Little sister just told me she's a lesbian

[Eufrosnia]

I asked you to apologize for being presumptuous, in saying that I defended the practice of cutting and in saying that I was harming my students. If you cannot substantiate these claims about me, they are sins against me.

Unless you have some further insights into morality about how presumption is not a sin.

I have presumed nothing other than what has logically followed from what you have revealed about yourself. I accused you of misinformation for stating that teenagers “commonly” cut themselves these days. You also said that you did not think these things should be followed up with parents. I did indeed accuse you then of keeping these things secret and contributing to the regularizing of this situation in whichever part of society you were in (cutting themselves is not a common historical practice of teenagers throughout history and other societies). I also accused you of trying to self designate yourself or someone else as a proxy parent rather than solve the problems. So in conclusion, I said that you have harmed some of your students in withholding information from their parents of such nature or failing to correct the parental activities that lead them to it.

All of these accusations are things that I stand by. So I do not see why I need to apologize.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I have presumed nothing other than what has logically followed from what you have revealed about yourself. I accused you of misinformation for stating that teenagers “commonly” cut themselves these days. You also said that you did not think these things should be followed up with parents. I did indeed accuse you then of keeping these things secret and contributing to the regularizing of this situation in whichever part of society you were in (cutting themselves is not a common historical practice of teenagers throughout history and other societies). I also accused you of trying to self designate yourself or someone else as a proxy parent rather than solve the problems. So in conclusion, I said that you have harmed some of your students in withholding information from their parents of such nature or failing to correct the parental activities that lead them to it.

All of these accusations are things that I stand by. So I do not see why I need to apologize.

Thank you for your humility.

 

[KindredSoul]

I don’t really care if she changes or not. I never expected to feel this way. My friends and I always joked around about gays.What they do is kind of gross…but, it’s weird, because I always thought they should change and figured I’d freak if a family member turned out to be gay, but that’s not the case…I was shocked, and thought it was a little weird, but I haven’t yet questioned whether I still love her or not…even when she told me that they’ve had sex…I’d prefer her to be chaste…but if she’s not…I love her either way.

This is probably bad, but I think I’m starting to see why some people support gay marriage…I still don’t really support it, but I can see why some people do…

It’s good that you love your sister, no matter what. She needs that love right now.

I’m also glad to read that, while you see why people support gay marriage, you don’t support it yourself. As a Catholic who believes what the Church teaches, supporting gay marriage would not be a way to love your sister, but would only harm her further.

The issue of homosexuality hits close to home for me: Among other things, I’ve got a brother who is attracted to men and currently living as a woman. It pains me to see him throwing away the life he could have lived, a life of faith, hope, and true happiness. I ache deeply for his sense of loneliness and isolation, but the best way I can love him is to pray for his change of heart, not to promote his way of life, a way of life that has embittered him and changed him in ways I honestly believe he himself cannot see. And I have seen the same change happen with others whom I watched dig themselves further into that way of life.

Your sister deserves better than the practicing gay life, just as my brother does, both for their spiritual welfare AND their temporal welfare. I don’t know the answers to your dilemma–although I don’t think anyone here would object to the aforementioned idea of trying to convince her to go to her parents, regardless of the disagreements here about what you should or shouldn’t do if she refuses, so I agree that’s a good starting place–but I encourage you to work and pray for the better for your sister, whatever that ultimately means to you in light of your combined faith and reason.

Remember, in light of eternity, this life’s sacrifices will be worth it. It’s hard, SO hard, I realize, to feel that way while we’re living in this Valley of tears, it may feel like your dear sister’s fate, if she is indeed exclusively attracted to females and lives celibately according to the Church’s teachings, is too lonely, too cruel. But we believe in an eternal life where no sacrifice, no good deed, goes unrewarded by our Just and Loving God, and the rewards are as eternal as the life to come. In light of that, the sacrifice your sister would be making, which I pray you will encourage (and then pray for) her to make, will be so very worth it that she will hardly remember the sorrow of it at all.

You’re all in my prayers.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[Lamentation]

KidredSoul,

I just want to say, that was a wonderful post. Thank you for putting that so eloquently.

 

[RACJ]

She’s 17. My sister at least claims, they never did anything until 8 months…and then that just “happened” it was never planned. I don’t know…the more she says stuff, the more it’s convincing me, she won’t be changing.

There was a news article recently that proved through 8 studies of identical twins over the last couple decades that there is no such thing as a “gay” gene. Included in the story about the studies is a note about a finding that the vast majority of younger teens who dabble in lesbianism completely set their sights on men within a year. Not MY study, but it is good reason for hope. Blessings, Rob

 

[Vincent90]

There was a news article recently that proved through 8 studies of identical twins over the last couple decades that there is no such thing as a “gay” gene. Included in the story about the studies is a note about a finding that the vast majority of younger teens who dabble in lesbianism completely set their sights on men within a year. Not MY study, but it is good reason for hope. Blessings, Rob

These attractions have been long over a year. 5 at least. I’m to the point I really don’t care anymore.

