Little sister just told me she's a lesbian

  • Thread starter Thread starter Vincent90
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Vincent90 said:
Thanks for this. It helps a lot. I’m probably going to talk to her later, just to see what all she has to say.
Click to expand...
You’re welcome. I’m glad that God can use my brokenness to help others. Let me know if you have anything else I can help with. 🙂

And I will pray for you both! God loves your sister very much, and He did not leave her to fend for herself in this.
 
For the posts I saw where people said she was too young to know, I can assure you those people may be wrong. Some people know even as young children but are afraid to speak out for fear of being different. On the other hand, she may be curious. If she has come forward in confidence to you then the former is more likely though. I can’t speak from the Catholic POV as I am returning to study the faith of my birth but have not converted yet, but I can speak as someone who believes people are born the way they identify regarding sexuality. They have found a genetic component which can be quite dominant and difficult to ignore. There have also been findings in other species on the planet which shows this is not an abnormal thing. What you can do for your sister is to be there for her. Don’t tell people if she is trusting you in confidence. Listen to her and love her the same as you always have. In the end, how she manages this part of herself is not up to you or anyone else in her life. It is between her and God to sort out. With the love of those she trusts she is bound to make good judgments. If she is denied that love and trust is broken she will likely stumble more.
 
Jenni_Anne said:
They have found a genetic component which can be quite dominant and difficult to ignore.
Click to expand...
Who are “they,” and what findings do you speak of? There has been no “gay gene” located. Being homosexual is definitely abnormal in any species because the goal of sexual intercourse is producing offspring.
 
Modern geneticists and psychologists are the “they” I referred to… This is now accepted teaching in colleges in psychology and biology courses. We studied it when I took Human Development Psychology. It is found in nature as well. Part of the theory is due to overpopulation of species and a natural aim to control population growth. However more studies behind that are needed and it is not very credible yet. The gay gene was found. I sold my textbook back to the college but it was listed. The specific gene and its’ location within the human genetic code and structure. It was actually a very interesting subject. While the school did not take a stance as to the morality of it one way or the other, the science was presented and how to best psychologically help a person who has it were. I won’t go into that here as I think it could be a heated discussion and I don’t wish for that. But this is now an accepted fact which is taught in textbooks regarding biology, genetics, and psychology.
 
Jenni_Anne said:
Modern geneticists and psychologists are the “they” I referred to… This is now accepted teaching in colleges in psychology and biology courses. We studied it when I took Human Development Psychology. It is found in nature as well. Part of the theory is due to overpopulation of species and a natural aim to control population growth. However more studies behind that are needed and it is not very credible yet. The gay gene was found. I sold my textbook back to the college but it was listed. The specific gene and its’ location within the human genetic code and structure. It was actually a very interesting subject. While the school did not take a stance as to the morality of it one way or the other, the science was presented and how to best psychologically help a person who has it were. I won’t go into that here as I think it could be a heated discussion and I don’t wish for that. But this is now an accepted fact which is taught in textbooks regarding biology, genetics, and psychology.
Click to expand...
No, that’s not quite right:
healthland.time.com/2012/12/13/new-insight-into-the-epigenetic-roots-of-homosexuality/

"Researchers at the National Institute for Mathematical and Biological Synthesis (NIMBioS) think they may have an answer. It’s not in written in our DNA sequence itself, they suggest, which explains why scientists have failed so far to find “gay genes,” despite intensive investigations. Instead, it’s written in how our genes are expressed: that is, in certain modifications to how and when DNA is activated. These changes can have environmental roots, so are not normally permanent enough to be passed from parent to child. But occasionally, they are.

"“It’s not genetics. It’s not DNA. It’s not pieces of DNA. It’s epigenetics,” says Sergey Gavrilets, a NIMBioS researcher and an author on the paper that outlines the new theory of homosexuality, published in The Quarterly Review of Biology. “The hypothesis we put forward is based on epigenetic marks,” he says.

