I have been trying to bite my lip on this comment, but I must proceed. The reason I am so upset with the tones in this thread is because I have seen it multiple times: a cohabitating couple that’s not incredibly strong in their faith is told that cohabitation is a mortal sin, that they’re “living in sin”, and that they can’t be married in the Church. What happens? They go get married someplace else and put their souls at risk.
That is exactly what is happening here. Someone comes in and mentions that she is cohabitating, and she’s basically told that she’s not Catholic and shouldn’t get married in the Church because, obviously, she doesn’t understand what the Church teaches.
Talk about the work of the Devil…
Living together is itself giving scandal. Given the culture we live in now, nearly everybody assumes that a couple living together is having sex, because that’s how practically everybody does it.
I don’t know how old you are, but these days dating for more than a week gives the assumption that two people are having sex. A couple that cohabitates, has two different bedrooms, shops separately, and has separate property actually sends the opposite signal to anyone who visits their house. But the average parishioner doesn’t see the inside of their house to know their living arrangement? The average parishioner also doesn’t know that they have the same address.
What is worth more? The convenience or whatever it is that would make one want to live with a significant other, or understanding that the choice to do so may be a huge stumbling block to most onlookers?
Again, you don’t know the person’s situation, you’re assuming it’s a “shacking up” situation. Here’s an example: a young woman lives at home with her parents and does not work (she’s planning to be a stay at home mother). She’s engaged and about to be married. Suddenly, both parents are killed, they have debt so the house and cars are repossessed, and the woman is on the street with no money. Her fiance has a house but can’t afford to pay for his house and a separate apartment for her. What a horrible couple they are…
What to hear how it continues? They go to setup their wedding at his parish, and when they tell the secretary they have the same address, she tells them that they can’t be married if they cohabitate since it’s a sin.
Want me to go on? Emotionally distraught, they get married outside of the Church, are prevented from receiving the sacraments, and become so bitter that they lose all of their faith. Then, I spend 15 years trying to convince them that the right thing to do is to convalidate their marriage, only to have them long on here and read this thread.
Her actions are not in agreement with the Church’s teaching that cohabitation is immoral and scandalous.
Please point me to the sin. Scandal is about the best you can do, and that is situation dependent. There are many people in the Church that point to cohabitation being a bad thing, and I agree. There are many people in the Church that advise against it, and I agree. But, there is no specific sin associated with sharing a roof with another person of the opposite sex, even if you intend to marry that person. Someone cohabitating is not inherently anti-Catholic, someone cohabitating is not inherently in sin.
You are the one causing scandal, misleading people to think that the Church doesn’t regard cohabitation as sinful. Educate yourself.
Actually, that is the opposite.
How about St. Paul? 1 Corinthians 7:8-9: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Two people, two bedrooms, separate property - they are controlling themselves. Two people, one bedroom, common property - they are not controlling themselves. These are two separate instances.
The issue you get into is assuming that everyone who cohabitates falls into the situation where they 1) want to cohabitate, and 2) fornicate. That’s a dangerous assumption to make.
And yes, I, too, wonder: why are you so defensive about this subject?
Beyond being none of your business, the opinions of many posters on here are wrong, and a previous thread (and now this one) on the topic are directly preventing at least one couple I personally know (and have been fighting for) from returning to the Church.
God meets us where we are and if we follow Him He will take us where He wants us to go. You and your husband are a great hope to many of us who are watching the usual teenage garbage and it gives me tremendous personal hope that my own children, even if they veer off the path, will find their way back. If you could do it without the love and prayers of your mother, imagine the children whose mothers are caring and praying for them will find their way more quickly.
