Little sister just told me she's a lesbian

  • Thread starter Thread starter Vincent90
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
V

Vincent90

Guest
Right now I’m really just in shock. I just laughed and frowned a little because I didn’t know how to react. She’s 16(I’m her 23 year old brother) she also said she’s been with a girl for over a year. She’s really girly…that’s part of the reason I’m so shocked. She prays…she’s really into her faith. She enjoys praying the rosary and learning about saints. I have no doubt she has faith in God. She used to want to be a nun…she’s been in the hospital alot for her kidneys, my parents always take her to a Catholic hospital and there’s a nun there that loves her…they sit and talk. My little sister really admires her. I thought about telling our brothers and sister that she’s gay but I really wouldn’t want to do that to her…I wouldn’t want to hurt her, she’s still my sister and I still love her. We’re not exceptionally close, so I don’t know why she chose to tell me. I reacted awkwardly…I don’t know if I should go talk to her or what. What would you do if you were in my situation?
 
I would NOT inform others of what your sister has placed into your hands in confidence. Remember that same sex attraction is not a sin. Living unchastely in such a relationship is sinful. Pray for her, and DO NOT let this affect your relationship as brother and sister.
 
GRATEFULONEjim said:
I would NOT inform others of what your sister has placed into your hands in confidence. Remember that same sex attraction is not a sin. Living unchastely in such a relationship is sinful. Pray for her, and DO NOT let this affect your relationship as brother and sister.
Click to expand...
I agree with this as well. You should feel honoured that you sister confided in you alone. Just be there for her and offer advice if/when she asks for it.
 
I’m really sorry to disagree with the preceding two posters. She is too young to know!!!

And she has obviously been horribly influenced by our awful culture - hard not to be. I can just see her, idealistic, gentle. 16 years old is not steady, nor fully developed.

The BRAIN isn’t fully developed!

I would get the advice of a priest, and that nun, the one who loves her; you need more than just yourself.

She reached out to you, knowing on some level she had to.

Don’t carry this alone, but do do something - a dear sister’s future will be impacted significantly either way. I’d rather have the impact be help arriving just in the nick of time when she needs it. ** It does not matter in the least whether she sees it that way or not at this time.**Any psychologist she would see would condone her making her own decisions, because our entire culture is contaminated morally and they are trained in a certain way. This is your opportunity to grow, as a man. Your protective instincts are kicking in and that’s partly why you wrote.

Bottom line: lesbianism and male homosexuality is enormously promoted on television and online. One cannot avoid it - I was on a perfectly normal site (the only type I ever am on) and an ad I couldn’t turn off started playing. It was short, and had two girls kissing ‘passionately.’ Garbage. She is your sister, and should not be allowed to ruin her future.
 
I totally agree with the last post. I would also add a fast to your prayers! Remember your battle is not with flesh and blood…Also develope your relationship with your sister and start blessing her with holy water when your see her. Use blessed salt in her room. You are a warrior fight for her. ~blessings
 
PLEASE don’t tell anyone. She trusted you with this. It is not something that puts her life or anyone else’s life in imminent danger. There is no cause, and no moral justification, for breaching her trust.

“She’s too young to know.” False. She knows that she’s sexually attracted to women, and that’s enough for her to know that there’s something to tell. A bit of background about myself: I am a man who has dealt with same-sex attraction since I was 10; I’m now living a faithfully committed life with my wife and five kids.

So let me say this: your sister just did one of the most courageous things in her life, in telling you. She thinks this is about “coming out”. OK, whatever. It’s about sharing herself and her experience with someone she trusts. Hopefully, she will learn that this is a temptation she experiences, not something that defines her or something she must act on. But first, she needs your love and acceptance – not acceptance of her sin, but acceptance of her.

Speaking bluntly, she felt like your response was inadequate. These attractions are very shameful for her, and your awkward response didn’t engage her at that level. You might go back and talk to her, and say, “I don’t really know what to say about what you’re going through, sis, but I wanted to acknowledge how very hard it was for you to say that. I’m sorry respond better when you told me.”