“To be specific, the new theory suggests that homosexuality is caused by epigenetic marks, or “epi-marks,” related to sensitivity to hormones in the womb. These are compounds that sit on DNA and regulate how active, or inactive certain genes are, and also control when during development these genes are most prolific. Gavrilets and his colleagues believe that gene expression may regulate how a fetus responds to testosterone, the all-important male sex hormone. They further argue that epi-marks may help to buffer a female fetus from high levels of testosterone by suppressing receptors that respond to testosterone, for example, (thus ensuring normal fetal development even in the presence of a lot of testosterone) or to buffer a male fetus from low levels of testosterone by upregulating receptors that bind to the hormone (ensuring normal fetal development even in the absence of high levels of testosterone). Normally, these epi-marks are erased after they are activated, but if those marks are passed down to the next generation, the same epi-marks that protected a man in utero may cause oversensitivity to testosterone among his daughters, and the epi-marks that protected a woman in utero may lead to undersensitivity to testosterone among her sons…”

While I think there is a consensus that there is a physical basis for perceptions of sexual orientation, what exactly that means or the way(s) it can come about is a question still very much up in the air.
 
This is the textbook we used in my class. I’m sorry the only source I can find is the Amazon.com link. amazon.com/Invitation-Life-Kathleen-Stassen-Berger/dp/0716754665/ref=sr_1_100?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371830673&sr=1-100&keywords=Developmental+Psychology+The+Human+Lifespan We used this text and it did teach that the gene had been found in the chapter on adolescent development specifically regarding human sexuality. My professor held multiple degrees in psychology including human development and human sexuality. Her practice was her day job while teaching was her passion. She was educated in Spain and in the United States. I’m not sure which came first, the argument that the gene had not been found or the finding. Perhaps it is an ongoing argument. All I do know is that this is what was being taught last year in the fall. That was when I took the course.
 
Jenni_Anne said:
Modern geneticists and psychologists are the “they” I referred to… This is now accepted teaching in colleges in psychology and biology courses. We studied it when I took Human Development Psychology. It is found in nature as well. Part of the theory is due to overpopulation of species and a natural aim to control population growth. However more studies behind that are needed and it is not very credible yet. The gay gene was found. I sold my textbook back to the college but it was listed. The specific gene and its’ location within the human genetic code and structure. It was actually a very interesting subject. While the school did not take a stance as to the morality of it one way or the other, the science was presented and how to best psychologically help a person who has it were. I won’t go into that here as I think it could be a heated discussion and I don’t wish for that. But this is now an accepted fact which is taught in textbooks regarding biology, genetics, and psychology.
Click to expand...
Yes, well, there is a lot of stuff in textbooks that isn’t true, so 🤷 You will learn as you get older that there’s a difference between education and indoctrination, however pretty the package might be.
 
Jenni_Anne said:
This is the textbook we used in my class. I’m sorry the only source I can find is the Amazon.com link. amazon.com/Invitation-Life-Kathleen-Stassen-Berger/dp/0716754665/ref=sr_1_100?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371830673&sr=1-100&keywords=Developmental+Psychology+The+Human+Lifespan We used this text and it did teach that the gene had been found in the chapter on adolescent development specifically regarding human sexuality. My professor held multiple degrees in psychology including human development and human sexuality. Her practice was her day job while teaching was her passion. She was educated in Spain and in the United States. I’m not sure which came first, the argument that the gene had not been found or the finding. Perhaps it is an ongoing argument. All I do know is that this is what was being taught last year in the fall. That was when I took the course.
Click to expand...
Good for her, but I have a PhD and know that textbooks are re-written all of the time, even in fields as concrete as chemistry and physics. There is absolutely not a professional consensus by those working in the field that there is a gay gene, let alone that the relationship between biology and psychosexual development is fully understood. I don’t see how anyone can even say that with a straight face. If she said she could, perhaps she is more passionate than objective about the state of this question.

Unfortunately, those working to understand the relationship between biology and psychosexual development are under a lot of political pressure on all sides every time they say anything, which is something the physicists and chemists get a lot less. It will be a long time (if ever) before we can take what they are allowed to publish–and I mean one way or the other!–without some grains of salt.
 
Lost_Sheep said:
One study. Is this to be taken as the difinitive answer?
Click to expand...
OK, look. I’m not going to spend the next 20 minutes researching. I’ve heard reputable sources make the claim in the past, and the study I mentioned is one confirming source. The theory also makes sense, in many ways. People who experience X in childhood are more likely to pursue X as adults, unless X is extremely unpleasant. In many cases of child sexual abuse, the abuse itself is pleasant – of course, there are TONS of harms surrounding it, and confusion, and rage, and shame.

Moreover, I have heard from gay people themselves how abuse had an impact on them. And look, I’m not claiming that this is the whole story, or even a huge part of the story. But it sometimes happens, and that “sometimes” proves that homosexuality is not always purely genetic. 🤷
 
Some of the replies of the posters here seem to indicate how indoctrinated some have become.