 

[KindredSoul]

KidredSoul,

I just want to say, that was a wonderful post. Thank you for putting that so eloquently.

Thank you, Lamentation. I just want the OP to know that he can love and support his sister without supporting (or ceasing to be concerned about) her sins; I want him to know that he doesn’t have to choose between believing what the Church teaches (that homosexual acts are wrong) and loving/supporting his sister, because the best way to love and support his sister is to pray that she lives a chaste life, whether that means eventually being able to marry a man or being celibate.

To the OP, I know you say you really don’t care anymore… I hope, I pray, I implore you, that this doesn’t mean you’re giving up on the Church’s teachings and therefore are no longer concerned for your sister’s sake. Remember, please do, that being against homosexual acts doesn’t mean that you hate your sister, anymore than being against suicide means you hate the person tempted to commit it. It means you want better for her. As I said in my last post, the homosexual lifestyle is not “better” for her, not only because of her spiritual welfare but even her welfare in this life, psychologically and otherwise. This lifestyle always seems to make the person “happy” at first, but it then leads people down a path of either sexual addiction or empty fantasy, an “escape” from “real life” that results in never truly living at all.

Don’t believe this modern world’s lies that your sister will be happiest if she acts on the desires. She won’t be. She will think so, at first, but in the end she’ll not only feel empty and hollow for it, she’ll be facing too much pressure from having committed to this lifestyle to even admit to herself that she’s not truly happy. It will be as though she has no escape, as if she’s backed herself into a corner. I wouldn’t wish that on her.

I’m not asking you to do anything, actively, because I don’t know your situation enough to advise you. I’m just asking you to at least pray. And to care. Because you say you don’t care anymore. Please, care.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[ExpectedIrony]

By just reading the OP, I don’t think you’re doing too bad…you seem like a good brother for loving your sister so much, I’m 27, and I wish my brothers seemed to care about me as much as you care about her! Haha.

 

[Vincent90]

By just reading the OP, I don’t think you’re doing too bad…you seem like a good brother for loving your sister so much, I’m 27, and I wish my brothers seemed to care about me as much as you care about her! Haha.

Nah, Just because I love her doesn’t mean I’m a good brother. Nicest thing I’ve ever done for her is go out at 2 a.m. to get corn dogs for her.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Vincent,

First, I want to echo Kindred Soul’s advice. He has a lot of wisdom.

Second, I think your sister has convinced you that there a very deep longing in her heart for a meaningful relationship with another girl. She’s right. She *does *need intimacy with other girls, and with older women.

But she doesn’t need sexual intimacy with them. Real close friendships are hard to find in this day and age, and I’m convinced some people are more starved for them than others. But sexual contact is not the natural result of such friendships; it is an unnatural obstacle to this intimacy.

I have SSA, and let me say what I wish I had heard when I was 16, for what it’s worth: I wish someone had told me that these deep longings in my heart were good, very good. They were longings for friendship, manhood, and unity with God. But sexual activity would not help me possess these things. There is nothing weird or terrible or shameful about my attractions, but they are just temptations to sin.

Your sister is probably split in half, between her experience of lesbianism and her desire for God. That’s OK, for now. But there is really no conflict here, and I hope one day she will realize that. Saint Augustine prayed to God that “in all my [sinful] desirings, I was desiring You.” Once we realize our desire for God, we cease to desire sin. My prayer for your sister is that she come to know the love of God, a love that delights in forgiving sins and will not be withheld from anyone who earnestly seeks after it.

As for “not caring” about the attractions, if that means that you’re not stressed out about changing them, good! It is always an ugly thing when we try to change those we love, so that we will be more comfortable with them. But if “not caring” means that you think the sexual attractions are good and holy, that’s just not true, bro.

 

[Vincent90]

Vincent,

First, I want to echo Kindred Soul’s advice. He has a lot of wisdom.

Second, I think your sister has convinced you that there a very deep longing in her heart for a meaningful relationship with another girl. She’s right. She *does *need intimacy with other girls, and with older women.

But she doesn’t need sexual intimacy with them. Real close friendships are hard to find in this day and age, and I’m convinced some people are more starved for them than others. But sexual contact is not the natural result of such friendships; it is an unnatural obstacle to this intimacy.

I have SSA, and let me say what I wish I had heard when I was 16, for what it’s worth: I wish someone had told me that these deep longings in my heart were good, very good. They were longings for friendship, manhood, and unity with God. But sexual activity would not help me possess these things. There is nothing weird or terrible or shameful about my attractions, but they are just temptations to sin.

Your sister is probably split in half, between her experience of lesbianism and her desire for God. That’s OK, for now. But there is really no conflict here, and I hope one day she will realize that. Saint Augustine prayed to God that “in all my [sinful] desirings, I was desiring You.” Once we realize our desire for God, we cease to desire sin. My prayer for your sister is that she come to know the love of God, a love that delights in forgiving sins and will not be withheld from anyone who earnestly seeks after it.