Then, as you feel the Holy Spirit leads you, you might at some point very delicately talk about her actions with her girlfriend, and whether these actions are helping her live a holy life or hindering her. Don’t talk about how her orientation is mixed up, in any way. This is the way she is right now, period. Love her.

You might want, also, to read the SECOND article on the following link, the article by Eve Tushnet. (Scroll down and skip the first article.)

commonwealmagazine.org/homosexuality-church-1

Eve Tushnet is a courageous figure you might want to learn more about. She is a single lesbian who is living out the traditional Catholic sexual ethic.
 
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Just my suggestion to Pray The Holy Rosary with your Sister without repeating a word to any of your Family Members or Friends nor the Sister. When your Sister has recovered from her kidney illness why not book in to see a Spiritual Director or Priest for your Sister to chat within Honouring her Sacrament to Jesus of attending Reconciliation; leaving the matter at that point.

Breaking your Sister’s trust and confidence will damage your relationship for many years if you tell any other person particularly within the family unit.

My trust was broken at a young age by my sister (she did not realise how sad and disappointed I was in her at the time); forgiven now as older adults, however your sister chose you my Brother in Christ, for the very reason that ‘she trusts you fully’ with her confidence and secret.

On here its okay in anonymity, in your Sister’s real world and community; entirely different. I have sisters in Christ who are gay and would never repeat their business to another, given it is extremely hurtful and damaging to the person talked about, a grave sin against Jesus, and it is their way/their Life learning, developing and growing in their relationship with Jesus and their Soul growth; often for the ‘good’ of others regardless of their temporary sins or way of life.

For every sin forgiven and Crosses carried, there are greater ‘goods’ by ourselves performed for others throughout the world.

Yes, we must be told that they are sins against God, however we must not judge and we must leave it up to God to flow His Divine Loving Wisdom through each of His Children.

We are all sinners whether we like to admit it or not.

“In our thoughts and in our words and in what we have failed to do”

That means throughout each minute of each day through our entire lives to date, we have sinned and greater sins committed in certain situations than someone being gay given that Jesus is our Judge.

When people condemn people who are gay, I think to myself “wait a minute, who is anyone to judge people when we all suffer from some type of ego, pride, vanities, commit lustful and negative sinful behaviour in our thoughts and in our words, and in what we have failed to do”. Should I mention situations when we are all out and about daily doing our business in the world? If I do, it is judging further.

Here, I am trying to show comparisons.

If every one of us back track our days from the moment we get out of bed (after having dreamed negatively), to the moment we go to bed; how many sins “in our thoughts and in our words and in what we have failed to do” were committed daily throughout our lives?

Who is anyone to judge people who are gay when we commit shocking sins daily that we should be reflecting about and asking for Jesus’ forgiveness.

I would be praying The Holy Rosaries with your Sister in the meantime asking Jesus and Mother Mary for His Divine Love and Wisdom to flow through your Sister now and for Eternity which is what I ask for myself.
 
She sure have trust in you. Don’t shatter that. Don’t (as some have written in earlier posts) tell anybody and do not try to talk her “out of it” and do a effort to “make her normal” again. She is the sister to you as she was before she did tell you that she like girls better. This is not the end of the world. Remember that all “gays” are called to chastity and celibacy by God.

We don’t know what make some people like the same gender as they are. It can be just a “phase”, that is not absolutely impossible though not very likely. There is no pill you can take and make everything good again. It would be easier to “cure” if we would know what cause someone to have strong feelings to people of the same sex. (To know what cause a malady is a “must” if you will try to “fix” it.) Simply, there is no cure.

