I’ve spent my whole life thinking that I deserved better from people. I never got anything better from people. So did I not deserve it? No, from an ego perspective I did deserve to be treated better but it wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t make it happen. I was a very quiet person growing up and bullied. When I started speaking up, the bullying continued just in a different way. So, I started to think, “gee, what is it that I need to learn about living?” Nothing I did seemed to work, be humble, be not humble, it all seemed to end up with me being miserable.
Then I went through a dark night of the soul for years where what I was as a person meant absolutely nothing. God even felt completely absent from my life. Yet, I came out of that with my ego still wanting control, until last spring when a series of events happened which taught me that people will never give you what you deserve, only God can do that. In return all you can do is love people and sometimes that love is forgiving, walking away and looking on from a distance until God deals with them. Hardest thing in life to do, almost impossible.
As Jesus said, “the meek shall inherit the earth.” What does that mean? I still really don’t know what it means but it always stung me when I heard it growing up. I guess that is the lesson I’m supposed to learn. I’m still learning it and will until I die.