Living together vs Marriage

[GraceDK]

Brother.
You want to marry this woman and be the stepdad of her child. That is great. But don’t you wish to be the spiritual leader of the family who always does what is best for his wife and children.
Start today by showing your fiancee and her daughter what a godly man is. They both need to see a virtues man more than you think. The fact that the woman has been abandoned by the girls father and that the girl then has no fatherly stability in her life proves that what they both need - even if they dont realise it - is a man who can keep his zippers closed and put the wellbeing of them both before his own. Nothing can so undermine a little girls sense of dignity than seeing an uncomitted man walking in and out of her mothers bedroom. Thats common sense, and a fact of research too. So start today by practicing to be a real husband and father by doing things the right way.
I say like the others, why are you not married yet? 3 years is a long time to wait… must also be pretty hard to stay chaste for such a long time if you are in love. So why dont you marry her now if you are sure of the relationship?

Ps. listen to your folkes… they are right on this one. Having sex and cohabitating before marriage never did anyone any bit of good. Do it God’s way. His ways lead to happiness, the ways of the heathens lead into nothing. Sin conceives and gives birth to death, says the Bible, and this is very true. If you truly love someone you want authentic happiness with and for them, right?

 

[Norseman82]

1 - We’re both born and raised catholics. Her views on the subject vary drastically from my own. She believes that it’s normal for couples today to move in and live together beofre they wed.

I have to agree with the other posters (1ke and gardenswithkids) who see this as a red flag. What else are your views different on that she will attempt to lead you astray on? Most immediately, what are her views on artificial birth control? Premarital sex? Is she raising her child Catholic? Will she be on the same page as raising the children you two have together Catholic? Or will she end up leading you astray like she is attempting to do doing on this issue?

Since she is attempting to lead you astray, you need to view her as what the old Baltimore Catechism would call a “bad companion” who is an “occasion of sin”. If she doen’t get on board with real Catholicism, you may need to break up with her. Personally, I would not have gotten involved with her in the first place.

Another question: since she is a single mother, how did she get that way? The reason I ask is that if she is divorced, she may not be eligible to marry you until she gets an annulment.

 

[cmscms]

If it’ll help here’s a few details:
She’s a single mother who lives with her brother and mother. Her brother does not help her in any way shape of form financially.
.

Why would her brother help??? Since when is it an uncle’s responsibility to provide for a niece. I find it very odd. It sounds to me that she is crying on your shoulder that her brother does not help her and you take her side.

I am glad you joined and I hope I don’t scare you off but I need to speak the truth in love. You are obviously in love with her and love is blind. I think she sounds like a gold digger. To be 32 and still live with your mom is usually done by single mother’s without much money. There is nothing wrong with it as long as it is done with an attitude of grattitude. But she sounds like she resents not having her own place and instead of getting a career, expects others to take care of her.

If she loved you, she would love your religious belief and go along with them. Personally, since you are not married yet, my advice is to run for your life

CM

 

[Pink_Lemonade]

I too wonder why you think her brother should be helping her financially? Neither she nor her child are his responsibility. And if she is 32, her mother is kind to help her but also is not financially responsible for her.

Another thing- you wrote “we’ve started to plan to hopefully get married next year”. That’s a lot different than, “We’re engaged and the wedding is set for next year”. If you know for absolute certain that you want to marry this woman, then why wait until next year?

My advice? Slow down. You’re not even engaged yet, and if you move in together you’re going to entangle yourself even more and be unable to discern whether you really should be married to her. You’ll be acting married, and will also assume financial responsibility for her. If it turns out she’s not the one, then what will you do? And as several other people have mentioned, what about her daughter? What kind of a role model do you want to be for her?

Think about this, too. As unfortunate as it is that your girlfriend is having financial and emotional problems, she knows that you want to wait to live together until marriage. What does it say about her that she doesn’t respect how you feel about it enough to wait?

She thinks your parents raised you with “old, antiquated rules”, yet she’s the one having problems with her family…hmm.

 

[johndoe100]

If you guys are Catholics then you both should belong to a Parish and submit to the authority of that pastor.

 

[heart4home]

I’m not going to speak as to whether or not you should or shouldn’t. Every one else will give you plenty of reasons not to.

But I am going to ask one thing. If you are 32 years old and you want to marry this woman why are you worried about your parent’s opinions and feelings over hers?

If you don’t feel comfortable with it or feel that its right certainly don’t do it. But if your biggest consideration is a fight with your parents, are you really ready to think about marriage?

Because we are called to honor our parents, and that doesn’t stop the day we turn 18. God gave us our parents, and their guidance, and the fact that they still influence him to make positive choices, just by their past actions and upbringing is not a bad thing.

 

[heart4home]

Why would her brother help??? Since when is it an uncle’s responsibility to provide for a niece. I find it very odd. It sounds to me that she is crying on your shoulder that her brother does not help her and you take her side.

I am glad you joined and I hope I don’t scare you off but I need to speak the truth in love. You are obviously in love with her and love is blind. I think she sounds like a gold digger. To be 32 and still live with your mom is usually done by single mother’s without much money. There is nothing wrong with it as long as it is done with an attitude of grattitude. But she sounds like she resents not having her own place and instead of getting a career, expects others to take care of her.

If she loved you, she would love your religious belief and go along with them. Personally, since you are not married yet, my advice is to run for your life

CM

This is such modern day thinking. Families are to look out for each other, help each other. Do you ever read the Bible. It’s in there. Family, is not just a husband/wife/ minor children.

You don’t even know the reasons why she lives with her brother or mother.

For years there would have been no government assistance, because families were expected to do it. Now we find even within the Church people saying :shrug:NO WAY.

That is not what Christ calls us to do. We help our families, we help our fellow Chrisitans.

Why would he not help her out, if he could?

James 1:27 “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

She may not be a widow, but the same principle applies.

1Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”