So what can you do? Non of us here know her as you do, so we can’t give, or I can’t at least, any advice what could be done about it. But what ever she is, God love her, and has not give up so don’t you neither. Be there for her. Love her. Pray for her, and pray with her. Don’t leave her alone. She told you becuse she had to tell someone. I know personally a very dear person to me, a girl, or woman, we are both past the magic fifty years line. She like both genders, but that is not a problem for me, she is just as important for me as she was before she told me that a few years ago. All I see in her is a good friend. So when your sister talk about this the next time, don’t tell her it is a sin, she knows that, tell her that you love her and want her to live a life in chastity. That is all you can do. Don’t blame her, or your self. It is not her fault, or yours. All you can do is to pray. That is the truth, you can’t do more. A effort to reason her out of “it” is doomed, it just don’t work. Love her, and never let her go, that is all you can do, and pray. Some thirty years ago when I did study medicin many new cures has seen the sun, but we still have many many things we can’t fix, not with pills, not with a knife. And if I predict that there will never be a remedy that cure gays I think I am pretty right and close to the truth. It is a state of mind we don’t understand, and most likely never will. So just love her, I know many will be angry at me for telling the truth, they use to, but I can’t lie. But love her, and listen to her, and pray. Miracles happen every day and she is only sixteen.
 
Wow. That is a tough situation to be in. I can’t say I agree wth those who say just to pray though. It would feel so wrong to me if a relative told me they were possibly commiting a mortal sin and I didn’t even attempt to do something to guide them in the right direction.🤷 Hopefully, someone here can give you some good advice on what you might be able to do next. I do agree, though, that you should not tell anyone.
 
She told you she’s “been with” another female? What does that mean? Is she having gay sex with that person? I know it shocked you to hear this, but I think you should take another opportunity to discuss this with her and find out if she is mortally sinning in this way. You owe it to her to at least explain that this kind of choice will put her soul in mortal danger. And that she can choose to remain chaste as an alternative.

Do not think that this is a choice for life. Many girls go through something like this and come out of it, but she needs to keep herself free from sin in the meantime.

I wasn’t even sure from the way you posted if she is a baptized Catholic - you mentioned her being taken to a Catholic hospital and her affection for a nun, but not going to Mass and confession. I hope that she is baptized and can confess her sins if she’s committing them.

Be gentle with her but do not give in to the culture which says committing homosexual acts is no big deal. It IS a big deal to God. Make sure she realizes that having SSA is not considered a sin but doing anything with it IS.

Oh, and DO NOT violate her trust and tell anyone else. That is up to her, not you.
 
Prodigal_Son said:
PLEASE don’t tell anyone. She trusted you with this. It is not something that puts her life or anyone else’s life in imminent danger. There is no cause, and no moral justification, for breaching her trust.

“She’s too young to know.” False. She knows that she’s sexually attracted to women, and that’s enough for her to know that there’s something to tell. A bit of background about myself: I am a man who has dealt with same-sex attraction since I was 10; I’m now living a faithfully committed life with my wife and five kids.

So let me say this: your sister just did one of the most courageous things in her life, in telling you. She thinks this is about “coming out”. OK, whatever. It’s about sharing herself and her experience with someone she trusts. Hopefully, she will learn that this is a temptation she experiences, not something that defines her or something she must act on. But first, she needs your love and acceptance – not acceptance of her sin, but acceptance of her.

Speaking bluntly, she felt like your response was inadequate. These attractions are very shameful for her, and your awkward response didn’t engage her at that level. You might go back and talk to her, and say, “I don’t really know what to say about what you’re going through, sis, but I wanted to acknowledge how very hard it was for you to say that. I’m sorry respond better when you told me.”

Then, as you feel the Holy Spirit leads you, you might at some point very delicately talk about her actions with her girlfriend, and whether these actions are helping her live a holy life or hindering her. Don’t talk about how her orientation is mixed up, in any way. This is the way she is right now, period. Love her.