Vincent, there are somethings you need to understand about homosexuality. First, let us assume for the sake of argument that it has some grounding in genetics. But our genetic dispositions on preference CAN always be conditioned by our environment and our wills. We are given free-will. This is why a person who has a genetic predisposition toward anger, after learning it is bad, they can adjust to function as normal human beings. Bottom line here is that our genes and feelings don’t determine who we are. WE determine and can change our feelings and preferences overtime. For some, this mastery over ones senses happens very quickly (as long as they have not entertained and nurtured their preferences too much). Some of these individuals even go on to lead normal married lives. Others, rightly, choose to live celibate as they continue to fight their inclinations.

The reason why “every one is gay once in awhile” in our society is because nothing is ever prohibited (other than murder of a already born human being (but even that is changing with euthanasia)). So any feeling or inclination is allowed to blossom and is encouraged. “Be yourself” is the motto of our culture. It fails to forget the effects of original sin on humanity. Even as Christians, though the guilt of original sin are wiped clean by Baptism, the effects are not. But we are offered much grace to resist our sinful inclinations.

All of this should show you why you need to get help for your sister. You have to explain to her why we are not just our feelings and preferences or our genes. Your whole family should be their for her to help fight her inclinations. It is sad that your sisters relationship with this other girl has continued for so long. It only makes it harder for her fight them now. But as a Christian, it is your duty to make sure you explain to her why she must start abandoning this lifestyle.

If it is God’s will, then she may even win over her inclinations and one day lead a normal married life. Or she may continue to struggle with it till the end of her life and lead a celibate life. But giving in to it is not an option. You need to make sure she understands that.

Also, since she is still 16, the parents have a moral right to know. That is their child and they should be informed of such a grave issue. You have not promised to keep these things silent and neither is there some sort of confessional seal on you. So unless your parents are known to be mentally incompetent or something of that sort, you have an obligation to inform them about this.

But the fact that she found it easier to confide in you than her own mother or father does raise some red flags on the relationship between your parents and her. That is unfortunate to begin with. Nevertheless, please don’t fall in to this mentality that “Oh she is gay, I will just respect that”.
 
Eufrosnia said:
Also, since she is still 16, the parents have a moral right to know.
Click to expand...
Can you explain to me where that right comes from? I am not familiar with any such moral rule.

I am familiar with the rule that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. In the sister’s situation, I would want it to be MY decision whether to expose myself before my parents. I agree that, in a healthy family, this would be a good decision to make. But it is not her brother’s decision to make for her.
 
Eufrosnia said:
Some of the replies of the posters here seem to indicate how indoctrinated some have become.

Vincent, there are somethings you need to understand about homosexuality. First, let us assume for the sake of argument that it has some grounding in genetics. But our genetic dispositions on preference CAN always be conditioned by our environment and our wills. We are given free-will. This is why a person who has a genetic predisposition toward anger, after learning it is bad, they can adjust to function as normal human beings. Bottom line here is that our genes and feelings don’t determine who we are. WE determine and can change our feelings and preferences overtime. For some, this mastery over ones senses happens very quickly (as long as they have not entertained and nurtured their preferences too much). Some of these individuals even go on to lead normal married lives. Others, rightly, choose to live celibate as they continue to fight their inclinations.

The reason why “every one is gay once in awhile” in our society is because nothing is ever prohibited (other than murder of a already born human being (but even that is changing with euthanasia)). So any feeling or inclination is allowed to blossom and is encouraged. “Be yourself” is the motto of our culture. It fails to forget the effects of original sin on humanity. Even as Christians, though the guilt of original sin are wiped clean by Baptism, the effects are not. But we are offered much grace to resist our sinful inclinations.

All of this should show you why you need to get help for your sister. You have to explain to her why we are not just our feelings and preferences or our genes. Your whole family should be their for her to help fight her inclinations. It is sad that your sisters relationship with this other girl has continued for so long. It only makes it harder for her fight them now. But as a Christian, it is your duty to make sure you explain to her why she must start abandoning this lifestyle.

If it is God’s will, then she may even win over her inclinations and one day lead a normal married life. Or she may continue to struggle with it till the end of her life and lead a celibate life. But giving in to it is not an option. You need to make sure she understands that.

Also, since she is still 16, the parents have a moral right to know. That is their child and they should be informed of such a grave issue. You have not promised to keep these things silent and neither is there some sort of confessional seal on you. So unless your parents are known to be mentally incompetent or something of that sort, you have an obligation to inform them about this.