As for “not caring” about the attractions, if that means that you’re not stressed out about changing them, good! It is always an ugly thing when we try to change those we love, so that we will be more comfortable with them. But if “not caring” means that you think the sexual attractions are good and holy, that’s just not true, bro.

I don’t think they’re good and holy at all, like you said, I’m not going to go out of my way to change her. I know how I feel when someone tries to change me for any reason. Lol.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

Nah, Just because I love her doesn’t mean I’m a good brother. Nicest thing I’ve ever done for her is go out at 2 a.m. to get corn dogs for her.

That’s kind of sweet though…

 

[KindredSoul]

Vincent,

First, I want to echo Kindred Soul’s advice. He has a lot of wisdom.

Second, I think your sister has convinced you that there a very deep longing in her heart for a meaningful relationship with another girl. She’s right. She *does *need intimacy with other girls, and with older women.

But she doesn’t need sexual intimacy with them. Real close friendships are hard to find in this day and age, and I’m convinced some people are more starved for them than others. But sexual contact is not the natural result of such friendships; it is an unnatural obstacle to this intimacy.

I have SSA, and let me say what I wish I had heard when I was 16, for what it’s worth: I wish someone had told me that these deep longings in my heart were good, very good. They were longings for friendship, manhood, and unity with God. But sexual activity would not help me possess these things. There is nothing weird or terrible or shameful about my attractions, but they are just temptations to sin.

Your sister is probably split in half, between her experience of lesbianism and her desire for God. That’s OK, for now. But there is really no conflict here, and I hope one day she will realize that. Saint Augustine prayed to God that “in all my [sinful] desirings, I was desiring You.” Once we realize our desire for God, we cease to desire sin. My prayer for your sister is that she come to know the love of God, a love that delights in forgiving sins and will not be withheld from anyone who earnestly seeks after it.

As for “not caring” about the attractions, if that means that you’re not stressed out about changing them, good! It is always an ugly thing when we try to change those we love, so that we will be more comfortable with them. But if “not caring” means that you think the sexual attractions are good and holy, that’s just not true, bro.

I in turn echo all this! It’s all pure gold.

And I emphasize that, like Prodigal_Son, I don’t think you should stress out about it. From your last post, it seems like you’re not, so that’s good. When I plead with you to care, I just mean that I hope you’re concerned for her own good, the way you would care if she were into drugs, or if she were struggling with depression, or anything else like that. It’s not about obsessing over it, stressing or feeling anxious. It’s about wanting what’s best for her, and being concerned (which is different from anxious) because, as you (thankfully) have said, you know that acting on homosexual acts is not best for her at all.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

 

[Vincent90]

I in turn echo all this! It’s all pure gold.

And I emphasize that, like Prodigal_Son, I don’t think you should stress out about it. From your last post, it seems like you’re not, so that’s good. When I plead with you to care, I just mean that I hope you’re concerned for her own good, the way you would care if she were into drugs, or if she were struggling with depression, or anything else like that. It’s not about obsessing over it, stressing or feeling anxious. It’s about wanting what’s best for her, and being concerned (which is different from anxious) because, as you (thankfully) have said, you know that acting on homosexual acts is not best for her at all.

Blessings in Christ,
KindredSoul

Yeah, I understand, I’m always concerned about her. I think teens are just people you need to be concerned about in general, lol.

 

[Vincent90]

That’s kind of sweet though…

I actually just did that for her so she’d stop talking about how good corn dogs sounded.

 

[Vincent90]

So her girlfriend wants to come visit her in the hospital in a few hours. I told my sister she could, so I guess later I’ll be meeting her girlfriend.

 

[ExpectedIrony]

So her girlfriend wants to come visit her in the hospital in a few hours. I told my sister she could, so I guess later I’ll be meeting her girlfriend.

I think that’ll be good…you finally get to meet someone your sister has been hiding for over a year! I hope your sister gets better soon, she must be tired of having to stay in the hospital so much…

 

[RACJ]

These attractions have been long over a year. 5 at least. I’m to the point I really don’t care anymore.

Vincent, if she were one of my daughters, I’d tell her that her relationship saddens me deeply, and it always will to some extent, but that I still love her. That’s all you can do. In my own experience, I’ve seen some lesbians, even a couple COMMITTED lesbians, turn. BTW, I predicted that Ann Heche would, after hearing but a few sentences from her after she hooked up with Ellen. Don’t ask me how; her story sounded a bit phony, that’s all. Rob

 

[Vincent90]

Her girlfriend got here a few minutes ago…we’ve all been talking for a few minutes…she seems nice so far

 

[Vincent90]

I think that’ll be good…you finally get to meet someone your sister has been hiding for over a year! I hope your sister gets better soon, she must be tired of having to stay in the hospital so much…

Her girlfriend is nice, we’ve just been visiting and yeah, she does, but whoever stays with her tries to keep her entertained. Yesterday her and I played poker for hours.