You might want, also, to read the SECOND article on the following link, the article by Eve Tushnet. (Scroll down and skip the first article.)

commonwealmagazine.org/homosexuality-church-1

Eve Tushnet is a courageous figure you might want to learn more about. She is a single lesbian who is living out the traditional Catholic sexual ethic.
Click to expand...
EXCELLENT ADVICE… follow it 👍
 
Do NOT tell others. She’ll let them know if she wants them to know. She trusted in you, acknowledge that. I understand you’re shocked, I think you should talk to her though after that type of reaction, you probably left her feeling worse than before. I hate to say this, she’s probably not going to change. It’s not likely that it’s a “phase”, she probably really is a lesbian. Honestly, I’d let God handle it. You can pray for her, but don’t talk to her about “changing” or any of the other cliches. I think that she is the way she is, and if she has enough faith, and it sounds like she does, God will find a way for her.
 
Prodigal_Son said:
PLEASE don’t tell anyone. She trusted you with this. It is not something that puts her life or anyone else’s life in imminent danger. There is no cause, and no moral justification, for breaching her trust.

“She’s too young to know.” False. She knows that she’s sexually attracted to women, and that’s enough for her to know that there’s something to tell. A bit of background about myself: I am a man who has dealt with same-sex attraction since I was 10; I’m now living a faithfully committed life with my wife and five kids.

So let me say this: your sister just did one of the most courageous things in her life, in telling you. She thinks this is about “coming out”. OK, whatever. It’s about sharing herself and her experience with someone she trusts. Hopefully, she will learn that this is a temptation she experiences, not something that defines her or something she must act on. But first, she needs your love and acceptance – not acceptance of her sin, but acceptance of her.

Speaking bluntly, she felt like your response was inadequate. These attractions are very shameful for her, and your awkward response didn’t engage her at that level. You might go back and talk to her, and say, “I don’t really know what to say about what you’re going through, sis, but I wanted to acknowledge how very hard it was for you to say that. I’m sorry respond better when you told me.”

Then, as you feel the Holy Spirit leads you, you might at some point very delicately talk about her actions with her girlfriend, and whether these actions are helping her live a holy life or hindering her. Don’t talk about how her orientation is mixed up, in any way. This is the way she is right now, period. Love her.

You might want, also, to read the SECOND article on the following link, the article by Eve Tushnet. (Scroll down and skip the first article.)

commonwealmagazine.org/homosexuality-church-1

Eve Tushnet is a courageous figure you might want to learn more about. She is a single lesbian who is living out the traditional Catholic sexual ethic.
Click to expand...
Thanks for this. It helps a lot. I’m probably going to talk to her later, just to see what all she has to say.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
She told you she’s “been with” another female? What does that mean? Is she having gay sex with that person? I know it shocked you to hear this, but I think you should take another opportunity to discuss this with her and find out if she is mortally sinning in this way. You owe it to her to at least explain that this kind of choice will put her soul in mortal danger. And that she can choose to remain chaste as an alternative.

Do not think that this is a choice for life. Many girls go through something like this and come out of it, but she needs to keep herself free from sin in the meantime.

I wasn’t even sure from the way you posted if she is a baptized Catholic - you mentioned her being taken to a Catholic hospital and her affection for a nun, but not going to Mass and confession. I hope that she is baptized and can confess her sins if she’s committing them.

Be gentle with her but do not give in to the culture which says committing homosexual acts is no big deal. It IS a big deal to God. Make sure she realizes that having SSA is not considered a sin but doing anything with it IS.

Oh, and DO NOT violate her trust and tell anyone else. That is up to her, not you.
Click to expand...
Yes, she’s baptized Catholic. Our whole family goes to Mass together each week. We’ve all been raised very devout. I don’t know if she’s having sex with this girl, I wondered…I just don’t really know how to ask, a bit awkward for the both of us.
 
Nandarani said:
I’m really sorry to disagree with the preceding two posters. She is too young to know!!!

And she has obviously been horribly influenced by our awful culture - hard not to be. I can just see her, idealistic, gentle. 16 years old is not steady, nor fully developed.

The BRAIN isn’t fully developed!

I would get the advice of a priest, and that nun, the one who loves her; you need more than just yourself.

She reached out to you, knowing on some level she had to.