But the fact that she found it easier to confide in you than her own mother or father does raise some red flags on the relationship between your parents and her. That is unfortunate to begin with. Nevertheless, please don’t fall in to this mentality that “Oh she is gay, I will just respect that”.
Click to expand...
Do you really think it is a red flag when parents aren’t the first ones a sixteen year old chooses to confide in when it comes to her sexual attractions? How long has it been since you actually were sixteen? Did you have any brothers or sisters? Even if your mother or father was your favorite confidante, surely you know that a typical teen might prefer to confide in a sibling without this being any evidence of a poor parent-child relationship.

Her parents sometimes have a moral right to know what she has been up to, but they do not have a right to know her thoughts or every time she confides her feelings to someone else. They certainly don’t have a moral right to insist that all their children become informants for the parents. That expectation is over the top. The sister shared what she did with the implicit expectation that her brother would be discrete, even if she did not think to extract the explicit promise. She would have every right to be upset if he told her feelings to someone else and then claimed, “Well, you never made me promise not to tell anyone.” Telling them what she does is one thing–particularly if they are ever being lied to–but telling them about how she has told him she feels is something else. She deserves to expect he will keep that in confidence.
 
I spent the last few hours talking to her, and asking her questions. She said she’s been feeling attraction to women forever, and started getting confused at 11, then realized two years ago that she’s a lesbian. I didn’t really know what to say. I just told her that I love her no matter what, what else do you say? She knows how God feels…she says she loves God, that she prays about her relationship with her girlfriend, and her prayers are answered. I still haven’t asked her about the sexual relationship thing, I mentioned sexual purity though. It’s just the last thing I want to think of is my little sister having sex.
 
Vincent90 said:
I spent the last few hours talking to her, and asking her questions. She said she’s been feeling attraction to women forever, and started getting confused at 11, then realized two years ago that she’s a lesbian. I didn’t really know what to say. I just told her that I love her no matter what, what else do you say? She knows how God feels…she says she loves God, that she prays about her relationship with her girlfriend, and her prayers are answered. I still haven’t asked her about the sexual relationship thing, I mentioned sexual purity though. It’s just the last thing I want to think of is my little sister having sex.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a great start! 👍
 
Prodigal_Son said:
Sounds like a great start! 👍
Click to expand...
Yeah, I asked her if she wanted to talk to the nun who’s her friend about it, not even to change her, just to have someone that may can guide her better than I can. I know it’s not my place to try and change her, and I do believe like someone said earlier, even if she is this way until she dies, if she has faith, surely God will find a way for her. She’s scared to talk to her friend though, she’s afraid she won’t accept her. Which, I thinks crazy, because the nun is crazy about her, because everytime she’s in the hospital she makes extra sure that she’s taken care of. She brought her a bear and balloons on her birthday. I really think she would accept her, but my sister just doesn’t think so, so I’m not going to force her.
 
You shouldn’t tell anyone what your sister told you ( at least not yet). Try to have a conversation with her to see how she feels about it. She might only be experimenting sexually with the same sex. She might not be gay after all. everything is possible with teens nowadays.

I have a friend who used to date a lesbian girl. This girl was in her early 30s when they met and has NEVER being with a man before in her life. my friend is a devoted catholic, polite and loves to talk about God so she somehow liked him.They dated for couple year but had to end things after she became obsessed with my friend. She tells my friend that she never want to be with a girl again and she now realizes she likes man and will only be with a man.

Also pray for her and with her a lot. The devil is constantly testing us, we cannot let it defeat us, Never!
 
Vincent90 said:
She’s scared to talk to her friend though, she’s afraid she won’t accept her. Which, I thinks crazy, because the nun is crazy about her, because everytime she’s in the hospital she makes extra sure that she’s taken care of.
Click to expand...
I think she’s scared to talk to her friend nun because “friend nun” might have a very specific set of recommendations for her, including the recommendation to cut off contact with her girlfriend. Indeed, this seems to me like a good recommendation. Your sister is probably, in some ways, afraid to ask for guidance from people who really know what they’re talking about, from mother and father figures.

I’m not sure what role you have with regard to that, but I do think – whether she’s right or wrong – your sister will have to face her fears.

(She knows very well that the nun will accept and embrace her, I would guess. But she might not accept and embrace her as a lesbian).
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top