way to judge that! We have dear friends that use NFP, but could only get pregnant twice. And most of us that use NFP don’t wear badges that let the world know about it