Don’t carry this alone, but do do something - a dear sister’s future will be impacted significantly either way. I’d rather have the impact be help arriving just in the nick of time when she needs it. ** It does not matter in the least whether she sees it that way or not at this time.**Any psychologist she would see would condone her making her own decisions, because our entire culture is contaminated morally and they are trained in a certain way. This is your opportunity to grow, as a man. Your protective instincts are kicking in and that’s partly why you wrote.

Bottom line: lesbianism and male homosexuality is enormously promoted on television and online. One cannot avoid it - I was on a perfectly normal site (the only type I ever am on) and an ad I couldn’t turn off started playing. It was short, and had two girls kissing ‘passionately.’ Garbage. She is your sister, and should not be allowed to ruin her future.
Click to expand...
Being homosexual is not the choice of the individual, it is something you are born with.
 
If she wanted to tell the whole family, she’d tell them. Even if she wanted you to tell everyone for her, you shouldn’t do it. She should. If she were to confide in me, I would arrange for her to talk to her pastor about this, and probably also her friend the religious sister. This is beyond your pay grade, but she needs someone reliable to talk to, and you ought to try to nudge her as hard as you can to get that.

In the meantime, remind her that chastity for a 16 year old lesbian and a 16 year old heterosexual both include purity in thought and action. It is not true that lesbians are all “boyish”, but it is true that sixteen year olds have been known to be mistaken about their sexual orientation, whether they look the part of their currently-perceived orientation or not. That does not mean it is a good idea to downplay the feelings she is going through right now, any more than you would if she had a 21 year old lined up that she wanted to move in with. The fact that she might or might not change her mind about her desires somewhere down the line doesn’t change the fact that she has very serious moral decisions to make right now.

Do be sure to tell her that while the news surprised you, you will not love her any differently if she does have a lifelong attraction for other women. Neither will you think less of her if she decides later that her attractions also include men or no longer include women. Our physical attractions and passions, in spite of current thought and the suggestions of the evil one, define us very little. We are still the masters of our own consciences. IOW, you won’t apply moral law to her any differently than if she were a heterosexual, which means you will admonish her when she chooses an immoral path, but in all cases you will love her.
 
Escopiliatese said:
Being homosexual is not the choice of the individual, it is something you are born with.
Click to expand...
Actually, this has not been proven, and in some cases, a choice has been made, which can be changed if/when the individual decides to change.

Regardless, people with same-sex attraction are called to remain chaste. It is a tremendous cross to carry and we should pray for them.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Actually, this has not been proven, and in some cases, a choice has been made, which can be changed if/when the individual decides to change.

Regardless, people with same-sex attraction are called to remain chaste. It is a tremendous cross to carry and we should pray for them.
Click to expand...
That’s right. (Remembering, of course, that “chaste” does not necessarily imply “celibate”. Many people with same-sex attraction – for example, me – are also attracted to people of the opposite sex.)

And the idea that homosexuality is always inborn seems obviously false, although there might be some sort of inborn dispositions that contribute. Why is it obviously false? Because boys who are sexually abused become gay, at a higher proportion than the general population. Is being sexually abused a genetic trait? :confused:
 
Escopiliatese said:
Being homosexual is not the choice of the individual, it is something you are born with.
Click to expand...
That is true in some cases, perhaps even many or most, but I have personally know someone who believed herself to be lesbian when she was younger (even into her 20s) who later came to know she was not. We’re going to argue with her about that?

The thing with a 16 year old is not that they can’t know their orientation, but that they can also be very confused about it. They can project a sexual attraction where there is really a deep emotional connection, and they can project a deep emotional connection where there is only a sexual attraction. It is like people with eating issues who confuse the feeling of hunger, thirst, and anxiety as all being feelings of hunger. It’s not as if they never really feel hungry or never experience real anxiety or thirst. It is that they don’t always get those feelings and how to respond to them sorted out correctly. It’s not the fault of the 16 year old, and it doesn’t happen to all of them and certainly not all of the time, but it does happen. On that account, a 16 year old shouldn’t put a lock on their self-identity based on their current feelings.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top